Barnaby the Animagus

[NightOwl221]

Trouble in Paradise (December 8th, 2012)

Time Spent: 10Minutes.

Time: 5-6:00AM.

 

So, I’m pretty sure I hurt Barnaby’s feelings this morning ^^;

 

Let me explain a bit first. My boyfriend has this paper route for extra cash (apart from his seasonal part-time job he’s currently working). Through the week, we normally walk it just before 3pm. But Friday’s and Saturdays, we have to wake up before 8am to get them out. We decided to stay up and do them, but my boyfriend fell asleep before they came. I myself decided to go to bed soon after. So, I popped into bed with him, got close to him to cuddle (and to steal his body heat) and decided soon after, “I want to check on Barnaby.”

 

I come into wonderland, appearing in front of our homes door and on the porch. I walk inside and Barnaby is behind the door I open, backing up so I won’t hit him with it (which I don’t, I opened it slowly). I ask if he’s going out and he kind of nods/shrugs, like he’s not quite sure which to answer with if I wanted to stay. I tell him its fine and I just came to check up on him.

 

Then things got really good, and then a bit not good in one foul swoop.

 

Me, being overly affectionate with him (I swear, I cannot stop myself from doing it, it’s like when you meet a stray puppy or cat and you can’t stop yourself from playing with it), I cup his face with my hands, rub his cheeks with my thumbs and was about to give him a quick peck on the lips for the second time ever, but I hugged him instead.

 

Then he decided that he wanted to kiss.

 

So (without shoving me against the wall) he kissed me like Castiel kissed Meg in Supernatural (look it up if your curious). It was pretty damn heated, and it was good.

 

But then my mind, being the outside force that it is, tried to intervene and get him to kiss me more. Now, when Barnaby and I do something, it feels real. When my mind tries to make him do something, it feels very fake, making me see a bit of a ghosty fake image of what it wants me to while the real thing is still there. When my mind came in, I pushed away from Barnaby, saying something on the lines of, “I’m sorry, we shouldn’t do this until you’re more sentient and until my mind is calm enough to let me do these things without intervening. I want to make sure it’s you doing this, not me making you.”

 

This whole time, I’m looking away from him and towards the ground, hand over my mouth.

Then I look back up.

 

He’s giving me the most sad, hurt face I’ve ever had someone give me.

 

I tried to reach out to him again and tell him that I knew it was him kissing me and not me parroting him but, once again, my mind came in and tried to make him do something, an image ghosting through my vision. I apologized a few times and left.

 

So, on the bad side, I feel horrible over leaving Barnaby like that, even more so that my mind keeps trying to invade and take over situations. I’ll have to do concentration practices before going in to see him again tonight.

 

On the bright side, that kiss was all Barnaby (and if I may say so, absolutely fantastic).

 

Either way, it’s going to be a few hours before I go back to the wonderland, and I really hope Barnaby forgives me.

[NightOwl221]

Concentration with no Narration (December 8th,2012)

Time Spent: 25 Minutes Total. (20 Minutes with Barnaby)

Time: 9:13-9:30

 

After the whole mini-freak out I had over my own mind early this morning, I decided to try a concentration exercise. I did one for 5 minutes where I’d just focus on a circle and nothing else, if anything else tried to find its way in I would pull back to the circle. After my timer went off, I found myself light headed from concentrating so hard. Instead of continuing on I decided, “lets see what happens with Barnaby before I keep doing this.”

 

I went into the wonderland and found Barnaby in our living room/library, sitting on a lazy boy and reading. I sat down at the coffee table in front of him and again, apologized for last night and that if I have any doubts about whatever, I’m going to take a breath and step back. I know the kiss this morning was all him, and it was wrong for me to freak out as much as I did. I feel a little too close to him so I go around the coffee table and sit in the lazy boy on the other side so I’m still across from him. I get a feel for the chair and ask if Barnaby wants to do some narrations. He shakes his head. So I ask what he DOES want to do.

 

He gets up, walks over to me and kisses me.

 

At the moment, part of it was real, part of it was my mind, and even if it was all him, it felt like he was just trying to make me happy. I looked up at him like, “see, I don’t know whether that was you or my mind.” He didn’t reply, so I told him that I know that he IS sentient to a point and again that the kiss this morning was all him and I really liked it (a comment which perked him up a bit), and that I know he’s making progress.

 

After that I took his hands and I said that since he didn’t want to do narration we should do SOMETHING, so I took my hands and ran them over his, up his arms and over his shirt. I made my way around him, taking in the details of his clothing, focusing on the patterns of his jumper, the color and all. Then I came back around and ran my fingers through his hair, focusing on the texture, color and style.

 

He seemed to like it a lot and leaned in for a kiss, but I pulled back a bit. He looked at me, then hugged me, putting his head on my shoulder. That was all Barnaby. I hugged him back and eventually pulled back to cup his face again and kiss his forehead.

 

The concentration exercise had helped up until that point, then I began to get invaded by songs, images and random gunk that was breaking my concentration. I started giving in to a weird dream as well so I snapped out of it and returned to Barnaby, who I think at this point was holding me by the waist, as if I just fainted or was about to. I patted his shoulder and went to the bookshelf, looking for a nook. I took hold of it and focused on making it the thing that held all my memories. Once I was done, I turned around to Barnaby and told him he should read up on it sometime, or keep reading whatever book he was before. Then I stood back, said goodbye and came out of the wonderland.

 

So, something to take from this is that I still need to do more concentration exercises and get used to the mental force put into it. As the days go by I’m sure it’ll get better.

[Ripred]

Wow that sounds complicated. I luckily wont have to worry about kissing and that sort of thing with my tulpa as shes taken the form of a silver wolf. But then again, complicated is good. It means you and your tulpa are making great progress.

 

Also, you watch supernatural too? 8D

[NightOwl221]

Wow that sounds complicated. I luckily wont have to worry about kissing and that sort of thing with my tulpa as shes taken the form of a silver wolf. But then again, complicated is good. It means you and your tulpa are making great progress.

 

Also, you watch supernatural too? 8D

 

It's an interesting time but he's a great tulpa so no matter what happens I'm excited to get him fully imposed. I still have to subscribe to your progress report, have you given her a name yet?

 

And yes XD

A buddy of mine got me into it and now I absolutely love it. I'm only on season 6 or 7 at the moment though XD

[Ripred]

> Only on. I'm on season 1 lol

 

Also, No, she doesn't have a name. Unfortunately I haven't had more than 30 minutes a day or so at absolute max to force with finals and whatnot coming up. I'll probably have to start over or at least make up for lost time when finals end. I didn't really pick a good time to start x3

 

Also also, I'll be letting her choose her own name when she's ready.

[NightOwl221]

> Only on. I'm on season 1 lol

 

Also, No, she doesn't have a name. Unfortunately I haven't had more than 30 minutes a day or so at absolute max to force with finals and whatnot coming up. I'll probably have to start over or at least make up for lost time when finals end. I didn't really pick a good time to start x3

 

Also also, I'll be letting her choose her own name when she's ready.

 

Ah I see. I can't imagine college finals, had a hard enough time with exams in high school XD

 

I'm sure she'll be fine/still there if you go in to see her whenever you can. With me living here I'm very busy, and some days I just can't have a session with him, but he has yet to mind it at all, and besides maybe talking as much/as soon as I'd like him to, he seems just fine.

 

Also, Supernatural get's epic, but once you really get into the demon story arc, it gets so ridiculously epic.

[NightOwl221]

10. Into the Shower Barnaby (December 9th,2012)

Time Spent: 15 Minutes

Time: Somewhere Between 9:30-10:00PM

 

Last night I was in the shower, and while I was in there, I decided,"I'll go see Barnaby and narrate since it worked out great the last time!" So I have him come in and sit down on the toilet outside like I did the last time so I can at least see his silhouette.

 

Then I think,"you know, this is a very advanced shower I have here in my wonderland, there should be a panel to my...right." -panel is suddenly there- "I'll set it so I can see Barnaby and visualize him more. I'll make it so he can't see me."

So the shower door on his end does this wipe so I can see him. He's in this black, red and white stripped christmasy jumper, so I comment on that like,"its a bit holidayish, I like it! You're so cute Barnaby."

 

So I start narrating on my day, on the fact that I was busy and all while I wash my hair.

Then I look over at Barnaby and he's looking back and forth from me and just towards the door every now and again, his cheeks a bit flushed. Then I kinda stare over at him like,"Barnaby...can you see through the shower door?"

He shakes his head but he doesn't look up at me again, just looks down at the floor now. So I look over at his hand and it's in his lap and he's kind of pulling at pants. I just look down at his hand and back up at his face and say,"Barnaby, get in here."

 

And so he did.

He like, stripped down as fast as he could and headed in.

And without going to far into it, he was completely adorable, and he just seemed entirely engulfed in my body and what was best for him to touch.

 

Also, since I feel I should give an explanation on how sentient he was.

He did everything on his own, I didn’t improvise any of the looks he gave at any given time and as far as touch goes, he still has a long way to go but there were points where some things were more acute than other, such as sound and some touches.

 

(I didn’t really expect sex to come along so soon in Barnaby’s development but, it is how it is and neither him or I are complaining so XD )

[Ripred]

Again, I'll say how impressed I am lol.

I hope to mimic or at least somewhat duplicate the speed in your tulpa's development.

 

Just out of curiosity, how do you think your boyfriend would feel with the more intimate part of yours and Barnaby's relationship? I mean, he's technically you, but still.

 

 

Also, college finals aren't that bad as long as you do your work and study. Which I don't lol. That leaves me with piles of work and studying to do in the last few weeks x3

[NightOwl221]

Again, I'll say how impressed I am lol.

I hope to mimic or at least somewhat duplicate the speed in your tulpa's development.

 

Just out of curiosity, how do you think your boyfriend would feel with the more intimate part of yours and Barnaby's relationship? I mean, he's technically you, but still.

 

 

Also, college finals aren't that bad as long as you do your work and study. Which I don't lol. That leaves me with piles of work and studying to do in the last few weeks x3

 

Lol XD

With me, I've always day dreamed 2-3 times a day or more, and I always do so to get to sleep. I think that's been helping me immensely with visualization and sentience with Barnaby. That and my intense mental link with Ashaya may have something to do with it.

 

We've dream shared, our thoughts have connected quite a few more times than one would think and her first tulpa developed at/around the same pace with pretty similar occurrences so it honestly wouldn't shock me at all XD

 

I thought about telling my boyfriend about him and that things can get intimate but, even though he doesn't really believe in tulpas, I think he'd get really jealous, think too much about it, then get even more jealous XD

 

Also lol, that's why I sucked so hard at my high school exams. I'm going to be a goner once/if I eventually go XD

[NightOwl221]

11. On the Chair (December 10th,2012)

Time Spent: 10-15Minutes.

Time: 2am-3am (Somewhere between there)

 

I was laying in bed at 2, maybe 2:30am next to my boyfriend Mark, about to go fall asleep for the night. After having the shower session with Barnaby, I’ve been going back and forth on going to see him in the wonderland all night. Now that I was in bed, I go back and forth on it even more since the last time I was in bed and did this, my mind invaded and I kinda freaked out.

 

In the end though, I decide to go in since that whole night I wanted to go back and visit him.

I go into the wonderland the same way I usually do when I don't just appear where I was last, I float in a bit in front of the house, go up the porch and go inside.

 

He's sitting in the living room on a reclining chair at the coffee table. He's smiling at me drinking out of a mug. I smile at him and sit at the side of the table next to him to his right (like he's at one of the four sides and I'm at the other).

I say my hello's and that I felt like coming in and having a session with him, if he was up for it. He agrees to it, positively beaming at me as he raised his mug to his lips, looks at the table space in front of me and then back up to my face. I'm like,"what?" And I look down.

 

There's suddenly a mug there in front of me, filled with something hot. I thank him and he just beams even more.

 

I start narrating to him about my day like I TRIED to earlier in the shower, and half way though he sets his mug down, gets up and just come's sit on my lap.

Towards him I'm like, "you're so cute Barnaby," and in my head I'm like, "ikshgisdfjksdfnvksd, did you really just sit on my lap? How are you even possible?"

 

So we get comfy, he scooches down more and I run my finger's through his hair on the back of his head. The whole time? He's not looking at me. Oh no.

 

He's GAZING at me.

I’m trying to keep this progress report as “professional” or “non-romantically focused" as I can, but that’s the only way I can describe the way he was looking at me.

 

So eventually we kiss each other, then we get a bit more heated with it (just a tad) and then I decide/think,"you know, I was just planning on having a normal narration session with my tulpa.But all the restraint I had when coming here? Yeah, it's gone, I'm going to give you sexy time's Barnaby."

 

And so I did.

 

That concludes this report...yup.

---

12. Cry Away or Never Tell Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend You Had Sex With Your Tulpa (December 12th, 2012)

Time Spent: 5-10 Minutes.

Time: Evening (Between 6pm and Midnight)

 

Mark had a couple days off, so I came in to tell Barnaby I was sorry I hadn’t visited him too much, and that sometime I’d do some more concentration exercises. He was pretty quiet and not as responsive as usual. My mind invaded with another thought and when I forced it away and came back to Barnaby, he sobbed. Just one, sad sob, then quietly cried.

 

I asked why he was crying and he agreed with the fact that I hadn’t been in too much. So I told him, no matter how things get, or how busy I am, I would always come back to him. I calmed him down and left the wonderland.

 

Later that night I had a skype call with Ashaya and (after geeking out over star trek) we talked about our tulpas. Up until this point, my boyfriend didn’t know that I had a tulpa. Apparently he had head me talking about Barnaby.

 

Now, I knew he would get jealous, but it was simply hilarious HOW jealous he got.

 

I kept my composure trying to get him to get over it but inside, I was laughing my head off, hell I’m laughing right now XD

 

So in the end, I dealt with my boyfriends jealousy and I’ve decided that it’d be better not to talk about Barnaby with him again, as I and Barnaby laugh at the concept of someone getting jealous of basically, an imaginary friend XD