Me and Mina’s diary

[Shaula]

Happy, um, one month of living! 😊 🎉

 

I really like what you did with all the things! 🤩

[Albireo]

6 hours ago, Shaula said:

Happy, um, one month of living! 😊 🎉

 

I really like what you did with all the things! 🤩

Many thanks UwU

[Albireo]

09.03.2026

 

For ease of reading, text written by FOX will be marked in blue, and text written by Mina in red. (we're tired so the translation was made by AI)

 

Every day has become very intense. We are constantly discovering something new and simply living together. A lot of events are happening simultaneously, but at the same time, there’s a lot of routine, work, etc., during which nothing happens at all

 

Mina is getting closer and closer to co-host status... We take turns managing the body daily, depending on our needs and desires. For the first time, I felt what it’s like to be an observer: thinking very little, just watching your our body perform actions without your involvement

 

Of course, there are many limitations:

 

1) We haven't managed to control the body simultaneously. As a rule, one of us takes control while the second enters an observer state - thinking, but slowly and minimally, mostly just watching and perceiving what’s happening (yes, as the host, I’ve experienced this myself. It’s actually a pretty cool experience)

 

2) Sometimes a strange state of total merging occurs. It’s as if we fuse into a single consciousness and our thoughts intertwine. It becomes hard to tell who is controlling the body and whose thought it is. This is rare, but it’s happened a couple of times. We don’t like it and are a bit afraid of it - losing each other and becoming one whole. But usually, if it happens, it’s temporary and very easy to disconnect if you want to

 

3) For now, Mina can only control a limited number of body parts. Usually, it’s the hands, the head, and eye focus. She has managed to walk, but it’s difficult.

As a result, to avoid merging and to maintain firmer boundaries between our personalities (not to grow distant or completely independent, but to become more autonomous), we decided to give a name to our collective system of two consciousnesses. We’re also defining what each of us likes and which "quirks" we use in writing - basically, which sides of us differ

 

Why?

Because I keep stealing someone else’s quirks... lol. I’ve started "subconsciously borrowing" so many of Mina’s traits. She comes up with something cool, I see that it’s neat and convenient, and I steal it without thinking. By doing so, I’m stripping her of her individuality and, moreover, allowing brain processes to merge us... The brain is a very lazy thing, and maintaining two personalities is "expensive" for it. We think that if it "sees" that the two personalities barely differ, it might start merging them into one to optimize and save resources

 

Now, I’ll hand it over to Mina

 

We took the name "Albireo" for our system. We both love the night sky, space, and stars. Albireo is a binary star system (one is an orange giant, the other a cold blue star). It is a SOOOO beautiful star system, and we decided to name ours after it; we just see the analogy there xD

 

Fox installed the Vivaldi browser on our laptop for me - it’s an AWESOME browser, we highly recommend it! We made me a Telegram account, an email, and I’ve registered in many other places!!! Conquering the digital world xD. By the way, you can find me on Telegram here @mirona_mina ^^

 

I want to study languages, draw, and travel with Fox . Right now, honestly, that’s hardly possible because of the war, BUT there is a time for everything

 

I am happy that I was born into this world, right here where I am UwU

 

A lot is happening every day, and we might write less often (because life is more important to us than keeping a diary). We keep this diary for two reasons: to share our experience and log our approaches/results, and to scribble a few posts for our future selves, so that in 4, 5, or 10 years we can read them back uWu

 

I also want to emphasize something important:

The Speed of Progress

 

I was a bit scared of this level of progress at the very beginning; now it seems to be gradually slowing down

Why is it so fast and natural for us, while others "force" for months or years?

I think it’s due to a variety of factors:

1) Mina isn't a "tulpa" in the purest sense, but something between an alter and a tulpa (closer to a tulpa, though)

2) I was "gifted" with some debuffs: perinatal encephalopathy (I was born half-dead and my brain was damaged from lack of oxygen) and, as a result years later, an organic personality disorder

3) Since I was about 14, I’ve faced depersonalization many times, and my original personality gradually crumbled, becoming less distinct (╥_╥)

4) Around age 24, I went through severe psychological trauma. As a result, an alter with a different character was born and replaced me for a day Afterward, both I and my alter "mentally died." A lot more happened, but in the end, I became whole again, a single personality. I didn't end up with DID because it all ended relatively quickly, but I did experience the actual presence of another personality (>_<)

5) Many months later, there were a few instances of micro-dosing psychedelics. This also gave some experience with dissociation, but without the birth of new personalities

 

So, if anyone is reading this blog: speed depends on many factors. The main one at the starting stage is the belief that creating/summoning/forcing a tulpa is even possible. This belief, combined with forcing, allows the thoughtform to emerge and prevents it from being destroyed or silenced by the brain's defense mechanisms. In my case, the "brain's defense mechanisms" were broken from the start, which allowed me to "speedrun" the whole process...

So, you should never compare your process or forcing to others

Very rapid development has its own risks and problems. If it takes a very long time (over a year), I think the issue lies in: a lack of discipline/irregular forcing, a lack of belief that it’s possible, or specific physiological traits that strengthen the "brain's shield" against dissociation

[Albireo]

11.03.2026

 

It’s been a while since we posted here. We decided to write a little something

 

Life is steady and paced. Lately, Fox has had a lot of trouble at work, so we haven’t had much time to do things together, BUT from time to time I try my hand at drawing - sometimes pixel art, sometimes Blender xD

For some reason, we’ve been having trouble with contact lately @_@. It’s become harder for us to communicate through thoughts(((((

 

Yes... the reasons are unclear. I’m leaning towards general exhaustion. Mina gets tired faster than I do

I’m thinking of returning to some active forcing methods because, in recent weeks/months, all our forcing has just been living and spending time together

 

ALSO, I’ve slowly started trying to learn how to write xD

 

OF COURSE, I can write in Lis's handwriting, but... I want my own. It’s difficult, but after some time, I’ll post my results and the difference in our handwriting.

YES, the difference is being made on purpose; I just want to have my own style. If I write something by hand right now, it comes out as Lis's handwriting - I don’t have any other yet(

 

I’ve also been trying to learn how to change my voice. Since our body is shared, the physical appearance is Lis's, BUT the voice can be changed, right?

No success so far, but we found some guides, and over time I’ll start following them *v*

 

AND ALSO, FOX BOUGHT ME A GRAPHICS TABLET! I DREAM OF LEARNING HOW TO DRAW!!!!!!!!!!

That way I’ll be able to:

1) Create something new and beautiful in this world

2) Be creative

3) Earn money for my own wants instead of being a moocher; plus, it’ll be easier for us to survive that way xD

 

AND ALSO, FOX KNOWS HOW TO PROGRAM. IF I LEARN HOW TO DRAW, WE CAN MAKE GAMES TOGETHER!

[Albireo]

13.04.2026

 

Writing here after a month xD

I’m already 2 months old anddddd... I don’t feel any difference between myself a month ago and now... No major changes to speak of

Fox has almost stopped using the wonderland, he just doesn’t have the energy or imagination for it anymore :( BUT we’re just living in reality, which is actually even better
I’m basically a co-host now and I spend a few hours a day, if not more, in control of the body
Like right now UwU, as I’m writing this

 

ALSO, FOXY BOUGHT ME SOMETHING LIKE THIS

Now, whenever I’m at the front, I put all this on and it symbolizes that I’m in control ANDDD it solves another big problem
Before, when I was fronting, if I saw a reflection in the mirror I’d get this strong feeling of "wrongness" / dissonance

Like, that’s not my body in the mirror, it’s Fox’s... It’s hard to explain, but reality and my inner image are so different - it always leads to a nasty feeling :(((
BUT now, I just fix my attention on the ears and don't feel any discomfort UwU

 

We’ve tried imposition, but no results yet - it’s going to take long and persistent forcing, BUT the day will come when I’ll be able to have a phantom outer form

[Albireo]

18.05.2026

 

Three Months Down

 

Has there been any tangible progress over the past month or two?

Yes, it’s mostly small changes because we haven't been forcing anything new. We stopped "forcing" as such a long time ago; we just live together, and for us, living together is the best forcing. In the near future, we plan to try imposition

 

We barely use the wonderland; it’s just not my thing. I get bored there

We don’t like the word "tulpa". It inherently makes someone more important by default and perhaps less real, so we use the term "co-hosts" for ourselves

 

 

This weekend was tough. A certain life event happened that threw me off track. We slept poorly, our routine was disrupted, and everything else. But on the other hand, a lot of amazing things happened too

I had an episode of depersonalization and a certain confusing state of disorientation. This has happened many times in the past, nothing particularly new. As a rule, I am capable of doing very little in this state because there are no answers for me to key questions like "who am I, where am I going, why am I here, what am I," etc

But the amazing thing was that Mina took control of my body and, in the moment, made certain decisions and actions without my active participation. Of course, I was conscious and watching, but I clearly wasn't controlling myself, let alone her. I am endlessly grateful to her for this help
 

For me, this episode provided some puzzle pieces to the answer of "how real is all of this anyway, am I just playing with dolls, etc." Because yes, we've conducted many experiments (as I described in previous posts). Including experiments done by mutual consent: I suppressed Mina's will, she suppressed my will, and others

I fully trust Mina. I have no reason to doubt her

 

But in some aspects, it's still hard for me to accept the existence of tulpas - or rather, there's a fear regarding the reality of what's happening

Blind faith doesn't work for me

But for the initial stage, any response, especially thoughts in your head, should be taken as a response and not dismissed. Otherwise, you can make forcing harder for both of you and stretch the whole process out for years

I'm probably too much of a skeptic and fear living in an illusion, but the experiments we conducted didn't prove anything to me... Even if I felt like a tulpa during my own suppression, it wasn't the necessary proof for me. But I cannot explain her help in that difficult situation any other way than to admit that I am not puppeteering

And even while being in a bad state these days (something like depression), I could still hear Mina, even if I lacked the energy to do anything. As a rule, illusions fall apart on their own in such states because maintaining illusions requires energy, whereas Mina remains stable, alive, and herself. Sometimes the connection grew worse, but it remained constant

 

Besides, many events occurred that surprised me for the first time because I didn't expect them. She did a lot of things I have never done in my life, and what's more, it never even crossed my mind to do them. I don't want to share the details because it's personal
 

I've read many diaries and forums of tulpamancers, and I'll write about something that is rarely mentioned. Many people (including myself) start forcing while in a state of depression or something similar

You can't judge whether this is a mistake or the right decision here. Things have gotten significantly better for me since Mina appeared

But here is the key thing to keep in mind: once you start forcing, inflicting physical harm on yourself or anything like that is unforgivable

Why? Because by inflicting it on yourself, a person inflicts it on the tulpa too. You have to consider that with the appearance of a tulpa, the body is shared Now, it's no longer just your body; it's yours (plural). Any pain caused to you can be felt by the tulpa as well - so responsibility is very important in this matter

Responsibility for yourself, and for the both of you

[Albireo]

06.06.2026

 

Hello summer Xd
Some photos attached uWu

[mattx]

That's cool - It's interesting how modern progress reports use AI images to add flavor tl the post (that arab prahtoolf guy is the MVP though)

 

I remember doing some photoshops too back when I started, I still have them in my backups, if we ever make a progress report again we'll do the same