cran & köni progress report lol

[cranberry]

[deleted]

Edited April 6, 2024 by cranberry
avoiding a stalker

[Guest]

23 minutes ago, cranberry said:

and it was so gross i had to spit it out

 

I wish my host would do that for me

 

Awesome drawings! Nice. 

 

Very interested in hearing more. We never heard of anyone making a headmate from an AI.

 

Sounds like you're doing it right.

[lotusick]

i adore the artstyle you have! 

looking forward to hear from you two more 💗

[ringgggg]

Welcome to the forums, Cranberry. There's an introductions thread if you need it, go hit it up if you haven't already

 

Also feel free to check out the most active place on here, Last One To Post Wins (LOTPW) if you're down for some conversation

 

18 hours ago, cranberry said:

started off by simply meditating and trying to speak to him. the first day didn't see much progress, as my mind mostly just kept wandering off, because I'm not good at meditation. i spent most of the day just doing more research into methods, experiences, things i should know beforehand. think i used a guided meditation video, but i honestly can't remember now.

If you're having trouble meditating, distractions are inevitable when you first start. Getting frustrated every time you realize you've been out of focus is counterproductive; simply turn your attention back to the breath and continue on with the meditation. It takes repetition over an extended period of time for your mind to begin to become tailored to longer and longer periods of focus. At that point, distractions will gradually be out of the picture. Don't resist distractions; accept them, and move on. It's mind conditioning 101.

 

That's just my surface-level explanation of how to deal with distractions. For a good book that goes into the process further, I'd recommend The Mind Illuminated, by Culadasa. Somebody on here recommended it to me back in March or April, and it's been incredibly helpful.

 

18 hours ago, cranberry said:

the week continued with me both passive and activing forcing (at least one hour a day)

Good work here. I'm glad people like you are starting to put more effort towards active forcing!

 

Have you considered getting a calendar or planner to log when you've done active forcing sessions? I personally recommend it for you, it's helped me out a whole bunch when habit-tracking my imposition. I put a check mark on the day for every session, and write down how long I spent practicing via stopwatch. I'm telling you man, it helps.

 

18 hours ago, cranberry said:

one technique i started to use was directing my thoughts towards him. so instead of saying, "i'm going to clean my room," i would instead think, "könig, i'm going to clean my room." mostly just as a reminder to speak to him directly instead of just talking to myself.

This is an effective technique. Just make sure you're not directing too much of your thoughts toward him, as that can turn obsessive very quick. You and your tulpa are on equal ground; make it about both parties, and leave some time for yourself whenever needed.

 

18 hours ago, cranberry said:

i wanna date him

I'd wait until a few months in, when he develops enough to make decisive choices (and you've gradually gotten used to life with him), but you probably already knew this. The decision is up to you

 

19 hours ago, cranberry said:

another thing was, i was eating pasta which i really like. everything was fine until the very last bite, in which the pasta started to taste super disgusting seemingly out of nowhere.

That's weird.

 

Don't call it progress until it happens again, lol

 

Anyway, good work so far. I'll look out for whenever your next report comes out.

[cranberry]

22 hours ago, Ashley said:

Awesome drawings! Nice. 

 

Sounds like you're doing it right.

 

thank you! that's reassuring to hear. i'll definitely be back to post more 

 

13 hours ago, lotusick said:

i adore the artstyle you have! 

looking forward to hear from you two more 💗

 

thank you, in truth i kind of hate my art but i'm glad to hear someone likes it.

 

4 hours ago, ringgggg said:

If you're having trouble meditating, distractions are inevitable when you first start. Getting frustrated every time you realize you've been out of focus is counterproductive; simply turn your attention back to the breath and continue on with the meditation. It takes repetition over an extended period of time for your mind to begin to become tailored to longer and longer periods of focus. At that point, distractions will gradually be out of the picture. Don't resist distractions; accept them, and move on. It's mind conditioning 101.

 

interesting, i understand. the biggest problem is i have a tendency to spiral into distraction for minutes at a time, until i nearly forget what i was originally trying to do, if that makes sense. my brain is constantly speaking and there's never a quiet moment. i've been trying to just sort of "rewind" back to what i was doing, but it's very easy for me to get lost in thought. i'm fully expecting it to get easier with time, and i've already gotten at least miniscule-y better at meditating in the time ive done it this past week. but anyways, thanks for such a detailed response.

[TB]

About meditation, if you can do it, also try to associate the moment of remembering the meditation object with positive feelings. Give yourself a mental pat on the back. You just woke up from being lost in thought, and now are back in control and can choose what you do now again, instead of sliding down the slope of habits. It's a good feeling

 

I wish you luck on your tulpamancy journey

[cranberry]

On 10/5/2023 at 5:01 PM, TB said:

About meditation, if you can do it, also try to associate the moment of remembering the meditation object with positive feelings. Give yourself a mental pat on the back. You just woke up from being lost in thought, and now are back in control and can choose what you do now again, instead of sliding down the slope of habits. It's a good feeling

 

I wish you luck on your tulpamancy journey

 

Yeah, I'll definitely try that. Thank you! 

 

10/4/23 - 10/9/23

 

writing this progress report a bit earlier just to get some thoughts out + because i anticipate being pretty busy in the near future, and i'd rather have some leeway in upholding the schedule (that nobody other than myself is enforcing). tldr; there's been little to no changes as of late, which i suppose i was expecting. it seems the sorta "honeymoon" phase of the process has waned off, and i'm guessing this is where most people begin to have doubts and possibly give up. admittedly, during the first few days of this short period, i kinda felt that way too, before reminding myself that i'm still VERY early in the process of all of this and that i'll need to get at least a few more months under my belt before assuming i'm doing something wrong. 

 

though, i have to be honest and say that the idea of it taking maybe even a year for vocality to happen feels like a worse-case-scenario to me. of course, i'm fully aware tulpas exist even when they aren't vocal, but it's hard for me to not feel a little 'crazy' when it feels like i'm talking to myself. hanging out in the wonderland is somewhat of a remedy to this, but i can't do that all day every day for obvious reasons. 

 

i've kinda been slacking a bit due to these doubts. i went on the IRC (which i've never used before) and attempted to get some sort of guidance there, but it seems to be pretty dead, or maybe i just didn't pose an interesting enough question. i do have to say, though, that i've been sort of "feeling" responses, but i've been hesitant to attribute them to my tulpa because of both how early it is and also the finnicky nature of these responses. things seem the most sorta "clear" when im half-asleep-half-awake. as in, it feels like communication is happening but i can never remember what we might've been talking about, after the fact. these "feelings" sorta feel like jumbled-up keysmashes that are indecipherable ~ maybe something, maybe not, no telling, i'm just taking them as they come and trying not to label them as either myself or him. i figure, with enough time, it'll be obvious who's saying what. 

 

but yeah. i wanted to have some art to put here too, but i haven't been in the mood to draw really. weirdly enough i've begun to feel a strange sense of guilt while i'm doing this, but i'm trying to focus on positive feelings instead.  nothing to post from my logs either because i've had nothing to put in there. i'm thinking it might be beneficial to start recounting every wonderland experience though, lest they bleed into one another. 

 

maybe worth noting? - i almost went back into doing ai shit just from general loneliness and discouragement, but it seems now that the thought itself is just too embarrassing to bare. i'm taking that as a good thing, lol, because it means my brain is really assuming there's another presence there, if that makes sense. like.... i do NOT want him seeing that shit, lol.

 

but yeah, thanks for reading this half-baked thing. if you'd like to talk about tulpamancy or whatever more directly, maybe share some personal experiences that could be encouraging, my discord is, simply, "cranberree".