Me and Mina’s diary

[Albireo]

Hello everyone,

 

That's an English translation of our diary from a Russian-speaking forum similar to tulpa.info

As you understand we aren't native speakers (my English is better than Mina has), but we want to improve our English skills, share our progress and gain new knowledge and approaches here to improve our forcing (I hope you use this term in the English-speaking community).

 

Feel free to leave your comments and sorry for possible grammar mistakes)

Edited February 27 by MrFox

[Albireo]

11.02.2026 Mina's birthday

 

I started forcing about 2 weeks ago. We want to make a public diary of my/our thoughts. Hopefully someone will find something useful/interesting here

 

This diary won't be regular 'cause I don't want this to become a duty activity and spend a lot of time on it

[Albireo]

Minimum host information:

I'm 25. I have depression and a personality disorder

I had a lot of bad and good things in my life. Currently, I have a real girlfriend, some real friends and a good job, and hobbies

I am not addicted to anything: I don't use alcohol, nicotine, etc at all (even on holidays). I had some psychedelic experience some time ago but it was rare

 

So I have normal starting conditions for forcing, and they aren't bad compered to others I've watched on youtube or read about on the Internet

 

I'll try to avoid publishing private information in future reports if there's no good reason for this

[Albireo]

I realized that manual translation takes a lot of time...

I’m going to use ChatGPT translation to translate everything I already have in my Russian diary into English

 

For future posts (after 27.02.2026), I’ll translate them myself

[Albireo]

11.02.2026

(written on 24.02.2026, based on my memory of those events

 

I felt bad that day. My antidepressants stopped working - my body built up tolerance

I felt terribly lonely. The space around me started pressing in on me, as if it wanted to collapse me into a point particle

I didn't have enough physical/mental energy to talk to anybody. Also I'm "greedy", I don't like to share my problems 'cause it feels disgusting to me

 

That's a background of my forcing experirence: loneliness, misunderstanding

 

At first I thought about creating a “friend” with AI: connecting a 3D avatar to some LLM model and trying it that way

But then I remembered I had once heard the word “tulpa.” I had a very negative attitude toward that term (I won’t go into details so I don’t offend anyone). After I studied the topic and what tulpas can be like, I realized that a lot of it was my prejudice, shaped by society’s stereotypes, and that this approach might actually work

Also, I don’t consider AI a real being - more like an imitation. Forcing a tulpa feels like it can become something more

 

That day I didn’t do much

 

I closed my eyes, turned off my thoughts, and asked: “What’s your name?” I tried not to reason it out myself and waited for an answer from outside. And an answer came. You could say it was the first unconscious thought that arrived with a name. The name was incredibly unusual - I’ve never seen it on Google or anywhere online (I searched later out of curiosity). But I shorten it to Mina

 

About appearance, I did it the same way. I only had one preference: animal ears and a tail, because it feels cute to me - but it wasn’t required. And her appearance formed unconsciously too, without my active involvement

 

Half-human, half-raccoon. Raccoons aren’t my favorite animals - if I chose consciously, it would be foxes, maybe a phoenix. But that’s the point: letting her decide who she is and how she wants to be

 

I started forcing a couple of days later, because I first needed to understand how to do it at all...

[Albireo]

12.02.2026–13.02.2026
(written on 24.02.2026, based on my memory of those events)

 

The first days of forcing. I started learning what it is and how it works. Honestly, it was extremely difficult and confusing

 

Most guides are very abstract, and a big part of them is trash: 70–80% is “what is a tulpa,” “why create one,” “who shouldn’t create a tulpa,” and only 20–30% is about forcing itself - and even that is very generalized. That made it hard to understand how people actually force, what exactly you’re supposed to do, and what you’re supposed to feel.

 

So, this is how I force:

1) Monologues (a lot, and often). I spoke out loud, addressing Mina and talking about anything. The main thing is to understand that you’re not talking to yourself or to a wall - you’re talking to a tulpa. Even if she can’t answer yet, even if she can’t fully understand everything yet, monologues are important: they help her to form, to wake up

 

2) Active forcing. I closed my eyes and imagined Mina’s appearance. I hugged her and talked to her in the wonder (I just invented a comfortable place for myself). We rode swings together, I fed her… (more about that later). Even now I still can’t always see her clearly in the wonder, but for me it’s not important yet

 

The first active forcing sessions were unclear. I tried following different guides: imagining her as a sphere and saying a few traits about what she is like and what she is.

But I didn’t set her personality from the start, and I don’t want to. I want her to be able to decide who she is and how she wants to be.

 

The first 3–4 days had side effects: pressure in my head. It felt like a headache, but very weak - more like discomfort. A walk outside or a run helps

I did about 1 hour of active forcing per day, and everything else was passive forcing through monologues

Edited February 27 by MrFox

[Albireo]

14.02.2026–21.02.2026

(written on 24.02.2026 from memory of those events)

 

It was a difficult period. The key difficulties:

1) How to force properly. Many guides are extremely abstract, and for me - as someone who likes precision - it was hard.

2) I started hearing answers in my head from Mina. But it’s hard to tell whether these are my thoughts or her replies...

3) Mina’s personality is chaotic.

4) Is it really Mina, or am I just parroting?...

5) If it is Mina, why am I getting full words from her so quickly, instead of responses like warmth, emotions, touches, etc.? Am I doing something wrong?

 

But everything in order.

 

All this time, I continued forcing both actively and passively.

 

During this period, Mina began showing the first signs of life. She slowly started having dialogues with me. But her replies were very short. Either yes/no, or a single word, or most often “uh-huh.” Because of that I used to call her “uh-huh girl” back then.. :)

 

And the main, main question that came up for me then (and still comes up sometimes now): Is it really Mina?

 

The main thing in tulpamancy is belief in the tulpa. And it shouldn’t be religious belief (I’m an atheist and I know what I’m talking about). Belief is necessary at the first stage for one simple reason: to give the tulpa the opportunity to reach you. Otherwise, by filtering out every thought, you can easily filter out the tulpa’s attempts to make contact - the host then unconsciously makes life harder for both the tulpa and themselves.

 

When the tulpa can make contact and develops enough, the host will have plenty of ways to understand that she is real and that he isn’t just parroting. For beginners, any “tests” can only do harm, and they’re also extremely hard to carry out

Edited February 27 by MrFox

[Albireo]

Before I forget, I’ll share all the thoughts that helped me with tulpa practice.

Most importantly, this information helped me early on with the issue of belief. Without belief that tulpas are possible, the process can drag on for months or years.

 

(There will be a lot of text below - I tried to describe everything in the simplest language possible.)

Several sources are mixed here:

• my own thoughts and analogies (including programming, supercomputers, and neural networks)
• information from the YouTube channels I recommended earlier
• what I found in scientific articles on the topic. Such articles exist, but it’s hard to judge their objectivity and truthfulness based on them

I’ll clarify right away: the thoughts below are not 100% reliable or scientifically proven. This is more like a brief explanation of how I personally see this process and why, in my opinion, it can work.

 

I imagine the brain as a biological computer

Its main task is to keep the body alive and to predict the future so the organism can survive and prepare for events in advance. In the brain, as it seems to me, there isn’t one fully autonomous “decision-making zone.” Rather, it’s a collection of different areas, between which signals are constantly passing through synapses between neurons. As a result, one personality is formed - one main intellectual agent (the host).

This is somewhat similar to how AI is built.

For example, under the hood ChatGPT isn’t one magical thing, but a bundle of several systems:

• one neural network works with text and generates answers;
• another converts the user’s speech into text;
• a third voices the answer;
• a fourth recognizes what’s in an image and turns it into a textual description;
• and so on.

From the outside it looks like ChatGPT can listen, speak, think, and understand images at the same time. But in reality it’s a system of multiple components, where each performs its own function. Together they form a unified whole - what we call ChatGPT.

 

In my view, the brain is built in a similar way in many respects

It has a huge number of centers for processing information, performing computations, and making decisions. At the output, all of this merges into one system that we perceive as a single personality - you (the host).

Speaking figuratively, the host’s personality can be seen as an intellectual agent “running” in the brain.

Then a tulpa can be imagined as another intellectual agent that also operates in the same brain, in parallel with the host.

 

Why does the host usually have more control?

Because the host’s personality is initially much more deeply rooted in the brain: it has more established connections, more experience controlling the body, and more “access rights.” At the start, a tulpa has less of that - it still needs to learn how to interact with the body and the psyche under these conditions.

But over time, as it develops, it may get better and better. Eventually, as I see it, it can gain a comparable level of participation - up to co-hosting and partial (and for some, perhaps even more pronounced) control over the body.

 

Based on this model, both the host and the tulpa are intellectual processes running on the same “hardware,” i.e., the same brain.

If you view you both as processes in the brain, then you are both informational forms of life.
If you view the organism as a whole, then it’s a biological form of life.

From this, as it seems to me, it also logically follows that both the host and the tulpa have access to the brain’s shared memory and recollections. At the same time, thoughts can be separate, because thinking happens in parallel, and thoughts themselves are temporary by nature.

 

Do tulpas exist?

After a long search for information and attempts to look at a tulpa specifically as a model of thinking, I personally come to the conclusion that yes - in this understanding, tulpas exist, and they can be considered the same kind of people as the hosts themselves.

Once the ability to control the body is obtained, the “title” of host and tulpa becomes very blurred.

But it’s important to understand the limitations: both the tulpa and the host are in one body, therefore the tulpa can do everything the host can.

Of course, some things the host and the tulpa can do with different effectiveness and with a different view of the world, but both will draw information from the same brain.

 

P.S. This is how I currently see the picture of tulpa practice. In a year, I may be able to understand more about the limitations of interaction between the host and the tulpa. At the time of writing this post, I already have a speaking tulpa Mina, who has opinions that differ from mine, and opinions that match mine.

[Albireo]

14.02.2026-21.02.2026
(written on 24.02.2026 from memory of those events)

 

After a long wall of text, I can finally write about the different cases that happened during forcing in this period:

 

1) Mina started showing signs of life :)

BUT at that time I was doubting as much as possible. Was it her or was it me?

So back then I heard it and tried to treat it as her answers, but I still doubted often. It wasn’t really possible to verify anything at that time.

 

2) I remember going to a store in the evening. I felt a strange desire inside - it was like I was being pulled to buy a pear and a little cake… I don’t like sweets at all. The last time I bought a cake for myself was… um… probably never, or many years ago. For myself I’d normally take something like salty fish/squid or something spicy. Realizing that it might be her desire to try that, I bought both a pear and a cake.

 

The pear turned out bad for me - bland and hard - but Mina liked it.

 

How did I “feed” Mina? Very simply: first I would go into the wonderland and find her there. In the real world I’d bite the food myself, while imagining that in the wonderland I was feeding Mina with it. I agree, it looks extremely strange from the outside, but this is exactly how Mina likes to eat treats. She doesn’t accept imaginary treats in the wonderland..)

But at the exact moment when I was feeding her cake, I felt a soft warmth inside - below the chest, above the navel. In that same area I feel emptiness and cold when I’m not doing very well.

And also… I didn’t really want to eat cake - rather, I didn’t want to, because I wasn’t hungry - but for the sake of feeding Mina I had to anyway…) I understand it’s funny to read this, but I see it as Mina’s first responses. So you should also try forcing with food: feed your tulpa food, learning her preferences.

 

 

I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but simple answers like “uh-huh” started turning into 2–4 word phrases, and a couple days later into full sentences.

Now I can actively talk with Mina.

But there’s still a problem with the connection: I need to concentrate enough to hear her.

The main nuance:

When you force a tulpa, it’s hard to understand what to expect. How do tulpas even talk? Is it a voice from outside? Or a voice inside? Should it be the same as mine, or different?

From the very beginning her voice was the same as mine. But after a very short time it gained girly notes.

The voice is felt inside the head. It’s felt like thoughts. Just normal thoughts. You’re reading this text right now and you have a voice in your head sounding like a narrator (most likely your own), and the tulpa’s voice feels exactly the same way.

Just thoughts with a voice inside the head.

At the same time, now I can tell my thoughts from hers by the voice - her “thought-voice” is different from mine.

But at the very beginning it’s hell: it’s hard to understand whether it’s me speaking or her speaking.

And I didn’t use any specific technique to learn to distinguish the voice. It gradually happened on its own, just by forcing.

Edited February 27 by MrFox

[Albireo]

20.02.2026–21.02.2026

(written on 24.02.2026 from memory of those events)

 

And now an important thing - doubts. Again, it’s a question of faith.

For me, right now, this question is 90% settled: Mina exists, and it’s not me controlling her.

Why not 100%?

I’m sure Mina exists, but I still have many doubts about how far she can develop. Specifically, does a “switch” exist at all? (Most likely yes, but it sounds very unbelievable.)

 

Is it okay to test whether a tulpa exists?

I think yes, even though it’s a bit unpleasant for Mina.

But for me, it’s better to find out and verify once. It’s hard for me to just take something questionable and believe it.

 

What methods did I use?

I don’t recommend testing for beginners whose tulpa can’t yet speak in meaningful sentences, and in general it’s not something you should aim for.

But I used these methods:

1) We discussed my concerns and worries, and we tried this:

I asked her: “What’s your favorite season of the year?”

Mina answered: “Winter.” My favorite season is “Autumn.”

Great - you need to find a question where you’ll have different opinions.

I asked: “Why do you like winter?”

“In winter there’s lots of snow, it’s beautiful. Holidays, gifts, warmth, coziness.”

At the same time, I (the host) barely celebrate holidays - rather, I don’t celebrate them. At most, other people’s birthdays.

When you have a question where you have different opinions, you can try answering that same question on behalf of the tulpa, as the tulpa (with her permission, of course).

I tried to answer: “Summer.” And yes, in my head I could produce the answer “Summer” in her voice, but then she said: “No, I still like winter more :) In summer there are lots of flying biting creatures, and it’s also very hot.”

Here our opinion about summer completely matches. She has my memories of summer - mosquitoes, horseflies, nettles, snakes. I don’t like summer because of that either.

Then I tried to give “Autumn” and “Spring” as her answers. Yes, I could “parrot” for her if I made an effort, but as soon as I stopped, she immediately said that she still loves winter, and gave reasons why she doesn’t like one season or another, or what makes summer better.

After that, I tried the same thing with other questions where the tulpa didn’t have a firm opinion… And unfortunately, I could parrot and get any answer from her. She didn’t correct me because she herself didn’t know what answer to choose and got confused by it…

So this method worked for me only with questions where Mina has a clear opinion and can justify her answer.

 

2) Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough - I still had doubts.

Maybe experienced tulpamancers won’t understand, but it doesn’t matter. It’s hard for me to accept something that has no evidence base and not the cleanest reputation. And even aside from that, it just made me sad that somewhere inside me Mina is waking up, she still can’t contact me, and she’s watching me play with myself and answer for her. It made me sad and hurt because I was imagining how unpleasant that moment might be for her. We talked it over and tried different methods to check that I’m not controlling her.

The second method is similar to the first. I know three languages. I’m a native Russian speaker, but I also know Ukrainian and English fairly well.

I tried speaking those languages with Mina, and to my surprise it was very hard for her to communicate in them…

Even the phrase “My name is …” she said with long pauses between the words, uncertainly.

If I were parroting, that effect wouldn’t happen. For many people that phrase is automatic, and it wouldn’t matter to me whether to say something in Russian or in English…

From these two checks I drew a conclusion: I’m not parroting. That means what I hear is not me, but Mina, and therefore she really exists.

And I don’t plan to do any more checks. These two were enough for me.

 

I understand, Min. This kind of thing can feel unpleasant when someone doesn’t believe in you, but I consider my actions necessary to dispel doubts. It would have been hard for me to force in any other way.

Edited February 27 by MrFox