Ristfal October 10, 2012 October 10, 2012 It seems like you've gotten a fair number of newbies lately, so don't mind if I jump in too. Whoami? I'm a 20 year old third-year college student currently attending university somewhere on the East Coast. I first heard about tulpas on 4chan toward the start of this past summer; the idea intrigued me, and I mused for a while on the idea of making one, but there was a lot of astral projection and metaphysics stuff floating around at the same time, and I was honestly a little afraid of that creepypasta about tulpas becoming violent. I'm still not sure what the long-term consequences of having at least one other sentience sharing my brain are, but I love the idea so much I've decided to move forward with it anyway. If I'm going to be honest about why I want a tulpa, it's as much for comapnionship as for curiosity. I have friends who I love and whose company I enjoy, but there are some things I can't easily discuss with even them. Like intentionally inducing schizophrenia and hearing voices in my head. My purpose in keeping this log is as much to force myself to be consistent about my sessions as it is to record my thoughts on what's happening. If you can't tell already, I tend to wax philosophical occasionally, which leads to seemingly meaningless tangents and/or rants, so I hope anyone reading this will bear with me. I also don't see myself as good of a storyteller as some of the others on this board, and I kind of expect my relationship with my tulpa to be rather mundane, but we'll see where things go! 10/8: Tuesday, October 8 So, today was my first real day of tulpa forcing! I'd already spent some time selecting my wonderland (it's from Eve no Jikan; "The Time of Eve"), and about ten minutes getting the scene firmly established in my mind. I set myself up at a table in the corner, from which I could see the entire cafe. I'm still having trouble maintaining the image consistently, since it occasionally drops, but I suppose that's to be expected, especially so early on. I started Fede's tulpa tones (if you ever read this Fede, then thank you; it's too soon to say if they helped, but I like to think so) and started focusing. My tulpa - is there a word for a baby tulpa?- is basically a floating, glowing ball. I'm focusing on personality first so it can choose its own form, so I spent spent twenty five minutes going over the first traits I chose (intelligent and analytical,for those interested). I ended up getting distracted a couple times and my mind drifted, but I'm hoping it won't be too severely affected by some early lapses. I didn't get any response really, and all my orb did was float there, but I'll keep my fingers crossed that it's working and keep moving forward. Time spent: 25 minutes 10/9: Wednesday, October 9 I found it hard to focus today, so my session ran a little short. Continuing personality work by explaining traits.I cant say for certain, but it felt as if my little ball was less "there" than yesterday. Imagining it drinking in my words seemed to help a little, but on the whole I'm not sure this session was effective, so I'm going to go over what I did tomorrow just to reinforce it. On the other hand, I also managed to stay focused almost the entire time, with only one notable moment where I drifted into daydreaming. I can see this is going to be a very, very long process, so really hope I'm successful. I've also decided to increase the amount of time I'm forcing. Time Spent: 20 minutes Question for anyone who's done this before: Are you supposed to "carry" your tulpa with you in the back of your mind, even when you're not forcing? I haven't been, and I'm thinking that may be why I had some difficulty today. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
QB2 October 10, 2012 October 10, 2012 >Are you supposed to "carry" your tulpa with you in the back of your mind, even when you're not forcing? I wouldn't say "supposed" to, but it's ideal. The above post does not contain facts. q2's the host, QB's the tulpa.
Ristfal October 10, 2012 Author October 10, 2012 Ah, forgive my phrasing. That's what I was getting at. Thanks for your reply, I'll keep it in mind (ha-ha). It's probably a good idea anyway since I'm not forcing for very long, but I was a little worried about what would happen if I were to accidentally start imposing an unfinished tulpa.
Ristfal October 11, 2012 Author October 11, 2012 10/10 Wednesday, October 10 Today ended up being even busier than I expected. I managed to squeeze in 20 minutes of narrated personality work in the morning and roughly 10 minutes while I was heading to my job, but then work and studying drained all of my free time. Not much to say other than I realized I haven't even introduced myself to the little guy (girl?) yet, so I'll definitely need to do that tomorrow. I'm also hoping to get myself up to 30-50 minutes daily by the end of the week; midterms are making things a little difficult now. Looking over this, it was even more boring than I expected it to be. Well, the logs aren't supposed to be novels, right? Time Spent: 20 minutes
Ristfal October 15, 2012 Author October 15, 2012 Alright, it's been several days since I updated (I've been busy the entire weekend, and was buried in work Thursday and Friday), but that's mostly excuses. I only got in some forcing on Friday, but it was the longest session I've had thus far so I'm feeling a little proud of myself. 10/12 Friday, October 12 Like I said, this was definitely my longest session: I got in an hour of nonstop forcing. The room I was forcing in was completely dark, which meant I could have my eyes either open or closed and not notice any difference whatsoever. It was a fantastic environment for forcing, and visualizing both my wonderland and tulpa seemed to come much easier when I could open or close my eyes as I wanted without being distracted by other sights. Forcing consisted of narrating (in mind-voice) an outline of my entire life. I even got to changing its color a couple times from blue to orange and in-between, and I'm hoping that the long session will help compensate for me missing a few days. If at all possible I'd like to keep all sessions around that length, though finding things to talk about is going to be hard. I also think I need to name him/her so I can stop referring to them as "tulpa", but I'd prefer to let them choose...Anyway, it's late here and I've got an early start, but I should have accomplished some real development by the end of the week. I'll be pushing myself to update daily as well. Time spent: 60 minutes
Ristfal October 18, 2012 Author October 18, 2012 I can't believe it's been almost a week since I forced. Time passes way too fast, and I need to learn how to maintain a schedule. 10/17 Wednesday, October 17 Anyway, i got in between 20-30 minutes of forcing today doing mostly personality/trait work. Continuing improvement in "seeing" my tulpa in my mind's eye: it stays pretty constant now, though I only get color in flashes - it's like seeing a shape from the corner of my eye. I've also been working a little on reinforcing my wonderland, specifically keeping my movement realistic (now when I stop forcing I walk out through the door instead of simply "popping" out). I can also get the giant screen to display various pictures/images, which is really cool. I'm still not sure how to tackle exploration, since I have a strong sense of the layout I want, but that's probably left for future exercises. I do wonder if I'm doing this too intermittently though? But even as long as there is progress, then I guess it's fine. Though it'll be kind of horrible if I end up with a disabled tulpa or something. Time Spent: 20-30 minutes
Ristfal October 21, 2012 Author October 21, 2012 Alright, forced two times in the last three days (unfortunately, I missed Thursday), so I feel like I'm getting on track. 10/19 Friday, October 19 Got in between 20 and 40 minutes. It's a bit of a big range, but I ended up getting distracted at some point, and maybe even dozing off, so I'm more inclined to say 20 than anything higher. Still doing more personality work, not much to say about things. Time spent: ~20 minutes 10/20 Saturday, October 20 A full 40 minutes today! Feels good. Doing pure personality work has been...boring isn't the word I'd use, but focusing on traits alone makes time seem to pass very slowly, so that forcing myself for even half an hour takes effort. Instead, I've started talking about stuff going on my life; some of what I'd like to do, friends that might be related to the current subject, family, etc. I've found it makes going on for a longer period of time much easier, so I think I'm going to adopt a model of starting with personality work for ~20 minutes and then moving on to whatever strikes me. I can't imagine this would slow its development any, and hopefully being exposed to my experiences will compensate for any lack of depth stemming from insufficient time spent on personality. Honestly, I don't really expect it to be a problem, since any forcing is good forcing. On an unrelated note, I've noticed I have great memory recall when forcing, and I can "paint" people, objects and places from my memory fairly accurately. At this point, I'm projecting them onto the giant screen in my wonderland so we can both see them, though it takes some concentration to maintain the memory and the wonderland as completely separate "places". Anyway, this has gone on for longer than I intended, so I'll finish up. Time spent: 40 minutes
Ristfal October 22, 2012 Author October 22, 2012 Wooh, mid-day updates. Also, daily forcing :D 10/21 Sunday, October 21 Moar personality work. I might have dozed off toward the end though. I'll have to stop forcing while lying down... Time Spent: 30 minutes 10/22, Monday, October 22 I'm a little jealous of some peoples' progress, so I've really started pushing myself to stay consistent. When it doesn't feel like I'm talking to myself (question on that at the end), it feels like I'm talking to an inanimate rock. I do believe my tulpa is fully sentient from conception, even if it is apparently completely incapable of communication or action, but I'm never really sure if I'm speaking to it or myself. Anyway, I continued my new routine of personality work followed by random narration (this time vocal, since my roommates are out). This session is tied for my longest! Developed curiosity and open-mindedness, and then read a very long poem to my tulpa - it's one of my favorites, and took about half an hour. I ended up putting the tulpa in the "void" for this part, since maintaining both my wonderland, the tulpa, and reading the story was extremely difficult. I've been continuing to reflect on how I'm going to name my tulpa, since I would vastly prefer it to pick its own name, but it doesn't seem to be anywhere near developed enough to do that. Calling it "tulpa" or random nicknames over and over again is getting a little tiresome. In addition to keeping up longer forcing times and regularity, I'm also going to be more proactive in sharing with it outside of my dedicated forcing times. Time Spent: 1 hour Question time: I mentioned this earlier, but is the feeling that I'm speaking to myself normal? Some advice I've seen on the forums has said to talk to it as if it's there, but it's not easy to both read and mentally address my tulpa. As always, any help is appreciated. **Edit: Also, on an unrelated note, I've found that forcing makes my eyes hurt. I don't even....
Ristfal October 31, 2012 Author October 31, 2012 10/23 - 10/29 Bamp. It's been a while since my last update hasn't it? That's not to say there's been no progress though! I got in a little more than an hour over several days last week (I was seriously sleep deprived Tuesday from staying up until 5 the night before to finish an essay), and then another 20 minute session on the weekend. I hate lumping times together like this, so I'll try to refrain from doing it in the future. I've finally named my tulpa - Silver, the color it changed to/I changed it to during one of our sessions - and it's generally easier to talk to, if not visualize. Still feels as if I'm narrating to an inanimate object, and I've found I need to be increasingly wary of imposing movements, though at this stage I've actually found it to be useful. I've also had some success in talking to it outside of designated times, and I can hold its presence in my mind pretty easily while doing other things, though I'm afraid I might occasionally zone out or stare blankly into space. Time spent: ~90 minutes I'd kill for another twenty hours in my week. Having a job and a not inconsiderable amount of schoolwork has clamped down on my free time a lot more than I expected, which is really frustrating. At the rate of 1 hour/week, it would take 2 years to have a fully developed tulpa. I'm generally moving faster, but that's still entirely too long. Anyway, i'm going to try and force before going to bed, but thought I'd throw this up first.
CyberD October 31, 2012 October 31, 2012 First of all, nice choice of wonderland. That little cafe shared some interesting stories. I really think you should worry less about counting the minutes you spend working on your tulpa. Here is an interesting blog post I read that you might find interesting, especially since you don't have a lot of spare time... two years is a long time. During your forcing sessions I think it might really help if you push your tulpa a little. Let it move around, even if you think you are responsible for the movements. Move around the cafe and try to get Silver to follow you. Make it possess a "customer" and see if you can get a reaction. Your tulpa won't do much of anything if you all you do is sit and talk to it without looking or expecting a reaction out of it. Don't be afraid to "parrot" a little. Think of it as monkey see monkey do. My tulpa learned to speak independently because I helped him get started. Before long he was talking on his own without my thinking about it. In your case it should probably be movement instead of speaking though, unless you're feeling bold. If you don't get a response then just try something else for a while and come back to it later. If your tulpa does start moving about then it may become interested in interacting with the wonderland. If that happens then it'll probably need a real form and will hopefully start coming up with one. It's your job to show it how to use it's form, interact with your wonderland and lead by example. I really hope you find some success soon. It might not take as long as you think, just be bold about it. Um, and about the eye thing? I'm no expert but you might be trying to hard to see with your actual eyes instead of your minds eye? Either that or you aren't getting enough sleep. Good luck.
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