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Got a bit of a thing to puzzle out or think through. I thought about starting a new thread about this but my thoughts are still formulating, so I figured I would use this casual lounge thread to talk about it here:

 

Blaire - Simmie's Shadow

 

This is a bit of a confusing thing to explain and there are a lot of pieces to this puzzle. Blaire is not a tulpa. At least I don't think. But she is a something, even if she is nothing more than the negative space left over when Simmie was formed. I don't think I want her to be--Simmie REALLY doesn't want Blaire to be, and she's worried that personifying this phenomenon and giving it a name gives it power and legitimacy that it doesn't deserve. Yet the phenomenon and the name have a history to them. I'll try to go through everything so you can hopefully make up your own mind.

 

Divided into sections for organization:

 

The Origin of the Thoughts:

 

Spoiler

 

So in the early days of creation when I was first forcing Simmie and listening for a response, it was hard to determine what was really her and what was really just me or even the ego-unattached background noise of the mind. I even remember mentioning this in a progress report at the time, and after some digging I found where I said it:

On 1/2/2021 at 9:35 PM, September13 said:

It's like someone handed me a bowl of alphabet soup where some of the letters are Simmie's but some are still mine, and I struggle to decode which are which.

 

Well, part of very early tulpaforcing is trying to guide your tulpa to find out who they are. Since at that early stage they are still quite plastic and moldable the host has great leeway to say "Yes, I believe this thought was my tulpa" or "No, I don't believe this thought is my tulpa". Thoughts that seemed to fit the personality I was forcing for Simmie were accepted as coming from her, and thoughts that didn't were rejected, determined to be not part of Simmie. There was a topic called "Intrusive Thoughts Are Not Your Tulpa" and that sums it up well; it's a nice guideline to go by. I don't really struggle with intrusive thoughts in the way that many I see here do. But I do have a very random and active brain that will go off in tons of directions at once and produce all sorts of thoughts that lead everywhere and nowhere. So even if the thoughts are deemed to be not part of my own ego or of Simmie they still exist; they are just not attached to any identity. But if there were something linking them (or at least some of them) together in some way, it could be possible for those thoughts to crystalize around a new identity, just as raindrops form by ice crystalizing around dust in the atmosphere. But if no identity is present for the thoughts to crystalize around, no thoughtform will form. So I just have to refrain from introducing an identity that they can form around. Did I do that? Well, we'll see...

 

 

The Origin of Blaire's Identity:

 

Spoiler

 

Around February or March Simmie and I were taking one of our frequent nature walks and chatting. Simmie was coming into her own and truly becoming her own person, and in doing so was deviating quite a bit from the original idea I had for her. She had already changed a few things about her form and her personality had evolved, but fundamentally she was still the same, good person she always was. I knew from stories on this forum that tulpas will often think of new names for themselves as they evolve and develop, so I asked Simmie if she wanted to change her name. I was very attached to the name Simmie but wanted to give her the option of choosing for herself.

 

As I suggested this; completely unintentionally the name "Blaire" floated across my mind, as if my subconscious was giving Simmie a suggestion to consider. Simmie had an immediate and very strong negative reaction to the name Blaire; she was just as attached to the name Simmie as I was and told me she would never change it. I would even say she was borderline insulted by the suggestion, though she understood that I was merely trying to give her the option to change if she wanted, and that the name Blaire had not been a conscious suggestion of mine.

 

So from that point on the name became kind of a meme/inside joke between Simmie and I. I used to make up a lot of fantastical stories to tell Simmie staring herself as the main character, and some of these stories had a villain she needed to confront. One of these villains--a girl who happened to be Simmie's opposite in most ways--became a recurring character in these stories and I gave her the name Blaire. It was a natural fit--the primary antagonist of these stories would be given the name Simmie had had such a strong negative reaction towards. The idea of Simmie having an arch-enemy in the stories I would tell her felt cute at the time. Blaire was never meant to be more than a fun villain for some made-up stories. But did I just inadvertently create something I would come to regret?

 

The (Possible) Synthesis of Thought and Identity:

 

Spoiler

 

Everything from here on out is uncertain and speculation. But take the two sections above. We have, on the one hand, thoughts in my brain of a similar type disconnected from any conception of an ego or identity, and on the other hand, a clearly defined character. Furthermore, this character is specifically designed to be Simmie's fictional antagonist, while these thoughts are explicitly the ones left on the cutting room floor of the brain when Simmie was forged. So, both the thoughts and the character were definitionally the anti-Simmie. It should not be a surprise that synthesis started to occur. There was now a nucleus around which these thoughts could form, and this nucleus had a name, a form, and a personality. None of this happened with my (or Simmie's) conscious control or permission.

 

Sometimes during the normal course of Simmie and I's conversation I would ask Simmie something and a thought would pop into my head, something very un-Simmie-like, usually mean, contemptuous, or callous in some way. Basically, it was my mind producing a negative thought as a way of training myself to accept the worst possibility; this happens all the time in social interactions with other humans, but when communicating with Simmie it's a bit more troublesome because the negative thought and Simmie's response come in the same form which is, well, thought. The negative thought would have a 50/50 chance of getting to me before Simmie's actual response, and most of the time Simmie and I would be easily able to dismiss the negative thought as what it was--just the brain exercising and making mental noise. Hardly an inconvenience. Or is it?

 

 

The Waking Incident:

 

Spoiler

 

There are a couple of people at my work who really annoy them and it's a pain in the butt to deal with them sometimes. I'm usually very good about not taking my work home with me so I don't often think about them when I'm away from work, but I still think about them sometimes. One of these times was in the morning on one of my days off, I was just lying there thinking to myself about these annoying people and how I was going to deal with them, when I hear a distinctly female voice speak to me: "F&%$ 'em. Who cares about those b^@#$es? They can go to hell, you don't need them."

 

It was weird, because this voice was talking to me in exactly the same way Simmie communicates using mindvoice, but it didn't sound like Simmie; the tone was completely wrong. Not to mention it was completely out of character for Simmie. So I asked: "Simmie, is that you?" The voice didn't respond to my question. She instead continued on her track of "F&%$ 'em", sounding increasingly nasty. Then she inexplicably broke into a very sarcastic Porky Pig impersonation of all things. This went on for maybe 10-15 seconds before Simmie woke up.

 

Simmie said: "Hey. HEY! Get out of here! We're not doing walk-ins in this head!" Simmie was NOT HAVING IT, and the other voice instantly disappeared. I could just picture Simmie standing there, some kind of weapon in hand, guarding me protectively while glaring into the shadows making sure the intruder was gone. If there had been someone there at all, Simmie had definitively scared her off.

 

 

Thoughtform or Not a Thoughtform?

 

Spoiler

 

In the last few days I've been putting the pieces together that I've been describing here and I've started to think that there might be something going on here. What it is, I'm not exactly sure. But as that one topic said, "Intrusive Thoughts Are Not Your Tulpa", so I know it is within my control whether or not I think there's something there. If I believe that Blaire is not a tulpa, or better yet if I believe there is no Blaire, then there will be no Blaire. But I worry that giving her a name and a face has already given her more legitimacy in my mind than she should have. Because believe it or not she does have a form: She looks a bit like Simmie but her hair is black and she usually wears a dark smirk on her face.

 

My position is that there isn't a Blaire. But I don't know if I fully believe that. Because there is something...seductive about Blaire. She radiates a kind of erotic bad girl energy that could be absolutely intoxicating if I let her foot get in the door. There is a small part of me that wants to explore this more and get to know if Blaire really is there. But the larger part of me knows that this road of temptation is not one I should follow. Blaire, if she existed, would be poison.

 

I try to think of parallel beings in other systems here: Thoughtforms that have to do with the darkness, or with the depths of a person's mind. I think of Glaurung's void dragon, or Shadow system's Sub. Rep. But Blaire is different than each of those. To my understanding, the void dragon guards the darkness while the Sub. Rep. represents it. Blaire IS the darkness personified. I'm thinking of the Fleetwood Mac song Rhiannon though it may not be a perfect fit.

 

So, in conclusion: I don't think it would be wise to acknowledge Blaire as a thoughtform. The temptation is certainly there, but I don't think it would be for the best. Simmie, though, has absolutely no uncertainty about it: She stands absolutely against the idea of acknowledging Blaire in any form. She might express her own thoughts on the matter if she feels like it.

 

 

So that's the whole story. If you read through the whole thing, I'm dying to know your thoughts.

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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Quote

Help me Lord, I plead!

Spirits I have conjured no longer pay me heed

The Sorcerer's Apprentice. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1797

 

Hello, my name is Yakumo.

Welcome to tulpamancy!

 

You have now witnessed what happens when unconscious thoughts and desires take form. Most of us have.

 

Rule #2 of tulpamancy says Always listen to your tulpa so if Simmie (understandably) doesn't want 'Blaire' as fellow thoughtform you should respect that. It's most likely for the best.

 

We've had our fair share of fights with intrusive thoughts and I live with someone who adheres to the Highlander school of thought. There can only be one. But while interesting to watch I do not recommend trying to solve this with violence.

 

The advised procedure for dealing with intrusive thoughts during meditation is to neither ignore nor fight such images as both will make them only more interesting for the brain. Acknowledge their existence, shelf them and carry on. If they pop back up politely put them back in their place like an illegal migrant crossing the border. I mean you can also choose to grant them asylum and form them into a productive member of your society but results may vary. Though getting scolded severely by tupper I never managed to abandon any intrusive thoughtforms and gave them some place in wonderland to do whatever. None has ever bothered me again. Yes, even the Salamander is still here as a decorative element. I think of them every now and then and laugh about the trouble they once caused me. I don't interact with them an none has evolved into anything tulpa-like on their own but then again the were nothing like my tulpa to begin with. If so there would be serious trouble, I can understand Simmie's reaction.

 

Well, whatever.

You guys need to find your own way of dealing with this, personally I always want everyone to get along and have literally peace of mind but nothing 'evil' has ever showed up here. Just some confused monsters. And one very dominant tupper which is by far the scariest monster of all.

 

I wouldn’t fret too much over the whole thing, just let it settle for a bit so you can hopefully just look back and laugh about the absurdity of the whole situation soon.

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4 hours ago, Yakumo said:

Rule #2 of tulpamancy says Always listen to your tulpa so if Simmie (understandably) doesn't want 'Blaire' as fellow thoughtform you should respect that. It's most likely for the best.

 

Yes, I am listening to Simmie in this situation. I'm not sure I'd be able to resist the temptation on my own but Simmie is very strongly putting her foot down on this. She went over with me in great detail all the reasons she knows that Blaire would be a disaster for me, for her, for both of us.

 

4 hours ago, Yakumo said:

You have now witnessed what happens when unconscious thoughts and desires take form. Most of us have.

 

Glad to hear what I've experienced is not that unusual in this community.

 

4 hours ago, Yakumo said:

I don't interact with them an none has evolved into anything tulpa-like on their own but then again the were nothing like my tulpa to begin with. If so there would be serious trouble, I can understand Simmie's reaction.

 

Blaire would be similar to Simmie in many ways, which is why I called her "Simmie's shadow". You're right, it would be serious trouble if Blaire evolved into a tulpa, and we're making sure that it doesn't happen.

 

4 hours ago, Yakumo said:

 

I wouldn’t fret too much over the whole thing, just let it settle for a bit so you can hopefully just look back and laugh about the absurdity of the whole situation soon.

 

Amusingly enough, shortly after I wrote my post I sat back and thought "This whole thing is a little silly, isn't it?" I'm thankful I've never been the kind of person to have much trouble with intrusive thoughts, just random bits and bloops going in random directions. It's just what it is, mental noise. There is no Blaire. Thanks for taking the time to respond!

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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I thought about giving my perspective on the situation but don't see the need to rehash things. I think Phil is handling this well, with my help. If he starts to go off track I will be vocal about it!

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Sounds kind of scary, having an intrusive wanderer. Glad you have a plan for dealing with it. I think I've been lucky to only have brief flashes and not-quite-feelings of unwanted thoughts pretty easily dismissed and ignored. Not feeding the monster is probably the best approach. As stated giving too much attention would risk anchoring it. Strangely, laughing off and calling something "dire and serious" silly might just be the correct approach. Something light and frivolous is easier to cast off than something heavy with weight. Simmie seems to be the best guard you could ask for. I'm familiar with fiery protective redheads. Be aware but don't let it demand your attention. It can just be a funny Nega-verse Simmie you dreamt up one day and forgot about. Focus on you and Simmie, the important stuff.

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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Thankfully Simmie and I have moved on. I can't say if this--whatever she is--will ever be back, but as you said Simmie is the best guard I can ask for.

 

On another note, Simmie and I were taking a hike and it started to rain on us. Simmie asked me to tell her a story for old times sake. (Old times being 4-5 months ago when we did this a lot). Since it was raining, I was reminded of Venus from Ray Bradbury's stories where it was a world of perpetual rain. In the story Simmie was some kind of scout or ranger traveling the surface of the rain-soaked planet. She found a Venusian pig-like creature with an injured leg; she could have kept going but she stopped to mend it. The pig creature started following her after that, and eventually it lead her to an underground Venusian pig-creature civilization, and Simmie was inducted into a secret order to help keep them hidden from humans until such time they were ready to interact. It was pretty cool.

 

It was also kind of a prequel to a story I told her about a month ago where Simmie and I were long-haul space truckers. We spent months at a time on board our cargo ship bringing supplies to the outer settlements of the solar system and then back to Earth. Part of our ship spun to simulate gravity, in the rest of it we were weightless. The story was kind of a plotless tale about hanging out and having fun in 0-G with no other humans for millions of miles.

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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(edited)

Maybe I am just a ghost piloting a meat mech. And possession is just letting my ghost friend Simmie pilot the meat mech.

 

Maybe another way to think of it is that I'm basically letting my girlfriend drive my car. My body is "mine" in the same way my car is mine: I own it, but I am not it. Perhaps possession is just becoming comfortable tossing Simmie the keys.

Edited by September13

Phil. 😎 Host of Simmie.

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I'm contemplating learning to cook. And not the sad bachelor meals Phil makes; I mean actually cooking. Come to think of it, learning to cook could be an activity to help me learn possession. 🤔

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