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we impose well on walks cuz brother we'd die if we didn't. someone has to stop me from being angry at existence of humans or rena from panicking or mitski from turning into dust when we try to walk (byakko has never taken a long walk minus to work long ago so less research on that) oh i know what could help lumi acquire a severe anxiety disorder and/or agoraphobia, maybe it will help

Oops forgot to reply I haven't started playing Deltarune yet and it doesn't seem like I will soon either I want to, but I want a lot of things

What if asgore’s theme for chapter five was titled “A Father’s Love” and it was a collab between toby and masterswordremix

Spent 10 minutes imposing and talking to Flan while walking around Oh right, nearly 100% of walks we go on we do try imposing someone for some of it by the way, although those instances make it incredibly clear that we have ADHD as we will fail to keep our attention on them - even just trying to have a conversation - in literal seconds, multiple times My ADHD doesn't seem so bad for most tasks, but as far as streams of thought in non-focused tasks go it's really bad

You know, at this point, just *insert preferred method of care and affection* Yay! 😊

😭 fair we'd love to again sometime tho, idk when though other than yeah some recovery and productivity also walmart came. salisbury steak for me and pumpkin pie for rena also yeah, even we're too tired to shower today which is rare

Well, better exposure with me than total shock when you eventually have to talk to someone IRL again one day Anyways, Too tired to hang out 🤝 Too tired to hang out

that's sorta the state i am in also. except i would kinda like to draw but i can't bring myself to do it. think our stupid brain gets really overloaded from social situations that takes time to recover from. i think when we isolate from people it's easier to sleep and do things because even if we like talking to people at times, it's like it wrecks havoc in brain subconsciously and makes certain parts become agitated and not turn off for some reason, so we end up in more of an anxious underlying sense of nothing seems right until it resets

That's fine For the record whenever my system says "feel like doing nothing at all" or similar, we don't mean "Man I just wanna lay in bed and scroll on my phone!", we mean that anything we can think of from games/entertainment to eating to whatever all sound too unsatisfying to do so we're just sitting in (sometimes agonizing) limbo At the very least it is always a deeply unsatisfying state to exist in

i'm glad shaula scientifically impossible lumi exhibit A: this is me rn

Don't know if you guys direly need a day+ planning ahead of time but I can watch more DBZ (we're up to DBZ movies now) if you want I am exhausted and so feel like doing nothing at all, so that would be something (but you don't have to, I'll find something to do until I can sleep)

Glad it'll be okay. 😊 I really like that jelly! 😁

it'll be ok if walmart can hurry tf up and bring me my Marie Callender's Roasted Turkey Breast & Stuffing, Frozen Meal, 11.85oz already that jelly is pretty tho

That is a work of art. 😊 Yeah, definitely should have gotten at least a drink earlier. At least it's a leaning experience. That really sucks that you woke up like that.

Yesterday, I made a dream journal bingo card. Each space is something I either want to dream about, often dream about, or have recently dreamt about. I'm good about dream journaling, but this makes it a little more fun, since I get to check off whatever I dreamt about as long as I write it down. I reviewed it before bed, put it under my pillow, and dreamt about six things on it! No bingos yet, but wow. I thought I'd be lucky to get half that many in one night. I credit Lumi for making me dream about Touhou: You were dedicated. Just seeing that much dedication, especially when success seems to stay out of reach, from someone who's not a type-A go-getter but struggles with motivation like I do is inspiring.

jelly

look at this jelly i don't think there are any more reasonable sleep med options. not going to use benzos for sleep because already use them for anxiety and it would create horrific tolerance problems, and they also make sleep quality worse anyway. anti psychotics for sleep will make us sleep but never be able to wake up. trazadone is the closest thing to something that helps us sleep, but still ruins the entirety of the next day because of a fog of tiredness that takes 24 hours to go away, which i did use last night actually. i think how rowled up the mind is has a lot more to do with sleeping poorly or not falling asleep than anything else. though i did fall asleep relatively fast. i think i woke up because hungry and dehydrated made heart rate very high, but i was stubborn for too long before deciding to eat and drink something, but by the point the sun was coming up and it is very hard to sleep at that point

Lack of consistent sleep is sounding pretty devastating to your guys' lives, you should really find a sleep med that works for you

that does sound really nice. hadn't quite thought of that inbetween. we only knew of making something new, or mimicing something that exists. but i guess that is why many dan dan kokoro hikareteku tutorials for kalimba play it in different ways hagu

Aww. (つ✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠)つ I missed this and I just want to give you a hug too because you're really cool too. (⁠っ⁠.⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)⁠っ

yeah. essentially, composing is creating a new song, and arranging is creating a new way to play an existing song. although arrangement is still part of the broader field of composition, and the line between arrangement and composition can be blurry at times i started out making an arrangement of dearly beloved because i couldn't find any sheet music for it that i liked; everything was either too complicated or didn't sound right. so i decided to try to make my own version. i like it a lot though, even if i'm somewhat in over my head i think that composition was what was missing from my musical praxis before. just trying to play things that already exist is alright, but finding a way to creatively express myself and come up with new ways of doing things, and to hear my creative vision by playing it, is fun and satisfying on another level

i woke up only once and got 3 hours of sleep i think i have never felt more like a zombie hmmm interesting what is an arrangement exactly? devising your own way to play a song? we don't know much about music so closest we have is messing with a kalimba and rena liked playing the lute some time ago and made up some neat things brain power is low rn so i'm struggling to figure out how to say my appreciation, other than saying that. and you share many cool things, i like you being around cool that you could see it too. and oh, haven't seen akai megane yet but saw a trailer after looking it up and it looks cool. it would be cool to watch together and mhm, dragon ball interest is probably the main interest shared in our system, at least of the ones that switch, in varying ways. we haven't watched/read much of dr slump yet but it looks entertaining from what we have seen and will probably get to that at some point. also, my host tb would very often put arale on their team in dbz budokai tenkaichi 3. she's fun and goofy and actually pretty good. she doesn't have ki blasts, but instead the button for that is a very hefty slap that can be pretty diabolical lol. and her supers consist of throwing a boulder, running really fast and smashing through you like you're a bowling pin, or playing pro wrestling and hmmm, my favorite installation? that's really difficult to choose, though i do generally prefer the things made in the 80s and 90s. i don't know if i can pick a favorite, but i do like the narrative with frieza a lot. from the bardock, the father of goku special, all the way to goku facing frieza many years later. the other day we were watching episodes from the frieza saga randomly, and it stood out to me how fast gohan had to grow up. at 4 years old he was a spoiled cry baby, but with the invasion of the saiyans and going to namek, by the time he's about 5 or 6, he's incredibly stoic and mature there is a point after where the planet namek is dying and his father is fighting frieza as a super saiyan, when he brings piccolo to goku's ship as he was told, and his mother chi chi and master roshi were able to get into contact with him through the ships communications. the 2 adults are so emotional and having a meltdown of panic and confusion, but gohan just calmy and briefly gives them an update and then leaves the ship to go look for bulma despite them telling him to stay put when he does find bulma, she's super panicked and basically trauma dumping to gohan, and he's having to save her and sort of be her therapist at the same time, and he seems to handle it well when at the ship while bulma was working on preparing it for flight, he is watching over the gravely injured piccolo and making sure he is alright. then, gohan senses his father's energy vanish, so suspects he has been killed by frieza. but he doesn't lose his composure from that either. he just decides he will go and try to finish where goku left off. bulma tells him to not go, though he says "i am my father's son" with a smile. she says he'll just be killed, and he says, also with a smile, "mr. piccolo would probably say that, too. goodbye, miss bulma.", then flies off to face frieza. it's so surreal actually, it's so touching but also disturbing in some way. thankfully he lives because goku was not actually dead, but just stuck underground recovering from frieza's nova strike. though yeah, he had to grow so incredibly fast. he went through so many traumatizing experiences so early, but found it within himself to do his best to rise up to the challenge of that chaotic life, and do everything he could anyway. i wanna be like him fr lol, it makes sense he was the favorite character of many children watching it while growing up

Another story, fresh off the press. I guess this thread is as close of a "progress report" as it gets, because there really isn't much to be working on in our journey anymore and what ends up happening is "situations" in day-to-day life that could be interesting to narrate to those who don't have a tulpa and don't know the benefits. Now, before we proceed, you must know that I am a serial overthinker, there's no shame in saying that - I am the kind of person that whenever something COULD happen (for example, the car breaking down) my mind starts racing over dozens of possibilities and immediately registers to the "worst case scenario" (in this case, even if it's just a minor problem, I am already thinking at where/how could I get a new car) - on a psychological level, I am assuming this is the byproduct of my childhood, and how being "pessimistic" is a sort of "shield" towards being let down - if you think the worst is gonna happen, well, worst case scenario you're already prepared for it, it can only get better from there. The only downside to this is major stress and fatigue from over-analyzing every situation, but I can't help it I'm afraid. :/ Regardless, in the past few days I've had a cool opportunity from one of my recurring clients: manage a sports tournament - a 3 days event in an open field near where I live where I had to provide and manage all the necessary equipment to make the show happen (sound, cameras, light, and a led wall). Now, this isn't anything I haven't done before, the only difference this time was the responsibility of the equipment being all mine - most of it being loaners from different places, so I had to make sure everything was done right, and safely. First day, the set-up happens and everything works well, aside from me hyperfixating on the truss setup and quadruple-making sure that not even a bulldozer could take it down (here's a random picture off the web for context) Cue the evening, and everything goes as it should, and now it's time to wrap up the first day - since we've set up in a public park in a big city, we've got to be careful with the equipment. With my colleagues, we remove everything of value (cameras, mixers, speakers etc.) but shortly after a haunting thought starts looming in my mind: "what if they steal the ledwall?" Mind you, the park was guarded by one person in the night time, from around midnight to 7am - but after that, it was kinda "left to chance" until the early afternoon; this is the part where my mind starts working overtime and conjures all the possible scenarios: What if a truck of thieves pulls over in the morning and steals it? What if some kid trips over the structure and dies? What if it falls down tonight and crashes down, destroying everything in the process? What if the police arrives and seizes it? These, and many more, were haunting my wellbeing during that wrapping up time, I was already wondering which bank I should go to should I need a loan to pay for damages (or re-buy the stolen ledwall), which lawyer to call if someone gets injured in the morning, etc. Naturally, my coworkers thought I was being excessive, and likely they were right, but it's in my nature to be extremely analytical and overthinking to the absolute limit, it is something that has saved my bacon a number of times. After much thought (and panicking), I was even ready to grab a hotel nearby just for myself and send the guys home for the night without me, or dismantle it myself and come back on my own in the early morning to re-assemble it (which would have been suicide), but thankfully Cheryl stepped in amongst this "what if" chaos and helped me out. Cheryl is really good at "dismantling" my beliefs, something she has picked up over the years when I was in similar situations that needed some logical grounding - letting me run amok in my own made-up scenarios is often just a recipe for endless stress. Naturally, she stepped in saying that "the ledwall isn't going anywhere" because logically virtually nobody would have the means to setup such a "heist" in a few hours, unannounced and without the equipment and knowledge to take it out - but that is something I immediately shrugged off as "her typical optimism" which usually is more of a "logical grounded reasoning" that dismantles over-the-top made up scenarios, like the ones I was making up on the spot. One by one, she worked through all my made-up scenarios and managed to "calm me down" a little bit: "No kid would be playing at the park this early in the morning, especially because these are the last days of school." "There were huge winds during the evening show and the structure held up just fine, and since you lower it down for the night the center of gravity is lower, making it even more sturdy." "The police was there during the event to oversee the spectators, why didn't they say anything then? And likely, the organizers had all the permissions in order too." There are people in this community that don't believe in parallel processing and "identity separation", but frankly I wouldn't be able to explain how I am able to get these cold takes in a situation where I am near-panicking and definitely not in the right state of mind to think like that - this has happened multiple times in the past too, and every time she was there to help me out with these doubts and beliefs. In the end, after "cooling" down a bit and registering to the worst case scenario (I already had in mind how to re-pay it should it get stolen) we spent some extra time securing and fencing all the area around it (from the outside it looked like we were hiding/guarding the Mona Lisa, given how much fencing and red tape we put around it) and then we went home. Spoiler alert: the ledwall didn't get stolen, it held up the entire 3 days just fine (day and night) and Cheryl made me notice in the morning that one of the wind covers blew open in the morning, meaning there were huge winds and it still didn't topple. The story of today is meant to show that a Tulpa can help an overthinking (dysfunctional and neurodivergent) person by "steering" them out of oblivion, but it requires a very specific need and much work towards making sure you can allow them to help you.

Good morning, everyone! 😊 Oh, lol. At least something good came out of it. You just get all sorts of different phones. It's kinda cool. 😁 Yay! 😊 One step at a time! 😁 Poor bird but lol!

I'm not talking about anything