Visualization Progress Report for Past Week:
I did a session earlier in the week during the day with Verres. The window blinds were open so the lighting condition was bright in the room. I did my warmups while laying on my bed, and got sleepy during it. When they were done, I got up to do my imposition practice with her, and was in a very groggy state of mind. In the area where she was supposed to be sitting in the chair, I saw a weird visual phenomenon that appeared physical and lasted somewhere between 10+ seconds to maybe up to a minute or so. It was like a really intense version of visual snow, with patches of the air before me appearing physically blotchy and with shifting patterns of some kind. It felt like there was a vague outline of Verres sitting before me, and the blotchy patch of air was in turn confined within her outline.
The whole thing felt like a visual glitch one might see in a video game. A character was not displayed properly, and only isolated patches of their surface texture or skin was rezzed in a bugged manner, while the rest of the character was not depicted at all. The visible, but glitchy, part of the character was still therefore confined within their outline. This was a very unusual incident and the first of its kind for me. The phenomenon lasted long enough for me to have the time to physically look at it, confirm that it indeed appeared physical, and get an idea on its size and outline. Logically this incident is a sign of good progress and should make me feel really hopeful, but I have been pretty calm about it and have gone on with my practices as normal.
A less bizarre phenomenon that occurred this week was during yet another warmup session, where I again fell into a sleepy state and managed to see very clearly parts of my wonderland, similar to what one might encounter in a lucid dream.
The rest of the week had been uneventful. I noticed I have the habit of focusing on my tulpas' torso or even legs when I'm sitting before them, like I'm uncomfortable staring straight at their face similar to how I can get when dealing with people in real life. I've began to change this habit by spending time gazing at my tulpas' faces (or where their face should be) during imposition practice. This has been helpful to make the presence of their faces and heads clearer. It has also led to my looking a lot more in their eyes and working on their visuals and presence/feelings.
From time to time during my day I would still try to impose their forms or presence about me. The tulpas in turn have continued to show up seemingly of their own will. They don't fight for their spots, but rather than two of them appearing together I've noticed one of them canceling their physical presence when the other wants to impose themselves. This seems to be a behavior that arose naturally between the two of them. Imposing two presences at once is still something harder for me to do.
I've continued trying to do my sessions with varying levels of daylight in the room. It feels like it helps. There were a couple of times when it felt like there were very faint outline of the tulpas that I could feel, but nothing super concrete like what I've described above and in the previous weeks. The tulpas' presence and mental images I get of them during my imposition practice have developed more movement. They are not just quietly sitting there anymore, but would have shifts in their postures, the occasional crossed legs, foot placed on the chair, and other movements or gestures with their hands. This had developed gradually over the course of the past few weeks, and makes them feel quite different from when they were just a sort of blobby presence before me.
Miscellaneous Stuff:
I noticed odd emotions being aroused when I went through my old yearbooks, and worked through them with Saeya and the Mace Energy Method. It feels when I need their help working on something, they would just offer to do it as part of the time slot dedicated to their sessions. Who gets what spot or who might end up missing a session is less important when something about me comes up. Generally nowadays they are a lot more chill about the matter of fairness or time allocation between them. Like they know they're both important and practice sessions with them are not as much of a symbol for that anymore.
I went to get a haircut at a local salon, and imposed Verres there as I waited. Having other customers nearby helped with the process a lot, it provided references and overall made her presence quite strong and detailed there.
I went to Wal-Mart today, and Saeya declared it as her turn to be imposed in the store, because I'm too lazy to keep proper track and Verres usually ends up getting more turns. Neither Verres nor I had issues with her reasoning, so it just naturally became Saeya's turn. We caught a snippet of a buff, tattooed man having an argument with his girlfriend or spouse on the phone, and Saeya found it really interesting for some reason.
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