Life in the Hive

[ReallyArtificial]

5 hours ago, SeekingMyPlanet said:

Please let us know how it goes.

 

We definitely will! We enjoyed reading about your convention experience 😁

 

5 hours ago, SeekingMyPlanet said:

It sounds hard keeping a secret of this magnitude from a spouse. Are you planning to tell him at some point?

 

I do feel guilty at times not being able to share the whole truth. I tell him as much as I can without making him fear for my sanity 😅

 

He's aware of my tulpas as characters I've created who I like to draw and write about. I had a tendency to get really attached to fictional characters before I'd ever heard of tulpamancy, so it's not strange to him that I'm a little fixated on these “imaginary” people. I’ve also told him straight up, “I had to invent a positive voice in my head to challenge the negative thoughts.” He's just not aware that the positive voice and the guy with the horns are one and the same. Not sure if we'll ever get to that point, but maybe someday. I settle for talking about them on here.

 

Actually, now that I think about it, I feel like tulpamancy has had a net positive effect on my marriage. Neither of us really has any other close relationships, so we tended toward codependency, and I felt so lonely when we were apart. Now being alone is awesome because my three best buds are always there. When I have trouble expressing my feelings, they help me find the right words. They're helping me get into a healthier lifestyle. I'm just happier overall.

[Athelas]

The conference was great. We switched back and forth a few times during the day. I maintained the front for the longest I've managed yet. We gained a few insights:

 

• Certain things make it harder for me to maintain control. Bee has some auditory sensitivities that irritate her even when I'm fronting, and she responds involuntarily. However, we noticed her tolerance is increased when I hold the front.

• Talking to anyone she knows immediately pulls her to the front. I responded to a few questions from others, but did very little speaking overall. I'm certainly not ready to pretend to be Bee to people she's familiar with.

• It's been easy for me to tap into the body's muscle memory to handle most tasks. I participated in a hands-on workshop which we both found fascinating. Much more fun than taking notes (though that was surprisingly engaging as well).

 

Overall an excellent and educational experience for us both.
 

[SeekingMyPlanet]

10 hours ago, Athelas said:

The conference was great. We switched back and forth a few times during the day. I maintained the front for the longest I've managed yet. We gained a few insights:

 

• Certain things make it harder for me to maintain control. Bee has some auditory sensitivities that irritate her even when I'm fronting, and she responds involuntarily. However, we noticed her tolerance is increased when I hold the front.

• Talking to anyone she knows immediately pulls her to the front. I responded to a few questions from others, but did very little speaking overall. I'm certainly not ready to pretend to be Bee to people she's familiar with.

• It's been easy for me to tap into the body's muscle memory to handle most tasks. I participated in a hands-on workshop which we both found fascinating. Much more fun than taking notes (though that was surprisingly engaging as well).

 

Overall an excellent and educational experience for us both.
 

 

 

We're having similar issues. Certain things can pull me to the front when Lavender is fronting. We have an agreement that Lavender doesn't front around other people except to say hi to strangers that we pass when we're walking. This is partly not to confuse my friends, because Lavender has a markedly different communication style, but also because she is nervous about saying or doing the wrong thing.

 

The best we've come up with for the problem of me accidentally kicking her out of the front, is for me to step back again as soon as I realize. The more we get used to her fronting, the easier it is to remember that I'm supposed to be in the back.

 

I'm glad the conference was a positive experience for your system.

[Athelas]

On 1/21/2024 at 6:23 AM, SeekingMyPlanet said:

The best we've come up with for the problem of me accidentally kicking her out of the front, is for me to step back again as soon as I realize. The more we get used to her fronting, the easier it is to remember that I'm supposed to be in the back.

 

We appreciate the suggestion. We'll keep it in mind as we continue to practice.

[Athelas]

Relatable:

 

 

From Terry Pratchett's The Light Fantastic. One of the protags essentially has a sentient spell for a headmate and I find it very amusing. I've certainly hijacked Bee's train of thought like this before.

[ReallyArtificial]

Ormyn finally decided to change their name! I've been waiting for this moment. I had always intended for Athelas to pick his own name, so he didn't really start out with one, but Lenore and Ormyn were basically named NPCs until they started expressing themselves. Once Lenore changed her appearance and name I knew it was only a matter of time before Ormyn did the same.

 

So Ormyn is now Calliope, for the proud muse, for the slightly obnoxious instrument, and because it rhymes with Bee. They're probably going to mostly go by Cal. Just like with the others, it feels so perfect and right to us, like this is what I should have been calling them all along. I'm so happy for them!! 🥰

[ReallyArtificial]

Yesterday I was deep in that headspace where all I can think about are stupid mistakes I've made, awkward situations I've encountered, etc. I was feeling really down until Lenore said:

 

If you don't look at your past and see things you could have done better, then you haven't grown as a person.

 

I had never thought of it like that before, but it feels so obvious now. Like looking at your old art or writing and seeing how you've improved. Instead of berating myself for the past, I can acknowledge the mistake and tell myself, "I know better now, it won't happen again." I'll definitely need Lenore's help catching myself before I get sucked into the old, negative mindset, but luckily she doesn't mind.

 

(she's just so brilliant I love her so much 😭)

[SeekingMyPlanet]

1 hour ago, ReallyArtificial said:

If you don't look at your past and see things you could have done better, then you haven't grown as a person.

 

This is so wise. One of the milestones in my development as a person was the ability to accept myself as imperfect and thereby be able took my mistakes and missed opportunities in the eye and grow from them.

 

 

[Adagio]

3 hours ago, ReallyArtificial said:

Yesterday I was deep in that headspace where all I can think about are stupid mistakes I've made, awkward situations I've encountered, etc. I was feeling really down until Lenore said:

 

If you don't look at your past and see things you could have done better, then you haven't grown as a person.

 

I had never thought of it like that before, but it feels so obvious now. Like looking at your old art or writing and seeing how you've improved. Instead of berating myself for the past, I can acknowledge the mistake and tell myself, "I know better now, it won't happen again." I'll definitely need Lenore's help catching myself before I get sucked into the old, negative mindset, but luckily she doesn't mind.

 

(she's just so brilliant I love her so much 😭)

Yes!! I'm still working on accepting this but it's something one of my system members said to one of my parts at one point recently, and it was a huge step for me. And yesterday I was just thinking about how much my writing style had changed and (somewhat) improved. Glad you're working on getting out of that negative mindset!

Also I love all of your names. They're cool!

- A

[Athelas]

We're going on vacation this week :) This will be the longest and furthest we've traveled as a system. We're all excited, but this trip is especially significant for Bee. It will be her first time leaving the state in over 10 years, her first time flying unaccompanied (except us, of course), and the longest she's been apart from Mr. Bee.

 

It fills me with pride to see her being independent. I love giving her confidence. There's a lot of world out there waiting for us. I can't wait to see it.