Exploring the Mind

[Kajhera]

There was a day today/yesterday, I should make note of stuff I did.

Third repetition of harmony to Kadin. That's the charm.

Narrated to Zavi and Jaren. No particular visualization, just dark eyes, played around with observing the light-patterns on my eyelids when I got distracted. Let them identify themselves by head pressure on right / left respectively. Held myself as firmly back from parroting as I could manage without outright stifling them (deafening myself seems counterproductive, but 'pushing' communication just a bit rude now), and still 'heard' some linguistically sensible responses which is encouraging. Talked to Zavi about how she was seeded with awesome traits in her own right and I liked her. It seemed important to establish.

Tried the concentration exercise that is visualizing drawing numbers on a blackboard. I don't know the exercise so what I basically did amounts to counting sheep, I think. It did put me in an incredibly relaxed state and I might use it to get to sleep tonight, I had to stop at 59 when I tried it first.

[Kajhera]

I did the numeral writing exercise again, getting up to 100. An interesting facet, it controls the natural twitchiness of my eyeballs as I direct them to shaping the numerals. Had to react to external inputs a bit and it was less relaxing overall than last time. I still was relatively calm when I went from this into forcing.

I visualized sitting at the center of the bottom part of a triangle, with Kadin in front of me, Jaren to the left, and Zavi to the right, and talked with them. I made each of them a light to symbolize my faith in them. It took me a while to solidify what I wanted it to be but I settled on making it a candle in a chalice, the symbol of faith of the Unitarian Universalist church.

[Kajhera]

Kadin enjoys Christmas carols. I remember less of them than I thought.

[Tungan Ninja]

I may keep some of them that way, even. Zavi and Lichezu actively requested it, so I feel obliged to them to some extent, and I really want to keep hearing Jaren's mindvoice, since it seems particularly strong and distinct from me like Zavi's ... well Zavi was never supposed to be a character at all ... but the other three may be content remaining characters.

 

Isn't it redundant though, that your characters "requested" not to be sentient? It makes absolutely no sense; in this case I am 100% positive that is you feeding yourself words.

The human brain is an incredibly powerful machine, but it would be a fool-hardy attempt to develop eight-odd characters into true personalities.

My advise for you would be to focus on two of them and completely drop the rest; I think you would find that practical. Hell, a single tupper is a huge stretch on the brain's resources, as it is.

[Kajhera]

Oh hey, things have been going slow so I didn't see that reply (due to not being on here much). They requested to be sentient, not not to be ... I'm thinking you're right on the resources and I just get really, overly optimistic when my mind's in high gear planning a project. Then it flatlines again and I find myself in to my neck and that I don't know how to swim.

 

Speaking of which I expect my new woodcarving tools to arrive in the mail tomorrow. xD

 

I'm focusing on three, right now, or was last time I really focused on things, because three, what more justification do you need than the number, but I'm having more and more trouble distinguishing a certain two of them ... and have started wondering if the flickers of feedback I get are honestly from the same person. So uh ... just working on two might not be that hard. Two that put pressure on the opposite sides of the head when they communicate, conveniently. Pull him away from the whole character junk messing up my thoughts to get at least as clean an identity base as Zavi.

 

Sometimes meditating I feel like I view not only them but myself as a separate identity. Then I ponder what is doing the viewing exactly and would get terribly confused if I were not relaxed enough to know what was going on. Looking at it now, multitasking and jumped up on caffeine puzzles me though. xD

 

I do wonder if I should force with myself in that state? I would really like to be able to hear my own thoughts better, too. Or will just talking to tulpae help with this?

[Kajhera]

Well we all reacted to the suggestion of consolidation with alarming alacrity ... well Zavi wasn't really involved ...

And I think Kadin after recognizing as kadin+jaren is the most beautiful being I have ever visualized. o_o I did in a kind of anime style first. Apparently to protect my eyes because when I translated back to more realistic he's scarily radiant. I don't know if I'm hoping that'll get toned down or not. On the one hand, beauty is lovely to visualize for obvious reasons. On the other hand it's uh ... what would be the words ... reacting to someone's physical appearance like I would to a beautiful light-capturing painting seems to step outside the bounds of social propriety, a bit! Well, we'll figure that out fine I'm sure.

[Kajhera]

More songs, this time I invited them to sing along!

Kadin spent a while working out his voice for 'Angels We Have Heard On High' (is that the name?). We kept messing up trying to do a round though. xD

Zavi didn't get into it til I tried "I Can't Decide" by the Scissor Sisters. With that and "When You're Evil" by Voltaire she did seem quite animated. xD Well, who am I to object to Voltaire for forcing music?

[Kajhera]

They are picking up the songs very well! Will sing even without me starting the song, and can carry on largely without my assistance (though keeping my mind from filling in the lyrics is itself not a simple task!). Zavi especially's quite emotive with them. :)

[Kajhera]

Being sick makes me even worse at this (and many other things) than I normally am. Sinus headaches are not amenable to head pressure communication, for one thing. 'Thinking too hard' in general my brain's rejecting... not that I really want to share the experience of minor misery, but you would think bedrest would lend itself more to working on mental tasks. Instead no, I shy from my own thoughts even, much less those of my companions. Hope I at least get over the parts of this leaving me thought-deaf and withdrawn quick enough. I know they will not be pleased if I hurt myself trying too hard to listen, but I think of them ... I've been trying to work out a model for Kadin's hair to get a better visual pin on it, off and on ... hair is puzzlingly complicated to model sometimes ... but it's nice to play around with again, I had much better visualization when I was taking a course on 3d modeling and animation. The world became shapes I could envision crafting and rotating ... I have long wanted to take it up again and perhaps I shall play with it more over the break, I am looking forward to the time once I have recovered enough to be useful.

[Kajhera]

Felt well enough this morning to try conversing with them. Still not trusting my head to any focus so I just proxied for all of us and conversed text based, since I seem to be alright with writing just so long as I let the part of my mind not doing the serious focused thinking write and revise and stuff. I wonder if this is the most accurate way to get down what should be said but that is beside the point.

 

Zavi's picking up an accent and seems to be inordinately fond of the term "sugarcube" as an endearment, I guess it's a close enough replacement for "sweetheart". She says if she was an element of harmony she'd be loyalty. Elven loyalty. xD Where the elves in question are Zalanthas elves ... I'm totally letting her play my next full elf, I bet she could pull one off brilliantly, and terrifyingly.

 

Kadin's been exploring the wonderland sky and ... sitting on stars? He says they are crystalline, like the fallen stars I keep collecting in modded Minecraft, except big enough to sit on; and he says there is a tiger constellation in the sky. Also asparagus and hexagon constellations but he was teasing with those. Anyway he said he'd take Zavi up to look for more constellations while I was sick. :)