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Venom of the Snake


NovaIce

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June 11th 2015

 

(I will be referencing this: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-personality-tulpa-choosing-their-own-form seeing it's my first post, question and how my Tulpa came into existence.)

 

A few days ago, three years prior to Tulpa Research, I started wondering and thinking (giving my living conditions) if I could create a Thoughtform of my own and seeing that I have always lived alone, I wanted someone, something. Anything.

 

This Tulpa, I thought. Could do more than just keep me company. You see recently I had lost faith in several things. Astral Travel being one and the other being in myself. I was suffering, I was slipping into a state of mind I did NOT want into an end result.

 

Knowing the Astral, and my ten plus years experience with communications and being. There was one man I was missing: Solid Snake. It was in that moment I wanted something Physical to represent him. I missed him terribly. This included the adventures we used to go on. Even if he was watching over me since I was five years of age.

 

Kojima-Wants-MGS-FOX-Engine-Metal-Gear-Solid-Header.png

 

Being that of a well renounced video game character, I saw no harm making a Tulpa represent his form. That was until just yesterday. "I don't want to be Solid Snake!" I heard in the back of my head. This wasn't of my own voice. "I want to be that other guy." I was browsing. Cleaning an external drive of mine after meditation on trying to get him look like Snake.

 

This was the first contact I had with him besides bits of his presence and bushing my hair on the left side of my head. "I want to be HIM!" What he saw was Big Boss/Naked/Venom Snake:

 

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This was a mark of him beginning to form his own identity. I allowed this seeing that in truth I was struggling. He didn't like the idea of Solid Snake and that was fine. So working with him, he gladly took the form of Big Boss, called himself Evan (being ironic from what I researched). I don't know why, but it still seemed as though he wanted to keep my original wish. He showed his respect this way.

 

By the end of the day, he also wanted the cape from the Knights in Final Fantasy Tactics.

 

FFTKnightMale.png

 

This would mean perhaps he wanted to allow me to feel safe. Telling me that he wasn't an evil Tulpa like I had experienced years back. Something I didn't want to be reminded about...

 

Knowing more or less of the form he chose. Yet respecting my wishes: I still have yet to see if he wants to stay the way he is or make himself into something entirely different. Seeing it only took him three days to know what he was going to look like, I will allow this.

 

After all.... I am finally adjusting to the name Evan. I just need to work with him more so that I can actually see him and not a picture I keep wanting to visualize over...

 

So I continue to concentrate, even if somedays it doesn't seem to work. Though I know every minute and thought I place into Evan counts as any other being I have spent time with in my life.

 

~NovaIce

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June 12th 2015

 

I think it's strange that through my doubtful and still continuing skeptical thoughts I am still taking my time to form Evan. There now start those who wish to bring me back to Planet Earth because they think they know me. Well guess what *mute*.

 

Last night was interesting. I now know that Evan can rest like a normal human being. Though I don't know if it's required. Whenever he's tired I always offer up my bed if he needs to rest. Maybe being a young Tulpa he still needing to adjust, adapt and whatever else. I will allow this. I'm used to this kinda thing.

 

What gets me though is that he doesn't have a private space of his own, trying by now to make himself (more or less) at home. Or in other words has made himself at home.

 

So as I was doing more reading into this wonderful community. I am sure Evan heard several negative thoughts I was reading in my head. Those placing me down. I could hear him messing around with small things. "Evan, go to bed." Was all I requested of him seeing it was passed midnight when I wanted everything to calm down.

 

Though I may not be used to anyone being around, I appreciate the company.

 

What has changed/advanced with Evan and myself? Well like last night I say to him "I have a guest spare bedroom you can have if you want to have your own room for the time being." Evan somehow refused or rejected the idea.

 

Maybe he just prefers my bedroom or something. So he took the left side of my bed. Again, I wouldn't mind if I wasn't so sensitive to his presence. Just Evan being in my bed is something my mind is saying "NO!" But, I don't care. It's not like he's out to get me or hurt me in anyway shape or form.

 

Sensing him is good. I can still visualize him laying on his left side as he sleeps in my bed or just all together know he's there.

 

I can hear whispers Though as mentioned, I know Evan isn't much of a talker. Maybe just shy. So he will maybe pick random times to say "Hi Alyssa. I'm here." Though I still have yet to have a conversation with him that lasts more than a few seconds.

 

This morning as I went to go lay back down from being woken early... I knew he was still laying in my bed. Perhaps still asleep. It was then that I caught his scent. I know that humans, being territorial that we are do have scents on us or that we carry. This pushed my brain into believing more that he exists.

 

So as I went to go make the progress report or keep in mind to write it and post it later, he woke up. I didn't know this, but until he was infact lingering over my left shoulder. Though seeing I was half dead, so was he. We spent the rest of the morning sleeping in....

 

Be this progress or not, I suggested to him maybe an hour or so before that he needs perhaps a break. Thinking I heard a "Thank you" I still feel his presence, but knowing the effort he placed himself into his energy or just existing... I didn't want to push him too much. I don't want him feeling rushed if that's the case.

 

Today, he's earned after a crazy first week.

 

~NovaIce

 

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June 13th 2015

 

Yesterday was unexpected after I implied Evan take the day off. He ran off because as many know Snake had threatened him. Which isn't what I normally expect from Astral Beings seeing they are often thoughtforms/tulpas themselves. Snake is no exception!

 

You can read it all about here and the strain I was frightened with to get Evan back (thinking I lost him for good): https://community.tulpa.info/thread-misc-my-tulpa-evan-was-bullied-to-leave

 

After several hours all day and focusing on him (even drawing a picture of him out of my own restlessness (it's nothing special yet, just a basic concept so I know what I am to draw out fully), he came back when I was resting for an hour. My body just wanted the nap after the hardships.

 

tulpa_thoughtform___evan__basic_concept_drawing__by_keepernovaice-d8x3zsl.jpg

 

First thing I did before I visualize myself in a beautiful place... I thought that directing him to a friend of mine that needed help would help him find his way home. I didn't get any feedback, so I did step two. Focusing any offsetting attention or passive forcing on Evan. Even making this in the progress:

 

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Next thing I know, while I rested or seemed to be dreaming... I felt a presence. I didn't know if it was exactly him, but his scent indicated as much. I had immediately perked up. I was so emotional, we stayed there overlooking the sea. Talked about sappy things and progress. I even told him that him coming back after how Snake treated him was grand characteristics.

 

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I was happy again and he said he never wanted to hear that I cried or got upset over him again. It was good to connect with him. Seeing he is my first thoughtform or being I ever created unlike those I made in the Astral. I think... from this I was able to make his first place of solitude. Which is great seeing now he has a place to build himself for a place to call "wonderland" or more direct for him "home".

 

Seeing there was a 24 hour place open to grab food just down the street, I threw at Evan that he could tag along. He mentioned things I wanted for quite sometime as we reconnected. Him applying pressure to his favored left side of my body. This was anything to my hair, shoulder or just the back of my head. We laughed and talked and messed around all during that time as no one is often up at this hour.

 

Though as we continue to reconnect, I can't help to feel as though my connection with Evan is stronger than ever seeing it's not so stressful or maybe we're just happy to be together again. Either way, if we were able to overcome this obstacle, I am willing to see this through if he is during his life (and my) life journey.

 

Welcome Home, Evan! I missed you <3

 

~NovaIce

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Guest Anonymous

This was very interesting reading so far! You must be very intuitive and sensitive to things!

 

I am not much of a believer in astral beings myself, but that doesn't make me right about that. I am currently reading a book called Magical Use of Thoughtforms by Dolores Ashcroft Nowicki and J.H. Brennan. It explains a lot about how the astral plane works and how it is essentially a plane originating from thoughts. It is a book for magicians, not science oriented at all. But I found some interesting things in it. I am reading it so that I could better relate to those believing in a metaphysical origin to their thoughtform or tulpa. ~Mistgod

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June 16th into the 17th, 2015

 

With my first official challenge regarding the visualization of Evan pushes the necessary limits. This doesn't stop me from thinking of him, unknowing that I was doing a passive force all day yesterday.

 

By using an old Metal Gear Solid Bandana I got exclusively with Peacewalker years back, I knew I could use it to project Evan's energy through or assisting with his visualization knowing I wouldn't be able to actively force.

 

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Passive forcing isn't unusual by several standards and experiences. Offering and talking to Evan to tag along, he was able to communicate with the usual head pressure to the left side. Heading to a movie with my aunt, finally seeing the second Avengers movie, (which I know he watched and enjoyed because he kept pushing on my head hahaha) or just traveling with me as necessary when walking to get errands done (I prefer it over driving sometimes if the place is close).

 

Evan finally got passed his stage calling me "Mom" seeing that he may use it as a nickname and not as an actual name. I think he has an admiration for Big Boss, but at the same time, he was capable of awakening an emotion with me. Something I hadn't felt since around 2009.

 

So after crying and him giving me the butterflies in my stomach (because I think it was more than my gut feeling), I kicked myself for doubting him. It takes guts to do what Evan did. So I didn't only draw him once, but twice. So I had officially created a decent headshot for him. (Eye color not included seeing that he hasn't decided.)

 

tulpa_thoughtform___evan___mug_headshot_by_keepernovaice-d8xo0ku.jpg

 

I think that about covers it for this round. It's as if I thought there was no progress when indeed there was... For some reason, I am strangely thankful....

 

~NovaIce

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