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Do tulpas get hurt when they remove very unpleasant/disturbing memories?


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(edited)

Earlier on today, Lex convinced me to let him remove some very disturbing memories that have been popping up recently. I refused at first, since I didn't want to expose him to them, but I relented after he told me that he wouldn't have to see them in order to remove them, and that it would be better in the long run than me trying to protect him from them. He also promised that he knew what he was doing and wouldn't get hurt by them. (He's managed to get rid of negative emotions before, so he has had some experience.)

 

While he was working on it, I started worrying intensely about the possibility of him getting hurt. When he finally finished, I wasn't able to hear him very well due to my emotional state, to the point where I couldn't differentiate between him and my thoughts. To make matters worse, when I'm deeply worried, I tend to mistake negative intrusive thoughts for him.

 

I don't know if he's doing ok. I've tried asking him. Sometimes, he says that he's doing ok and that I shouldn't worry about him, other times, he acts extremely hurt, upset, and angry. I can't tell which is the real Lex and which are my thoughts. I don't know if my worry is causing me to imagine the worst case scenario, or if the Lex who's okay is something I imagined to avoid responsibility for hurting him. I don't want to stop caring for him if he's actually hurt, or worry about him being hurt if he's ok. I just need to know for certain whether or not he's ok.

 

Edited by Eldritchfrost
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It sounds like you need to develop a framework for your friendship. Boundaries and safety, more communication on what does or doesn't bother you. The loosey-goosey-ness is giving you uncertainty which leads to worry which leads to negative intrusive thoughts. Establish some clear expectations. Then when you worry about a behavior or comment you did hurting Lex you can check them against your "rules/code of conduct." If it violates the rules you can apologize and try to make the situation right. If it doesn't, then it's probably just you worrying over nothing and you can dismiss the thought. Check-in frequently. Normalize open, honest communication. You don't have to vomit out your life story at once or pry into secrets or uncomfortable areas. Save those for when you're both ready. Even just talking at all with your tulpas is usually deeply appreciated. Be patient, be understanding, be honest. If you are a safety zone without judgement then Lex will open up and come to you. 

 

Maybe ask Lex how he would like to bring up problems or share frustrations. What would help establish that trust? And let him know about your feelings too. His shutting you out hurts you by making you worry. Let him know that even if it's you that he's mad at, you would rather know than have him "try to spare your feelings." I have a bad habit of bottling emotions up to spare myself or others so I've been guilty of doing that. Unspoken resentment festers but you have to sometimes open wounds to heal them. 

 

This is just my advice so use your judgement on how far to go with what, what to say when, etc. Tldr: communicate more.

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(edited)
15 hours ago, Glaurung26 said:

(2nd paragraph)

Thanks, that helped a lot. The only thing that hurt him yesterday was that I didn't listen to him no matter how many times he told me he was ok. I found out a bunch of other stuff as well, but that would be off topic to post here. Basically, we're closer now.

 

I'm still curious though. What do tulpas experience when they remove troubling memories?

Edited by Eldritchfrost
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(edited)
19 hours ago, Eldritchfrost said:

What do tulpas experience when they remove troubling memories?

 

This is the sort of thing that will be different for everybody. It depends on the tulpa, it depends on what you mean by removing memories (overwriting, rewriting, continuing, forgetting, trigger-avoiding, taking as their own, changing perspective), and the brain. You will probably get better feedback the more specific you are about the process. I'm interesting in the details because I'm a tulpa tentatively interested in memory manipulation.

Edited by harvestmoon

Meaningful words, I'm here!

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(edited)

I just asked him what it was like. He took a while to respond and had some difficulty explaining it. He doesn't remove them, he just covers them up. First, he waits until the disturbing thought/memory surfaces before he asks me to remove it. Then, while the the hurt from the thought/memory is still fresh in my mind, he feels (in the emotional/instinctual way) for the hurt and gets rid of it.

 

(He's not satisfied with this explanation, but he isn't able to give a better one at the moment.)

Edited by Eldritchfrost
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That makes sense. Applying a blocker to ID of the emotion/trigger/sensation.

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

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So it sounds like he might be taking the memory as his own and feeling the hurt of it. I guess that could result in him getting hurt then. But also, maybe not. I'd say it's best to ask him but I know you're worried about intrusive thoughts. It seems he genuinely wants to help you though, but you can regularly check in on him to make sure.

 

This could also be good in the long run if you thinking about those memories also hurts him. Cause sometimes a tulpa can feel the feelings you feel because they share the same brain as you, or even just have basic human empathy and feel the pain that way.

Meaningful words, I'm here!

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