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Is she gone?

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I'm a little worried. Let me start at the beginning.


In May 2013, I decided to start creating a tulpa. I came up with a name, Sail, and looked through a list of traits to find some for her. I found 106, and after crossing out all the extra ones (like social and gregarious, I crossed out gregarious), and a few others I don't remember why, there were then 46 traits.


Literally 2 days after I started, she spoke. I was lying in bed, about to go to sleep, when I said (in my head) "Sail?" I had been saying her name to her a lot lately. She replied back, "Yes?" and I was very surprised. I said "Is that you?" and got nothing back ever since.


For half the summer I forgot about her. In maybe August I remembered, and I was like "Ohmygod I'm so sorry!" I tried hard to force, or I like to think I did. I wasn't sure. I knew not to make any promises about it.


I'm never very committed, and since there were never any results I became discouraged, even if I reminded myself of that one night. I started to doubt. I considered asking if I was doing something wrong, but I thought, "Duh! Of course I'm doing something wrong! I'm not doing anything!"


I guess what I want to say is:


1) Is she gone?

2) What would be best to do?

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You really shouldn't have created a tulpa to begin with, if you can't find the time and be responsible enough to continue to work with her.


1.)I would say that yes, she is most likely gone, that much attention starvation would almost certainly dissipate her.

2.)My advice to you is to decide if creating a tulpa is realistically in your capabilities to do. Creating a tulpa isn't something that you can (or should for that matter) do on a whim. It's a permanent life change, and most importantly a commitment. You owe it to your tulpa to continue working on them once you start. Would I say it's worth it? Yes, it's worth it to me personally, but I can't say the same for you. You have to make that choice, and once you make it, you need to stick with it.

Tulpas: Justine, Guess, Clarence


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I would argue that sometimes certain circumstances can be overwhelming for people to persevere and commit to creating a tulpa. But given the time it takes to create one, and how it's implied that the host would aim for the long-term, I don't think it would be reasonable to say OP shouldn't have created on in the first place.


Considering a similar case in threads like here, most people just need to get their priorities straightened out so they can come back with a fresh mind when wanting to continue the process.


I even took a month off during my initial stages in creating Eva and Ada because the circumstances I was in took more precedence. The real questions OP should take into consideration are:


  • If I'm never really committed into things for a long time, what can I do to find inspiration to continually build the habit of being productive and having a better sense of immediacy?
  • Should I use pre-existing memories of her and go back where I left off, or should I make a new one altogether?
  • Should I take into consideration that it would've been better to have a clearer mind instead of creating a tulpa based on my entrenched predispositions for negativity at that time? Would that really be something that would be beneficial to her development?
  • Can I be reflective of my past mistakes and practice getting into the habit that I can do better than I did last time?



It's really up to you OP if you believe she's gone. But with threads in the past that discuss about whether or not the tulpa would have some existential sustainability after the host absolved themselves from giving them attention, most would subscribe to you just going back where you left off and saying that she's not gone.


She's only gone if you continually go through the mannerisms and behaviors into thinking she's gone (self-fulfilling prophecy).


Pro-tip: Take that previous disposition of yours and turn it around into focusing on her existence more. You have all the time in your life to make decisions here, and whether or not you're still creating her, or you do end up with her being developed, the whole process is a learning curve. There's always going to be some cases where you'll have to weigh the circumstances, justify them with your tulpa, and bend your moral and ethics a bit so you don't feel too guilty about it.


It's still a large and progressive learning curve for me, and I'm sure it's the same for practically everyone else OP. If anything, progressive improvement should be more than enough inspiration to get you into having a higher urgency of doing and going through the motions with less distractions.


And maybe you should go back to the fundamentals and really think on reasons why you may want a tulpa, such as (but not limited to):


  • A vicarious entity that can provide a second-hand insight/response/help for you
  • Someone to help distract themselves from several crisis (e.g. existential, psychological, childhood trauma)
  • A camaraderie relationship or a melange of several relationship types
  • Someone to contribute towards inward group thinking


Because if you're only going to start this again based on feeling guilty, chances are there may be things you're holding back that you're too afraid to admit. Maybe you should go back to the rudiments, and then heavily re-evaluate the circumstances to see if you can go back into process.


There's going to be a lot of ups and downs and breaks in between, but just remember that rarely anyone can consistently force for hours upon end without having to take into consideration of their quotidian lifestyle. Unless of course they're rich and can be in perfect solitude with their tulpa, then they won't have any excuses.

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Thank you so much, Linkzelda, for the reply! You really helped me a lot. I think mostly my problem was that I was feeling guilty and had these thoughts of "I will do this... later, but I will!" and now I remembered the real reasons I started creating a tulpa. It's like I'm having a fresh start of the whole thing and my thoughts are more like "Yeah! Let's do this!"


I still may need to experiment with ways to make sure I can force every day in addition to ballet, marimba, school, homework, sleep, exercise, and family. I made a schedule of an my usual week, and that's been helping these past couple of days. School's starting again tomorrow, so I guess I'll see if it's still effective when I have way more things to do.


Again, thank you, you made me feel way better about creating a tulpa. :)

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