Another story, fresh off the press.
I guess this thread is as close of a "progress report" as it gets, because there really isn't much to be working on in our journey anymore and what ends up happening is "situations" in day-to-day life that could be interesting to narrate to those who don't have a tulpa and don't know the benefits.
Now, before we proceed, you must know that I am a serial overthinker, there's no shame in saying that - I am the kind of person that whenever something COULD happen (for example, the car breaking down) my mind starts racing over dozens of possibilities and immediately registers to the "worst case scenario" (in this case, even if it's just a minor problem, I am already thinking at where/how could I get a new car) - on a psychological level, I am assuming this is the byproduct of my childhood, and how being "pessimistic" is a sort of "shield" towards being let down - if you think the worst is gonna happen, well, worst case scenario you're already prepared for it, it can only get better from there.
The only downside to this is major stress and fatigue from over-analyzing every situation, but I can't help it I'm afraid. :/
Regardless, in the past few days I've had a cool opportunity from one of my recurring clients: manage a sports tournament - a 3 days event in an open field near where I live where I had to provide and manage all the necessary equipment to make the show happen (sound, cameras, light, and a led wall).
Now, this isn't anything I haven't done before, the only difference this time was the responsibility of the equipment being all mine - most of it being loaners from different places, so I had to make sure everything was done right, and safely.
First day, the set-up happens and everything works well, aside from me hyperfixating on the truss setup and quadruple-making sure that not even a bulldozer could take it down (here's a random picture off the web for context)
Cue the evening, and everything goes as it should, and now it's time to wrap up the first day - since we've set up in a public park in a big city, we've got to be careful with the equipment.
With my colleagues, we remove everything of value (cameras, mixers, speakers etc.) but shortly after a haunting thought starts looming in my mind: "what if they steal the ledwall?"
Mind you, the park was guarded by one person in the night time, from around midnight to 7am - but after that, it was kinda "left to chance" until the early afternoon; this is the part where my mind starts working overtime and conjures all the possible scenarios:
What if a truck of thieves pulls over in the morning and steals it?
What if some kid trips over the structure and dies?
What if it falls down tonight and crashes down, destroying everything in the process?
What if the police arrives and seizes it?
These, and many more, were haunting my wellbeing during that wrapping up time, I was already wondering which bank I should go to should I need a loan to pay for damages (or re-buy the stolen ledwall), which lawyer to call if someone gets injured in the morning, etc.
Naturally, my coworkers thought I was being excessive, and likely they were right, but it's in my nature to be extremely analytical and overthinking to the absolute limit, it is something that has saved my bacon a number of times.
After much thought (and panicking), I was even ready to grab a hotel nearby just for myself and send the guys home for the night without me, or dismantle it myself and come back on my own in the early morning to re-assemble it (which would have been suicide), but thankfully Cheryl stepped in amongst this "what if" chaos and helped me out.
Cheryl is really good at "dismantling" my beliefs, something she has picked up over the years when I was in similar situations that needed some logical grounding - letting me run amok in my own made-up scenarios is often just a recipe for endless stress.
Naturally, she stepped in saying that "the ledwall isn't going anywhere" because logically virtually nobody would have the means to setup such a "heist" in a few hours, unannounced and without the equipment and knowledge to take it out - but that is something I immediately shrugged off as "her typical optimism" which usually is more of a "logical grounded reasoning" that dismantles over-the-top made up scenarios, like the ones I was making up on the spot.
One by one, she worked through all my made-up scenarios and managed to "calm me down" a little bit:
"No kid would be playing at the park this early in the morning, especially because these were the last days of school."
"There were huge winds during the evening show and the structure held up just fine, and since you lower it down for the night the center of gravity is lower, making it even more sturdy."
"The police was there during the event to oversee the spectators, why didn't they say anything then? And likely, the organizers had all the permissions in order too."
There are people in this community that don't believe in parallel processing and "identity separation", but frankly I wouldn't be able to explain how I am able to get these cold takes in a situation where I am near-panicking and definitely not in the right state of mind to think like that - this has happened multiple times in the past too, and every time she was there to help me out with these doubts and beliefs.
In the end, after "cooling" down a bit and registering to the worst case scenario (I already had in mind how to re-pay it should it get stolen) we spent some extra time securing and fencing all the area around it (from the outside it looked like we were hiding/guarding the Mona Lisa, given how much fencing and red tape we put around it) and then we went home.
Spoiler alert: the ledwall didn't get stolen, it held up the entire 3 days even just fine (day and night) and Cheryl made me notice in the morning that one of the wind covers blew open in the morning, meaning there were huge winds and it still didn't topple.
The story of today is meant to show that a Tulpa can help an overthinking (dysfunctional and neurodivergent) person by "steering" them out of oblivion, but it requires a very specific need and much work towards making sure you can allow them to help you.
Another story, fresh off the press. I guess this thread is as close of a "progress report" as it gets, because there really isn't much to be working on in our journey anymore and what ends up happening is "situations" in day-to-day life that could be interesting to narrate to those who don't have a tulpa and don't know the benefits. Now, before we proceed, you must know that I am a serial overthinker, there's no shame in saying that - I am the kind of person that whenever something COULD happen (for example, the car breaking down) my mind starts racing over dozens of possibilities and immediately registers to the "worst case scenario" (in this case, even if it's just a minor problem, I am already thinking at where/how could I get a new car) - on a psychological level, I am assuming this is the byproduct of my childhood, and how being "pessimistic" is a sort of "shield" towards being let down - if you think the worst is gonna happen, well, worst case scenario you're already prepared for it, it can only get better from there. The only downside to this is major stress and fatigue from over-analyzing every situation, but I can't help it I'm afraid. :/ Regardless, in the past few days I've had a cool opportunity from one of my recurring clients: manage a sports tournament - a 3 days event in an open field near where I live where I had to provide and manage all the necessary equipment to make the show happen (sound, cameras, light, and a led wall). Now, this isn't anything I haven't done before, the only difference this time was the responsibility of the equipment being all mine - most of it being loaners from different places, so I had to make sure everything was done right, and safely. First day, the set-up happens and everything works well, aside from me hyperfixating on the truss setup and quadruple-making sure that not even a bulldozer could take it down (here's a random picture off the web for context) Cue the evening, and everything goes as it should, and now it's time to wrap up the first day - since we've set up in a public park in a big city, we've got to be careful with the equipment. With my colleagues, we remove everything of value (cameras, mixers, speakers etc.) but shortly after a haunting thought starts looming in my mind: "what if they steal the ledwall?" Mind you, the park was guarded by one person in the night time, from around midnight to 7am - but after that, it was kinda "left to chance" until the early afternoon; this is the part where my mind starts working overtime and conjures all the possible scenarios: What if a truck of thieves pulls over in the morning and steals it? What if some kid trips over the structure and dies? What if it falls down tonight and crashes down, destroying everything in the process? What if the police arrives and seizes it? These, and many more, were haunting my wellbeing during that wrapping up time, I was already wondering which bank I should go to should I need a loan to pay for damages (or re-buy the stolen ledwall), which lawyer to call if someone gets injured in the morning, etc. Naturally, my coworkers thought I was being excessive, and likely they were right, but it's in my nature to be extremely analytical and overthinking to the absolute limit, it is something that has saved my bacon a number of times. After much thought (and panicking), I was even ready to grab a hotel nearby just for myself and send the guys home for the night without me, or dismantle it myself and come back on my own in the early morning to re-assemble it (which would have been suicide), but thankfully Cheryl stepped in amongst this "what if" chaos and helped me out. Cheryl is really good at "dismantling" my beliefs, something she has picked up over the years when I was in similar situations that needed some logical grounding - letting me run amok in my own made-up scenarios is often just a recipe for endless stress. Naturally, she stepped in saying that "the ledwall isn't going anywhere" because logically virtually nobody would have the means to setup such a "heist" in a few hours, unannounced and without the equipment and knowledge to take it out - but that is something I immediately shrugged off as "her typical optimism" which usually is more of a "logical grounded reasoning" that dismantles over-the-top made up scenarios, like the ones I was making up on the spot. One by one, she worked through all my made-up scenarios and managed to "calm me down" a little bit: "No kid would be playing at the park this early in the morning, especially because these were the last days of school." "There were huge winds during the evening show and the structure held up just fine, and since you lower it down for the night the center of gravity is lower, making it even more sturdy." "The police was there during the event to oversee the spectators, why didn't they say anything then? And likely, the organizers had all the permissions in order too." There are people in this community that don't believe in parallel processing and "identity separation", but frankly I wouldn't be able to explain how I am able to get these cold takes in a situation where I am near-panicking and definitely not in the right state of mind to think like that - this has happened multiple times in the past too, and every time she was there to help me out with these doubts and beliefs. In the end, after "cooling" down a bit and registering to the worst case scenario (I already had in mind how to re-pay it should it get stolen) we spent some extra time securing and fencing all the area around it (from the outside it looked like we were hiding/guarding the Mona Lisa, given how much fencing and red tape we put around it) and then we went home. Spoiler alert: the ledwall didn't get stolen, it held up the entire 3 days even just fine (day and night) and Cheryl made me notice in the morning that one of the wind covers blew open in the morning, meaning there were huge winds and it still didn't topple. The story of today is meant to show that a Tulpa can help an overthinking (dysfunctional and neurodivergent) person by "steering" them out of oblivion, but it requires a very specific need and much work towards making sure you can allow them to help you.
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