Sevn's Endeavor

[Sevn]

Sorry I'm posting so much!

 

Basically I'm afraid of giving up again. I tend to start things and not finish them. I guess the more I post the harder it will be for me to just walk away from it all on a whim. I'll have all these records of effort to be accountable to. At least that's the idea. I may end up posting less as the excitement of a new endeavor wears off.

 

Anyways. Progress has been made. New additions to the wonderland seem to have worked themselves in without much effort on my part, which is interesting, because that's never really happened before.

 

There is a section of the mountain(s) that has formed a sort of region of canyons. It mostly just consists of large slabs of rock stacked next to one another. It's a rather interesting formation, though I can't see it super clearly.

 

One of the other slopes of the mountain has also seen changes in the form of big rock formations. These ones take the form of randomly scattered stone pillars and mounds. From what I can see (which, granted, isn't much) these formations start at the lower slopes of the mounatin and extend all the way into the water, making tiny little stone islands when the reach the waterline. Again, it's rather intersting. I plan on exploring both of these new areas, and trying to flesh them out a little bit more in the future.

 

AS far as forcing goes, things are chugging along. Progress is being made, but not much, I think I just need to maintain the discipline.

 

In a moment of high emotion last night I threatened to myself that I would give up on everything tulpa-related. That scared me a little I guess. In my mind this whole venture is sort of symbolic of me choosing to better myself even when it's difficult. I'm confident I won't be giving up soon, but it was a little unsettling to have that thought come up so early in the game.

 

I will be busy with the routine of life today, and am not quite sure how much time I will be able to devote to active forcing. Nonetheless, I plan on being super intentional with my narration and passive forcing today. I can't help but feel as though progress is being made outside of what I can directly perceive. And even if it's not, it can't hurt to believe it is right?

 

Beyond that things are pretty standard.

 

Hopefully i will have more to report later today.

 

Have a beautiful day everyone!

 

Regards,

Sevn

[GoldLeader88]

Hopefully i will have more to report later today.

 

Have a beautiful day everyone!

 

Regards,

Sevn

 

Good luck Sevn! I guess I'm going through the same process as you but with a much busier schedule. You are really good at creating and describing things that you see in your mind. I can force passively for hours on end but whenever I try meditation/active forcing, it just really messes with my head. Don't give up! You have already come a lot further than I have.

 

Your friend and partner in Tulpamancy,

Andrew

[Sevn]

Thanks for your encouragement Gold Leader, it helps more than you know!

 

Today wasn't very good as far as active forcing. I got one 20 minute session in since my last post, and it wasn't super productive. The wonderland is still being added to and developed. We now have three formal "forcing areas". One on the pebble beach, one underground in the mountain, and one on the top off a hill. There are other areas such as the cabin/house structure where some practice takes place, but most of our time that isn't spent "exploring" together, takes place in one of those three locations.

 

The only work on active forcing was some visualization and more personality work.

 

Passive forcing and narration is getting better. As I go about my day I can usually focus on her for about 30-120 seconds without getting distracted, and I remember to focus on her roughly once every 5-20 minutes.

 

i know it isn't SUPER great, but it's a big step up from what I used to be able to do

 

(I used to go hours at a time without remembering to think about my other tulpas I've attempted to make in the past)

 

I've noticed a sort of "sensation" starting to take place whenever I spend a lot of time focusing on her, such as after a good forcing session. I don't really know how to describe it. It's not entirely a physical feeling, but rather a sort of state of mind. Then sometimes throught my day I'll suddenly get a taste of this unique state of mind for no apparent reason.

 

It's another one of those things that I can probably attribute to mental fatigue, but it nonetheless encourages me to keep up my efforts. I don't really want to name her, because I want her to be able to pick her own name. But at the same time I feel like giving her a name earlier might personalize her a bit more in my mind and help speed things up.

 

Nim, Haley, and Emma are all names that I like. I just wish I could somehow find out which ones she would like if she could communicate with me.

 

Anyways.

 

I think I've said all I can say about today. All in all not too great but not too bad either as far as tulpaforcing goes.

 

Have a great evening everyone!

 

Your friend,

Sevn

[Sevn]

Today is shaping up to be another mediocre day of tulpaforcing.

 

Things have been... interesting. There's a girl I know that has expressed interest in starting a relationship with me. While I consider this very good! I believe it can only be seen as a distraction from my tulpa related efforts. I haven't committed to anything yet, but even the possibility of something happening there has made it difficult for me to focus enough to continue exerting the same energy into tulpamancy.

 

On one hand, this could be a valuable experience for me, but on the other, it interferes with what I see as my journey towards mental and spiritual discipline. I'm leaning towards telling this girl that I'm just in a weird place right now, and that things probably wouldn't work out very well. It almost feels like doubling down though. Like I'm rejecting one path towards bettering myself in order to focus all my energy into another.

 

It's a complicated situation, and that's all I'm going to say about it. I know that if I choose to pursue this relationship that I wouldn't be giving up on tulpamancy. It would just make things more difficult and probably take A LOT longer

 

Anyways, back on topic.

 

Tulpaforcing was, like I said, mediocore today. I was able to do another 15-20 minute session, but it was sort of distracted and felt a little forced (as in I was doing it as a chore).

 

All in all. We spent some time on the pebble beach, but most of it was spent on the shallow slopes of the mountain with the tall stone pillars. I worked on visualization and personality some.

 

Not much can really be said. Thru ought the process whenever I would look at her she would keep doing really unexpected things (swaying back and forth really fast, rubbing the ground or patting at one of the stone pillars, just really erratic behavior).

 

I have two ideas as to why this happened:

 

1. She recognizes the threat posed by the possible introduction of this new relationship in my life and was trying to get my attention.

 

2. I was very distracted and had a hard time visualizing, making everything sort of unstable.

 

Narration continues as usual, it's been harder to feel those sensations I was talking about yesterday though. Tonight or tomorrow I want to have another good forcing session to sort of reinforce her presence in my mind. I feel like a lot of progress was made extremely quickly, but now things are slowing down quite a bit. I'm not sure though, I mean I still haven't experienced her in a really undeniable way yet. It could all just be my hopeful excitement.

 

Alright I think that's it for this update,

 

Take care everyone!

 

Sevn

[tulpa001]

I would suggest that you tell her that you are on a spiritual quest that requires daily meditation and you could use her help to remember to meditate daily.

 

None of this is technically false, and can help you pursue both at once.

 

If she asks you for details about it, tell her you don't want to say anything yet in case it goes nowhere.

 

Has she stopped looking like a sphere yet? I always wonder about this idea, as visualising a sphere sounds, indeed, like a chore to me. If she has not a human like body yet, I suggest pushing for that.

[Sevn]

I would suggest that you tell her that you are on a spiritual quest that requires daily meditation and you could use her help to remember to meditate daily.

 

Has she stopped looking like a sphere yet? I always wonder about this idea, as visualising a sphere sounds, indeed, like a chore to me. If she has not a human like body yet, I suggest pushing for that.

 

I have told her that I am interested in getting to know her better, but that I am working on some personal things, and that I won't be able to give her as much attention as is probably typical in a traditional "relationship". She seemed to understand. Hopefully we can strike some sort of balance.

 

Has she stopped looking like a sphere yet? I always wonder about this idea, as visualising a sphere sounds, indeed, like a chore to me. If she has not a human like body yet, I suggest pushing for that.

 

Sort of. I've tried visualizing her with a human form, but it's VERY difficult for me. As a general rule, when I'm concentrating on visualization, I'll try to see her with a human form, but when working on personality it's easier just to imagine her as a sphere imbued with the traits I'm attempting to cultivate in her.

 

When seeing her in human form, her proportions tend to shift around quite a bit. I'll occasionally suddenly notice that she has abnormally long arms or legs. It would be sort of frightening if I were to just randomly encounter such a form, but I'm aware that it's probably just a product of my developing visualization skills.

 

 

....

 

So last night ended on a much higher note than the day had been going. I was narrating while doing some work, and I felt some pretty strong sensations. On of the most surprising and potentially interesting developments was that a thought popped into my head. This thought was something along the lines of "What do you think her name is?"

 

If I had to guess, it was probably just my own thought, considering I'm still not even a week into this process, but it got me thinking. It occurred rather spontaneously, despite "feeling" so familiar.

 

Whether or not it was a tulpa or not is sort of irrelevant at this point, but it did renew a sense of excitement in what I was doing. For the rest of the night I was super intentional in giving her as much focus as I possibly could.

 

Some ideas came to me as a result of this experience. My first question was "Why would she refer to herself as 'her' instead of 'me'?" This question got me thinking about the possibility that one of my other tulpas I've attempted to make in the past might still be with me somewhere deep in my mind. I never made much progress with the other two, so I just assumed that they never developed any sentience. (In this brief time with my new endeavor has already seen more progress than I've ever made in the past)

 

My first attempt with tulpa creation was with a project I named "Amanda".

 

Curiosity prompted me to suggest to my new tulpa that I name her Amanda. As soon as I did this, I felt such a (relatively) strong sensation from within. It felt like an emotion, but it wasn't any feeling I was familiar with. It just felt like generalized (relatively) strong emotion.

 

It was all very confusing I guess. Amanda was something I gave up on a long time ago. I'm not really sure what to make of these experiences. I think I'm just going to continue working as I have been. To me there's a chance that I'm just making all this stuff up in my head. Every feeling I get is still relatively weak, and it's tough to say if it was really something significant or just me being hopeful.

 

Once more progress is made and we can actually start communicating, I may come back to the possibility that Amanda is still with me, but for now I plan on continuing my efforts in the same way. It's just too soon to try and derive any meaningful information from the experience.

 

...

 

Today has started off much better than my last two days. I immediately began meditating after waking up, and then followed that up with what I believe was a pretty good forcing session. The total time spend forcing was about 40 minutes or so.

 

We made more progress on the wonderland. There's now a creek that runs along one of the slopes of the mountain. In the middle of the creek at one point is a giant sphere that just slowly rotates for some reason. I think this is just here for aesthetic appeal. It's sort of a weird development though. We may end up getting rid of it.

 

The peak of the mountain (I'm pretty sure that there's only one big mountain rather than a range of them) is now hollowed out, creating a really beautiful looking arch at the very peak. I attempted to create a new forcing location in a field of grass that would rest at the base of the arch, but when I tried to imagine it the field kept shifting around. In the end I gave up on that idea. There's now just an arch with no field beneath it.

 

Other forcing activities for today included trying to further develop her human form and more personality work. While it was difficult to do, I figured it would be a good idea to include some character flaws in her personality in order to round her out a little bit more and give her a more cohesive identity.

 

So far the traits I've explored with her are brave, adventurous and caring. She has a strong sense of wonder about her. She's creative. She believes in doing the good thing, the healthy thing, even when it's hard or difficult.

 

The only real flaw I've explored with her is that she doesn't always think things through to their logical conclusion. She wants to do what feels right and what she thinks is good, but doesn't always think through the consequences or unforeseen outcomes of her actions.

 

Her appearance is that of a woman about my age (20 years). She has short, brown hair, and she's pretty thin. Beyond that I haven't been able to see much detail in the way she looks.

 

Sorry for the text wall! I'm technically posting for last night and also for my efforts this morning. I think two posts a day is shaping up to be a pretty good routine for me to get into.

 

Anyways, that's all for now.

 

Keep being awesome everybody,

 

Sevn

 

(Also props to you if you actually read all my stuff lol I know I wouldn't have the patience to read all of this if I wasn't the one writing it)

[tulpa001]

I advise being careful with forcing flaws. Every trait is its own flaw, every upside is its own downside. For example, brave equals foolhardy.

 

But with flaws, you are essentially building a car, then intentionally putting a big dent in it to add personality to the vehicle.

[Sevn]

I advise being careful with forcing flaws.

 

I suppose this makes sense. My idea was that it would help create a more complete image of her identity in my mind. I can see your point though.

 

...

 

Today is starting of okay. I slept in super late, which sort of threw me off of my routine, but I was still able to meditate and force in the morning which is good, though I wasn't able to focus nearly as well as I would have hoped.

 

I spent probably an hour and a half total meditating + forcing, but I would say that only half of that time (if that) was actually used productively.

 

Efforts were sort of scatterbrained. I tried working on visualization some, but figured that speech and working on vocalization would be slightly more important, since they would allow us to do better with narration. I did an exercise in which I would start singing the first few letters of the "alphabet song" in my head, then would sing it again, this time doing my best to sing it in what I imagined her voice would sound like in my head. While doing the "alphabet singing" exercise, I also tried to picture her moving her mouth to speak the letters as she was saying them. I figured it could only help to work on visualization and vocalization at the same time. By picturing her moving her mouth/lips, it was easier for me to make mental note of when I was the one singing and when it was her.

 

Not too many interesting developments happened during this morning's session, the wonderland continues to get more refined and clearer, but nothing huge was added, other than a dining room type place in the cabin building on the mountain.

 

Like I said things were sort of distracted and unfocused in today's session. Hopefully I can make up for it by staying focused on narration for the rest of the day.

 

That's all for this update.

 

Stay classy,

 

Sevn