chien & megumi thread ☆彡

[chien]

i already introduced  myself , but i think i’ll do  it again here  ? my name is chien or lucy .  i’m a cnjp immigrant  : i love cats and manga and art and pokemon , plus a   bunch of other things  . i have terrible adhd  and have been homeschooled for  .. awhile . though i’m now   finishing school this  year in public before going   to a university f^_^;   . 

 

megumi is my tulpa ,   he’s inspired very obviously from jjk  . i’ve been forcing  him for three days now  and have gotten  a *lot* of  responses  .  (he’s quiet now though .)  mostly i  just affirm to myself in my head  “megumi is my tulpa”  over and over   until i work up the  motivation to speak  . it’s been working  for me — and for  him too . 

 

i’m in a tulpa discord server  too (^^)  i’m not all too active  but i’ll try and  update our progress whenever  i  can. 

 

(imagine megumi isn’t being a grumpy butt and says something here)

[chien]

 hey  there  !   day  4  or 5 of forcing .. it’s   been going  good _(:3 」∠)_   i had a  cool  experience last night though !!

 

after  taking my  sleeping meds,  i ended up  passing out on the couch  . after waking up  , megumi  was still ..  asleep ? if that makes any  sense  . anyway  , i ended up heading to my bed   and visualizing  our headspace  . i pictured myself  placing my head under his chin  ,  and to my own shock  , i could “feel” it  :: it wasn’t  scary,  or shocking,  so until i went  to sleep i  kept affirming  “megumi is my tulpa”,   over and over  .  

 

this  morning   he’s been voicing his preferences  . while vocality  is still a struggle i’m   incredibly  impressed . i opted for tea  and coffee to start  our day ,  but immediately he  *shouted*  quite loudly  over my thoughts   “water.”  i did get him his water lol,  but we haven’t drank it yet   because i detest drinking it  . (i have had my tea and coffee,  because i am an unfair host / teasing)  

 

i  think my mental  illnesses affect him too  , which is sad  . especially an    ed and ptsd  . strangely  enough , i feel less  stressed when i   eat , but i feel him  worry about the repercussions  . i  don’t know if he’s taking  it on for me  , i don’t want him   to.   i feel awful.  i keep  telling him  i love him and  im sorry , i  wish there was a  way to protect him  from it  . i know he isn’t a  child who needs shielding  , but  after being nearly brought to  death so many times  over a mental disorder ,    i wouldn’t wish it on anyone  . 

 

heavy stuff  out of the way , we have a set  headspace  . i actually believe   he created it , because it looked like  my room in  japan . (i don’t think about what happened to me there or in china  , since  i have a bit of trauma . )  he seems most comfortable there  ,  and it’s allowed me  to revisit  some memories  without the stress  . that , i’m very thankful  for that .  i’ll get some  chores  out of the way now ,  and keep him in  my thoughts  . （´-`）.｡oO

 

(oh , i’ve also  been using  tulpa subliminals  ?  i think they’re  helping  . but  i’d love  some opinions  .) 

 

 

Edited July 15, 2024 by chien
grammar mistake

[chien]

day  6  ? maybe  ? anyway  , pretty  heavy stuff  here . 

 

megumi   is okay,   he’s developing   super good and  i feel   so … im not sure   what the word is  . unfortunately  ,  im going back to the psych ward  . 

 

i knew   this would happen  , no one escapes  trauma for long . my mom is trying   to fight the doctors   telling her i need to   go but   i don’t know if  i  could do this  otherwise .  it’s hard to  be alive  sometimes  for all  people ,  but   its so so so so   tiring for  me .  i  keep telling   megumi it’s okay  and that  i’ve been there before  ,  he’s not  happy about it . he won’t talk to me .  i feel  so sorry . 

 

i’ll try and update   when i get back .

[chien]

guess who’s back !!  me !   i feel   so much better .   no major updates other than  megumi is very  vocal now  ! i struggle to hear   him though .

[chien]

boo  !  i  have  been leaving  megumi  alone wayyyy  too often .  i barely speak  to him . this is a failure  on my part as  a  host  ::/  but he's  not too mad .  since  yesterday ,   ive  been telling him  i love him  and he says  "i  know that",  lol . gonna  go back to my   old method  of affirming  for now .

 

(today  he named  our cat in stardew valley "miso",   i think  i'll buy some  miso  soup next time  im out for him  .)

[chien]

hhmnn  i cant  believe   ive been forcing megumi  for so  long now .   i get a bit  emotional with just  how much  affection i   hold for the   other . we've  been through  so much together  already .  our relationship  right now  is ... complicated  .  i just  know  i love  him lots  .  hopefully,  later,  he can start posting in  this thread  too !

[Fox888]

That is so awesome! Life is full of ups and downs, I'm glad you have Megumi there for you. May I ask, do you feel affirming helps you alot? I haven't heard of alot of people simply affirming, it's cool. Goodluck with everything!

[chien]

@Fox888 its  super helpful for  me !  since  im very  adhd brained  and too  anxious  to function, "normal"  forcing was  extremely  harmful to both me  and  megumi,  it made  speaking  to him feel  like a  chore .  affirming  was so much   more fun  and  i got results  super quickly !  you'll   still need to talk  to your  tulpa  of course ,  but  i think  its an efficient  way to  force . it also  helped  with my  doubt lol

[chien]

not   doing so well today.   i think i'll just  affirm all   day.  i haven't  been able  to speak   to any of my   friends  for weeks,  including   my childhood   friends  from both   china  and  japan.  my mom deleted   their numbers.   i dont remember  them.  i have severe amnesia  from some childhood  stuff.   i cant  stop  crying   and just hugging   megumi.  i   dont know why  shes like  this .  i wish  my mom had let   me stay  in japan,   i  feel so warm  when i think  about  tanaka's  arms  around me  and  wiping  my tears,   and now  i can't  contact him.  i don't  know his social media,  i can't  leave the   house  and meet new people  without  having  flashbacks .  i miss  everyone . 

 

nakayama-san was  waiting for me  to turn 18   before she would  buy me a  ticket  and save me  from my mom.   i think  i can  try and find her  number, things  are so hard.   i'll find my  way back to tanaka and  everyone   else.  megumi  and i  shouldn't  have to  live like  this. 

 

a few   more years .  i'll stay strong for me and  megumi.

[Fox888]

I'm very sorry to hear that. Is there a way to check things that were recently deleted, or a recovery option?

 

I'm glad youre staying strong, and doing youre best. Goodluck with everything again, keep being strong - things will get better with time