Blaycon & Runa

[Stevie]

I suddenly heard a random sentence in a female voice that interrupted my talk, it was too sudden and lacked sense (I can't even remember what it said) I had no idea of what to think there, I just got silent for a while, still surprised.

Yeah, it was sort of the same for me. I think it's normal enough for tulpas to not exactly be able to make sense in the beginning, so sometimes things get jumbled. Nice, though.

 

I have no idea of what happened here has anyone experienced something similar? I'd like to know what you guys think of this event. I consider this to be a mark of progress since I am assuming it was her saying all that stuff, but it still was confusing.

 

Finally I thank you all who took some time to read this huge post and I apologize if it was too much. :D

 

I've had nights like that before, where I've bounced in between being awake and dreaming all night. It sounds like what happened was that because you were forcing, and then falling asleep, and then dreaming, and then waking up and continuing to force, that you ended up experiencing some hypnagogic stuff. The instability and randomness fit the bill, anyway. Consider it your brain just shitting out half processed imagery and ideas all over your forcing session.

 

One of the first times I actually had a full conversation with my brain bro, it was after a night like that, so I don't think that it's a bad thing to do at all, if you want to try and recreate the experience.

[Blaycon]

[align=justify]Glad to see its somewhat normal, the whole thing was entirely confusing but I believe I made a lot of progress thanks to it. It was not the first time something like this happened (first time with forcing tough) but as random as it is, it somehow allows me to concentrate more than normally, it has helped me a few times before after studying for an exam (even with all the random stuff I'm actually able retain information I would otherwise forget easily), I even feel well rested after it happens so it actually keeps its "organize new stuff and rest" task like a normal sleeping session, maybe even better. It's like my mind gets fixed into a single idea and won't let go until I am fully awake (once I decide not to sleep any more).

 

But it's not that good everytime, sometimes I hold to the wrong thoughts, most commonly an activity I had or a game I played that day (could be good or bad for me), same as before, my mind will retain the idea until I decide to stay awake for a while, the difference here is that I don't want to keep thinking about it but there's no escape, in these occasions I end up stressed instead of well rested so I'm also glad it doesn't happen that frequently.

 

Day 36 (Tuesday April 21st 2015)

 

I tried to have the same experience I had last night since I actually enjoyed it for the most part. I did the same as before, I started talking to Runa, mostly about my day and I started asking questions again just as before. I tried repeating the whole process to see if I could trigger this state again. I spent probably thirty or forty minutes at this until I fell asleep, but this time I woke up with the sun shining on my face as I normally do. By now Runa probably knows I can't avoid it (yet) but I still apologized for sleeping during the forcing session and started writing this.

 

I will keep trying to find out how to get into this state since I find it quite interesting (and maybe useful for forcing). For now I think the only difference with last time was that this time I was actually tired by the time I went to sleep, perhaps the "excess energy" I had the first time has something to do here, so once again I'll try to sleep early and see what happens. My hopes are that this state can be both induced and maybe controlled with practice. From now on I'll try to include any findings I have along with my normal reports on Runa's progress.[/align]

[Blaycon]

I haven't been able to recreate that experience or find anything related on the internet. I still want to be able to do it since I'm sure it helped me with both concentration and visualization, my progress in general.

 

Anyway, my progress with Runa since then went back to a slow pace, I still hear random sentences from time to time, they appear with enough frequency to tell that, first, I didn't think about them (at least I'm convinced of this), they also sound different to my thoughts.

 

I don't know how to explain this but I normally think in two different ways, the first is like a "mute voice", I may think of something and its characteristics but I don't really hear the words in my head, it's just the thought. The second one would be an actual voice inside my head, but this voice is still somehow silent, I cannot hear it, but it still sounds in my head, there are words and it actually feels as if I was talking, just without the mouth. This is probably the way most people think and I just can't explain it correctly, I'd say it's similar to the way they show it on movies or Anime, just without the echo and a really low volume.

 

Now here's the reason this is important:

 

Day 44 (Wednesday April 29th 2015)

 

Whenever I hear these random sentences, it's like I actually hear them with my ears, they do sound physical and with a female voice as I stated on day 35. This voice is so different from my normal thoughts that I actually think someone is speaking to me when I'm in a crowded place and I have turned to see there's actually no one there, it proves to be in my head when I hear it when alone too.

 

These sentences still appear randomly and lack sense, well until just a few moments ago. I normally don't have time for active forcing because of college so my normal routine is to either narrate while walking or to lay on my bed at night with complete darkness in my room and narrate my day in general. But today, just as I turned the lights off and placed my head on the pillow I heard: "Sooo... how was your day?"

 

I won't lie, even after a few days of hearing random stuff 1 or 2 times a day, this time I immediately jumped to turn the lights on thinking it was a ghost. I don't even believe in them, but the surprise was just too much! (It even had more presence than the others). I laughed a at myself for a couple of minutes and proceeded to answer the question with my normal narration. Once I finished I had to come and write this, I just couldn't wait for tomorrow XD.

[Blaycon]

Day 50 (Tuesday May 5th 2015)

 

[align=justify]Final projects and exams are killing my free time, I haven't missed a single day from talking to Runa for short periods of time, this makes me feel better, but no active forcing at all. Right now I can't concentrate on anything but my classes, not that it is wrong but I think the stress is affecting Runa as well, I haven't heard anything from her recently, I think she's trying to communicate from time to time though, I can still sense her presence (not sure how to describe it though, let's just say it's a weird feeling), but no words, not even random like before.

 

Thankfully all this will be over next week, I'll be completely free for at least 2 weeks. My hopes are that we can get back on track then and maybe boost our progress during that free time, the main goal here would be for Runa to speak more, I don't expect it to be anything fluent (though it would be awesome), but at least for us to be able to go back to visualizing (I didn't mention it before but I decided not to visualize until I she can talk to me, at least on a basic level, no more random gibberish).

 

I've also been showing her what I like, my favourite music, my hobbies, things about my daily life, mostly stuff about me, to be honest I can't think of much to narrate now, other than explaining new stuff that happens each day. I've never been good at starting a conversation so it has been quite a challenge XD. This is why I want her to be able to speak soon, I think it's a lot easier if she asks about anything that calls her attention or begins a conversation about any topic of her choice, than me coming up with something. We could say this is a secondary reason for me to have a Tulpa, I wish to improve my conversation skills with people in general.

 

Finally, I'd like to know your opinions about these 2 points:

 

1) What do you think of pausing the visualization progress,? is it ok or should I try to do it little by little? I think I remember reading of some who didn't visualize until later, but I'm not too sure

 

2) Any tips to help her speak? I know parroting a little helps but are there any other tricks I can use?

 

If you have opinions on any other aspect mentioned here please, feel free to share it, specially if you think I'm doing something wrong, I'd like to correct it. Right now I think I need all the feedback I can get, this stage is proving to be quite a challenge.[/align]