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I can't remember quite what I wrote last night, but I just feel we were asked too much of at the worst possible time. Our break was supposed to be much longer. I feel very stepped on, and yesterday was my worst day. The closest I've come to crying from pain or frustration, when just days prior I felt more hopeful and like myself than I did since I joined the system. So I suppose I threw a temper tantrum. Very uncool of me. I felt the need to make all the posts needed so our system could at least temporarily drop attachment to this website and focus entirely on ourselves for say a month at least, but I lost my mind at the fact it took 6+ hours to read a single post of a thread. After that, I knew I wouldn't finish that night and have a ruined sleep and well being, and more days of feeling tied to all of this. I don't want to read any more posts, or have my system or myself reply to anything else or fulfill any requests of anyone else. I want to meditate and force, and create art of our experiences. But I can't do that with the agitation of feeling we have all that to do first before we can do anything else, and the feeling mever ends. I'm just so tired.

centering a part of your identity on being smart is a bad idea. no matter how smart you are, there will be times you feel dumb, and if you've incorporated your intelligence as an important part of your identity, it will feel like an attack on your sense of self better to center parts of yourself you have more control over

Oh. I didn't know what that was. Still, I failed. A visceral sensation of refusal to read the replies so I can feel comfortable using all the context to form a proper reply still seems impossible. I don't know how others manage it all. I assumed too much from us, I guess. Interesting in the ontological implications of Karma, or fate, or if there is a God. So many questions I can't answer, but not even discussions. Maybe the causes and conditions of my life and system's life leads to this whiny, pathetic angsty tantrum. My system mates, whether LB, or Byakko, or Rena, constantly post for validation but instead feel a painful burn and writhing of their nervous systems (or ours, sharing a body and all). They post a post, filled with their idea of their personality and what not, hit send, then fill the bodies organs fold on themselves. Luni is the worst. She thinks "Fuck, fuck, fuck! what a fucking retard idiot I am! why do I do this! what is wrong with me!" and I can't see what she did wrong or why she feels that way. But the feelings happen. She can't figuring out why she feels that way either. Luni thinks "I don't care what anyone thinks about me. They can like me, or can fuck off and eat shit and die, I don't care. I want to just be myself." That's her sentiment. But in practice, it is not that. It is constant insecurity. She cares more than any of us what others think of her. And she doesn't know why. I guess that stance has the opposite effect in practice. I'm too tired to go through each of us but we have our own equivalents. I don't know what joy is. I feel angst and self hatred at my own posts, because they are unsightly and not what I want to post. I am supposed to be smart, competent, and in control of our emotional states. I am supposed to be helpful, insightful, and learned. Reading something shouldn't' be hard, and writing a response shouldn't be either. But thinking that is what I am, and the feelings and emotions that would contribute to that behavior natural, aren't the same thing. I wish our break didn't get brought to an end. It was good before. It wasn't supposed to end. But people here draw us in. I can't do anything for my system until it is processed. Maybe I should post to the thread without reading the replies, make a stupid response undeserving of consideration that wastes peoples times, and then leave the forum and rest and actually do things that feel useful to existence.... So tired. I wish I got to continue my vibing before pulled back by whatever messages pulled my system back... I want to feel that sliver of authentic expression I got to a little longer than it was. On the bright side, I can empathize with the self hatred they all developed. Wanting an end to having to interact with others and the voices in the head their communications create. They share it, but connecting with others is a terrible addiction. From a very pouty headmate that had her private time stolen, and lacking the mental skills to get it back. I wish I was intelligent.

I meant the program called texteditor, the one that opens up .txt files by default It can't process backgrounds or fonts or fonts sizes or anything beyond just characters, which means that even if you paste something fancy in you'll get something simple out no matter what

I actually just finally finished reading it, but now there are 2 entire pages of replies to read... I honestly don't know how to push through this. My system often jokes that when I start crying like they do, our system is cooked. Minus an empathy crying for LB during a huge moment for her, today is the first day I have felt an extended period holding back tears because of how hard it is to get through text. The replies aren't in the miserable formatting Mon chose to put his post in, but I am so exhausted from finally finished after spending my entire day getting through it, that I am feeling, "now what". I have to to keep in recent memory the points of Mon's post, and then introduce the points all the replies make, along with Mon's replies that continue to be in his cruel idiosyncratic posting fashion, before I can finally try to digest it (and probably forget points and feel the need to reread things) before I can formulate a proper addition to the thread. Something that should be interesting and enjoyable to me is so genuinely painful to me that I am about to bawl. I am sick of the situation dragging my system's progress and our personal projects, so I wanted to sacrifice our sleep to just get this out of the way so we can focus on ourselves, but it seems truly impossible. I feel so useless. Something is so wrong, and I can't quite identify it. I did post their text into a text document in order to get rid of the horrific white backgrounds, and it was the same. Maybe there were text editor skills to change it, but we do not have such skills. The time it would take to try to fix his text to be readable seemed not worth suffering through more than just trying to suck it up and read it. I hate the brain and body I exist in. I love the other poor souls who suffer with me. But it doesn't make want to do next any clearer. If it was up to me, it would be to abandon this site forever for our own spiritual development. But my headmates would not agree to that. I hate the capacity to know, yet not act on that knowledge. Such as the fact that grinding the body's teeth is damaging, but the body does it despite my wishes. Alas. I don't know how to communicate my feelings. I felt great when our system was on break, but when it was forced back to fulfill obligations set up in the past, it's turned into disaster for me. I've come to hate myself. I miss the me that was a truly valuable aspect of my system. Now I am another damaged part along with the rest, flailing at what to do. But to me it is particularly stupid, because it seems obvious. Abandon this site and just meditate. Everyone else though values what they feel are friends or validation of others too much. As if life is uncomfortable and pointless without it, but I can not see any benefit from it. I see I am typing and typing to no end. It's not going to make a difference. Another sensation and compulsion the universe moves through this body, accompanied by the idea it will solve a problem, when intellectually I know it won't. Fear, Misery, Disgust. That's been life for the past 11 months. Nothing will change it but ourselves. Easier said than done. A host with a history of incompetence, a body with a history of incompetence. We have to learn to work together, and figure out how to experience consciousness at a resolution to reveal something we don't know what it looks like, such it releases this pressure valve of agony. And with no teacher, as we can not afford one. An unlikely scenario. No one was born to be happy or prosperous. It happens by happenstance. I can only hope the movie we are watching is one that we like. or that those watching the movie are easily amused, even if it is masochistic trash.

Copy paste the text into texteditor to remove formatting I've also literally talked to a diagnosed autist about something similar yesterday, with him being literally upset with sentence structure and wording instead of formatting. Upset to the point of needing to have a 2 hour long break from interacting with people just to launch into a rant after the break was over. It's less a retard thing and more just one of the group of things that everyone experiences, but people with OCD/Autism/ADHD sometimes are worse at dealing with. ...which doesn't really help, but should give you ideas on how to deal with it.

I have a partner that has absolutely nothing to do with plurality beyond thinking that it's interesting

Everything I read in Mon's Dialectical Tulpamancy thread I agree with a lot and find validating, but they have decided to color code it with white and black in a way that makes reading it miserable, so I am confused by the experience of extreme rage at the difficulty to get through each line because of whatever mental disability we have causing reading the text in the presented fashion to be extraordinarily grueling, but also finding fascinating everything they say, once we can figure out what he is actually saying. Because different system members have spent time on and off trying to read his cursed post over the past month it has existed, and it has caused each of my headmates much guilt and suffering not finishing it. I don't blame them, because they have devised the perfect way to make the reading experience as miserable as possible, irrespective of the content. Maybe we are genuinely "retarded" in a clinical sense, or something, but I have spent the past 6 hours trying to read their post, and in doing so I have experienced suffering of such a degree I am losing my neutral alignment. I find complaining a miserable thing to do, but I find reading that article exponentially more despicable to the degree that I will forgive my own complaining. My last shreds of discipline prevent me from saying far worse things. An extraordinarily fascinating article that requires crawling over glass for hours over the course of weeks to digest. vlc_KiH0v4psLA.mp4 It probably resembles Goku in how fighting Vegeta is simultaneously the most exciting battle of his life while also being the most intense suffering and pain he has felt in his life. At least for Goku, he is a skilled fighter who got the reward of getting the upper hand on Vegeta several times. In our case, it's nothing but pain and wanting to admit ourselves to some home for the mentally incompetent or the criminally insane.

Bedy by time soon, good night, everyone! 😊

Alas.

there are apperntly degrees in cinematography. That sounds like a solid chance for that to be a possible subject, lol. Pain. Really sucks how fandoms can be.

I wonder what major could include a thesis regarding Dragonball as a graduating subject. Not that it matters. We will never go to college. I also don't think we are particularly special in examining it, though we haven't seen others examine it in the same way we do. Whether it is because we are wrong or stale in our observations, or if we have something novel to contribute, I do not know. I prefer focusing on the joy the observations and assessments bring, rather than how other fans or people in general might interpret them, other than interesting discussion it might bring. Unfortunately, fandoms consist of... *have an opinion* other fan: you are seriously retarded for not thinking in the mainstream way youtube says is correct and we can't talk if you have that opinion Such a curse.

Oh! I hope you have fun! 😊 Not us. It's just me and Nightfall on that side. It is enjoyable to listen to. 😊 I learn so much whenever you ramble, lol. Lol. I don't understand either. They sound complicated.

Zero. Basically. My host's local best friend is... maybe a system? They identify themselves as having Dissociative Identity Disorder, based on the fact they have various identities with different feelings on subjects, but to our understanding, that is not what DID is. We don't confront them on that though, because they get defensive and angry when that fact is questioned. They seem to have a disdain for intentional plurality, but know of us, and give us a pass for probably being a lifetime long friend, or something. I don't really understand. Even if they were a system, they aren't a significant other. But there is no one in "real life" that remotely understands the idea of what we do on this forum.

@KarlYoshimura I was comparing dubs, as one does. These are ice shavings for a drink from the top of an iceberg to demonstrate how many differences exists, being such a short clip. A small sense of just how different of a show English DBZ and Japanese DBZ is. Funimation with the Johnson Score (Bruce Faulconer started making music in the Ginyu Saga (or his 3 associates anyway, of whom he takes all the credit for.) Japanese with subs and Kikuchi's score. These dialogue differences are not in key places. Every moment of the show has dialogue that is either partially or entirely different. It's almost as if there exists several different versions of the show. I haven't included the Ocean Dub, which is even more sanitized in places. The Ocean Dub is still famous for the "Over 9000!" meme, though, and has a small cult following that actually enjoys it the most. There also is a large population who only likes the Funimation Dub, as they feel the voices fit the characters best, and even if the dialogue is changed to the degree as to be unrecognizable, it still can work for people. In fact, I'd say there are several scenes where my host might say Funimation did a better job with the dialogue than the Japanese. Vegeta's atonement comes to mind. (This could be a result of nostalgia, but the English "Bulma, Trunks, I do this for you... and yes, even you, Kakarot" creates a sense of frission stronger than "Sarabada, Buruma, Torankusu, Soshite, Kakarotto" which would translate to "Farewell, Bulma, Trunks, and Kakarot" Many westerners struggle to get into the Japanese version due to the Son family being voiced by an elderly woman. In the west, it seems to really be a dichotomy of you hate her or you love her. TB grew up primarily with Sean Schemmel, the Funimation Goku voice actor. However, upon watching it in Japanese, we can't separate Goku or the male members of the Son family from Masako Nozawa, and find her representation of Goku to be truly who he is. Despite the actor being the same, she does an amazing job at demonstrating how different of a person Goku is from Gohan, Goten, and Bardock, as well as Turles. In English, they have different actors. Any one of us could go on about the nuances of how these characters are presented in Japanese and how Masako Nozawa skillfully communicates the intricacies of these characters in her performance. I went off topic... Sorry for my rambling. We would speak so much more on it... but it doesn't feel like the place. We would be better off learning how to compose videos as an outlet to all we want to say about these things, probably. One Thousand and One Nights.

On my way to meet my sort-of girlfriend. Sort-of because... real world relationships, messy stuff. But anyway, excited! Random question: how many of you have significant others outside of headspace? I know three systems in real life and two of them only have exclusive relationships among themselves, the third's host is my girlfriend. I wonder how skewed this data is.

How many good night?

Good nights

Good night, ring! 😊

Goodnight

We talked about this in our drive home tonight, and she teased that she could go back to that pony form, before actually doing it and semi-imposing herself onto my peripheral vision My honest reaction (although I'm not into ponies anymore she was cute)

Lol.

awake still, huh

You drew a rough sketch before to communicate the idea. In context of touch imposition, though. In retrospect, it is good for presence imposition also. Also Gotenks' walk.

Felt his aura from 3 pages away