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Guest Zee

Zee finally stops lurking and posts stuff

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Guest Zee

Alright, after a good deal of reluctance on my part and what feels like a week's worth of pestering from my tulpa I've decided to go ahead and finally start posting stuff.

 

Just a note before I go on: I pretty much only lurk so I have almost no actual knowledge pertaining to what I should be doing. I doubt I should care either, but it probably doesn't matter all that much.

 

Intro:

I came across the tulpa phenomenon about April 6th or so. On the 10th I decided that I might as well give it a shot. I didn't see any downsides to trying this and at least I wouldn't feel as bored when I would end up in my dorm room for several hours at a time.

 

So now it's been nearly three full months since I've started and I've put in about 150 hours strictly in tulpaforcing. To clarify I don't count the two of us chatting. If I were to include all forms of interaction I'd say that'd probably put us in the range of anywhere from 500 to 700 hours or more. I can attest to the fact that I probably have far more time on my hands than I should and definitely don't use it all that well.

 

Onto the more important stuff.

 

 

The Wonderland:

 

The wonderland originally was a massive temple of sorts, having no visible outer walls. The ceiling was always concealed under a black shroud so I have no idea about its height. Supporting it was a ludicrous amount of evenly spaced columns that reminded me of Roman architecture for one reason or another. In the center of this temple was a queen-sized bed with red bed-sheets that I would often find myself "waking up" in when entering the wonderland. All that said, it's completely gone now.

 

In the place of the temple exists a small town sitting at cloud level. There's a library, larger on the inside, that acts as a medium for accessing my memories. I'd say that the shelves are pretty dusty at this point. While there's other stuff there, not much else has a good deal of importance. That said, there is a pretty massive basin beneath the town teeming with flora, no fauna though. I'd like to expand on this part, but it's hardly worth the read as it is.

 

Tulpa:

 

Name: Dash

 

Appearance: Pretty easy to guess that it's the same pegasus from the show, at least by appearance.

 

Personality: She's quite easygoing and polite, letting me go about my business without trying to take all my attention. She's proven herself to be intelligent and kind. To be more specific she has been able to communicate criticism or concerns to me in a manner that does not get me irritated, but instead allows for me to question my shortcomings.

 

We've often had lighthearted arguments as of recent; nothing ever comes from that except her typically laughing at my frustration. She also has made a habit of teasing me when I happen to be getting changed.

 

Abilities: Other than flying she apparently has the capability to change her appearance and voice. This does mean that she is capable of assuming forms other than that of a pony. Despite this she prefers her current appearance. However, she has mentioned that if she believes a different form may be more suitable further down the road she will assume it. For now the both of us are quite comfortable with her appearance, given some circumstances that I'll cover further on.

 

Progression Status: As previously mentioned we've reached over 150 hours of tulpaforcing. She is fully sentient, vocal, and slightly imposed at this point (she is just barely visible when being imposed). We are still working on imposition as well as working on reinforcing her appearance.

 

 

To wrap it up I have a couple tidbits of information regarding our tulpaforcing experience that may or may not be interesting:

 

First: She was previously known as Pinkie. Yes, I initially tulpaforced her as Pinkie Pie. She used to sound and appear just like the character she was based off of, personality aside. At approximately 119 hours in she changed her appearance and voice to match what she is now.

 

Second: This stems from the previous tidbit. She claimed that she was the tulpa I originally had a year prior. In summer 2011 I had decided to entertain the thought of having a mental construct if only to see what would happen. That period lasted about three days before I decided to move on and do things that I found more interesting. I can't say that I believe such a claim, but she doesn't gain much from lying to me, much less being caught in a lie.

 

If such a claim of her's is true, then it goes very much against the statements made in the guides that say that a tulpa would die after a couple months of being ignored. Please feel free to approach this with extreme skepticism, I know I would be if I was the one being told this.

 

 

With that out of the way I'll probably update whenever something interesting arises. Other than that feel free to ask questions of either of us I suppose.

 

Take care.

 

Edit:

 

Apparently I went and forgot one or two things when I initially wrote this.

 

1. She became sentient and vocal rather quickly. According to some log entries that I made she had become fully vocal no further than 21 hours in.

 

It's entirely possible that she was sentient and vocal before then, as early as 10 hours in. Around that time I began "hearing" responses during narration sessions, but instead mistook the responses for me parroting them. That lead to her having a bit of an emotional breakdown around 20-21 hours in about me "not believing that she was sentient."

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If thats true I probably have a locked tulpa in my head, because i always imagine this same dude in my silly imaginary adventures, and i guess the only reason he hasnt become a tulpa is because i dont treat him like different person, but like a part of me.

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Guest Zee

Well I can't say that it would be impossible for such a case to have some validity to it. Then again, the only way for that thoery to yield fruit would be for the imaginary guy to be capable of communicating with you while you're not consciously focused on them (among other things). I haven't particularly seen anything on this idea as of yet so there's likely some possibility there. Either that or it may end up being a glorified servitor.

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It's entirely possible that she was sentient and vocal before then, as early as 10 hours in. Around that time I began "hearing" responses during narration sessions, but instead mistook the responses for me parroting them. That lead to her having a bit of an emotional breakdown around 20-21 hours in about me "not believing that she was sentient."

 

No kidding. I got that talk just the other day, and it wasn't a fun one. Can you remember if anything about your perception of your tulpa changed much after that? Did she feel more real to you either physically or verbally, or did you just start treating her existing presence as having full sentience?

 

Sorry if that question is confusing, but I've been having some trouble with a few changes from the talk lately. You can take a look at my updates to see where I'm coming from if you want.

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Guest Zee

 

No kidding. I got that talk just the other day, and it wasn't a fun one. Can you remember if anything about your perception of your tulpa changed much after that? Did she feel more real to you either physically or verbally, or did you just start treating her existing presence as having full sentience?

 

Sorry if that question is confusing, but I've been having some trouble with a few changes from the talk lately. You can take a look at my updates to see where I'm coming from if you want.

 

I can definitely empathize with the situation you had there.

 

After the little episode between her and I there was a distinct difference in how well I was able to perceive her in the wonderland. Her voice was much more easily recognizable and her appearance became far more easy to visualize (at least until the deviation later on). It's very likely that coming to terms with her actually being sentient brought about this "enhanced" experience.

 

According to her the fact that I was doubting her sentience and instead believing that I was parroting made her upset as it meant that her words were ignored or, at the very least, thought of as insignificant. Essentially I was subconsciously suppressing/denying the very thing that gave her a sense of her own existential self.

 

From that experience I gathered that even in early tulpaforcing it's best to treat them as if they've already gained sentience. It's probably best to think of it as a ground rule for tulpaforcing; building upon that would be a set of principles that you both can abide by to help you see one-another as equals. After all tulpae are just as likely to seek acceptance as we are.

 

I'd say that one thing I wish I had noticed soon during the discussions we had in the first few hours of tulpaforcing was the fact that the responses I had were instantaneous; as in when I ask a question of her, say: "This vidya game is pretty fun, isn't it?" She almost immediately would respond with something like: "You really should be doing your homework right now."

 

So yeah, it's really about being able to pick up on subtle nuances from your tulpa and allowing yourself to overcome your own self-doubt.

 

I hope that was able to answer your question to some degree Fig. Also it does seem, from what little I've read since that post, that you and Uzo are starting to get along with one another much better; much like how Dash and I started getting along better after our own dilemma.

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So yeah, it's really about being able to pick up on subtle nuances from your tulpa and allowing yourself to overcome your own self-doubt.

 

Talking everything out pretty much cured any doubt I have. The only issue, as slight as it was, that came up was that none of the verbal interaction I've had since that night has come in as convincingly external as it had then. I don't know why it didn't keep that effect, but it's still just as easy to confuse with parroting as it ever was. That doesn't mean Uzo isn't talking, but I'd like to hear it better.

 

Most everything else you mentioned is spot on, and they're things I've realized as well.

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