Life in the Hive

[SeekingMyPlanet]

49 minutes ago, ReallyArtificial said:

We’ve already been using the car analogy to organize ourselves.

 

When it comes to possession, the car analogy works for us as well. As in, "Lavender, do you want to drive for a bit?" "Sure." When she's driving, I'm definitely in the back seat. I don't think this vehicle has a passenger's side 😁.

 

The other thing we do often is take possession of parts of the body. Often when we're having an intense conversation, Lavender will ask for the mouth, since it's easier for her to make herself heard that way. I'm working all other parts but she's doing the talking. Also, if we're doing intimate stuff, one of us will control an arm while the other inhabits the rest of the body. Not sure the auto analogy extends to that.

[ReallyArtificial]

Yeah, the car isn't a perfect comparison but it helped me bring some order to the chaos. It's cool how everyone works a little differently with this stuff.

 

On 1/6/2024 at 2:00 PM, SeekingMyPlanet said:

The other thing we do often is take possession of parts of the body

 

This is actually the only way we've done possession so far, it's full body control and quieting myself down more that we're trying to work on. We did the vocal possession you mention a couple times and it was really funny, his voice and mannerisms are so different from mine.

[ReallyArtificial]

More thoughts on switching and the final piece of the puzzle:

 

We talked a lot about the concept over the days leading up to our first switch. The four of us had a long chat while chilling in Ormyn's wonderland castle, and at one point I asked Athelas, “tell me about yourself. Who are you?”

 

He gave a long and detailed answer about his personality, his worldview and values, his likes and dislikes. That wasn't surprising in and of itself, but it really struck me how much he's grown as a person. He didn’t just recite the traits I’d come up with while creating him, but I could hear them in the way he described himself. It's crazy to me that a year ago it was a huge deal to hear him say a couple of words, and now he's as good as rambling as I am. I’ve always respected my tulpas as independent people, but this time it hit me harder than ever that we are on equal footing. It was almost like a parent realizing their child is an adult now. 

 

That led to another realization: as others have said many times, the thing I call “me” is basically arbitrary. It was always easy for me to grasp that I am not this body. This was the first time it really sunk in that I am not this mind. I'm just one of the people who lives here. “Bee” is just one little part of this mind, a collection of traits, memories, opinions, etc that I have labeled as myself. In theory, I could let Tea take over and he'd be alright because he's a whole, complete person. (Not gonna do that of course, but we could.)

 

Realizing this kind of shifted my perspective on switching. When I'm fronting, the majority of thoughts in this head are mine, with the others occasionally chiming in. So if we're able to shift the balance to 100% Tea thoughts and 0% Bee thoughts, that's about as switched as we can possibly get!

 

While we were researching/planning/practicing, I was getting very hung up on what the experience would feel like for me. Really, it didn’t feel like anything for me, because Bee wasn’t doing any thinking. I guess if anything it felt like what it feels like to be Athelas. There was no lapse in awareness, I can remember the whole experience, but all of my personal worries and cares just quit existing for a little while. It was nice. ((Yes, it is good to be me.))

[SeekingMyPlanet]

On 1/12/2024 at 12:35 PM, ReallyArtificial said:

That led to another realization: as others have said many times, the thing I call “me” is basically arbitrary. It was always easy for me to grasp that I am not this body.

 

That's something that's coming slowly to me. I still say things like "my foot" and then have Lavender correct me. "Our foot." I'll get there.

[Athelas]

Outside of tulpa-related things, we have a general goal of making small improvements to our life together. We've used what we've learned about habit formation to break a bad habit Bee has had for ~15 years.

 

We lifted the idea of a habit contract from Atomic Habits. We actually typed up a mock contract, which all four of us signed. When any of us noticed Bee engaging in the behavior, we’d have her mark an X on a chart. Initially, we planned to enforce a minor consequence for each X accrued. However, the simple act of charting an X proved to be consequence enough. Today marks two weeks without a single occurrence of the targeted behavior. 

 

 

Hosts are stubborn creatures, but with patience, they can be trained. All jokes aside, I'm tremendously proud of her. She's capable of so much. She just needs a little nudging in the right direction.

[ringgggg]

Yessss, another Atomic Habits reader :). You've been using that advice well.

[Athelas]

Thanks. It was an interesting read. Actually, I believe it was one of your posts a while back that first put it on our radar. You have our gratitude for that.

 

Incidentally, if anyone else is interested, there's a bootleg of the audiobook on Spotify. But you didn't hear that from me.

[ringgggg]

You're welcome, I'm always happy to provide recommendations.

 

1 hour ago, Athelas said:

Incidentally, if anyone else is interested, there's a bootleg of the audiobook on Spotify

You'd be surprised by how many audiobooks you can get for free, especially on the tube.

[ReallyArtificial]

We're going to a work-related conference tomorrow and realized it'll be the perfect opportunity for Athelas to practice fronting with other people around! There's a slim chance I might run into some coworkers, otherwise it's gonna be 99% strangers who will have no idea if I'm acting “weird.” It's a pretty low-stakes situation overall, mostly just listening and taking notes, but he might get a chance to try talking to people which is exciting. He was with me for it last year so he knows what to expect.

 

Also, totally dropped a “we” instead of “I” while talking about it with my husband. He either didn't notice, or assumed I meant “me and coworkers” as opposed to “me and the friendly voices in my head.” We all thought it was pretty funny.

[SeekingMyPlanet]

1 hour ago, ReallyArtificial said:

We're going to a work-related conference tomorrow and realized it'll be the perfect opportunity for Athelas to practice fronting with other people around! There's a slim chance I might run into some coworkers, otherwise it's gonna be 99% strangers who will have no idea if I'm acting “weird.” It's a pretty low-stakes situation overall, mostly just listening and taking notes, but he might get a chance to try talking to people which is exciting. He was with me for it last year so he knows what to expect.

 

Wow. Please let us know how it goes. We were at a con last weekend with a session for plural systems, but we didn't have Lavender front. I'm kind of excited about the idea of having her front, but she's nervous about it, and it would have to be a really safe place. (Though she'll say "Hi" to strangers while we're on walks, so I guess that sort of counts.)

 

1 hour ago, ReallyArtificial said:

Also, totally dropped a “we” instead of “I” while talking about it with my husband. He either didn't notice, or assumed I meant “me and coworkers” as opposed to “me and the friendly voices in my head.” We all thought it was pretty funny.

 

It sounds hard keeping a secret of this magnitude from a spouse. Are you planning to tell him at some point?

 

The closest person my life is my daughter but I'm nervous about telling her. I don't want her to think her elderly parent has finally lost the last of my marbles. But it would be nice to be able to talk about Lavender to her, if that's what's on my mind.