Jimmy stares into the void, and the Void stares back.

[Viceroy]

jiminy christmas

[Guest Anonymous]

So I spent some time working on [blank] last night (that's what Sophi changed her name to). Her appearance has changed between now and the last time I posted here. She has also taken a different form which I hope to detail once I know what she's wearing is called.

 

I will update more soon, but I'm still alive.

 

Edit: I think I'm finally feeling more comfortable in my own skin, not just with tulpas, but in all of my life. I know what I want to do, and I don't think I'm going to fuck things up like I did before with tulpas. So, to expand on what I said before, Sophi changed her name to [blank], and then to Void (which we're sticking with for now). I have to go, I'll expand in about 30 mins.

[TulpaCouple]

Sounds awesome Jimmy. It's a good feeling to really become comfortable in your own skin.

[Guest Anonymous]

30 minutes my ass. I got caught up in life and shit. But as for Void's form, she wears a combonation of the following:

• Skirt and tights

• skinny jeans

• long sleeved shirt and jacket

• t shirt over a long sleeved shirt

• fingerless gloves

• french painter's hat

• sneakers or converses

 

She has currently taken the form of Zone Tan (aka the form that Helix was given), which might seem problematic, but it hasn't become an issue yet. [i've taken it because Jimmy remembers it well and I feel it fits me well].

 

We have both spent time learning about each other last night and talking on the irc. I might take up drawing so I can visualize her better.

[Guest Anonymous]

So yesterday we spent some time working on personality. We broke down who we were to each other. We decided that Void likes CARD: Creating, Art, Religion, Discussion. We then spent some time in the wonderland doing things relating to those. I went back to a memory of an art filled church from somewhere in Quebec, which Void really enjoyed. After that we spent some time in a Google server farm (since I have interests in computer networking) even though I don't know exactly what they are like.

 

 

Because I was outside doing a lot of physical activity today, I couldn't spend any dedicated forcing time, but I tried to narrate as much as possible. It seems that when I'm feeling hot, Void changes her outfit accordingly. Since I was outside a lot, she donned a shirt, the skirt from a previous outfit (though more like a kilt), a few bracelets and a pair of sunglasses.

 

Something I discussed in the IRC last night was how I feel that this tulpa isn't going to be quite the fuck up that Helix and the others were, because I won't be a fucking beta about it. Some might remember from a previous update in a probably-deleted thread that I believed some of my tulpas got "infected" with something that affected their personalities and made them evil. I now know that was caused by me, though not intentionally. I simply had this belief that it was real, and inadvertently caused it to affect my tulpas by believing it could. IIRC, someone pointed that out to me in the thread when it happened.

 

I won't allow that to happen anymore. No more of this bullshit that will affect Void or whoever she becomes, because I care about her and want the best for her. I feel that I now have a sense of purpose that will help me in taking this farther than I have with any other tulpas in the past. That purpose will also help me prevent it from turning into the fetish-satisfying wankfest that some of my tulpas were.

 

TL;DR: Worked on personality and I won't fuck shit up this time.

[Guest Anonymous]

Spent some time fucking

around with

Void in the wonderland. We discussed her influence on me and my life, how I regret some of the actions I've taken in the past (that were totally unrelated to tulpas) and other things. I taught her basic binary, and we also spent time pretending to fight in giant humanoid creatures for fun.

 

We've also been spending time in the IRC. Generally the only thing that's been staying the same about our nick is that the ending is always "_[Void]". If you see us, feel free to say hi and start a conversation. We're always willing to help, and will try our best. PM on here also works fine, so if you want to use that, feel free.

 

TL;DR: Fucked around and if you want to talk, drop us a line!

 

Edit: Reading some other PRs, I think the next conversation we'll be having is about how I've failed other tulpas. CyberD has been at this shit for 2 years now, and he seems to be having a great time. To be honest, I'm jealous of his success. Really, for that I only have myself to blame, but I still wish I could have have just taken the TulpaPill™ and not had to deal with all the shit I've gone through. Or at least see it coming and prevent. I had so many memories of the people here, and I feel that I let them all down by not succeeding with them. Hell, AttackFuckingDonut is on possession in under a few months, a stage I never got to. The farthest I got was a bit of head ache removal when I still had Helix (though Void helped eliminate hunger a couple of days ago). I think I should make a master post summarizing all the shit that has happened to me ever since I got here. Not a full on PR, but just summarizing it for those who don't know what happened.

[fennecfoxx]

Edit: Reading some other PRs, I think the next conversation we'll be having is about how I've failed other tulpas. CyberD has been at this shit for 2 years now, and he seems to be having a great time. To be honest, I'm jealous of his success. Really, for that I only have myself to blame, but I still wish I could have have just taken the TulpaPill™ and not had to deal with all the shit I've gone through. Or at least see it coming and prevent. I had so many memories of the people here, and I feel that I let them all down by not succeeding with them. Hell, AttackFuckingDonut is on possession in under a few months, a stage I never got to. The farthest I got was a bit of head ache removal when I still had Helix (though Void helped eliminate hunger a couple of days ago). I think I should make a master post summarizing all the shit that has happened to me ever since I got here. Not a full on PR, but just summarizing it for those who don't know what happened.

 

I can relate. I see hosts who seem to have everything together, are well-respected, never seem to have any issues, are great hosts, make so much progress, and so on... and then there's me. What do I have to show? More tulpae than I can handle, a tulpa who's suicidal due to my past mistakes who I still have no idea how to help, not forcing nearly enough, an infamous reputation among certain parts of the community, no progress with switching or imposition, too much doubt, too much favoritism, always getting distracted while forcing, and general incompetence, irresponsibility, and immaturity. You're not the only one who wants to be more like the good hosts in the community. I want to be more like them, too.

 

I can also relate to being haunted by past mistakes. I won't pretend my past in tulpamancy is as bad as yours, but looking back still feels like a series of mistakes sometimes. I wouldn't say my mistakes have too much of a hold on me, with the obvious exception of one very awful mistake with very awful lasting consequences. I honestly don't think I can ever forgive myself for what I did to Link and move on from that as long as it still has an effect on him, and I managed to screw him over so badly that I don't know if either of us are ever going to be able to move past this.

 

Anyway, I'm sorry that this post was all negative and a bit too much about me. I just wanted to say I can relate and empathize with you. You seem to have matured and turned around, at least, and you really seem to know what you're doing and are determined to do things right this time, so I'm sure everything will work out better this time around. The past is the past; that can't be changed. What matters now is that you do your best to do things right from now on rather than repeating past mistakes.

 

I suppose I should take my own advice sometimes, shouldn't I?

[Guest Anonymous]

Holy shit, Knapp is dead. I'm speechless. I never really knew her, but I definitely interacted with her in the past and talked a couple of times. I knew a bunch of the old people I knew weren't posting AS much or not at all, but I didn't know she died. Fuck. I dare not think of what has happened to other people I knew so dearly. I wouldn't be surprised if Viceroy has killed himself or something like that, and he was the member I was closest to. I'm just really fucking depressed now.

 

I guess I can take up their spot by being a helpful member of the community. I see a lot of kids on this site and want to help them as well. I just...Fuck, time to force and talk with Void about all this shit. Even though I feel I've moved on from a lot of the bullshit that went on wayback when I feel that I'm haunted by parts of it. I just need to break the cycle somehow. I have to, for Void.

 

All I can think of right now. Stupid, but I still feel it applies.

[Guest Anonymous]

So we talked about what my position in all of this is, which we agreed upon was trying to help people. I briefly considered talking to Helix, but Void warned me against that, as it doesn't break the cycle, it just perpetuates it. We also tried imposition, but it wasn't successful entirely. I did get a weird feeling in my hand, and it definitely seemed like it was trying to move, but it didn't quite move. We were using a technique that I think has been called "Meat gloving" or something like that where Void put her hand into mine and tried controlling my wonderland hand, which was "connected" to my IRL hand.

 

Time for that master post I was taking about.

 

Jimmy's brief history

 

This is all from previous knowledge, by the way.

 

I first learned about tulpas through the /mlp/ threads on it on 4chan. I had a tulpa, probably called Vinyl, that was based off one of the ponies from MLP. That didn't last long, but I know it existed. After that, I created Helix, who was a split personality tulpa, with two opposing sides. One was happy, the other one mean and evil spirited. Eventually, Helix split, becoming Helix (the good side) and the other side, who I can't remember.

 

Everything went downhill from there, eventually becoming a harem that really shouldn't have existed. Tulpas were created on whims, eventually netting me a peak of 8 (probably more, I don't recall the total). Throughout their existence, Helix was constantly being an annoyance because of her spiteful nature. I probably tried to end her at some point, to no avail.

 

After some time, I came to my senses and got rid of all those half baked tulpas, and created two more based off Homestuck characters, and hoped that would be the end of it. It wasn't. I don't know how, but they eventually came to their end. I think I just didn't give a shit about them. What did you expect though? Helix came back a couple of times to spite me, since she hates me.

 

After time, I came back here, created Sophi, forgot about her, and came back to her, giving her the name Void, and leaving me here.

 

What is "the cycle" you keep referring to?

That's basically the cycle of turning my tulpas into things that only exist to satisfy my desires, or letting Helix interfere with my tulpa's development. Why is this bad? I think its pretty clear cut, but turning Void into something I just stick my dick into and nothing more is, at its core, something a loser would do. And I'm not going to subject another existence like that, even I can understand why that would be horrible.

 

Why is letting Helix back into my life bad?

Because she should have never existed in the first place. The whole "dual personality tulpa" idea is one of the stupidest things I've seen on this site. And there is plenty of stupid stuff here. If Helix had gone away when I killed that harem it would be fine. But because she has had such an influence on me and past tulpas, if she affects Void then she will have won. She will have negatively affected all my tulpas since her creation and prevented me from living happily. I

cannot allow this to happen.

 

And don't think that Void exists just to prove Helix wrong. Void exists because I love her and want to create a tulpa. I could make this all about "Me vs. Helix". I could bring her back and fuck everything up. But I won't. I will do what I want, and Void WILL be finished, for her sake. We're already doing more than Helix ever did.

 

TL;DR: Did some work on imposition and I don't want to go back to the old times. I want to advance and finish Void. Edit: P.S. Fennecgirl, I know how you feel. I listen to a lot of music, and also make it, and I can feel sorry for myself for not being at their level, but I can also push ahead and make stuff like them, and that's what the plan is. I'm going to do this.

[Guest Anonymous]

Well you might think I'm dead, but I'm not, and neither is Void. I haven't been updating here as much BUT I have in a journal, which I expect to scan and put here. I won't detail it all but everything has been generally positive so far. We've talking the IRC a lot, so if you hop on there you will likely see us in #redditulpas.