Exploring the Mind

[Kajhera]

For posterity, or just for us to look back and laugh at in the future, I suppose I'll write a report. Well, the first post will just be a reference.

 

Edit: Screw keeping an updated reference. I'll have maybe who's here and not much else.

 

Ann (host), Kadin (tulpa), and Zavi (tulpa).

[Kajhera]

I ... communed ... with Lichezu, she seems relatively disinclined to use words, but hopefully willing to communicate.

 

She dislikes not having sure claim to the knowledge she had as a character, but seems willing to work to remedy it. I don't know if I can though. xD A weak stomach means non-psychology medical knowledge is not really for me. Motivation to work towards switching ... I trust her a lot more than I would have when we met, and I would like her to have this.

 

We are also considering whether or not to create a seventh tulpa. One of her drives for a long time has been to find someone... and while she's looked outside ourself ... I have not been able to maintain relationships with anyone she's found, and it seems like she is unfulfilled.

 

If I created a tulpa soon, it could grow with her; she is doubtful of her own ability to make this person given the construction of her mind. I'm doubtful of my own ability to make this person as well, though - how do you craft someone to be truly and purely good?

[Tungan Ninja]

It seems most of these tulpas are characters rather than actual thought-forms.

At the least, the majority isn't very developed or sentient.

 

But hey, you at least had the courage to post a prog-log.

[Kajhera]

Basically accurate, Tungan.

[Kajhera]

I may keep some of them that way, even. Zavi and Lichezu actively requested it, so I feel obliged to them to some extent, and I really want to keep hearing Jaren's mindvoice, since it seems particularly strong and distinct from me like Zavi's ... well Zavi was never supposed to be a character at all ... but the other three may be content remaining characters. Part of me wants to leave L as a character as well for the time being - she brings certain complications and doesn't have a strong mindvoice. I really, actively want to force when it comes to Jaren, which is helping me locate times I can steal forcing time and practice narration so it gets more natural, to be honest I wasn't quite as motivated with Zavi alone (she can be kinda ... stressful to deal with ... always interrupting me mid-thought and ... well, a lot of the things I mentioned about her). When my thoughts feel less ... empty I think it will help us operate, overall.

 

I really would not mind focusing myself, but somehow the insidious idea of starting someone the "right" way has mixed with my desire to do well by Lichezu and I've already goddamn named it and imagined putting traits into it and started wanting it to exist. I guess trying to make 3 at once would still be more focused than 7 if it came down to it, and if it works with Jaren there's nothing keeping me from doing it to anyone else still.

 

... The name is Kadin, a gender-neutral name for friend or companion.

---

Decided to go with the "talk about anything" route and force with Zavi during morning active narration :)

I started out reading her poetry from the pages of my memory, which is not always complete but hey

Transitioned into singing Josh Groban and Gaelic Storm songs, my wonderland form got a microphone and I think the blue slipped off a bit to something more 'real' x)

I sang to her and danced with Jaren and generally had fun. It felt good, like I was actually cutting loose, and they were getting to see the silly / happy me that hasn't really been around enough of late. :)

[Kajhera]

Afternoon: Realized 'forcing' had devolved into 'falling asleep' when my wonderland avatar painted a turtle's shell light and dark blues then tried to bite its head off.

Before that, Kadin's an egg and will stay that way for an unknown amount of time, and I talked to it about the elements of harmony and stuff because it's seeded with 'friendship' and it seemed like a sensible thing to personality work. Aside from magic since I don't really get that as a personality trait.

My hair is let down while playing a fiddle, but in a bun when playing piano in Wonderland. Don't like playing piano as much because it's harder to interact with folk.

For reasons of that plus falling asleep in like 5 minutes didn't do too much Wonderland work with Zavi or Jaren aside from working on mentally composing a Zavi painting. I think perhaps closed eye visualization is not the best approach just yet.

[Kajhera]

Conclusion from morning narration: I am not always great with focusing. /statingtheobvious

Time to look up concentration exercises.

---

If you stare at a dot on a card long enough it glows like an eclipse.

[Kajhera]

Did the concentration exercise twice with one dot, timer wasn't auditory so I wound up sneaking a peek at it halfway through the first time, with like 40 seconds to go the second. I doubt my attention span is much over 5 minutes right now, honestly, but we'll keep forcing at that time frame if that's what it takes.

Positive for my daydreaming skills, I imagined myself some fairly effective headphones. Negative for my daydreaming skills they're like a decade out of date. x)

I worked to focus on Kadin's seed/egg for a focus quantum, told it its name, and that we were going to bring it into being together, and introduced myself. I told it its name meant friendship and reviewed what the elements of harmony are, and how they could strengthen friendship. (Again kinda guessing my way through magic) Now I've already done this but repetition never hurt anyone ... I'll probably do it a third time, because three is a powerful number. I got a bit of head pressure in a line about at the back/center of my head while I was doing this.

[Kajhera]

Now, we're not nearly to the point of tulpa imposition but better visualization skills and a mastery over the senses never hurt no one. Maybe. On that note I went to bed starting the first step of this guide linked to me in the IRC: http://www.dreamviews.com/research/80879-advanced-vision-control-tutorial.html

It honestly made me dizzy to do :) But I'm making myself much more aware of the 'invented light' my eyes are layering over the surroundings anyway, and hopefully with practice I'll figure out how to manipulate it well!

---

To some extent I feel like mind training is going to help a lot with the more focused forcing, so picking out training I can do in parallel.

[Kajhera]

Doing the vision exercise feels like poetry. There's something about the shift in perspective that feels downright magical. It is straining to do and that makes me optimistic - the same way exercise strains muscles. I wonder if I should alternate days with it.

I explained to Kadin what snow was while I was shoveling it, and how it would really make more sense for the white powder in Zavi's wonderland to be snow, because the Aurora Borealis is in the Arctic and snow is a more arctic thing than pure white sand, but it's sand anyway because she wants it that way.