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Did I unconsciously create a Tulpa?


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(edited)

Hi, new here. I've never heard of things like Tulpa's until today. So I'm glad I found this forum in search of answers.
I have been having the experience of an energetic connection with a man I love for about 8 years. At least, that is what I thought it was, but I'm now very uncertain if I didn't unconsciously brought a Tulpa to life when I missed him. 

We were never really together, but in the first year I could feel his love for me through my feelings, and other emotions. I checked up then once in a while and got confirmation that what I felt was actually true. At a certain moment he moved out of the country for a few months and I was so in love, I missed him terribly. That's when I first felt him in energy like physically. He came lying next to me (I couldn't see him, still can't) and I felt him kiss me and his breathing. His body hugged next to mine and we fell asleep like that. I can feel the bed bounce when he steps in. When he came back I was too shy to share all this, also I wasn't exactly sure about what was all happening and tried to sort my thoughts and feelings out. We danced a lot together, and one night he went on his knees in front of the whole ballroom.. to then kiss another girl half an hour later. I was absolutely devastated. I felt cheated on, while we never really had a relationship, but it absolutely felt that way.
On that moment his energy towards me split. In real life he became distant, in the energetic connection he swung between demanding and giving affection and hurting me. I entered a real dark night of the soul and had to learn to love myself. (On this moment I have learned that!) 

Fast forward, we are no friends anymore in real life, he blocked me, when I tried to talk about the energetic connection between us he consciously kept things vague "I won't deny it, but won't affirm it either." He has revealed to act as a narcist, not only towards me, but a lot of women (not counting in the energetic stuff). But in energy, the connection now is mostly stable and loving. We found a way of "being" together, at times it feels blissful, at times I feel a bit trapped. I do date people. I try to start relationships, but they all fail soon, as I became very anxiously attached with all that was happening. 

In the first years I tried to talk about this connection with several people. Some of my friends who are mediums could see an energy or white light but never a form. I had two therapists where I talked about this, and they accepted it as a sort of voice dialogue- part of me or an energy I projected (a tulpa then, I guess). His energy acts absolutely independent from me. I have zero control over it. I can summon a connection of emotions, but not a physical one. I have felt being beaten by it in the stomach when we had a fight in the real world (I ignored him for a year while he had me blocked and guilt tripped me), I had my computer act weird, songs starting to play without me touching anything (I checked spyware and all, there was nothing), my son has seen this happening too, so I was not imagining this. It also was present when he was around in physical form, and in energy kissed me for example when I was talking to someone else. So I wasn't thinking of him, or imagining it up as my attention was with the other person.

Big question is now, did I imagine a version of the man I loved up and created a Tulpa of him, or is this a real energetic connection that somehow got out of hand as in a soulmate connection? How can I know the truth if he refuses to speak to me about it? 

And if he is a Tulpa, I think it would be wise to let it go. How would I best do this then? 

Help to identify what is going on is deeply appreciated. 

Edited by Freewings
Wanted to be more specific.
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Hm. 🤔 Short answer maybe. I think we can create tulpas or tulpa-like entities sometimes to fulfill subconscious desires and absences in ourselves. Like a kid making an imaginary friend. Only deeper and more profound. I can't speak to the spiritual/metaphysical stuff. I don't know that basing a tulpa on an unrequited relationship with a toxic individual is the healthiest approach. Not blaming you since it was unintentional ostensibly from the soul rending desire and longing. If you decide to keep this presence around and treat them as an individual I would work hard to separate them from the emotional baggage that created them.

 

I'm not convinced that's quite what you have here, at least not fully. It could just be psychological profound longing for a soulmate. In any case I would do what's best for your health first before delving into metaphysical ethics. That's quite the rabbit hole.

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍

👨‍🍼👩‍🍼 Dain and Nova

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

[DeviantArt]

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(edited)
5 hours ago, Freewings said:

Big question is now, did I imagine a version of the man I loved up and created a Tulpa of him, or is this a real energetic connection that somehow got out of hand as in a soulmate connection? How can I know the truth if he refuses to speak to me about it? 

And if he is a Tulpa, I think it would be wise to let it go. How would I best do this then? 

 

Connection or not you've attached this thoughtform to your life and he is a part of you in that he triggers in certain conditions. 

 

If you were attempting to make a tulpa then this would be excellent progress but seeing that you don't want one and especially not this because he's really not healthy for you mentally then you will need to either transfer that attention to something else and treat this echo like an intrusive thoughtform or allow him to diverge and develop to an independent unique kind of familiar, daemon, soulbond or tulpa. Understand that this thoughtform isn't your ex-friend and let him be himself, as in basically allow him the freedom to express himself or simply stop interacting with him and ignore anything he says as intrusive.

 

It's your choice, I don't believe there is any ethical dilemma here if it was unintentional and unwanted so to speak. If I allowed every intrusive thoughtform free reign I'd be in a lot of trouble. I had to let one go just the other day in that a persona I was using for thought experiments was beginning to "be" a thing and it wasn't a thing I wanted.

 

Good luck in whatever you choose.

Edited by Bear
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(edited)
13 hours ago, Glaurung26 said:

In any case I would do what's best for your health first

Thank you for your answer. Yes, well that is something I've been doing. Lots of different kinds of therapy, meditation aso. As said I learned to love myself. My physical health is still challenging (I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease which effects my hormones and moods), but also there I'm being guided towards better health. 

About the soulmate longing, true. I recognized this man as my soulmate before this whole thing started, and we had a profound sharing of emotional field from the beginning. The thing is that this Tulpa, if that is what it is, appeared from one second to an other and was instantly feel-able physically. I still doubt if it's a paranormal sensitivity (My mother has it, but sight, within me it's touch and feelings, but anyways, it's genetic) or my imagination that conjured something that doesn't really exist. I've blamed him, in real life, for not taking responsibility for not leaving me alone energetically while he wanted me to let him go. So if this something he was NOT aware of.. oh boy. Then I have a lot to set right and admit towards him and to forgive towards myself. The only positive if it would have actually been a Tulpa is that I can let it go easier then as if it would be an authentic energetic connection. 

How would you define if it's a Tulpa or not?  

Edited by Freewings
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(edited)
12 hours ago, Bear said:

he is a part of you in that he triggers in certain conditions

Can you please elaborate on this? I don't fully understand that triggering makes him a part of me. In real life he even triggers me a hundred times more as in energetic form. 🙈

 

12 hours ago, Bear said:

Understand that this thoughtform isn't your ex-friend and let him be himself, as in basically allow him the freedom to express himself or simply stop interacting with him and ignore anything he says as intrusive.

Well, how do you define if he is or isn't? I'm still not sure or convinced if what I feel comes from him or is something in my mind. I mean, I can sense if people are angry with me or not, or what general state good friends or family or partners are in, even before they phone me or I see them. I'm just very sensitive. But the feeling into the physical as if someone caresses me or kisses me, that's only with him I have this exchange.

About freedom: I've let him go so many times, he always comes back energetically. The interaction is basically mostly feelings. Which is hard to not do. Impossible even. I can stop thought conversations. I almost never introduce the interaction energetically. I prefer he does that in real life, so I don't give him much on this. Will it be enough? 

Thank you for thinking with me.

 

Edited by Freewings
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8 hours ago, Freewings said:

Can you please elaborate on this? I don't fully understand that triggering makes him a part of me. In real life he even triggers me a hundred times more as in energetic form.

 

I just mean when he's active.

 

8 hours ago, Freewings said:

Well, how do you define if he is or isn't?

 

I mean it's not a psychic connection to your ex-friend. If you think he is then this community wouldn't be appropriate for this discussion. That would be more like r/psychic or r/mediums on Reddit. Here we believe these thoughtforms are no different than us and just share our body. (Or mind)

 

8 hours ago, Freewings said:

Will it be enough? 

 

I'm not sure what you want ultimately, and it can be difficult to put this sort of thoughtform into dormancy because he's so well ingrained with you. That's all I'm saying.

 

Based on your response I'm not sure how to help further.

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6 hours ago, Bear said:

I mean it's not a psychic connection to your ex-friend. If you think he is then this community wouldn't be appropriate for this discussion. That would be more like r/psychic or r/mediums on Reddit. Here we believe these thoughtforms are no different than us and just share our body. (Or mind)

I think I am trying to find a very clear understanding of what a tulpa is, as to what an energetic connection is. Like a checklist as to know and identify what is what. I need to know if this is a conscious connection between two people, manifesting as I perceive it, or if I wishcrafted a Tulpa, with no conscious connection towards the original person I love. This forum will claim it's a tulpa. The other will claim it's a connection. I just try to find the truth, unregarding beliefs, but in facts. There must be a way to identify what's what, no? I believe both are possible but very different things. It's imperative I know the difference to take the right path of action. 

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8 hours ago, Freewings said:

I need to know if this is a conscious connection between two people, manifesting as I perceive it, or if I wishcrafted a Tulpa, with no conscious connection towards the original person

 

In this community it's going to be interpreted as "no consious connection to the original person".

 

Even in the spiritual community they'd be a little sceptical but you might try asking these questions in r/psychic if you're leaning that way. They don't deal with tulpas there though as this topic is very esoteric. 

 

Any groups that thought of this practice as "metaphysical" were suppressed in this community.

 

Personally I have a lot of metaphysical beliefs but a consious connection to someone through a thoughtform isn't one of them necessarily.

 

Simply put, a tulpa in this community is a thoughtform that is intentionally or unintentionally created and has the potential to be an independent personality within the same mind.

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On 8/9/2022 at 7:34 PM, Bear said:

Simply put, a tulpa in this community is a thoughtform that is intentionally or unintentionally created and has the potential to be an independent personality within the same mind.

Yes, I understand that. To me the line between esoteric, metaphysical and quantum is all very thin. It kind of flows through each other. I thank you for your answers. My question still stands, but I understand the answer is mine to find out and you cannot give me a checklist so to say, to define if what I'm dealing with is a conscious connection or a tulpa. Have a nice day/ evening. 

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That's correct. No one can say what it really is. What we do here has potential to help in certain ways regardless, but I've found that this community has a clear line, even if it's impossibly thin. 

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