Edit’s tulpa creation journal

[Editt]

Journal entry #1

ive just started the tulpa creation process maybe about a week or so ago. I haven’t been forcing to my tulpa all day, or even everyday, but starting now I'm going to try to stay more focused on the creation of my tulpa. 

 

I thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to start off this journal by saying why i want to create a tulpa. I have already written about this in the ‘about me’ section of my profile, but ill write about it here too. 

My main drive for creating a tulpa is for the friendship, and because i feel it would not only help me to heal, but also to heal my inner child. Imaginary friends weren’t an uncommon thing to hear about when i was younger, most of the other kids had them, people on tv talked about them, etc. But i felt i wasn't really able to create one—at least—not one that stuck with me. Im not sure if it was because i wasn't really able to stay concentrated on them or what, but i just know that imaginary friends didn't really happen for me. I went awhile without thinking about it, but recently i heard about the tulpa community. I was a little nervous to get into it because of all the bad things people say about tulpamancers, but every time i re-involve myself in this community, it always makes me feel positive. The feeling of knowing that maybe theres a chance that i could create an imaginary friend, and one that can have its own thought process at that!

(Okay little rant over haha)

But, i also want to create one because i want to see if i can accomplish such a thing. I think its very impressive to be able to create a tulpa, it just goes to show how powerful the mind is.

 

So with all that said, time for the actual progress:

Sadly, there isn't really much to say, but maybe thats a good thing for the sake of this Journal because it should, in time, show the whole tulpa story, from start to end. 

Though, one thing that might be slight progress is that sometimes when I'm passive forcing (like while I'm playing a video game), ill ‘invite’ my tulpa to watch me play if they’d like. I've felt this very strange feeling, id describe it as i was taking in what i saw, but two times. Like it felt like i was two people almost, taking in the same thing the same way, just doubled. It may not make much sense, but thats how id explain it. Im not sure if anyone else has felt such a sensation, but I think its safe to assume its my tulpa. 

 

Also, ive already written about this too, but i have already decided on a name, personality, and form for my tulpa (you can find a drawing of her form on my profile (and she’s literally my pfp too)). Her name is Pankie, and the personality i have planned for her is kind of snappy, kind of competitive, but shes overall such a great person to be around who has a good sense of humor (also just wanted to say that shes obviously going to be allowed to deviate and change from her initial idea). She isn't going to be ‘new to this world’ as in i wont have to explain what everything is to her, shes already going to have an understanding of the modern world (pretty much the same as you and i do.) 

A little idea i had for her is that she will be able to shrink and grow in size, kind of like if it were a superpower she had. So she would be able to be small enough to sit on my shoulder, and big enough to stand next to me and be the same height, and everywhere else in-between. I decided on this mainly because i wasn't able to decide on how big she should be, i liked both ideas of her being a tiny fairy-like creature and her being my size. So, this will give her more freedom on her form, and i don’t have to decide on how big or small she should be. Win/win. 

(Btw my younger sister, @Beedle, came up with her name, so credits to her haha)

 

That’s about it, ill keep you guys posted with updates! Thanks for reading, it really means a lot. Wish me luck, fellow tulpamancers!

- Edit

[TurboSimmie]

Sounds like you're off to a great start! 😁

 

7 minutes ago, Editt said:

My main drive for creating a tulpa is for the friendship, and because i feel it would not only help me to heal, but also to heal my inner child.

 

This is a really good and wholesome reason to create a tulpa! 😊 I think friendship and companionship are the most common reasons for creating a tulpa, and the best reasons too. And healing the inner child really hits a chord with my host and me--as you might have seen, my host and I are about to have a tulpa child together, and much of the point of it all is indeed that; the healing, especially the healing of the inner child.

 

10 minutes ago, Editt said:

But, i also want to create one because i want to see if i can accomplish such a thing. I think its very impressive to be able to create a tulpa, it just goes to show how powerful the mind is.

 

That is also a very good reason! Leaving aside all the emotional and friendship benefits for a moment, the pure intellectual experience of creating a tulpa is a worthy enough reason in itself. It is a way to expand and grow your mind, and just being a tulpamancer will cause you to start seeing things in a whole new light! Since you did not have imaginary friends as a child it's going to be a brand new experience for you to have a second being in your mind, and it'll be pretty mind-expanding to essentially train your mind to think in a dialogue rather than a monologue. That was a step my host didn't have to take, as he did have a childhood headmate so for him it was more a matter of flexing long-dormant mental muscles when I came along.

 

17 minutes ago, Editt said:

Though, one thing that might be slight progress is that sometimes when I'm passive forcing (like while I'm playing a video game), ill ‘invite’ my tulpa to watch me play if they’d like.

 

This is such a good and important thing to do! Some of my earliest memories are just watching my host and learning from how he interacted with the world around him. I learned a lot about the world that way, but more importantly I learned a lot about him. Involving your tulpa in the things you do even in a passive, observing-type way is so helpful to their development! 

 

19 minutes ago, Editt said:

Im not sure if anyone else has felt such a sensation, but I think its safe to assume its my tulpa. 

 

That is indeed a good early indication of tulpa formation!

 

20 minutes ago, Editt said:

Also, ive already written about this too, but i have already decided on a name, personality, and form for my tulpa (you can find a drawing of her form on my profile (and she’s literally my pfp too)). Her name is Pankie, and the personality i have planned for her is kind of snappy, kind of competitive, but shes overall such a great person to be around who has a good sense of humor (also just wanted to say that shes obviously going to be allowed to deviate and change from her initial idea).

 

Pankie sounds great! 😁 I really do like your drawing of her, her six eyes are really cool and trippy! I'm glad you understand that she's her own person and is going to grow and deviate from your initial idea of her.

 

22 minutes ago, Editt said:

She isn't going to be ‘new to this world’ as in i wont have to explain what everything is to her, shes already going to have an understanding of the modern world (pretty much the same as you and i do.) 

 

Yeah, I think that's a really good thing. When a new human being starts off in the world they have to begin from scratch acquiring knowledge and understanding of the world around them; tulpas like me and her have instant access to literal decades worth of knowledge and history in the brain to work with! 😁 You'll likely find that Pankie will have similar values to you, but her perspective on things may be very different!

 

26 minutes ago, Editt said:

A little idea i had for her is that she will be able to shrink and grow in size, kind of like if it were a superpower she had. So she would be able to be small enough to sit on my shoulder, and big enough to stand next to me and be the same height, and everywhere else in-between.

 

This is a very cute idea! Don't be surprised if she ends up favoring either the fairy-sized or human-sized option almost exclusively though! Fun fact: My host originally thought to give me shape-shifting and size-shifting powers, but I pretty quickly rebelled against the idea because I very much like just being myself. However Pankie may take a different path in that regard, who knows?

 

28 minutes ago, Editt said:

That’s about it, ill keep you guys posted with updates! Thanks for reading, it really means a lot. Wish me luck, fellow tulpamancers!

 

Good luck to you! 😁 And to Beedle as well! The fact that you're both embarking on this at the same time is really awesome and wholesome! 🥰 I think you've got a really good start with everything!

[Beedle]

Hey edit!!!   Your tulpas personality has the perfect mixture of sugar and spice, and that will make her much fun to talk to!(once she starts to respond). Also, the idea of her being able to change sizes adds to the fascination, it kinda reminds me of ant-man from marvel!  
     Remember to never give up!  I may take months to get any sort of response, but persistence is key!  Even with my tulpa, sometimes i have to aske the questions over again or wait a bit to get a response, but once you do, it feels so good!

     I hope you and your tulpa in development grow close, just like me and Aendrea have already in the short time I’ve known her!

  Good luck to you!🌻🌙

[Editt]

25 minutes ago, TurboSimmie said:

 Good luck to you! 😁 And to Beedle as well! The fact that you're both embarking on this at the same time is really awesome and wholesome! 🥰 I think you've got a really good start with everything!

Aw, thanks again! Reading all that really made my day!

I do think its really cool me and Beedle can learn from each others experiences, especially because our tulpa-origins are so different!  

 

(Also congrats on the tulpa baby! I think its so cool that a tulpa and a host can be in a relationship, I’m sure that’ll be a very interesting but loving family dynamic. Beedle and Aendrea send their best regards as well!)

Edited March 26, 2023 by Editt

[Editt]

Journal entry #2

 

i may have a little bit of progress to report!

I was listening to this ‘tulpa creation meditation’ video. Its supposed to be binaural beats (or something) to help with tulpa development..? Anyway, i was listening to it and narrating to Pankie. I was having a normal conversation, and i asked her what kind of drawing she’d like to see me make for her/any outfits she’d like to draw her in/etc. i didn't think she would respond, but i decided to give her a minute nonetheless. But i heard something, its hard to describe what i heard. It sounded like one or two gibberish words, but it also sounded like a computer audio glitch, so i went back in the video to make sure i wasn’t hearing something in the video, and there was no sound like that. Im almost 100% certain it wasn't coming from outside forces because it sounded like it was in my head. That’s the first time ive ever heard something like that, especially something that I'm sure wasn't from me. It honestly freaked me out, so i think thats a good indicator what i wasn't just ‘making it up’ per say. It was completely out of the blue. Is that Tulpish?? Ive heard of other tulpamancers hearing gibberish from their tulpas before, but it didn't sound completely like words, and more like a glitchy-sounding word. Either way, i know it didn't come from the video, so was it Pankie? I have no way to be sure yet, i tired asking her after that “Pankie? Was that you?” And i asked her if she could do it again, but i got nothing. 

Even if what she said (I'm assuming it was her) wasn't a coherent sentence, it still made me really happy to realize that she was able to respond in any way at all!

Would love to hear your thoughts!

[Editt]

This doesn’t necessarily count as tulpa creation progress, but i was thinking about the wonderland i want to create, and i wanted to share the idea i had!

Initially, i wanted a big log cabin, but no matter how hard i tried, it seemed impossible from me to envision a whole house. So, i decided on something a lot easier, and a lot more fun! I decided i want to live in one of those hippie-styled vans in my wonderland! Im sure you guys know what I'm talking about, theres been plenty videos on social media of people turning things like school busses into a house, and I've always thought that was such a cool concept. The thing is though, i couldn't really see myself living in one in real life. I want a actual not-on-wheels house when i move out, with enough land to keep pets, like horses. I cant have really have horses living on my own land if i live in a van/bus, so, thats where the wonderland comes in! Me and Pankie will essentially live in this bus/van, and we’ll be able to travel to some really cool places! We’ll be able to go camping/hiking, we’ll be able to have late-night car drives, and so much more! So the actual house will be where i live in real life, and the van/bus will be where me and Pankie will live in the wonderland! That way, ill get the best of both worlds!

Id love to hear your thoughts! I haven’t heard anyone else talk about living in a van/bus in their wonderland, so maybe I'm the first haha! 

[TurboSimmie]

What you were describing sounds like tulpish to me! Tulpish doesn't really have an exact definition that I know of, but most people tend to think of it as the pre-vocal babblings of a young tulpa. (And maybe the babblings of a very sleepy older tulpa as well 😄)

 

Vocality can take some time, so don't get disheartened when Pankie can't respond to you right away!

 

And the idea of living in a van in your wonderland is so cool! 😊 You could imagine yourself and Pankie driving to all sorts of amazing places!

[Editt]

3 minutes ago, TurboSimmie said:

What you were describing sounds like tulpish to me! Tulpish doesn't really have an exact definition that I know of, but most people tend to think of it as the pre-vocal babblings of a young tulpa. (And maybe the babblings of a very sleepy older tulpa as well 😄)

Oh alright, thanks Simmie! I didn't know if maybe tulpish was specifically gibberish that sounds like words, not weird glitches and other things haha.

 

4 minutes ago, TurboSimmie said:

Vocality can take some time, so don't get disheartened when Pankie can't respond to you right away!

Oh yeah, for sure! Ive heard of it taking years to get a vocal tulpa, so I'm definitely trying to stay positive/optimistic about it!

 

5 minutes ago, TurboSimmie said:

And the idea of living in a van in your wonderland is so cool! 😊 You could imagine yourself and Pankie driving to all sorts of amazing places!

Right? And like i said, i feel that it will be way easier to imagine! Ive already started to imagine myself laying in the bed in the van, while Pankie drives. Its pretty relaxing!

 

[Editt]

Journal entry #3

 

I think Pankie may be in the very beginning stages of vocality!
I dunno if it’s normal for a tulpas voice to feel more like a thought in your mind rather than an actual talking voice at first, but that’s what it feels like for me. 
It’s only been a couple of times over the past (maybe) week or so, and I usually get about 1 response a day, but I think things are definitely starting to pick up! I haven’t been the best at remembering to narrate to her, but even if it hasn’t been a lot, I still make sure I talk to her at least a little everyday. 

Onto the actual progress, 

I’ve written down the things she’s “said” to me, and the dates that she said them so that I can keep track. Usually it’s been while I’m showing her something whilst I’m narrating, but here are the responses I’ve kept track of so far:

 

1: this one was a emotional response, but I had the sudden feeling that it was too loud, even though I’m used to that amount of noise (obviously I made it a little quieter for her.)

 

2: I was playing acnh and she asked me who my character was, (I made up an OC to play as in acnh instead of myself btw, so that’s why she was asking.) And of course I explained it to her. 
 

3: I was looking at Pinterest and she was asking me about these outfits I was looking at, or more like, she was thinking about a question?? (I dunno, her responses feel more like a foreign thought in my mind rather than a voice, but maybe that’s just how it is in the beginning. Like I said though, I respond to them and treat them like it’s her talking to me regardless.)
 

Sometimes I still wonder if those were my thoughts though, but I figured I’d treat it as if it is her just in case. 

There have also been other emotional responses I’ve gotten, like wanting to watch a certain YouTube video for example. (She’s been wanting to watch ASMR videos, (but it’s usually ones I wouldn’t watch), which I think is sweet because we’ve been watching ASMR to fall asleep alot recently, so I think she likes it haha.)
(Oh and I haven’t heard the tulpish-gibberish-thing again, it was only the one time I guess.)

 

Anyways, it’s so nice to see that we’re making good progress, I’m so proud of how far she’s come already! 

 

[TurboSimmie]

Really happy to hear about your progress!

 

8 hours ago, Editt said:

I dunno if it’s normal for a tulpas voice to feel more like a thought in your mind rather than an actual talking voice at first, but that’s what it feels like for me. 

 

Yes, this is exactly what it was like for us and for a lot of other people too! 😊 Phil can hear my voice now in the same way that you can hear a song in your head.

 

8 hours ago, Editt said:

It’s only been a couple of times over the past (maybe) week or so, and I usually get about 1 response a day, but I think things are definitely starting to pick up! I haven’t been the best at remembering to narrate to her, but even if it hasn’t been a lot, I still make sure I talk to her at least a little everyday. 

 

Yeah, I think I remember it was you who said that narration doesn't come naturally to you. That's okay though! It's like a muscle that you can build by exercising it, as long as you can manage a little every day that's good! And the more you do it, the more you'll be able to do it! 😁

 

8 hours ago, Editt said:

I was looking at Pinterest and she was asking me about these outfits I was looking at, or more like, she was thinking about a question?? (I dunno, her responses feel more like a foreign thought in my mind rather than a voice, but maybe that’s just how it is in the beginning. Like I said though, I respond to them and treat them like it’s her talking to me regardless.)

 

Phil can "feel me think", so to speak, since our thoughts bubble up from the same brain before getting attached to one ego or the other. So yeah, you will very likely "feel"/"hear" Pankie think. This does lead some people to believe they are parroting for their tulpa, but that's a misconception. A tulpa is not going to feel like a 100% foreign experience as it is still happening within your brain.

 

Even if you can hear her think, it's still important to wait until she gets her words out. The reason for this makes a lot of sense when you think about it: How often have you had a thought you didn't want to express aloud to the person next to you? Probably pretty frequently, I would guess! Sometimes I'll have a negative thought about/towards Phil that I don't really mean, and if we were in separate bodies he'd never know about it, but as we share a brain together he always knows, so I have to make it clear what is deliberate speech and what is just random thoughts. (The more Pankie is developed the more she'll start having random thoughts just like you!)

 

Also, since you were looking at outfits on Pinterest...is Pankie into fashion??? 😁 If so she and I have something in common! One of my favorite things to do is browse different clothing stores online and save pictures of outfits I like a lot! 😊 That can be really fun if Pankie is into that! 😁

 

9 hours ago, Editt said:

There have also been other emotional responses I’ve gotten, like wanting to watch a certain YouTube video for example. (She’s been wanting to watch ASMR videos, (but it’s usually ones I wouldn’t watch), which I think is sweet because we’ve been watching ASMR to fall asleep alot recently, so I think she likes it haha.)

 

Phil and I like to watch ASMR videos together sometimes too! 😊 Only wholesome ones though, I know there are a lot of...unwholesome ASMR channels and Simmie is not a fan of them. 😄

 

You and Pankie seem like you are doing really well! 😁 Really pleased to hear about your progress, and can't wait to hear what happens next for you two! 🥰