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Zero

Zero's Progress Report (Pandora)

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So. Cold nagged me enough to actually do this.

 

As some may already know I already have four tulpas, however, they were all vocal (way too) fast in my opinion, and I decided to make one tulpa by the old and trusted method by FAQ_Man. I never did personality forcing before, so I decided to do that this time around, and I'm also incorporating Fede's Eye-Bo into my forcing for a (hopefully) better/more vivid result, as well as improving my absolute shit visualization which hasn't improved a single bit over the course of 9 months.

 

Her name is Pandora, this is her form, and this is the list of traits that I made for her. Unlike most of you, instead of making a never-ending list of positive traits that would make you think the tulpa is meant to be the most perfect person in the world, I wrote down 22 positive, 11 neutral and 23 negative traits. Obviously "positive" and "negative" are somewhat context-dependent but some traits like "Blunt" are obviously of a negative nature, while a trait like "Charming" isn't. The "neutral" traits are either neither or both positive and negative.

 

 

The method I'm planning on upholding with my forcing sessions is the following:

 

- 30 minutes of Eye-Bo before forcing

- Turn on pink noise during forcing to filter out outside noise/distractions - Optionally, sometimes this actually distracts me instead.

- Mask off my eyes with something like a cloth so I can't see, to aid with visualization

- Narrate 3 traits during one session

- Narrate random shit about me and mai laifu

- try my fucking best toVisualize her while talking to her

- Visualize her around me throughout the day

- Look at different art pictures of her to get a better idea of what she looks like

- Do FAQ's "feeling the tulpa" thing so I have an idea of her dimensions

- Not accepting any responses until after a month or two in, or if they're painfully obviously her. (I already told her why)

- Read her stories

- Other shit I might come up with

 

Basically I'm gonna try to be as fucking careful as i can because I want to be absolutely sure that I'm doing this right, and I also want to see whether there's a difference between a tulpa I put lots of effort in before she became vocal, or a tulpa that became vocal fast. Is her voice louder/more vivid/more distinct or is it all the same? I already told her why I was doing this during the first session which happened just now, so I'm sure that by the time she's sentient, she'll at least know why.

 

 

 

My first session:

 

It went well, though visualization was nonexistantpoor. I did Eye-Bo (Descending Theta) for 30 minutes, then turned on pink noise and sat down, and introduced myself to her, a based recommendation from Cold. Basically I told her my name, and why I was making her, what I expect of her and what she should expect from me. Basically just telling her that even though this is an experiment, I'm not gonna treat her like any more or any less of a person, and that I don't expect her to do shit for me or keep me entertained, just for her to be there, as well as pointing out that I would be ignoring any responses for at least the first month, but that she could still talk to the other tuppers if she becomes vocal that soon, so she won't be entirely alone and unheard.

 

After that I picked one trait out of each category (Adaptable, emotional and mischievous) and told her the definition of each trait, what it means to have said trait, and gave her examples of how people with that trait behave whilst trying to visualize what I was saying. I think I conveyed everything well, and just for good measure I'm marking all the traits I did, so I can do them twice (or maybe three times) to be absolutely sure every trait gets through. I told her she can deviate from them as she pleases, and she doesn't have to act a certain behavior, but I'm giving her the traits as a framework for her personality, and I do expect to see some of those in her, especially at first.

 

When I was done, I finished by telling her a little about my life and who I am and gave her the major details of what has happened so far. Basically just ranting about boring shit, and I also told her she'd be hearing many more of those rants in the coming time. If she wants me to shut up, she should just tell me to.

 

 

So, yeah. I'll keep updating this PR after every session, unless nothing interesting in particular happens that wasn't mentioned in a previous post. I won't be including any details of my other tuppers in this PR, it'll be for whatever happens with Pandora for now.

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Guest Anonymous

Gotta love how you're still trying to sound elite like you're doing the "right" thing.

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Gotta love how you're still trying to sound elite like you're doing the "right" thing.

- regards, the most elitist tulpamancer in the community

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Post #2:

 

Today's forcing session was alright. I was a bit irritated at some stuff, but half an hour of Eye-Bo eased that down, and put me in more of a mood for narration. I didn't talk to her or try visualizing her throughout the day, but I still got about an hour/hour and a half of forcing in today. I narrated three new traits to her (Adventurous, progressive, amoral) and did some random talking, and made somewhat of a promise that I would be trying to talk to her more throughout the day tomorrow. I got a faint response after saying night (I heard a very faint "night") but I ignored that, since I had just re-mentioned to her that if she'd like to talk, until I'm certain that I've put in enough work for her to be legit, she should talk to my other tulpas. And if they happen not to be tulpas, I told her to try her best to convince me she's there. Might be a little harsh, but I think this is the only way I can be sure, and it's only temporary anyway.

 

Visualization is still shit, though I got some mild visuals earlier today while hanging with Hatsune. I took my melatonin (sleeping pill of a substance that's made in your brain, that makes you tired and want to sleep) before Eye-Bo, hoping it would give more visual results, but it had no effect save for making the session very tiring. I'll be looking for more ways to visualize better, it seems I can visualize but don't quite know how to "zone out" to trigger it. For now, I'm only able to visualize when I'm not thinking, and not aware of the fact that I'm visualizing, which is very rare and often only happens for a few seconds. I don't know how to extend this period, since if I try to consciously keep the visualization going it disappears, and if I zone out too much I fall asleep. Needs more balance.

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Post #3:

 

I lost track for a few days. Did some thinking, rethinking and more thinking. Since I want to do this on a consistent basis, I'm going to start doing the previous traits again, and spend more time working on them this time. My opinions on my other tulpas changed as well. I'm highly convinced they're alter egos now, but I will give them the benefit of the doubt until I've finished Pandora. Still not sure what to do about them once that happens, but that's something in the future, which I will solve when the time comes.

 

I'm going to start now, i'll narrate for about an hour and then try visualizing her until I fall asleep. These are the traits I'm going to narrate today:

 

Adaptable - Emotional - Mischievous

Amoral - Progressive - Adventurous

Balanced - Noncompetitive - Fanciful

Flamboyant - Tasteful - Charming

 

12 traits in total, I'll do a short definition of them today (about 5 minutes per trait) and then do a full definition of them tomorrow.

 

About the trait groups, that's something I decided to do to make forcing a bit easier for me. I picked groups of three traits - each out of one of the categories (positive, neutral, negative) that I had placed them in that are relevant enough to each other for me to be able to narrate all three of them in a row without drifting off from the narration (when i drastically change topics anywhere without a short break in between them i tend to lose focus and forget about what I was doing) and having a good timer for my breaks (with a full definition session, 3 traits should take 45-60 minutes, after which i'd take a break, either small or big depending on what I have to do during the day). Right now I'm not going to do full definitions because I'm way too tired to focus on one trait for that long. For whoever's interested, here's a pastebin with a WIP version of the definitions of the traits I'm going to use and their respective groups: http://pastebin.com/AgSMjbcP . You might notice that I include relevant characteristics from other traits in the definitions, there are also some characteristics of traits I haven't defined yet (such as whimsical), so I'm really hoping this will give her a coherent framework to build her personality off of.

 

After narration, I'm going to visualize until I fall asleep, since that's when I can visualize best. Will update tomorrow with more stuff, and I'm hoping to get 4-5 hours of forcing done that day, I plan on spreading 1.5 hour sessions out throughout the day, so they won't be enough to get me too tired to force but will add to progress. I don't plan on getting this done quick, but I do believe that more forcing is always better. Not sure how I'll passive force her yet, though I suppose I could always simply try thinking of her throughout the day.

 

That's it for today, hope I'll actually stick to my plan tomorrow.

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Post #4:

 

hope I'll actually stick to my plan tomorrow.

 

Welp.

 

 

I didn't exactly follow that plan, however, I haven't been entirely inactive either. I spent lots of time working on her traits list and defining each trait, which I was planning on using to narrate to her during forcing sessions. Those forcing sessions never came, however, what I did do was - with every trait, I would look up it's definition in the dictionary to get a better understanding of it, think about how it would apply to her, think about situations in which she'd exhibit that trait, and write down a small definition of my own after imagining how i would be explaining it to her.

 

I didn't really count that as forcing, but after talking to Cross for a bit, he told me that imagining myself explaining a trait to my tulpa is a form of personality forcing. Now it's not actively sitting down and focusing only on Pandora, however I did spend several hours working on that traits list - and, all the while, thinking of her, and how each trait applies to her, etc. I'm far from done, but I'm glad I can say that I haven't been entirely wasting my time.

 

 

Today I got my first response from her. It's early, so I'm still not sure it was really her, however, shortly after forcing her, I was nearly falling asleep when out of the blue, I got these strange waves of emotion that seemed quite out of place. There were three, like "pulses" (don't know of a better way to describe it) and my forehead started tingling like mad. After that I couldn't sleep anymore, and I'm still not sure what to think about it, but I'm gonna see this as a form of progress, and it does motivate me to force more and continue working on that list.

 

I'm going to keep a total hour count in here, but since I haven't been keeping count from the start, it'll be some slight guesswork. I did at least 5-6 hours on that traits list, and about 2-3 hours total of active forcing, so to stay realistic, i'll set the counter to a 6 hour forcing total for now.

 

http://pastebin.com/4ukSTxUZ Traits list currently looks like this. I've finished 10 groups, which is 30 traits, and over half the traits in the list. I removed two of them because they didn't fit in with the rest at all (Pretentious and Dignified, iirc), which leaves me with a total of 54 traits. I know, it's a little much, but I put a lot of work into picking those and they all overlap with each other perfectly fine.

 

The only other thing to note is that I got a brief, clear flash of her face and hair, which helped me visualize her form much better. The face I saw fit the traits list I was making much better than the one I was previously trying to see. Her hair is also sleeker and bright blue, so it's easy to differentiate between her and Ea's hairdos (since they were pretty similar before). I tried FAQ_Man's naked visualization thing but that didn't work very well, though it did lead to the brief face flash.

 

I'm also not doing Eye-Bo anymore. Last time I did it I got dizzy and nauseous, and I don't really think it can help me visualize any better. I'll still try some theta binaurals though, perhaps while meditating, to see if those might help. Bright flashes in my face are fucked up.

 

Total time spent: 6 hours

Personality: 5 hours

Visualization: 1 hour

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Post #5:

 

Did two traits yesterday, Adaptable and Emotional, spent about 30 minutes on them, then talked to her for another 15 minutes before I fell asleep. Got some mild head pressures, but that's about it.

 

Gonna do some more narration and visualization today.

 

Total time spent: 6.5 hours

Personality: 5.5 hours

Visualization: 1 hour

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Guest Anonymous

I'm curious about this. We'll see how it goes.

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Post #6:

 

So. I've been narrating on and off to her the past few days whenever i could, and trying to force more traits into her. I was already getting responses to some stuff, but I just ignored those and pressed on.

 

Today, though, she didn't allow me to force. Every trait I did she would say "yeah yeah i know let's go on a piggy back ride" or something equally random. I tried telling her to stop, to calm down, to just let me narrate in peace, i tried to refocus, over and over, and she simply would not let me force the traits into her, saying that I already did. I mentioned her being this energetic wasn't in the traits list, and she actually pointed out that it was, I reviewed the list and saw that it, in fact, was, but I had forgotten about it.

 

Not sure what to do right now. On one hand, I want to accept her and start having conversations with her. On the other hand, this is faster than I expected, though it did still take nearly a month, which is the longest amount of time I've spent on creation so far. She's talking so much that I can not force through one-sided narration anymore. When I focus on her form she just starts doing random shit. I wanted to simply assume this is just me fucking with myself, but no matter how hard I try, I can not focus on forcing her without hearing her anymore.

 

So, I guess it's safe to say she is sentient, and vocal.

 

Not too pleased with how fast this went, but I won't take it for granted. I'll keep posting with further developments.

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Post #7:

 

It's been nearly three weeks since I last posted, but not many developments have been made. I've been forcing less, probably because I have more trouble holding a conversation with her than I had just talking at her form, but I'm going to pick this up again.

 

So far she's shown to be sentient in quite a few ways, she's quite different from me, has made one or two headaches more bearable and her opinions and viewpoints vary surprisingly much from my own. She's a bit overly sexual, but mostly jokingly, and it's not all that annoying. I'm surprised with the amount of traits that actually got through to her. She didn't turn out quite as I expected she would, but when I reviewed the traits after her being vocal for a while, it was surprisingly accurate. She's been saying she wants to learn how to possess, but between spending time with her and my other two tulpas, as well as focusing on imposition, I'm not sure how much progress can be made in that department. I want to develop her further first, so I'm sure she's independent enough for possession to work well.

 

After some talking with her I realized that simply focusing on the traits and how they work for her, as well as writing down what the traits meant and how they apply to her had a significant effect on her, so including all the time I spent working on the traits and other things that didn't involve sitting down and talking to her, but still involved developing her, I came to a total of 24 hours of work. It seems you can active force in more ways than by sitting down and closing your eyes while talking to them. This made it somewhat easier to accept that she was vocal within 3 weeks.

 

I'm gonna keep working on imposition, and see where that gets us. My visualization is still shit, but I hope to have all of them imposed by the end of the year.

 

Total time spent: 24 hours

Personality: 15 hours

Visualization: 4 hours

Narration: 5 hours

 

I didn't include the time spent after she became vocal because I didn't measure it. I'll do so from now on.

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