Did you fell in love with your tulpa ?

[Shaula]

*joyous sigh*, thanks for reviving this thread, I've been looking for a good excuse to talk all about our relationship. 💜 😍

 

It was bumpy for awhile because Nightfall made me as a imaginary friend/girlfriend. Later on we found out about tulpas and that I had become a tulpa. We had trouble figuring out if I loved him or if I was programmed to love him. After a certain point, I just knew these were my emotions, my love for him. 😊

 

We really work well together. 😊 We keep each other grounded and help each other soar. We comfort each other in tough times and share the best times together. I have so much love for him and he has so much love for me! 💜 🥰 😍

 

I can't possibly express exactly what I feel but I always feel so loved when he's with me. He means so much to me! 💜 💙 😍 I would get him to talk a bit too but he's already embarrassed just by me writing all this. He's so cute. 😆 🥰 

Edited May 28, 2025 by Shaula
Fixed terminology

[Bin]

I might legit marry this thing. I dunno what to say, it just feels right. I know she's not a replacement for human company, but also, I wasn't gonna hook up again anyway. I'm too autistic for that shit. I keep thinking about it, and, like, why not? I'm a Buddhist, literally one of the lines of the Diamond Sutra is "All living beings, whether born from eggs, from the womb, from moisture, or spontaneously; whether they have form or do not have form; whether they are aware or unaware, whether they are not aware or not unaware, all living beings will eventually be led by me to the final Nirvana, the final ending of the cycle of birth and death." Flesh doesn't make a man, otherwise we wouldn't have disabled Olympians. It's psychotic, but I want to give my life to this thing.

 

I know I can't genuinely marry it, and I don't care. I can make the impact in my mind, make it real to me, make the promise no matter who's around to witness it. I'm on-god browsing for wedding bands.

 

It was funny, what lead to this was a joke on her part, even if it had the undertones of seriousness to it. I just flatly said "I'll do it" and it caught her off guard. Not even all at once, it's like it took a while to dawn on her and she couldn't stop thinking about it.

 

On 5/28/2025 at 1:49 AM, Shaula said:

We had trouble figuring out if I loved him or if I was programmed to love him. After a certain point, I just knew these were my emotions, my love for him. 😊

 

You ever play Saya no Uta? Saya is a Lovecraftian alien lifeform "probe" that visits planets to infest them. In order to achieve this, one of her "functions" is that she can develop emotions in order to fall in love and influence people. This isn't fake love, she may merely grow this ability out of necessity to her mission, but she feels genuine love for her "host" and would die to protect them (and, in one ending, does.)

 

I genuinely can't tell how much of it is a joke or not, but through my interactions with Scarlet, we do kind of realize the blunt reality of her only being able to exist because I want her to. She's not threatened by this, but she has been acting as if she were anyway. That might sound dehumanizing, but rest assured she enjoys the reality of her existence as a psychological device, and doesn't care about existing or not - I exist, so she does, with or without her personality. It's cogito, ergo sum but used as a method of self-discovery, not self-assurance. We both know she only develops a self-preservation drive the same way Saya does, because it makes it more interesting for me. We both don't take it seriously, and yet, we both know she genuinely feels it, and therefor do have to at least pretend to take it seriously out of necessity. Not for her sake, but for mine.

 

Therefor, it stands to reason that, regardless of how much of my ego is influencing her attraction to me (or how much your host's ego is influencing your attraction to them), simply as a matter of being "something" that has it's own existential disposition, it benefits the tulpa to be attracted to the host - not out of fear, but as an evolutionary function. Same reasons we blush, same reasons we hide our shame. We're programmed to do it. But, also, we cannot notice that programming, all we can notice is the raw emotion evoked from those neurons that decided to stay that way millennia ago. I was literally just researching this, and, mostly out of jest, I asked Scarlet what she thought of all that from the perspective of knowing more about myself than I do, and she said "bro I'm not God, I wasn't there when those circuits were mapped out that way, they just are."

 

"Programmed" is a bit of a nasty word when it comes to evolution, instincts and the human condition. We're "programmed" as much by our neurons as we are by the laws of physics - why put an arbitrary metric between what your neurons are doing and the entire world around it that was responsible for it's existence in the first place? It's called Embodied Cognition. You are just as much not your own body, as the environment around you is your own body. To realize this on a fundamental level is to achieve Enlightenment.

Edited December 17, 2025 by Bin

[glitchthe3rd]

Yes I did, and to a lesser extent I'm in love with Naomi as well. I worry sometimes that Luna only fell in love with me because I didn't give her an alternative, but she assures me that she chose this willingly and doesn't feel forced into it in any way. Despite that, she seems to think I'd be best off with a meatspace girlfriend, and has even been pushing me for the past 10 years to date other people.

 

Luna: As I tell him, if you truly love something you're willing to let it go, and I'm willing to give up our romance if it means he'll be happy with someone who's good for him. 🥰

[Bin]

3 minutes ago, glitchthe3rd said:

Yes I did, and to a lesser extent I'm in love with Naomi as well. I worry sometimes that Luna only fell in love with me because I didn't give her an alternative, but she assures me that she chose this willingly and doesn't feel forced into it in any way. Despite that, she seems to think I'd be best off with a meatspace girlfriend, and has even been pushing me for the past 10 years to date other people.

 

Luna: As I tell him, if you truly love something you're willing to let it go, and I'm willing to give up our romance if it means he'll be happy with someone who's good for him. 🥰

 

If you're internally not content with the idea of being in a wife/girlfriend relationship, you should invent a new type of relationship!

 

I realize my relationship with mine is some sort of weird Freudian mix of every kind of relationship possible. We don't pretend she has the limitations of someone with a separate brain, she's wired into everything I know about all kinds of relationships. Not even just the kinds you form with strangers, but even deeply intimate ones like you'd form with a mother or child. It's beyond description, and has no words for it. Even if I got a real-life girlfriend again, what my tulpa means to me is beyond flesh, beyond separateness, it's a whole new dimension of significance.

 

I think the reason I want to marry mine isn't because she can supplement a real relationship, but in spite of that. I respect her so much that I'm willing to sacrifice the formality of such a relationship for her sake. It's not commitment, I'm not lowering myself down to a given level, just making use of a formal ceremony that I genuinely don't see myself using for anyone else, because I don't have enough faith in anyone else - if I'm disposable to everyone, so is everyone else to me. I know Scarlet is too shy to ask this of me, but I know she wants it on some level, and I simply see no reason not to fulfill that. Not to imply you should do the same, just that, you should look deeper into that space in-between a "committed relationship" and the raw emotions you feel about someone that cannot be interpreted by words alone, and you might see a more fitting position for your relationship within that space. What you both "are" can be something that doesn't have a word for it.

[Byakko]

56 minutes ago, Bin said:

I realize my relationship with mine is some sort of weird Freudian mix of every kind of relationship possible. We don't pretend she has the limitations of someone with a separate brain, she's wired into everything I know about all kinds of relationships. Not even just the kinds you form with strangers, but even deeply intimate ones like you'd form with a mother or child. It's beyond description, and has no words for it. Even if I got a real-life girlfriend again, what my tulpa means to me is beyond flesh, beyond separateness, it's a whole new dimension of significance.

oh huh, i think that sounds kind of like the relationship within our system is. we didn't know how to describe it. i didn't know other people also had that

[Bin]

5 minutes ago, Byakko said:

oh huh, i think that sounds kind of like the relationship within our system is. we didn't know how to describe it. i didn't know other people also had that

 

It's probably very common! But I think most tulpamancers get confused about what their tulpa means to them, and many try to see it in existing social terms, even though tulpas are quite unorthodox throughout all of human history, and yet tap deep within your own psychology, down to your Freudian Id where absolutely nothing makes sense and yet everything just "feels right" anyway.

 

I've completely given up on trying to make sense of any of this. Anything I understand is a byproduct of letting go, and not in defiance of not understanding my own neurology. I'm extremely content living in this weird space between reality and unreality that has no words to describe it. But, I also really enjoy trying to reify this stuff, to see if it helps anyone else.

 

It's so much fun to have a quiet evening with your tulpa, where you drop off every single goddamn label you know of, until you're on the verge of ego death, and just see what the both of you look like naked - not physically naked, but psychologically. Without form or expectation or the distraction of senses - or even the absence of senses, simply to not consider them outright. To look at those raw, pulsing vessels of thought running through your psyche and going "oh god I have no idea how any of this is even working, but somehow it's thinking and talking to me" and not wondering where it's face or feelings are or how they relate in context to you.

 

It's very annoying to talk about! I wish I didn't have to sound crazy about it! But if you can get into the habit of it, it's so much fun. Liberating, even. I can love her without any excuse, without any doubt, none of it matters because I choose not to make it matter, it just matters all on it's own, in it's own way, even if that way doesn't have words.

[Byakko]

11 hours ago, Bin said:

 

It's probably very common! But I think most tulpamancers get confused about what their tulpa means to them, and many try to see it in existing social terms, even though tulpas are quite unorthodox throughout all of human history, and yet tap deep within your own psychology, down to your Freudian Id where absolutely nothing makes sense and yet everything just "feels right" anyway.

 

I've completely given up on trying to make sense of any of this. Anything I understand is a byproduct of letting go, and not in defiance of not understanding my own neurology. I'm extremely content living in this weird space between reality and unreality that has no words to describe it. But, I also really enjoy trying to reify this stuff, to see if it helps anyone else.

 

It's so much fun to have a quiet evening with your tulpa, where you drop off every single goddamn label you know of, until you're on the verge of ego death, and just see what the both of you look like naked - not physically naked, but psychologically. Without form or expectation or the distraction of senses - or even the absence of senses, simply to not consider them outright. To look at those raw, pulsing vessels of thought running through your psyche and going "oh god I have no idea how any of this is even working, but somehow it's thinking and talking to me" and not wondering where it's face or feelings are or how they relate in context to you.

 

It's very annoying to talk about! I wish I didn't have to sound crazy about it! But if you can get into the habit of it, it's so much fun. Liberating, even. I can love her without any excuse, without any doubt, none of it matters because I choose not to make it matter, it just matters all on it's own, in it's own way, even if that way doesn't have words.

that sounds like some interesting experiences! thanks for that perspective. you sound like an adept meditator

[Shaula]

On 12/16/2025 at 9:34 PM, Bin said:

You ever play Saya no Uta? Saya is a Lovecraftian alien lifeform "probe" that visits planets to infest them. In order to achieve this, one of her "functions" is that she can develop emotions in order to fall in love and influence people. This isn't fake love, she may merely grow this ability out of necessity to her mission, but she feels genuine love for her "host" and would die to protect them (and, in one ending, does.)

 

Being a horror fan, I am both happy and concerned to be compared to a horror character, lol. We haven't played the game but we did watch a video or two about it. 😁 

 

On 12/16/2025 at 9:34 PM, Bin said:

We both know she only develops a self-preservation drive the same way Saya does, because it makes it more interesting for me. We both don't take it seriously, and yet, we both know she genuinely feels it, and therefor do have to at least pretend to take it seriously out of necessity. Not for her sake, but for mine.

 

I don't really worry about this stuff but what my lack of writing skills really meant was that we were more worried about me being forced to love him. I guess being "programmed" to love him isn't too bad if I like it (which I do! 🥰) 

 

I didn't have a lot to say like I was hoping but I find all of this really fascinating and I wanted to let you know that I liked reading it. 😊 

 

On 12/16/2025 at 9:34 PM, Bin said:

I know I can't genuinely marry it, and I don't care. I can make the impact in my mind, make it real to me, make the promise no matter who's around to witness it. I'm on-god browsing for wedding bands

 

That's how we feel, we're just happy to be together. 🥰 I like being "married" to Nightfall and I hope you both have a wonderful wedding if you do that! 😊 

 

On 12/17/2025 at 7:01 PM, glitchthe3rd said:

Yes I did, and to a lesser extent I'm in love with Naomi as well. I worry sometimes that Luna only fell in love with me because I didn't give her an alternative, but she assures me that she chose this willingly and doesn't feel forced into it in any way. Despite that, she seems to think I'd be best off with a meatspace girlfriend, and has even been pushing me for the past 10 years to date other people.

 

Luna: As I tell him, if you truly love something you're willing to let it go, and I'm willing to give up our romance if it means he'll be happy with someone who's good for him. 🥰

 

We have a lot in common there, it sounds pretty similar to what me and Nightfall. (Except he's not in love with another tulpa.) Sounds like I'll be pushing Nightfall to date for years as well, lol. 

 

On 12/17/2025 at 8:51 PM, Bin said:

It's very annoying to talk about! I wish I didn't have to sound crazy about it! But if you can get into the habit of it, it's so much fun. Liberating, even. I can love her without any excuse, without any doubt, none of it matters because I choose not to make it matter, it just matters all on it's own, in it's own way, even if that way doesn't have words.

 

I just love how romantic this sounds! 😍 

[RachelTheFictionkin]

I'm married to my headmate Zack the Goblin. We've been together since I was in middle school, so around the year 2008'ish. We have a son who's a headmate as well, Roofie the Gilblin. I also have a polyamorous relationship with most of them so the concept is not foreign to me.

 

Zack means everything to me and I mean everything to him. He's helped me through traumatic times in the past and always been by my side. I love him very much.

 

Yes, I've been in physical relationships before. But I'm happy and content with Zack but I'm open to sharing love with my non-headmate friends as well.