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Amanda


goldguy31

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Hey guys!

 

This is my first day/post on this forum. Sooo I'm new. n stuff

 

I learned about tulpas about a month ago and almost started trying to make one that very afternoon. I told by friend about it though, and she strongly encouraged me to "stay away from that shit" because she had i guess heard stories or rumors of people developing psychopathy, schizophrenia, split-personality disorder, and what have you. So, because of her close relationship with me, I took her advice. After a few weeks my curiosity only continued to grow though, and I kept doing research and decided that the reward was much higher and the risk much lower than she perceived it to be. Even then though, I'm doing more research than I otherwise would because I want to be aware of the risks and know how to minimize them as much as possible. so I've just been researching for many hours this last week or so. I'm still pretty cautious because of what my friend said.

 

All that to say, I'm going to try it. I have sort of a rough plan, and about 32 traits established, but I have yet to start forcing. I guess this will be my daily log or whatever. I plan to either start today or tomorrow.

 

I do have a few questions though.

 

When forcing, is it more beneficial to work on personality, form, and animation separately? As in should I complete one before I start the other, or should I spent a few hours on each at a time and jump back and forth?

 

Also, tips for making a dream world? Ive been trying. Its hard to find an ideal though. I don't want it to be cliche like a magic tree house or a castle or anything. I was thinking to do just an apartment in a city somewhere, but its difficult to visualize that in all its detail. The thing I seem to have the most success with as far as visualization is just a plain white world with nothing in it. and like a glass floor. And if i think hard enough I can create these plain white structures, but thats really boring haha. I can visualize more, but its more difficult. I guess I just need to practice. If any of you have any tips or anything let me know!

 

And one last thing. Is it nessicary to include negative traits for the tulpa? I have 32 traits, and I chose about 23 good traits and 9 bad ones. Is this a good ratio? Should I have more negative traits? do I even need negative traits? I figured it would make her more human-like and just more relatable in general.

 

But back on topic. As the title suggests, I have tentatively decided to name it/her Amanda, and she'll be humanoid. Just a regular girl with brown hair and brown eyes. And she'll be nice. And thats all I have as far as detail. I'd provide the list of traits I wrote down, but I cant seem to find it. I realize that all these early detail specifications may change, but this is how I currently see her in my mind right now.

 

Ummm thats about it I think. Sorry, this ended up being about 3.6 times longer than I intended it to be. I realize not many will take time to read this, but its always nice to get your thoughts out there regardless.

 

Anyways,

Wish me luck!

Any advice is always welcome!

I look forward to becoming more involved in this community!

 

,goldguy31


Ok I found the list! Tell me what you guys think!

 

 

Adventurous

Affectionate

Big-Headed

Bright

Charming

Considerate

Clingy

Creative

Determined

Emotional

Enthusiastic

Finicky

Flirtatious

Friendly

Helpful

Humerous

Imaginative

Kind

Loving

Loyal

Moody

Obstinate

Patient

Parsimonious

Sarcastic

Secretive

Sensible

Sincere

Sociable

Sympathetic

Thoughtful

Understanding

 

 

Do you think this is geared too heavily towards positive traits? Should I add/replace some positive traits for negative ones? I'm not sure how I feel about it! Anyways, Thanks for any feedback!

Yours Truly,

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Guest Riy

 

I do have a few questions though.

 

When forcing, is it more beneficial to work on personality, form, and animation separately? As in should I complete one before I start the other, or should I spent a few hours on each at a time and jump back and forth?

 

There's no real path to follow when it comes to this. It boils down to whatever you feel comfortable working on. Typically I would find it easier to have form developed first simply so you have SOMETHING to work with. But there's plenty of people that got by just fine without doing so.

It's really up to you, its okay to hop around as long as you're making steady progress, or you can stay on one thing and finish it through. Whatever works best for you and your tulpa.

 

 

Also, tips for making a dream world? Ive been trying. Its hard to find an ideal though. I don't want it to be cliche like a magic tree house or a castle or anything. I was thinking to do just an apartment in a city somewhere, but its difficult to visualize that in all its detail. The thing I seem to have the most success with as far as visualization is just a plain white world with nothing in it. and like a glass floor. And if i think hard enough I can create these plain white structures, but thats really boring haha. I can visualize more, but its more difficult. I guess I just need to practice. If any of you have any tips or anything let me know!

 

Plain landscapes are the easiest to visualize because they obviously don't require a lot of mental 'power' in order to run (I myself did just this except with a black void, to which I'm in the process of changing, full details in my PR if you want to peruse it.)

Rather than think of it as some empty space, I can suggest imagining it like a canvas. You don't have to make everything all at once, and as you paint or draw you can always erase or change things. You're going to be flexing your visualization muscles a lot in the coming days and weeks. There's no need to rush. Have a basic concept or idea as to what you would like the wonderland to be and work with that as you see fit.

 

And one last thing. Is it nessicary to include negative traits for the tulpa? I have 32 traits, and I chose about 23 good traits and 9 bad ones. Is this a good ratio? Should I have more negative traits? do I even need negative traits? I figured it would make her more human-like and just more relatable in general.

 

Ehhhh, I can't really give an opinion on this. My gut tells me that negative traits will rise to the surface whether you imprint them on a tulpa or not. Other than that I can't really say.

 

Ummm thats about it I think. Sorry, this ended up being about 3.6 times longer than I intended it to be. I realize not many will take time to read this, but its always nice to get your thoughts out there regardless.

 

This is your PR mate. It can be as long or as short as you deem necessary. Writing is therapeutic for some people as it helps organize your thoughts and feelings towards something. Anyone who reads or comments (like myself) is just a visitor.

This is your space.

I would advise to just take things slow. You're just starting on a somewhat huge commitment. Things are going to change, grow, evolve, etc. It's going to be a state of flux, enjoy your time with Amanda as you both grow and you'll find things to be worth it.

 

Stay positive, stay as consistent as you can!

 

Cheers!

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Well I guess this will be day 1!

 

Here goes nothing.

 

Day#1 November 21st, 2013

 

Began working on Amanda. Took longer than I expected but I began exploring some personality traits for her. I thought through the traits of "adventurous," "affectionate," and "sensible."

 

I also worked on form a little and did some more work on trying to find a good dream world. A likely candidate will be a cabin in the woods somewhere. At least until I can build the mental capacity to visualize something more complex. I tried to work on some form for her but I had a lot of trouble trying to see her face, so I left that for later. Whenever I saw her I couldn't decide whether to see her as a floating orb, or as a basic human female with no real defining features I had to think to much to visualize. I kept alternating between the two. I guess she was an orb the whole time, but occasionally she would inhabit this generic human body that didn't have any distinct features.

 

I made almost no progress. Or at least thats what it feels like. It feels like I just thought about what it would be like to have certain traits and then daydreamed some. Plus I have the worst mental fatigue I've felt since my last AP exam, and I have a little headache, its not too bad though. That is to be expected however.

 

The whole creation process has so many subtleties and its so subjective most of the time and it's really hard to tell if you're doing it "right." I guess theres no "right" way but as far as I've learned there are a few wrong ways. If anybody ever catches anything I'm doing wrong, or if you think I could be doing something more efficiently, please don't hesitate to speak up! I did a lot of research on this but actually doing it is very different than just reading about it. Especially with this particular subject.

 

To be honest I'm just glad to finally be taking action on the creation of this tulpa. I know it'l be a long, long, long road, but I look forward to the day it all finally pays off. Hopefully she'll be done just in time for us to leave for college! That would be cool. Who knows. That would be almost perfect.

 

So I think thats it for Day 1!

And yeah.

Yours Truly,

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Had some more progress on day one! Added "friendly" and "imaginative" to our list of explored traits. im afraid I'm being too structured and not letting the traits naturally occur. I don't know how else to do it though. did some more narration and form also. I think i'm spreading things to thin. trying to do a little of everything at once and I need to be more focused on one thing per session. I made miniscule progress though! Nothing tangible, but I'ts getting easier to see her as a person rather than a project, waiting to be discovered and learned about rather than formed and created. I feel like my second session of forcing today wasnt as good. my mind kept wandering from one thing to the next and I couldnt focus on one thing. at the very least I got some good narration in cause I was talking to her about what I was doing/thinking... so yeah... staying optimistic. i hope I'm doing things right! We'll get better with time! I think I'm done for the day!

 

Until next time!

goldguy

Yours Truly,

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Day#2. Friday, November 22nd, 2013

We won't have time to actively force today. Sadly... too many things just sprung up last minute. Sadly. Did good narration today though. I think Amanda is expiramenting with head pressure and emotional manipulation, but tue changes are so subtle it could just be me... Im talking to her alot though. Which is great! I don't think I'll have time to active force at all this weekend.. my weekends are usually pretty full... staying hopeful though. We/I'm doing the best we/I can. We have next week off though so we'll hopefully have lots of free time! Looking forward to that.

Yours Truly,

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Just kidding about not having time today.

 

An hour and half of time just sort of opened itself up and I jumped on the opportunity.

 

Decided to take a small break from delving into each trait in depth individually, but rather went through the entire list, focusing on each trait for about a minute and a half or so. This was to get a very broad, but shallow sense of my conscious ideal for Amanda's personality as a whole, rather than discovering it in depth one chunk at a time. From there I continued my typical in depth exploration of traits one by one, adding "humorous" and "sociable" to the list.

 

From there we spend time on form and voice. So far all my efforts on form have been on her face, and its starting to get a bit clearer, which is encouraging. I decided to work on voice even before I know if she's sentient or not, just because the personality I have for her makes her a relatively friendly and outgoing person. I figured the might have some things to say, and it couldn't hurt for me to learn to recognize when she's talking, whenever she decides to do so. I spend some time not actively forcing anything, but just keeping my mind as quiet as possible and waiting to see if I could pick up on anything.

 

I can't help but be afraid that I'm not doing something right. I've felt glimpses of her, but for all I know that could just be my own excited imagination. I still don't have any proof that she's even in there yet. Its still only day two though. Staying hopeful.

 

Like I said, we have next week off from school, so I'm hoping to spend some time with her. I don't know if this will be rushing it, but I'm hoping to feel some sort of evidence that she's sentient before next week is over. That would be ideal, but I'm keeping my expectations low. I know this takes time. But the end result is just such an amazing goal it's hard to stay patient.

 

I know I can do it though. For her. I still don't know if she's "real" yet, but I feel like I owe it to her to stay committed and see this thing through to completion. I can't wait until it starts to pay off!

Yours Truly,

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Day #3. Saturday, November 23rd.

Not a good day today. had one thing going on from one minute to the next and I found it difficult to even narrate consistantly thruought the day. even taking time to type this out is putting a dent in the strictness of todays schedule. I feel kind of guilty for it. especially knowing that tomorrow will be almost equally as busy. idk how amanda feels. I really wish I could hear her, or feel her, just to get some sort of feedback from her on how things are going. I just gotta stick with it. more doubts about whether I'm doing things right keep creeping in. Its still early though. i just have to stay persistant and as consistant as possible!

Yours Truly,

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Day #4. Sunday, November 24th, 2013

Today was alright.

I did fairly well on narration, and tried to do some active forcing, but I don't feel I was very productive. I was sort of distracted the whole time. I added "determined" and "sociable" to the explored traits, but I feel like those werent explored as well as they maybe could have been.

 

Today Amanda got closer than she ever has to being vocal, but it might have just been me puppeting. I was talking to her about how I thought I might just be puppeting all the little senses I get from her, and it sounded like a "No" came from her. but even that might have been a puppeted response. the ambiguity really gets to me. I dont want to puppet what she's saying, but at the same time I really want to hear what she has to say if/when she tries to speak so I want to be really attentive to her. its hard to find that balance.

Needless to say, today was sort of discouraging, i wish I could have been more focused.

 

 

We listened to this song afterwards though:

 

and I think that if she and I had a theme song, this would be it. one of the people in this video actually looks sort of like her! anyways... it was nice to hear this song, and it reminded me that its ok if things dont work out perfectly every single day, because eventually she will become real to me. and that is so much more than worth all the discipline and frustration and energy and time being spent. I feel so close to her, and yet I still have no proof that she can think for herself yet. I feel strongly that she can, but I have no poof of that. and like I said, i feel close to her regardless.

 

its like talking to someone who's asleep. you don't even know if they can hear you, but its still worth the effort to speak it, because its not about the conversation, its about the relationship you have with that person. idk. that was a crappy analogy.

 

Starting to get discouraged at our lack of progress. but staying hopefull! I think thats the key. hope. Thats what provides the most perseverance and determination.

 

Bye!

Yours Truly,

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Day #5. Monday, November 25th. 2013

Today was a great day! I had no school today so pretty much 90% of my waking thoughts were dedicated to Amanda. I feel like we made lots of progress... well relative to the other days so far. I still have yet to experience tangible evidence that she's "real" to me.

 

But I think she spoke today! I was forcing, and I just heard a stray thought in my head. and all it said was "Josh" (thats my name). It sounded like my own thought, but slightly foreign. just like everybody says to look out for, but it seemed a little deeper than my own thought voice, which is odd considering that Amanda, at least to my knowledge, is a girl.

 

anyways. this really excited me! I look forward to having another day off tomorrow to spend with her! Its a little exhausting to think about her so much. I've never in my life dedicated so much time and mental energy to anything. I just hope it all pays off sooner because of how much I'm keeping her in my mind.

 

Today was just like Amanda day for me. She's all I really thought about. I guess it compensates for the lack of attention I gave her over the weekend.

 

We're still working on personality/voice in our active forcing sessions. We/I'm really pushing for vocality so I can hear her feedback a little better for later developments. added a few more words to the explored traits list, but didnt go as in-depth as we usually go. I feel like we have a pretty good framework for personality, and that individual traits are less important now as much as reinforcing who she is as a whole, and letting individual traits work themselves out. we'll still focus on traits, but just won't go as deep into individual ones as we had earlier. maybe we'll go back, but I feel like this is the best course of thought.

 

So idk what else to say.

Staying hopeful!

Yours Truly,

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