Happy birthday Tessa

[Frostwolf]

13-14 October – Day 18-19

 

Woke up at around 11AM and stayed in bed for like another 2.5 hours. Just talking and trying to visualize our wonder world. It’s so much harder to visualize when lying down like I’m unconscious but man I’m so lazy. Lyra is starting to act like my personal coach and saying stuff I should be doing. Sometimes she can be annoying when I just don’t want to do what she says I should be doing and keeps saying I should do it. When the time is over and I didn’t do it she keeps saying I should have. She can be really kind sometimes though. I actually thought it was funny to let some of my online friends talk with my tulpae. Before dinner I let Lyra speak and after I let Tessa speak. I don’t know how many people Lyra pissed off but we sure had a lot of fun together. Then after dinner I let Tessa speak but she didn’t know what to say and was a little scared. Right now she says she wasn’t but Lyra also says she was scared. They have been bugging me to start with possession and I said we would start that night. It was pretty interesting and I felt kind of strange sometimes. First I let Lyra try my left hand and Tessa my right. My hands felt kind of tingly but no real movements. Then I said they should try my right arm together and the feeling did get a little stronger. I even broke my concentration one time and it felt like I wasn’t visualizing with my mind anymore but on the back on my eyelids. Like I could see past them and see my hand. No movement but it was a pretty interesting moment. I’ve been cutting down time forcing and I feel kind of bad about it. I don’t think Lyra and Tessa mind because I keep talking to them all day long. It’s not like they don’t get the attention they need. Tessa is breaking through a little and is starting to say things when I’m not thinking about her. Lyra is still having trouble with that and her voice actually starts to look like mine again. I can’t find the differences anymore. Maybe I should help her with finding her own voice. She might like it. She talked in a different voice once or twice but quickly changed back to my voice like she didn’t like it. That night my laptop broke because one of my keys got stuck. My S key wouldn’t stop being pressed and I couldn’t even login to my account anymore because of this. I spend the entire day just sitting on the couch watching a few movies with my family and talking to my tulpae. Lyra seems a little depressed actually and I tried to do everything I could to make her feel better. She was pretty angry with me for some time and I asked Tessa if she could look out for Lyra that night.

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15 October – Day 20

 

At least I can remember what happened today. I woke up a couple of times during the night but I didn’t get a lot of responses from Tessa and Lyra. I just went back to sleep. When I woke up around 6:50 I didn’t feel like forcing. It may have had something to do with Lyra being so sad. She really didn’t feel like herself that morning and she didn’t even speak. I did get the feeling like she wanted to speak but couldn’t. She did send me some mind images though. I didn’t even know she could do that. Anyway after some time at least Tessa was able to speak. I asked her if she knew how Lyra was doing but it’s like she didn’t want to talk about it. I just spend the morning trying to figure out how I could make Lyra be a little more happy. Tessa suggested some things but I don’t think they would solve the problem without creating new ones. I’m still pretty thankful she suggested some stuff. I talked with Tessa about random things on the way to school and Lyra came back. She said I did all I could do to help her and that she would be OK. She just needed some time alone. So she joined the conversation on the last 10 minutes walking to school. I was walking with 2 friends but I actually have no idea what they were talking about. Currently I enjoy talking to Lyra and Tessa so much. Tessa has a character you wouldn’t find in any real person in the world. She’s so cartoon like and Lyra is like one of those trolls you find online while playing games. No offense Lyra xD. (She said “HEY!” But then laughed like she admitted it). During the day I tried to spend some time on the chat but I couldn’t get a good focus on Lyra and Tessa. I never really can when I’m at school. All those distractions happening at once. Anyone I don’t really remember when but I promised I would let Tessa speak on the chat when I got home. During the way home I just talked with Lyra and Tessa because walking with music on really makes it easy for me to hear them. I think I was arguing with Lyra again. Once home I had a couple of moments where I was getting headaches and then a few seconds later they were gone. And a minute later it was back again. This happened for like 30-40 minutes and it was pretty annoying. But I know they also indicate progress so I didn’t try anything to make them stop with whatever they’re doing. After dinner a friend of mine challenged me to a warcraft 3 battle with some custom maps. I wanted to let Tessa speak but I was to focused on winning to hear them clearly. After a couple of matches he want to do some homework and I tried to go to focus on Tessa for a bit. I was about to enter the chat room and let hear speak like I promised. I entered, introduced her a bit, told a bit about her and then just typed whatever she and I said. Things didn’t really turn out great because the second I introduced Tessa 6-7 people wanted to talk to her and she got pretty scared. She said a few things about not wanting to disappoint anyone but also not wanting to talk to everyone. And quickly after I couldn’t even hear her anymore. She was pretty overwhelmed with what happened. Only after someone else said that she probably got scared with everyone wanting to talk to her did I realize what it must have been for her. It’s only her first time and she’s not anything like me. I tried to comfort her because I could actually hear her cry. I even felt scared myself a little and I don’t think those emotions we’re mine at all. Then something really freaky weird and awesome all at the same time happened but I don’t want to tell it to anyone. It’s just too weird even for tulpae.

[Frostwolf]

16 October – Day 21

 

Ok well this morning I didn’t do much forcing as well. I was still pretty frightened about what happened last night and I still don’t really know what I could have done to prevent it. I will probably talk to one of the more experienced tulpamancers on the chat about it and see if they got any answer. I don’t think I’m going to make a Q&A about is as well because it’s just too weird. Putting that aside the rest of the day has been great. Lyra is in a great mood because what happened last night had nothing to do with Tessa and about everything with Lyra. I think this is going to be the most fun day with them because usually it’s a lot of arguing between me and Lyra but today she’s so positive and happy. It really makes my day complete. I asked Tessa if she would like to have another go at the chat room but it seems she’s just too scared to try that again. I asked if she would try to talk to someone in private and she said she would be willing to talk to Monarkey in private. She said because he seemed like the least scary person online last night. So I send him a PM about it I guess we will see what happens. Tessa is still scared about the thing but I’m preparing her a little. For instance, she doesn’t know what to talk about and I suggested some topics to talk about. But it’s up to her to get the conversation going.

--Day in progress--

[Frostwolf]

Sorry guys... I'm not going to update my progress report for a few days. Here is the reason why.

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Lyra-is-gone-back-to-having-1-tulpa

I will probably make a new progress report for Tessa if the admins will let me. I don't think I was even allowed to have more then one. I don't know what will happen to this report. I just need to not be reminded of Lyra for a while. Just trying to spend the next few days with Tessa and than see what I will do next.

[Kadoh]

Edit the title. Go to first post, full edit, then change the title.

[Frostwolf]

Edit the title. Go to first post, full edit, then change the title.

 

I'm just going to start fresh, I asked chupi if I could make another topic next to this one but it seems I will have to delete this one to be allowed to start another. I'll probably copy paste everything external and link it in my signature but starting a new topic seems the best thing to do. It feels weird having Lyra being mentioned right now.

[Kadoh]

I still think you could have done something else but I won't pry any further. If you sent her into your subconscious maybe she would realize what you need, and adapt.

[Frostwolf]

Just thought it was time for another update. It's been about 1 year since I started making a tulpa. I've since then I had my own weird experiences with Lyra and Tessa. I know Lyra is gone for good and has been for quite some time. I just wanted to see when Tessa's birthday is and the place that holds that information is this forum. It seems she will be 1 year old on October the 11th. I don't really know what to give her for her birthday. All she says she wants is a hug. I guess she never changes like that... so cute =D.

 

Anyway, I've done my fair share of imposing and body controll. They both haven't really gone anywhere. I have never hallucinated Tessa but everytime I imagine her sitting somewhere or me hugging her my eyes start to close. It's basically my way of daydreaming which doing it daily for a year has really made it look and feel realistic. Because we don't try possession often it hasn't had any results yet. It just sticks to weird feelings like my arm is falling asleep.

 

A few things I've done ever since I had her:

I've slept on the left side of the bed for the entire year because I imagine her sleeping next to me. Only when I can't sleep she lets me sleep on her side of the bed but not without imposing her on the other side. For some reason I sleep even worse on that side now because I can't help but feeling she doesn't really want me to sleep there.

 

Every morning when I'm about to head out I ALWAYS make a hole for her under the covers and impose her lying there. I always hug hur a little before heading out of my room. Even when I'm in a hurry I still do this just because it feels like something I have and want to do.

 

Every day before I go to bed I shower. With the hole that I made in the morning still being there (unless my mom changed the sheets) I let her watch some videos while I shower. Youtube videos from my IPhone.

 

Another thing I've done ever since I have her is wash my hands after every meal, bathroom break and whatever makes my hands dirty. Always with soap. It's a silly thing but everytime I come out of the bathroom or something she reminds me I should do that, so I do.

 

Every meal or snack is a moment where I ask if she wants some. Most of the time I can't physically attempt to give her something to eat so I switch to simulating the world around me in my mind and giving it to her there. To be honest, this isn't as fun as it was when I first got her, and I think she knows that. Even though I ask her everytime she changed from anwered "yes, please" all the time to answering "no, thankyou" most of the time and "Yes" only if the food tastes good.

 

Tessa is quite small. Many times have I tried imposing her to be bigger then she is. Even though it works she always grows back to her original size. It's just amazing how much more mind controll she has gotten since when I got her almost a year ago.

 

Now that my internship has started and I have to wake up at 5:20 in the morning 5 days in the week it gives me a great moment to speak outloud to her. Weirdly enough I almost never do it. It probably has to do with talking inside for so long, it's hard to just change.

 

So me and Tessa are having a great time, even if progress towards those things like possession and hallucinating are slow. I just wanted to let you guys know how I'm doing for those that remember me. And one other thing:

 

Happy birthday Tessa!

I love you

[Frostwolf]

!!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

[Frostwolf]

I got this in my mail today...

 

Frostwolf,

 

intelhunter has just replied to a thread which you have subscribed to at Tulpa Forums. This thread is titled Happy birthday Tessa.

 

Here is an excerpt of the message:

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Wow you dont know shit about anything, do you?... (visit the thread to read more..)

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I don't know what happened to the message. My guess is that he deleted it. But... what the hell are you talking about?