Forcing in bed, bad images that pursue my thoughts, and a strange drum beat?

[Arch]

Sups. Sorry for the unclear title, had to do with the character limit, but I'll try to get direct to the point. (also tl;dr at the end(

I've started this less than a week, I've tried to active force several times, but as I'm easily distracted and have a hard time concentrating, as I start trying to think about my tulpa, I quickly end up thinking with myself about intrisinc details on clouds and what would I do if a kid tried to rob me with a fake gun, among other unrelated things. Not to mention I have a hard time thinking of a topic to talk to my tulpa.

I just stopped active forcing and now rely on passively force while driving to work and while doing other stuff, having the same issue of focus above.

 

Passively forcing feels unnefective and pointless to me, so I planned to try active forcing during the night while trying to sleep, thing is, sometimes, uncommonly, while trying to sleep, I'm found in an endless stream of random scary, and sometimes horrific, images popping up in my mind.

I'm already used to it so it doesn't particularly bother me, but today while trying to sleep they've felt particularly more unpredictable (a bowling pin man, for instance) and vivid. My first reaction was to try as hard as possible not to think about my tulpa, afraid that these thoughts could somehow corrupt her, either in personality or in form, but this was obviously unneffective, just by thinking of not thinking about my tulpa, I started thinking about her and her image quickly became distorted into several scary images. I somehow managed to eventually get distracted and go back to normal thoughts and leave the stream of horrific pictures and also the image of my tulpa. I'm not particularly scaried of these thoughts since I'm already used to it, but something made me almost jump off my bed, I suddenly heard a strange beat that resembled the sound of a drum out of nowhere, but still not quite a drum. The sound was short but vivid and realistic, nothing in my room could've make this sound and it felt too close to my head in any case. Unlike the gorey images that keep popping up, this realistic sound popping up inside my head has literally never happened to me. Of course, I don't want to instantly associate it to something related to Tulpae, it could be something else. But I still put it in consideration.

 

I'm not sure what to ask in particular, but TL;DR: is it unhealthy to my tulpa when scary and vivid images of horrific random things keep popping in my head at the same time that I try to think about my tulpa, specially when these image distort the image of my tulpa in my head? I'm afraid that these will start to pursue me whenever I try to think about my tulpa at night. I don't have a "proper" tulpa yet as I've just started recently.

And... have you ever heard a short, very realistic, strange, unfamiliar, and completely random "drum" beat that felt to be coming from inside your head?

And using the opportunity to ask for a tip on focusing on my tulpa when trying to active force and not end up letting my imagination escape from focus and spend 90% of the time thinking about completely unrelated things. This is too confusing to me and was hard to translate into words so it could be even harder to address it, but if you have any sort of hint it would still be appreciated

[Guest Anonymous]

"Is it? I grew up with those images in my head, not projected by my host or anything, but when I was 'born', 'created', I saw those images. My first reaction was 'Wait, what is this?', I was really unaware back then. I guess it gets you used to stuff like that, I mean, gore, and it can develop bad habits for your tulpa. I, uh, don't really know about distorting the image of a tulpa, but that sounds like actually scary stuff. You should focus on thinking of other things (and don't think about not thinking about the distorted image because if you do the image will be of even more impact).

 

Well, if things don't really quite work out for you so far, I'd say that associating your tulpa with emotions might work! Like, when you'd think of your tulpa, it would make you happy, or excited, or other stuff like that, which would imply that the emotions exist in accordance to the tulpa's thought, so as long as you'd have those emotions that are brought up by the tulpa's image/thought//concept, you should be all good! :D

 

We've heard a lot of things with time... still no idea how that works!"

[Arch]

If you grew up with these images then I guess it's fine then... to be more specific, by distorting I mean that when I picture my tulpa, her image quickly becomes like a monster from the pictures that are popping up at the time.

(and don't think about not thinking about the distorted image because if you do the image will be of even more impact)

And this is the hardest thing, by thinking about not thinking about thinking about distorted images, all this cascades down to the thought I'm avoiding, oh well.

As long as my tulpa isn't affected by it, I don't mind the additional sleep lost, in any case.

I'll try the emotions thing!

[Elvode]

My tulpa have seen very scary images of... random.. scary stuff that kept popping into my head when I was a kid, I don't really get them anymore, my tulpa was unaffected by the images.

I haven't heard a drum beat from inside my head as I am aware of, but I've definitely heard like a sudden gun shot or explosion.

---

I forgot to share my advice! Have you tried playing a movie or music while trying to sleep?

I've noticed that listening to words keeps my mind empty and pictures aren't popping up randomly.

[Raetin]

I'd consider meditation to be a possible solution, as it allows you to focus on thing for an extended amount of time. It will take a lot of practice though, and tulpaforcing is practically doing that, except with the tulpa as the center of your focus.