Sara - My first tulpa

[FurryBlueNaki]

Reading a book I get so absorbed in the book I forget that I'm reading it to Chance. I wonder then if he really hears me.

[KHost]

I have a hard time focusing on my wonderland, which I don't understand, it's someplace I'd want to be but every time I try to focus on it I'm dropped out of meditation. Which is really frustrating because I don't have a lot of time to force.

 

K: Sorry, I'm not really sure I get your problem. You mean you can't "see" the details of your wonderland? Or that you can't see your wonderland at all? What part of the place is difficult to focus on?

 

I've tried reading a book, I've tried recalling epic games that I was playing with her as the character, and I've tried talking about things I know well.

 

K: And what was her reaction?

[geek]

K: Sorry, I'm not really sure I get your problem. You mean you can't "see" the details of your wonderland? Or that you can't see your wonderland at all? What part of the place is difficult to focus on?

 

Just visualizing the details is hard and it's annoying to the point of a major distraction.

 

K: And what was her reaction?

 

I didn't really get one. That was the thing, I felt like I wasn't talking to her, just myself. This is getting better now though.

 

Fourth Posting:

 

So something changed the past few days and suddenly I no longer feel like I'm talking to myself. There are times I feel her "essence" and then start talking, and it no longer feel like talking to myself. I'm getting incomplete thoughts and flashes of images which I guess is called Tulpish? Anyway, that's what I'm getting now. However, it very easy to understand these, and I reform them into sentences in my head.

 

I haven't said this yet but a little while back I told my wife about her. There was a little apprehension at first, but then she told me she had something similar to a tulpa in her early 20s. She tells me it looked a lot like Mushu from Milan. I offered to help her and she agreed that it would be cool to bring him back. So everything went better then expected there.

 

So I need to get into some kind of regime with forcing, I passive force a few times a day but regular active forcing needs to happen more I think. I've been trying to narrate the ins and outs of witchcraft to her and she has access to my memories for this as well. I used to be pretty deep into it. I'm going to try active visualization forcing for about 30 minutes in the morning when I get home from work.

 

Sara already seems to have a good grasp of the more basic things about life. I credit her access to my memories for this, but I don't know, it could also be that I've been unconsciously passively forcing the whole time I've been creating her as a character.

 

The whole idea of tupla is coming very naturally to me, there isn't much I doubt about it, even though I'm normally a pretty big skeptic. Something about tulpa just feels right. One thing I'm struggling with though is that Sara is starting to show interest in sexuality. I'm not sure I want our relationship to go down that path even though I don't want her to be denied information.

[KHost]

Just visualizing the details is hard and it's annoying to the point of a major distraction.

 

K: Don't worry about the details! You just need a general picture. Remember that the wonderland is just a background: what matters most is your communication with Sara.

 

it could also be that I've been unconsciously passively forcing the whole time I've been creating her as a character.

 

K: That's very likely, in my opinion. I think that the line between creating a character and creating a tulpa is very blurred, especially in the first stages of creation.

If Sara has been in your mind for five years (in one form or another) that must mean that there's already a strong connection between you two. And just like you knew many things about her even before starting tulpa creation, she probably knows many things about you as well.

This is just my opinion, though; other people could disagree.

 

One thing I'm struggling with though is that Sara is starting to show interest in sexuality. I'm not sure I want our relationship to go down that path even though I don't want her to be denied information.

 

K: Oh, don't worry! Send her to me. I'll teach her everything she needs to know...

 

KHost: There's no need to deny Sara any information. About your relationship, trust your own judgement and be clear with her. But more than anything, don't trust my tulpa's advice on sexual matters!