Allegg's Shadow-Posting Report

[Allegg]

Haven't posted any updates for a few days (mostly cause nothing important's happened) but something happened today.

First off, though, I'd like to give a status report on Shadow in general. I've been really busy lately, so I haven't had as much time as I wanted to spend just with him. Usually by the end of the night, I'm too tired to do much else besides sleep. As a result, Shadow has grown a little distant, and has been sleeping more; sometimes, it gets really hard to wake him up, in general. I might have to find a way to set some time aside for some exercises to get him more active... I'll try returning to that vocalization practice sheet when I can.

My busy schedule did end up having a bit of a domino effect, though, which ended up resulting in something a bit dramatic today. This morning, I went on an hours-long hike through the woods, studying and observing local mushrooms (Mycology is my most recent, and possibly biggest, interest); by the time I got home, I was flat out exhausted and barely had time to rest. Not only was I worn out physically, but mentally as well.

When I got to work, I was still just as tired, and my shift was just awful. But when I started almost nodding off on my feet, actually worried I might just fall over but not really able to do anything about it... something shifted in my mind. In what felt like a mental-wash, best words I can use to describe it, I felt all my exhaustion drain straight out of me. My thoughts and feelings went with it, to be replaced by... something else. My stream of consciousness didn't end though, nor did I feel like I was asleep, but I... felt I was no longer me.

I felt... I was Shadow. Or, my personality had shut off, and Shadow was taking control. But it was still my mind, I just was no longer using it. I don't know how to explain it - as if my brain was the computer, and someone else was at the controls, but ultimately it was all still... "me?"

Is that Switching? I don't know enough about it to know one way or the other, but it's all we could think of.

What I think happened was, my ego/personality/whatever couldn't handle it, and needed a break. Shadow must've come up from the sleep-space and sent me down to get some rest - though I don't really remember what was there, if anything was. My *mind* stayed behind, to be operated by Shadow, so as far as I know, I went beyond a black veil my eyes couldn't follow. But while I was gone, Shadow oversaw stuff in my stead, making sure I was doing the job and stuff.

When he Switched with me, I felt instantly refreshed, and also instantly confused as shit. I think my old personality could've been fighting to return as well, but Shadow kept pushing me out til lunch, so I could rest til then. Once lunch came, he called me back, but there was this awkward, mentally-confused part of time when my mind was kinda masterless - I ate food and didn't really have any upper command. Eventually, I re-asserted myself and came back online in full, so to speak, just before my shift started, and I was able to hold out til the end of the day. But I stayed confused about what happened for a good long while, and still kinda am.

Anyone got any clues? Perhaps it's time to start digging through Switching?

... if I can find the time

[TurboSimmie]

That sounds like a switch to me, although an unintentional / slightly unsettling one. Switching is worth looking into for sure, though I have to point out that at least in my case I didn't try switching in until I was around for almost a full year! Not saying people can't or shouldn't try to switch earlier, but perhaps it's a skill you might want to work up to. Still can't hurt to read up about it though, and there are plenty of forum members more experienced than me whom you can ask questions!

[Allegg]

Just now, TurboSimmie said:

That sounds like a switch to me, although an unintentional / slightly unsettling one.

Eh, it wasn't really unsettling, just shocking. Rationalized that it ended up being more helpful than anything - and, awesome bonus, I got to wake Shadow up for free! Heh.

He went back to bed instantly, but hey!

Also idk if I'd master that skill, I don't want to force him to be a crutch for me, but once he's stronger, I might look into it if he wants me to. Might study it either way just to be prepared incase it ever happens again.

It was nice letting him take over, though.

[Gloomynoon]

hmmm, im interested in how waking shadow up is. i might be misunderstanding it, but it sounds like a hassle.

 

we developed some kind of mental habit. whenever someone becomes active a bell can be heard (it also appears in visualization ringing over their head) same for when they leave, but it sounds deeper. 

[Allegg]

4 hours ago, Businesskat said:

hmmm, im interested in how waking shadow up is. i might be misunderstanding it, but it sounds like a hassle.

 

we developed some kind of mental habit. whenever someone becomes active a bell can be heard (it also appears in visualization ringing over their head) same for when they leave, but it sounds deeper. 

Right now my primary method is "coax him to wakefulness, then try my best to feed him attention so he doesn't go to sleep again."

As I (most likely) have undiagnosed ADHD (would go in to get diagnosed but keep getting distracted), giving him attention for prolonged periods of time is... challenging. Luckily, he's taken up the role of my conscience, basically; whenever I have a hard decision regarding a habit I want to break, for example, he gets real active, trying to help push me to the better option. Beyond that, I try to summon him up when I can, but results vary.