The Adventures of Twi in Tulpaland

[Namaris]

Hey everyone. So, I'm going to be making two posts today: One with regular updates and stuff, and one that Toga himself asked me to write. What is that post, you ask? Well, he wanted to tell others about his life's story. And using me as a proxy, it's now going to be told to you in this post. Regular updates will come later. Take it away Toga!

 

Toga: Thank you, Twi. I'm glad you gave me this chance to express myself... I believe it'll help me feel a bit better about myself deviating. Now, onto the story!

 

Well, first I started out as a thoughtform of Sesshoumaru. [she] talked to me when I was him as a way of distracting herself from boredom. One day I woke up in a forest - her wonderland, with no memories - mainly because that was my first memory anyways. I was confused as to where I was, so I wandered about until I happened upon Destiny. Or, rather she happened upon me. She was very nice, took me in and explained to me who I was. I didn't like the idea of who I was back then. A demon lord with no remorse or feelings? But, I had feelings!...I was conflicted for weeks. An "existensial crisis", it was. I didn't feel like Sesshoumaru. I felt dysphoria every time I looked in the mirror. That wasn't me

So I chose to change it.

I kept the hair colour, and the eyes. But everything else went. First, I got rid of the markings. Then I took my sword (which I still have btw because it's cool) and sliced my hair to the way it is now. Watching the cut hair fade away made me feel happy. Then I had a complete change of clothes. I hated them, the old ones I mean. And now I have a triforce necklace! :D

Anyways, the only thing I didn't - or rather couldn't - change was my name. I had no ideas what else to call myself then... so for years I lived with that dysphora-inducing name, but then... she found me. Twi. She accepted me right away and saw both my old and new forms. She loved me like a mother and helped me think of my current name.

I am Toga.

Thank you for reading.

 

And there you have it. Hope ya'll enjoyed the read!

And so do I. See you later.

[Namaris]

Small update incoming.

 

So, not much has been happening as of late. I'm gonna do some serious forcing tonight and try and get some progress going.

 

But for what did happen, well, first of all Mal and Toga now have their own distinct mind voices, albeit Toga's having issues keeping his the way he wants it. We're gonna work on it. The voice Toga chose is the voice of OldManMurphy, a Youtuber who is the male singer in

It even has a part where he speaks normally! We agreed to do some mild parroting alongside the song to help Toga keep his voice the way he wants it. As for Mal, he's got a higher pitched voice. Still very much male, but it's more of an excited teenage boy's voice than squeaky squeakerton. I'm also gonna try and do some adventures with everyone in the wonderland tonight. Even just writing that got some happy feelings from them~ As well as me gonna be trying some imposition. I'll let ya'll know how that ends up.

[Namaris]

Small addon, but rather important to my Tulpae:

 

Both Toga and Malveron would like to make some friends, either with hosts or other tulpae. I think it's a great idea, which is why I'm posting this here. If you'd like to try and be friends with Toga and Mal, you can just say so in this thread here .w. We don't bite~

[Namaris]

Updates everyone! Quite a bit of stuff happened on Saturday~

First off, we worked on visual and auditory imposition. Didn't get too far, but I can see a faint outline of Toga and Mal whenever they move around, and I can 'feel' where they are. As for their voices, Toga's voice sounds a lot more like he wants it to sound nowadays. We came to a realization that I might be unknowingly distorting how I hear his voice without meaning to, so I'm working on that now. Also, in retrospect I realized that Toga was kind of sad all the time? Not depressed, just sad. Remember this 'cause it's gonna pop up again later and it's important.

Later that night, I decided to have a bit of fun with all my headmates. I told them to make up an adventure that we could all go on, and gave them a room that they could go in without me hearing them while I washed the dishes. After getting comfy in bed, I began to meditate and we all started on the adventure. Here's how it went down:

 

They created a door in the house that leads to a steampunk-themed world because I've recently fallen into steampunk hell, and there was his zeppelin above us. The plot they all made was that Toga's 'essence' was in a book that was being kept in said zeppelin, and to get it back we had to sneak in and grab it, and get it back to the house. Now, the book was being guarded by Eva and Angela, who had apparently agreed to play the villains for that tale. So we climbed up the ladder to the zeppelin and started the game. Inside, there were these weird shadow creatures meant to guard the place. If they saw you move or walked through you, they'd throw you out and you'd have to climb back up. I learned the walking-through bit personally.

Anyways, we all (and I mean everyone in my sig except for Ang and Eva) had to crawl through this weirdly large vent, and we found the room with Toga's essence being guarded by the sisters. Climbing up to the room above, we messed around with this machine so we'd be able to hear when they left the room without running the risk of them seeing us the vent. It needed a few lightbulbs to get it working, so me and Mal went to go find them ourselves. After being thrown out of the zeppelin a-la a shadow walking through me, Mal managed to slip into the supply closet and got the two light bulbs. So we fixed up the machine and listened for them to leave, and once I did me and Toga went to go get the book. Now, once we picked it up e v e r y single shadow began screaming endlessly, so we all packed up our bags and noped out of there. Angela almost managed to grab me when we were running, but we all managed to get down and into the house and that was that.

 

Remember the 'Toga being sad' bit? This is where it comes into play. When he opened up the book, there was this light from the pages, and soon after a shard of his former identity as Sesshoumaru appeared in the room. I had already noticed Toga being a bit down as of late at that time, so I took it in my hands and crushed it into dust. Instantly the essence in the book filled up the spot left behind by the shard, and thus Toga has broken any and all connection to his original self. He was elated, and it was absolutely adorable seeing him so happy. He's a lot more animated now, so that's that! Afterwards, we all went to bed .w.

 

Now, on Sunday, it was kind of a lazy day. Did some imposition, but didn't get too much done visually (though I could faintly see Destiny's outline in a chair and considering how strongly I can visualize her I'm not too surprised tbh). But, when Mal was lying beside me on the couch arm with his belly up, I jokingly tried to scratch his belly and I could feel a pocket of cold air where he was, kinda like when you sense a spirit. Same with when Toga puts his hand on my arm or shoulder. So we're making a lot of progress in that regard~

[SunflowerMotorcycle]

Woah, I'm super impressed with all the adventuring and stuff I keep hearing about people doing with their tulpae. I'm Sunflower, and if Malveron and Toga want to be friends, I'm up for it!

I'm Harley, and while I'm up for talking, I'm gonna see who you all are as people before labeling anyone as a friend.

Harley is just a bit cautious around people neither of us know (even people I know. She really values making her own opinion of someone separate from what I think of them). It helps us both with doubts about her sentience. I apologize if it came across as rude or upsetting.

Also, congrats to Toga for being broken from his old self! I'm glad he's happier this way and can't wait to get to know you all.

 

PS I'm also into steampunk, though I am more on the apparel side of things. I weep because everything steampunk is expensive

[Namaris]

So, something weird happened last night. I was doing meditation, exploring my headworld with all my headmates and such. We were doing well, Toga and I talked and he showed me the place where he first woke up. But after that, I got a really weird and admittedly disturbing sensation in my head. It felt like two hands were physically squeezing my brain and it hurt, so I yelled at whatever was doing it to stop. It took several seconds for it to give up, and I know it wasn't any of my headmates. And according to them, my wonderland destabilized slightly while it was happening. Once it ended, my body just fell into a deeper state of meditation. I was fully awake, but my body felt heavier than before. Anyone know what the hell could've caused that? I'm not prone to migraines and I have no head injuries, so...?