Transparent Me - Feanor and Ilya's progress report

[feanor]

Again, a wild update appears!

Things are going smoothly in the last few days. I tried to move from active forcing to passive forcing, and it did work (even though I still get distracted a lot). I do need to reming myself more often of Ilya's presence to narrate and work on visualization, but the last days were a bit hectic, so I believe I'll be able to focus more on the next days.

We finished reading the first Harry Potter book a couple days ago, so I thought of watching the movie with Ilya too for her to perceive how different they are and also to help her visualization of the story (while we were reading I often created the places and situations for her to understand better). So today we watched said movie and it was fun actually; I didn't remember it being so bad in some parts, but it's expected I guess. The next thing before reading the second book is some practice in flying with a broom in the wonderland, since I told her how silly the whole idea of using a broom to fly is. Well, lets see some G-force in action :P

In other news, I've been talking to some people (a couple of friends and my younger brother) to see how... receptive they are to new ideas. I told them about the concept of imposition and HUD servitors specifically, and didn't mention tulpae or nything like that. As expected they thought it was interesting but didn't comment much, so I guess I won't be telling this to them anytime soon :P

Also, the though of creating a Middle Earth wonderland dimmension keeps coming to my mind lately. I know I wouldn't be able to do it now or even soon, but I might get some books/articles on it's history and geography (besides the Silmarillion and the other books). Seems like a great place to adventure :)

[feanor]

So, it seems a lot happened on this last couple of days.

First, Amalia went missing from our place in the wonderland. I wasn't worried a lot since right now it's surronded my trees and nothing else (afaik). Anyway, yesterday before going to bed me and Ilya decided to search for her. He where talking about it, on what kind of stuff could be out there and sudently I heard Amalia singing; it was a silly song, but I know it definitely wasn't me nor Ilya. Well, it just shows how I'm better at forcing before sleep, since after a short while I fell asleep.

Today then, after doing some reading of the second Harry Potter book with Ilya, I decided it was enough and sat down to do some active forcing to bring Amalia back. We both got prepared (having a compass, protection from the rain that was pouring, and I even gave Ilya a sword: it's blade is very thin, but on it's grip there are sapphires, rubyes, emeralds and topaz, symbolizing the four elements and it's ability to cut through everything). But just when we were ready to start Amalia appeared from the forest. I didin't ask her what she was dong there for she probably has a reason of her own, but when we came to our house we talked for a while and I told her it'd help in me focusing on her if she had a more specific form. We browsed through a lot of forms on my head but she didn't seem interested in any, so we went to the internets and found one that she's satisfied with for now. She now has green, long hair and deep blue eyes.

I still have to come up with some nice activities for us to do on the next days, but the progress we made lately was really interesting, and I hope to improve with vocalization and such soon :)

[feanor]

Hello everyone, it's been a long while since I last posted here, but seeing as this is directly involved with the progress of me and Ilya (and Alice of course) I believe this should be a good place to write. (that, and this probably is the only place I would be able to write this)

 

This last year was... how should I put it, complex. Last year, on the 21st of may, I packed my stuff and flew over to the city I'm now living in. It's quite far from my home city (around 18 hours by plane and bus to get here), but I decided that I should take that leap; and it was the perfect moment too, I had just finished my grad and needed to get a job, and my home city was too small for me to keep living in after graduation. So I came here, the large city my GF lives in, to start a new life.

Very well, when I came here it was decided that I'd live in my mother-in-law's apartment 'till I got a job and could rent my own place. Ok, after some months searching I got a job at a pretty large company here, that was accepting people with no experience and training them for their jobs.

So, at the time I believed I would start to work and get enough to rent me a small place, so I could at last start my life here. Alas, the salary I get isn't enough to do that, and so I'm still living in my mother in law's apartment. Don't get me wrong, it is nice to sleep and spend the time with my GF, but it's been more than a year since I felt I belonged somewhere. I just can't feel homely living here, and I get NO time alone. So you see, that reaches the main problem of this post: I can't find a way to focus on Ilya whilst living in this place.

And I do hate it. I mean, I'm sick of many thing at this place, like not being able to play the games I want, or even talk to my friends; I'm just living my GFs life, and there's no space for me to live my own in it. I wanted for ages to get a new computer (this one keeps BSODing all the time, and doesn't run half the things I want), but here I wouldn't have the space nor the time to use it. I wanted to get my own furniture, but I don't he the space to put it. Heck, I don't even have a proper place to store the little stuff I have, like clothes and electronics.

And, most importantly, I don't have the time and quiet to meditate and force with Ilya and Alice. I do hate myself for it, for I felt we were getting a lot of progress last year, but this just complicated it all. Believe me, the only time "alone" I get is when I'm on the bus to work (and the bus takes an hour and a half to get there); I even tried to force while on the bus, but it's just impossible for me at this time to do such a thing.

So, I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place today; I keep on searching for a decent place to live (I say decent 'cause here the probability of getting mugged or stabbed is pretty real, depending on where you live). And either way, here I am posting this. I don't want to let go of forcing or thinking about Ilya and Alice, so reading this forum is one of my escape valves from this situation. And I got myself a book this weekend, Beyond Mindfulness in Plain English, to help me sort my thoughts and maybe even help me force somehow.

[sushi]

So Amalia is now Alice?

 

I know where you're coming from. My girlfriend just moved here from far away, and I'm having a lot of trouble finding time to force and meditate with her here, helping her to find a job, and trying to find a second job myself. It can be rough.

 

And that's a neat idea introducing friends to HUD servitors rather than tulpas. I might have to try that myself. It seems a little less stigmatized.

[feanor]

So Amalia is now Alice?

 

I know where you're coming from. My girlfriend just moved here from far away, and I'm having a lot of trouble finding time to force and meditate with her here, helping her to find a job, and trying to find a second job myself. It can be rough.

 

And that's a neat idea introducing friends to HUD servitors rather than tulpas. I might have to try that myself. It seems a little less stigmatized.

 

Yes she is; she actually changed form a while ago too, she was tall and green haired, and now she's smaller than Ilya and has brownish hair.

 

And regarding your last sentence, I read an interesting reddit post about this; talking about the many other uses for forcing/imposing/etc. beyond tulpas, if you want to read it:

[sushi]

That is an interesting post. Since the beginning, I've been working to make my servitor something like that, but it was hard to do a lot of it without experience with imposition, so I started working on a tulpa. Now that my tulpa is about to turn one, it might be time to go back to work on the servitor. There are a lot of cool ideas there that I'd like to play with.

[feanor]

So, I believe it's time to write another report here. A lot has happened in the past months so bear with me: in the end of December I finally found a place to rent (partly because I was promoted and could afford a 'better place'). I can be honest with you guys: it's a pretty awful place to live, and I'm only here because it's close to work and I really really needed a place to call my own. Either way, I needed to buy a lot of stuff (furniture and such) so it took me almost 2 months to move in. At last, last week I officially brought all my clothes and such here.

First thing: living alone is awesome, period. The main problem I'm facing right now is that it's been really hard to get myself a decent internet connection here, so I can play some lord of the rings online, and watch some netflix. For now I got a shitty 3G connection with a 12Gb cap, but I hope to get decent internet by next week.

All that influences my situation right now as a tulpamancer. I've been able to passive force for a bit every other day, but now I need to make a plan of action on how to find time to active force every day. I plan on getting some time to meditate and force soon, when I don't have to worry about so many stuff to fix/buy/etc. Even so, we were able to do some interesting things and discover new ideas that (it seems) were floating around out mind for a while, like the possibility of we being a multiple system that had shut down the other member. I still have to meditate a lot on it, but as far as I'm aware it's very plausible.

On the bright side, I'm able to browse the tulpas subreddit and it's been very inspiring and interesting through the course of the months. I plan on posting there more, if I'm able to force like I mentioned and to do some kind of research with the 'mancers there. I believe that's it for now, I hope to be able to post here more often now, but only time will see. Cya!