Lauren the daemian

Drawn to the ones who never yawn- Lauren the daemian's first steps with a tulpa

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Hello, I'm Lauren.

The line in the title is from a song which provoked the first feeling a presence other than my own and my daemon's, so I thought it only fitting to have it in the title.

I'm a daemian, and for that reason I have a feel for what creating and living with a tulpa is all about, but my daemon, Li, came into being pretty much of her own accord, so forcing is a new concept to me. Help and advice on any problems I might be having is very much appreciated :)

 

Let's start from...

 

DAY 1

 

After a few years knowing about the forum and a good few months of lurking, I decided to begin working on a tulpa. Challenge number one was my daemon Li, who felt threatened by the thought of having another presence around and immediately saw the tulpa I was soon to create as a threat. She has a very possessive personality, we argued about it prior to my decision to begin the creation process. After a while, the argument wore thin and she had either run out of reasons to counter my decision, or had grown tired of arguing. I pressed on, writing up a vague personality for my tulpa.

 

DAY 2

 

Day 2 of the creation process was drawing up a very vague map of my wonderland. I kind of knew what I wanted it to be like, I wanted a natural feel with lots of greenery and running water. A waterfall and a forest were to be a part of my wonderland. I spent 15 minutes or so mapping it out and visualising it, not so that I could use it right away but so as it was there for when I needed it. Li was still unhappy at this point, but we'd agreed to try.

 

DAY 3

 

My first try at active forcing with my tulpa.

I started by shutting my eyes, clearing my mind and concentrating on the darkness. I then visualised my mind as a glowing blue ball, my daemon's mind as a glowing red ball, and then I began to form a new ball in the darkness- a purple one. I spent about half an hour just visualising the ball, giving it my attention, kind of imagining its presence within my head, and thinking about how it might interact with my own and Lila's. I put on some music and got back into it, when 'Northern Downpour' by Panic at the Disco flicked on and something changed. It wasn't just a ball of light any more, there was something there. I found the session tiring, but rewarding.

 

DAY 4

 

Today, 21/11/14

 

As a form of passive forcing, I began to read the traits I wanted to instil in my tulpa aloud (things like calm, wise, creative, witty...) There was a slight reaction, not quite head pressure, more like a ticklish sensation on the left side of my head. It lasted moments, but it was certainly something. When Li recognised this sensation also, she seemed to be more relaxed about the idea of a tulpa being around. she shared my excitement, which was nice.

 

I hope to have some more to tell you by tomorrow, but I'm trying to keep things short as I realise this post is already very long.

 

A very positive beginner :)

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DAY 5

 

22/11/14

 

Today was slow, no sign of head pressure whatsoever, though I am able to impose the purple ball of light now. I spent most of the day doing homework, so I tried to passive force while I was working. I'm hoping my tulpa is absorbing all the information I read to it. I feel like they're listening, whoever it is that's growing in there. Only time will tell, I suppose.

I don't want to give them a form yet, I feel like their name and their form are things they should pick for themselves, it's personal to them. I might have to evolve the purple ball soon though, as it's becoming increasingly difficult to impose it because my attention span is awful and I feel I need something a little more detailed to project and concentrate on.

Made a visit to wonderland today. It's got more substance to it now, however I'm finding it difficult to spend more than 15 minutes at a time there, and while I am there I get distracted by stray thoughts, making the wonderland seem almost two dimensional and vague.

On the up side, it was time well spent with my budding tulpa, and Li actually. It's strange to suddenly be able to spend time with Li in a place of our creation, we've always imposed (or projected as I usually call it), and this is a nice change.

 

On the whole it's been a good day, I'm not expecting them to progress very quickly, they seem to be taking their time, absorbing things. Probably just a short update tomorrow.

 

A host giving it all they've got :)

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DAY 6

 

23/11/14

 

I spent about an hour forcing today, and as much time as I could passive forcing. I've been tired all day, so the passive forcing was taking a lot of effort and I often found myself drifting into a daydream or focusing all my effort on other tasks, meaning that my passive forcing was broken.

At the start of the day, my tulpa's form was still the purple ball of light. I took a shower later in the day and found that this was the perfect time to do some active forcing and imposition. I wanted to change tulpa's form, so it was a little more engaging and thus easier to visualise. I thought we'd try and animal form, nothing specific, with any special marking or added bits, just kind of a standard animal. I went through a few, reading over them until I found one which I thought would fit. I decided on black wolf. Imposing this form was certainly better, though I found that tulpa's rigidity and inability to move was slightly off-putting. Hopefully, this will improve with time.

I don't know whether this was my own subconscious or my tulpa, but I found that this evening when I relaxed with some binatural beats and went to my wonderland, things had changed ever so slightly, a chair had moved and was slightly different in tulpa's underground house. Is it too soon for my tulpa to have done this? Considering that I haven't had any kind of head pressure or the like at all since the first time? and saying that, is there any way to engage my tulpa a little bit more? I'd like to feel some kind of head pressure at some point...

I don't want to rush the process, I'm just a little concerned about tulpa's development.

 

A worried host of a quiet tulpa.

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DAY 7

 

24/11/14

 

I had a few bouts of what I thought was head pressure today, but I can't be sure. It was completely random, not in reaction to anything, which makes me think that it might not have been. I've started puppeting movements, but they seem to be very jumpy and strange. I think we're getting somewhere, though. Managed about 30 mins of active forcing today, and barely passive forced at all due to my tendency to become distracted by other wondering thoughts. I've decided to use a method I used with Li when we were going through a rough spot, I'm going to wear a piece of jewellery which represents tulpa which should hopefully be a constant reminder to continue passive forcing during the day. It should also hopefully help my narration.

 

A hopelessly forgetful host :p

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DAY 8

 

25/11/14

 

It wasn't a brilliant day for forcing, even with the bracelet. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to project Li and impose tulpa, I'm really not sure why. I spoke with tulpa for a long time before bed and tried to impose them lying there, but I can't get their size right. I was on the internet that day too, and while I was looking through a list of names to see if they liked any, I got what I thought was a little head pressure when I read the name Pro, I'm not sure if that was just a coincidental headache or something, but for now I'll make it their place holder name. Doesn't give me any clue as to what gender they want to be, though, or if they want any gender at all.

 

DAY 9

 

26/11/14

 

I'm going to use Pro's place-holder name in place of gender pronouns.

 

No active forcing yet today, but I'm planning on doing some just after I finish this post. Pro hasn't given me anything like head pressure today, I'm a little worried about that. I'm not even sure that what I've been taking as head pressure so far actually is head pressure. What exactly does it feel like? and can it be extremely faint? To the point where you're not even sure if it is head pressure?

Anyway, if what I've been feeling IS head pressure, then today Pro gave me his first sarcastic answer. I was on my way home, wasn't imposing Pro, and I asked "are you there?"

The reply that I got was head pressure on the right side of my head, for NO. Hilarious, right? Then, gullible as I am, I proceeded to ask "are you being sarcastic?"

I got another NO answer.

 

Good to know Pro's personality is developing.

 

A gullible host and a sarcastic tulpa :D

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Head pressure varies from person to person. Some people say that it feels that their head is being held in place or some kind of force pushing it. With me and Haven, it's in the back of my head and it feels like several waves of headaches flowing outwards in one position, and she seems to respond using this method every time I ask her if she's awake. Took a whole month for her to respond using this method consistently, but it's worth it. If you can't get any head pressures or headaches, see if you can experience an emotional spike or come up with something original that could work for the both of you.


"It's all about synthesis, you don't have to be a real musician. You just synthesize your own reality, synthesize your own talents." -Klayton

 

My Three Mind Horses

Haven: Tulpa #1

Created on 10-28-14

Aphelion: Tulpa #2

Created on 2-25-15 

Chimera: Self Proclaimed Thoughtform

Created on: Can't remember. Sometime around Easter of 2017.

 

Warning: I am a huge nerd.

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I am still working on this communication barrier myself - sometimes I do get the head pressure and it's pretty damn pronounced, but other times I get zero response so naturally the doubt spiral kicks in, but then I went and got a huge hit of unexpected euphoria when a song came on so that said to me pretty much "yeah stop bloody worrying so much she's gettin there"

 

Edit: I suppose we also have to remember that we all likely took at least three years before we could semi fluently converse with other people so it's gonna take time for our tulpae to get there too, even if they do have our experiences and vocabulary to draw from.

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Actinium -

Thanks for the reply, I'll keep going the way I am for now, you've really reassured me about Pro. If I don't get head pressure, I'll try the emotional spike thing, I have a feeling that it might work for us. Great advice, thank you very much!

 

TheSanctuary -

You're right, I need to stop panicking. I know it will come with time, but I'm a sucker for falling in to the doubt spiral. I never thought of it like that, either. It does take a long time for people to begin communicating. I need to give Pro time!

 

Feeling positive about things now, thank you both!

 

DAY 10

 

27/11/14

 

I didn't feel Pro at all today. I tried to impose, but it just didn't feel natural and I found myself not wanting to impose because it felt so strange. I had Pro retreat to Wonderland and I fed little thoughts and questions through to it all day, but I felt no response. I'm confident with a little more work things will become better.

 

DAY 11

 

28/11/14

 

Today I made the decision that Pro is most likely a boy, I get a feeling of a male influence whenever we're in wonderland together, so I going to start using gender pronouns. If he decides he's a different gender, I have no problem with him changing anything.

 

Pro made a surprise visit tonight while I was getting ready for bed. I wasn't making a conscious effort to impose but him, but he was there in my doorway. He wasn't moving, as in at all, he wasn't even blinking. I started to puppet him and he moved quite smoothly, a sure sign that my visualisation and imposition work are getting results. Apart from the sarcasm the other day, I've had no sign of any personality coming through, so tomorrow I'll work on that and try to get things moving a little more.

 

DAY 12

 

29/11/14

 

Today was good, lots of imposition and puppeting going on. I've started going into wonderland and feeding him biscuits that I imagine have different personality traits attached to them, I explain them to him as I feed him each one and tell him what kind of things those traits might lead him to like/dislike. I'll keep doing this for a few days to see if I get any results, hopefully he'll develop his own version of the personality I've started building for him. I'd like him to be his own person, and I just hope I'm doing the right thing here and not dictating his whole personality.

 

Confident but vigilant!

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DAYS

13

14

15

 

2/12/14

 

Sorry I can't do a daily post like I usually do, the last few days have just been a blur of progress and I can't really separate what happened on each day, so I'll just load it all in together.

 

Alright, so I've found that forcing before bed, though very successful, also quickly leads to sleep. Despite this, a lot has happened in these nightly forcing sessions. I recently visited wonderland to meet up with Pro and out of nowhere his eyes had turned a beautiful shade of purple. I'm taking this as his very first show of preference, and I'm glad that he's feeling confident enough to start changing things to suit his personality.

Speaking of personality, the methodical feeding of traits seems to be working a treat, he's showing more signs of character every day. I'm very excited to see what he turns out like!

The head pressure is starting to become a more accurate technique of communication between Pro and I, which is fantastic! He tells me when he's awake and when he's asleep, and can (kind of) answer yes and no questions.

I've noticed he's been very tired lately. He was asleep for a day and a half as of late, and once when I went into wonderland he was just staring at a wall, completely inanimate. It scared me a little, I'm not going to lie. He's perked up a lot today, though. I haven't imposed him at all, I can feel he's still very tired, but he has been giving me head pressure. Amazingly, I could pinpoint the exact moment he woke up, the head pressure was severe! It's a bit like a shooting pain in my temple, which I've never had before. It was a little painful, but I was SO relieved that he was ok.

I added just a little to the wonderland, I don't want to change it too much while he still can't tell me his exact preferences, but basically my original design included a massive oak tree right in the middle of wonderland, and beneath it, dug into the ground, was a little room. It has a fireplace, bookcase, rugs, a chair or two... really simple. Well now I've decided to add a platform at the top of the tree in the branches, like a little tree house but open topped, so we can sit up there sometimes. Hopefully in tonight's visit to wonderland we can use it and admire the view.

Li comes with me to wonderland occasionally to see Pro and impart some knowledge. It's a nice way for us all to bond :)

 

Just a little closing question, do any of you have a kind of lead up place before you get to wonderland, because I arrive at a long white corridor with flickering lights with loads of doors, they all look exactly the same. I've opened a few of them, and they all have strange things inside, like weird wall paper or thousands of stars. The room at the furthest end of the corridor is wonderland, and I work my way down there.

 

Enjoying a spurt of progress!

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DAY 5

 

22/11/14

 

Today was slow, no sign of head pressure whatsoever, though I am able to impose the purple ball of light now.

 

By impose, do you mean actually seeing the ball of light or visualizing it with your eyes open steadily and vividly?


My lip hurts.

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