Amanda

[goldguy31]

Day #6. Tuesday, November 26th. 2013

 

I'm not sure how today went. I did some narration and a few hours of forcing. I felt Amanda a little. I can't decide if we are ahead or behind what I expected as far as progress goes. I wish I could have done a little better today, but I did as much as I felt I was capable of doing, so I can't really be too hard on myself. There are some emotional things that are popping up in my life. I hope they don't interfere too heavily with Amanda's development.

[goldguy31]

Day #7. November 27th. 2013

Hit the one week mark!

Starting to feel emotions n stuff from Amanda a little more strongly. It's hard to distinguish what emotion she's trying to convey, but I can tell when strong emotion is being delivered.

 

I was looking forward to tbis week off for a chance to spend alot of time narrating/forcing. I have had more time, but I feel like I'm not taking full advantage of it. I do spent alot of time thinking about/to her, but I fear I'm trading quantity for quality. I haven't been focusing/concentrating as hard during our forcing sessions, even if I'm doing them more often.

 

We took a walk today. Theres this trail I always walk down, and today I took her there. I showed her the beauty of the trees and the grass and the little creek that runs through it all. Even in the deadness of late Autumn it was still very beautiful, and I feel like she really enjoyed it. I'm growing in affection and appreciation for her. I keep telling her thag patience, and hope are the only two things we really need, and that some day we'll have this amazing kind of relationship, but now we just have to keep working at it until it finally pays off.

 

Besides that nothing major happened today.

Staying hopeful!

Goodnight world!

[goldguy31]

Day #8. Thursday, November 28th. 2013.

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm pretty tired so I don't feel like writing much for today. but its been the same as recently. some narration with about an hour and a half or so of forcing. i realized today that I've been forcing wrong for the last few days. I can't really explain how besides the fact that I wasnt as concentrated. I was just letting amanda consume my thoughts rather than actively concentrating on certain aspects of her. so I feel like today was pretty productive once I figured that out.

 

I can feel her sometimes, but besides that we arent making much progress. pretty much 60% percent of the progress we've made happened in the first day or two. at least thats what it feels like. I wish I just knew how to maximize efficiency with development. it feels like hit and miss with different strategies.

 

Every day we're closer than the day before though. even if it is by an imperceptable amount. which means we'll eventually get there. even if it takes an extremely long time.

 

I was hoping that Amanda might achieve vocality within a month or so of forcing. and she still might. but it feels like it might take longer if we continue at our current pace. which is discouraging. but if there's anything i've learned about tulpamancing, its that it takes time, lots of it. so I'm not going to let it get to me.

 

My initial excitement about making a tulpa is starting to wear off. and that scares me, because I usually give up on things when I start to loose excitement. but the goal is still worth working for. so I'm not quite shaken yet. If you guys have any words of encouragement or advice though, theyd be appreciated. dont get me wrong, im not even close to considering giving up yet. its only been a week, but like i said, my excitement is wearing off and all I'm left with is the hard work ahead of me. which I'm not so great at handling. so... yeah.

 

Staying hopeful!

[CyberD]

Sounds like you're doing pretty well so far, you seem confident in what you are doing. Tell us everything you can think to write about Amanda. Every detail about her form, her personality etc.

 

The excitement seems to wear off pretty fast for a lot of people. Give it a week or two and they stop visiting the forum. Losing interest is something you need to address. If you are doing it right the tulpa process is for the rest of your life. Sounds daunting but that is also what makes it so rewarding.

My advice? Don't make it feel like work. Being with your tulpa isn't something that should be considered a chore or hard work. View it like you do a relationship with a human friend. You wouldn't spend time with someone you don't like for some arbitrary reason.. Instead you spend your time with people you like, who you get along with. Make it the same for your tulpa. In the beginning it is important to focus on who the tulpa is but don't forget to move on from that. You don't spend all your time with your friends talking about what they look like or what they are thinking. Do stuff with your tulpa, watch a movie, play a game, write a story.

Any and all engagement is positive and it doesn't have to be during specific forcing sessions either. This process rewards persistence and if yours is wavering then you should address it as soon as you can.

 

Anyway, good luck, keep at it and let us know how you go.

[goldguy31]

Days #9,10,11

 

We've been in the mountains without internet so couldnt update progress. Things were about the same. some narration with a little forcing for an hour or so. Did some work on a wonderland but eventually decided to restart because I just added a bunch of crap into it without fully visualizing it so it was just really noisy and aesthetically painful to look at.

 

Thank you for the advice! I'll do my best to maintain my relationship with her. I'm pretty sure itl get way easier once I can actually have a conversation with her. I knew it would be lots of work when I started though, so its not like I'm about to give up. I'm just starting to experience what I knew I would eventually experience all along. the whole watching movies/playing games thing sounds amazing, i just don't know how to do that when I have no idea what she's thinking or feeling. all that will come with time I suppose. I just keep thinking about the goal, and every time I do I remind myself that the end result will be so worth all this effort.

 

Staying hopeful.

---

Amanda so far:

 

So I started on personality, but didn't finish, because I wanted her to grow into her own personality independent of my own conscious ideals.

But from what I understand of her so far she's nice, and has a knack for adventure. She's really perceptive, and really enjoys figuring out why people act the way they do. Her perceptiveness also makes her great at cheering people up. She's always so understanding, and wouldn't want to step on people's toes or pressure anyone into an uncomfortable situation unless she believed they would greatly benefit from it. I feel like she has a free spirit, and would want to get out and see the world and how it works. She takes great pleasure in being outdoors and loves the beauty of nature. It could just be me but every time I ask her what she wants to do she wants to go on a walk and just admire the trees. She's sympathetic, and while she is naturally lighthearted and happy, she would help someone out in a time of need or sacrifice her own fun to comfort someone else. She cares, and takes a genuine interest in what you have to say. She knows how to have fun, and likes surrounding herself with company. These are just things I believe about her. They may change as I get to know her better.

 

We haven't spent much time on form, so she's still very vague whenever I try to visualize her, but from what I know she's a human girl about my age (17). She has dark brown hair, almost black, and brown eyes. I think we're about the same height, but I haven't yet taken note of how tall she is. She's very thin, but not too thin. I think she has a gorgeous smile, but its still incredibly hard to picture her face.

 

Sometimes I wonder if she'd make a good girlfriend, but I try to ignore those thoughts, at least until we make more progress. Simply because it might complicate things in the future, and its hard for me to imagine trading the (albiet incredibly small) possibility of me meeting another physical person for a mate in exchange for one in my head. I don't really know what to think about that, but I guess it'l work itself out eventually.

 

Its scary to think about how much I don't know about her, given the amount of time I've spent thinking about her. Oh well. Some day I'll be able to talk with her, and all of this will be worth it.

[goldguy31]

Day #12. Monday, December 2nd. 2013

 

Well I had a whole long report typed up n then my phone decided to crash. so no update today because I don't feel like typing everything twice. everythings mostly the same though.

[goldguy31]

Day #13. Tuesday, December 3rd. 2013

Another not so great day. School is just so stressfull and time consuming. I just need to learn how to make it more of a priority to talk to her/spend time with her. I feel really guilty, but I always feel like she understands. It could just be me though. idk. I want so desparately to learn how to find the most success in our relationship.

 

Staying hopeful

[goldguy31]

Day #14. Wednesday, December 4th. 2013

 

Today was alright. Did more narration than I usually do because I strapped a rubber band around my wrist pretty tightly to remind myself.

I feel like I'm getting better at feeling her, but it's too subtle to be sure.

 

Haven't forced yet today, but plan to soon after writing this.

 

I get sort of mad/disappointed at myself for forgetting that theres an actual consciousness in my head with me, and that I need to be respectful of that, even if I can't hear/feel it very well. It's so easy to treat her like a project rather than a person. And that's where my lack of motivation ultimately stems from.

 

If I can just learn to see her more personally, and learn to value her company, then I'd start making better progress. I think.

 

For now though, all I can do is stay hopeful and stay committed.

[Korzant]

It's very easy to think if a Tulpa as something that you can turn on and off. We live in a world of distractions unfortunately. Try to use as many reminders within reason and just try to keep them in mind as much as possible. In the early stages I think it is the most difficult because they can't really get your attention easily.

 

Personally Mira would have to physically hover in front of me to remind me and is now able to call me. Soon your Tulpa will be able to do that and much more if they haven't already!

Just keep up with it when you can and results will follow!

[goldguy31]

Day #15. Thursday, December 5th. 2013.

Today wasnt so good. had to get up early and was busy all day! Did the best I couldthough. Hoping tomorrow will be better! Thanks for the encouragement btw!

 

Staying hopefull!