Daydreaming getting in the way of developing a tulpa - Any tips/advice?

[Shiloh]

This is my first time talking on this website and I get pretty nervous when making my first post on a new website so forgive me if this sounds confusing

 

I've been trying to develop my first ever tulpa for over a month now, but i've had a few struggles I wasn't really able to find any clear answers to by searching. I daydream a lot, which I thought would cause it to be easier for me to develop a tulpa, but instead its proved to make it harder on me. I find that I usually have a fixation on a certain character when I daydream, and my daydreams typically focus around/on them. My fixations on a single character can last anywhere from a few days to over a year. Due to this, I've been fixated on this character for a long time now (almost a whole year now) and I cannot go without thinking and/or daydreaming about them. 

I feel bad whenever I don't give the character "attention", so I feel forced to think about them a lot. I've been able to associate a few places as "zones" where I don't think about them as the daydreaming can be very distracting and it has been getting in the way of my life a lot in the past (and right now, as im in the process of developing a tulpa). 

Since I've been really struggling to balance my daydreaming and interacting with my tulpa (who is currently not conscious), I thought I could make a new "zone" where I don't daydream and instead focus on developing my tulpa. But this has been really hard to do as it took me a while to even make my first zones. 

I've tried daydreaming about my tulpa, but its different. Even incorporating them into my daydream sessions of the character just feel strange. I've tried balancing it out, but it's hard as I seem to fully focus on the character and forget about my tulpa sometimes up to a week. Due to this I've been pushing away from developing my tulpa and keep going back to daydreaming. I feel like it also might be a motivation issue for me too. I really am trying to commit, but its been hard.  I feel like I haven't been very on top of active and passive forcing. I don't want my first tulpa to be the character, so please, don't suggest that.

I've been using Abvieon's guide for the most part, but I still have some questions so it would mean a lot to get some help!

 

That was long so my questions are:

1. Can I find a good way to balance the two out? (Daydreaming and spending time with my tulpa)
2. Do I just have to fully stop daydreaming about the character to be able to focus on my tulpa?
3. How could I motivate myself to think more about my tulpa instead of the character?
4. What can I do to be consistent with active and passive forcing? 
5. Are there any good guides specifically about forcing?
6. How can I tell im not parroting my tulpa? (unrelated, but I still wish to know)

[fennecfoxx]

A couple obvious possibilities come to mind:

1. Involve the tulpa in your daydreams.
2. Develop the character into a tulpa.

You said #1 feels strange, but why? Self-judgment? No one's judging what happens in your imagination but you. Because the character interacts with you but the tulpa doesn't? Work around it by puppeting/parroting until the tulpa becomes independent, or incorporate it by asking the character to help you develop your tulpa. Because you lose focus on your tulpa? Find ways to keep them included; again, having the character take an active role in your tulpa's development is a great way to involve both at once.

 

As for #2, if you have a reason you don't want the character to be a tulpa, fair enough. If it's just a gut reaction, though, perhaps you should think about why that is, because it sounds like you'd rather spend time with them than the tulpa. (By the way, you can have more than one tulpa. Just saying.)

 

Anyway, onto your questions:

 

2 hours ago, Shiloh said:

Can I find a good way to balance the two out? (Daydreaming and spending time with my tulpa)

 

Set aside a regular forcing time and/or how much time you want to spend forcing per day, e.g., 10 minutes per day or every night at bedtime. (Bedtime isn't ideal, since you'll fall asleep sooner or later, but it's a time that's always available even if you have a busy schedule.)

 

2 hours ago, Shiloh said:

Do I just have to fully stop daydreaming about the character to be able to focus on my tulpa?

 

I did this, and I've regretted it ever since. Don't be like me.

 

2 hours ago, Shiloh said:

How could I motivate myself to think more about my tulpa instead of the character?

 

Why do you want to create a tulpa? What will you get from having a tulpa that you don't from daydreaming about this character? You have to want this, or else you're just forcing yourself to do something you don't want to (or feeling guilty for not doing it), and you'll inevitably give up because there's no real incentive.

 

3 hours ago, Shiloh said:

What can I do to be consistent with active and passive forcing? 

 

The same way you do anything else consistently. I personally find Finch useful for habit tracking. Another option is setting aside a certain time each day for forcing and setting an alarm on your phone to remind you.

 

Also, just try to include your tulpa in what you're doing in general, even if it's just narrating what you're doing or watching TV together.

 

3 hours ago, Shiloh said:

Are there any good guides specifically about forcing?

 

There's a lot of guides, but it's been a long time since I've read them. I'll let someone else handle recommendations.

 

3 hours ago, Shiloh said:

How can I tell im not parroting my tulpa? (unrelated, but I still wish to know)

 

Parroting is intentional. Period. FYI, it's also a valid way of creating a tulpa.

[Abvieon]

Given the situation, I think the trick here is to find a way to make spending time with your tulpa just as interesting as spending time with your character. I used to have a similar problem - there was a character of mine I would spend more time with than my tulpa, because this character had more emotional significance to me in certain ways. I was able to feel more like this about my tulpa when I cultivated similar feelings for him. By the sound of it, your tulpa is still very new and presumably hasn't expressed much independence yet, so at this phase I'd say there is no problem with changing things about your tulpa if necessary. Experiment with different ideas for their personality, form, etc. and find one that "clicks." Don't worry about locking them into anything as they can change later if they'd like, for now the priority is just to stay engaged, whatever that may require.