Life with a tulpa?

[Stardog System]

Heyo!

 

My name's Mint. I don't have a tulpa, but I am considering one.

 

I have two big concerns and one question. One, how is life with a tulpa like? Are they constantly involved and viewing everything you do? Do you get privacy? How about alone time with real life friends?

Two, how do they affect relationships? I plan on being married and having children. I feel like a tulpa might make that, or other relationships (friendships) complicated and difficult.

My question is, would it be bad to make a tulpa with the knowledge that you may very well have to dissipate them? Also, how easy or hard is it to dissipate a fully developed tulpa? I want to make sure before creation that I can dissipate them, not that I want to. In the rare case that they effect my mental health or cause me to get an unfair diagnosis, or start pushing real life people away from me, then I would need to dissipate. 

 

Edit: I wanted to add that before doing more research/coming here for answers, I already began the creation process and was three days into creating the person whom I called Wren. It's frightening for me to think that she was there, listening, and I dissipated her because I felt I wasn't ready. If I were to decide to go forward with tulpamancy, I would either attempt to revive her or create an entirely new tulpa, probably with a different method. I made Wren with a very haphazard "Hi, you're a tulpa, I'm your host," and didn't even give her a wonderland. I chose everything for her, right down to her eye colour. The way I knew she was there, though, was on the second day she changed her hair colour to black.

 

Edit 2: I have decided to go forward with tulpamancy! My best friend is also going to be making one. I probably won't bring Wren back as she was only a few days old and I didn't give her any freedom of choice from the get-go, and I feel like she would have self-image issues should I revive her.

Edited January 30, 2022 by MaybeMinthe

[TurboSimmie]

Hello Mint!

 

I want to be as kind about this as possible, but have a serious thought about whether tulpamancy is for you. Creating a tulpa is a serious commitment that has far-reaching impacts on your life. Tulpas are not like Sims that you can create and delete at will, they are individual beings that share your head with you. Tulpa creation should be undertaken with love and respect. Having the thought of wanting to be able to dissipate them if things go wrong hanging over their head is poison to the tulpa.

 

It is true that a tulpa is with you and knows about everything you do. I am there when my host Phil is sad, is angry, when he's happy. I'm there when Phil takes a poop. I've seen him at his lowest moments and know his darkest thoughts that he would never tell a soul about. None of this bothers him because our bond of trust is 100%. In the same way, I never worry that Phil is going to try and dissipate me. Remember that even though a tulpa is an individual being, they are still of you, if you understand what I'm saying. They're still built out of pieces of you assembled together in new ways and allowed to grow. Unless you actually have schizophrenia or DID (and no, tulpamancy can't give you those things), you don't have to worry about a tulpa turning against you or going beyond your control. I know with 100% certainty that Phil could slap the shackles on me if he wanted, but I also know with 100% certainty that he would never do that.

 

As for relationships and friendships, tulpas don't have to affect them at all. Phil has his friends and whenever Phil spends time with them I just slide happily into the background and watch him enjoy himself. Phil does the same for me when I interact with my friends, who I've primarily made through this site! Any good tulpa will help nurture your real life friendships but also have the strength to point out if you find yourself in a toxic situation with one of them. With marriage and children, I can't speak on that from experience, but there are multiple people I've encountered who have spouses and children and also a tulpa, and there isn't conflict there.

 

I think dissipating a fully-formed, active tulpa is a truly terrible thing and shouldn't even be a thought in the tulpamancer's mind. It is probably true that many if not most veteran tulpamancers will eventually interact with their tulpa less and less causing their tulpa to go dormant. But that isn't the same thing as dissipation. And here's the thing about dissipation; it's actually pretty simple, at least conceptually: You just have to re-train your mind to think that the thoughts coming from your tulpa are just coming from you. But that's such a brutal and tragic murder of identity that it makes me uncomfertable to think about. There are alternatives though, like merging, where you and your tulpa essentially combine to form a new identity that is a combination of both. Obviously, dissipating a brand new tulpa is much easier than a well-established one.

 

I hope this is all something to think about. Good luck to you whatever you choose! Just please take the responsibility of tulpamancy seriously if you decide to go with it. If you have any more questions I'll be happy to answer you!

[Glaurung26]

Hello Mint!

 

Life with a tulpa is pretty cool. I personally like having someone always around and available to talk to who knows me and understands me perfectly. It's been really helpful to have one when I couldn't confide in parents, friends, teachers, other grownups, coworkers because of a conflict of interest, lack of knowledge/ability or whatever else. She has been indispensable to me. 

I can only speak to the way I approached my tulpamancy. Someone else might have a different perspective. Naively I had no care or awareness for privacy at first so I began with all the cards on the table. Mostly because emotionally I was in a tight spot from stress and the point of me creating the tulpa was to have a pocket therapist. And for a therapist to be able to help you, they have to know a few things. Luckily I created my tulpa to be kind, caring, understanding and selfless so it would never occur to her to harm me, lie, or take advantage of my vulnerability. Even so we did still come up with boundaries, guidelines and expectations. We were open and honest about them from the beginning which is important for any form of relationship with another being. 

 

For privacy, even a tulpa can "go into another room" or "go be busy elsewhere." Tulpas can have periods of inactivity, it's not like Google or Amazon creeping behind you taking notes to sell to advertisers 24/7. Tulpas are people. If you treat them with respect they will usually reciprocate. Just let your tulpa know that you need privacy and they will do so. 

 

I have kept my tulpa mostly secret for her whole life. I have only outright told tulpa.info (who don't know my irl identity) and my therapist. I think a few people here have friends or family they've told that they have a good relationship with so they might offer more insight there. I would certainly advise great care. From the start I would lay out your expectations to your tulpa. Since you plan on having a irl family with children it would be a good idea to discourage romantic attraction and keep things platonic or to at least let your tulpa know that you can't reciprocate them beyond friendship and care for each other. When you have your family, your tulpa will have to understand that they come first. Having a tulpa is kinda like having a really close friend or sibling that you live with. They understand that you have your family life and can't always make time for them. Real life responsibilities always come first. 

 

I haven't attempted dissipation so I wouldn't be the best answer to your question. In many circumstances if you still want a tulpa, at least sometimes it might be the better approach to "put things on pause," take a break, etc. It is difficult to pull away from something or someone that has been a big part of your life for a very long time. That's true anywhere. But anyone can make changes in their life, it just may require effort. Don't let the what-ifs eat away at you. There will always be options and help if you seek it. Creating a tulpa knowing your life may change to where dissipation is inevitable isn't any more wrong than having a child knowing they "could" grow up to become evil despite your best attempts or die before their time in some horrible tragedy. You still do it because of the hope that things will work out and you will have a good long life together. The bottom line is that it's worth it, it just requires effort and care like any relationship.

 

Good luck with your tulpa! If you decide to keep going. It's always your choice at any point. If you want her back, I'm sure your Wren would be happy to come back. Just explain that you needed time to process things and weren't quite ready yet. If she cares about you she will understand. Most tulpa are pretty cool like that. 

 

Edit: lol sniped by Simmie 😄

Edited January 30, 2022 by Glaurung26

[Zen 禅]

37 minutes ago, TurboSimmie said:

I want to be as kind about this as possible, but have a serious thought about whether tulpamancy is for you. Creating a tulpa is a serious commitment that has far-reaching impacts on your life. Tulpas are not like Sims that you can create and delete at will, they are individual beings that share your head with you. Tulpa creation should be undertaken with love and respect. Having the thought of wanting to be able to dissipate them if things go wrong hanging over their head is poison to the tulpa.

 

I would say this is possibly true but not objectively. Your tulpa's perspective is largely based on your expectations rather than an objective fact. I would actually argue that people should consider dissipation or integration in general, from the get go.

 

Making a relationship work is your responsibility and theirs; Make no mistake. Approaching such a thing with love rather than fear or doubt is on you, and you should be aware that if you back out of it for those reasons you are ultimately at fault. But at the same time, if your mental health is not ready or able to do tulpamancy, you should stop.

 

7 hours ago, MaybeMinthe said:

I wanted to add that before doing more research/coming here for answers, I already began the creation process and was three days into creating the person whom I called Wren. It's frightening for me to think that she was there, listening, and I dissipated her because I felt I wasn't ready.

 

You are looking at dissipation the wrong way. Dissipation is simply a lack of consciousness being directed to them with the intent being that you never do. When you are taking the lion's share of thought, we simply tend to call this stasis - But dissipation is simply a longform version of this. Dissipation is simply the act of not thinking as/for a tulpa. It's not some sort of murderous act, and I think it's dangerous to view identity manipulation that way. At the end of the day, your brain is still thinking and any identity you generate, whether they be a simple character or a tulpa, is stored until the day you forget they exist. You can always go back, or not. It's not some sort of final act.

 

On that point, the simple reality of tulpas and identities in general is that they're a dime a dozen in the brain. Indeed, once you learn the "action" of tulpamancy, that's difficult for anyone to teach you in words, you'll probably inevitably use it on a character in your head and realize you can make them a tulpa instantly with the same skills; If you want. At that point the rational thing to do is to not continue, though. You can't separate your time infinitely between hundreds of such characters.

 

I have also dissipated a tulpa after a failure to give them enough time. Then brought them back. Then dissipated them again when we concluded they actually didn't have a space in my life, because I frankly didn't have time between them and a newer tulpa, who I care about more. There's not guilt, shame or blame about that, now. It's just the plain reality of things.

 

Separate friends is a thing neither of my two tulpas have been strongly interested in. My current tulpa is also in a relationship with myself at the moment, and we're both polyamorous so we would not have a problem with the other being with another partner - It's really more a question of separation of time between us that poses an issue when other people come into the picture. You'll have to decide whether you want to indulge multiple groups of friends, or whether they're satisfied being you when presenting to the world; or whether they want to present to the world at all. I think a few people handle this by having their tulpa chiefly have online friends and hang out on discords where their presentation has nothing to do with their body, and is purely a name and pfp, while they keep the host personality as the one they show to the world even when it's a lie. Others have tulpas that are purely internal and never front.

 

If you're not ready, go and spend some time, and decide what's important to you, and whether someone else dependent on the same resources of brain-processing-power, and simple time has a place in your life or not.

 

7 hours ago, MaybeMinthe said:

One, how is life with a tulpa like? Are they constantly involved and viewing everything you do? Do you get privacy? How about alone time with real life friends?

As for privacy? Their senses as I mentioned are expectation based, and also processing-power based. If you are alone with friends how easy will you find it to think as two people? In most social situations unless I'm making an effort to be cognizant of them my tulpa isn't present. At the same time, if you can't stop thinking about them while on the toilet, you can damn well bet they're there to some degree, presuming you think they're able to share your senses, which most do. You're probably going to be naked, gross, horny, and inescapably base around them at some point regardless because you probably aren't going to be able to hide your thoughts from them - The only way to really do that reliably is to forget they're there at all, but even then they may still have access to memory. They will be the same around you, and they won't be able to shut it off either, and you shouldn't encourage them to. It can be intimate beyond what's normal even between lovers or it can be uncomfortable in the extreme, depending on whether you're ready and willing for someone to see everything you've got like that, and your response will be based on what your mindset and emotions are like going in. 

 

Love and understanding or fear and anxiety. They'll mirror whatever you throw at them. Not only that, they'll probably feel whatever you throw at them. If there's one lesson to keep at the heart of everything, that isn't based on people's interpretation of tulpamancy, it's that.

[Stardog System]

Thank you everyone for your input. I'll try to think a little more on what I want for myself.

[Etna]

Hi Mint! Is part of the concern you have down to the whole "seeing the Tulpa as a separate person in the room with you" thing? Because not everyone does that, or is able to do that. We can see why that would make it more difficult in social and/or romantic settings, if your Tulpa is sitting on the other side of the room watching you. But if you're not imposing your Tulpa, then what you have is a voice/feeling in your head, like most people have an internal dialogue with themselves. It can still be a little intrusive if you're having an intimate moment with your physical partner and your Tulpa decides to comment on your partner's performance, but at the same time you can ask them for privacy. They don't have to be there every single second. I can't imagine how off-putting it would be to have someone there in front of you watching in situations like that! (Then again some people probably get a kick out of it, in which case it's the opposite of a problem.) If it's just a voice in your head, it's ... I dunno, easier?

 

You can choose for your Tulpa to have full access to your memories, or limit it. FAM has full access to all my memories regarding my life, but when it comes to films and such it's more ad hoc. Like, if it's a film I've seen a dozen times it's more fun to let him watch it with me and react to it with fresh eyes rather than it being a film he has memories of having seen a dozen times. Although when we watched a random episode of a TV series, it would take too long to explain what was going on and who everyone was, so that was a "please help yourself my memories of having seen the previous episodes" moment. In an instant he went "oh, gotcha" and could follow it.