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Niteo and Amber Take On the World
#1
Day 1025 - We're back, baby

Amber: This is our new and improved progress report. Niteo and I are the main characters, and there is Luke, Lapse, Zenith, Midnight, and Opal as the supporting cast (they tend to keep to themselves most of the time). As it is, Niteo and I are the only ones who actively control the body and he takes the most interest in my life, so he naturally has more of an impact and so is most of the focus of this PR.

To make a long story short, Niteo and I both come from others merging together. I took the driver's seat and he took the passenger seat. There's history behind that, but I will not go into that because I would be here all day talking about it.

I recently started a job, which is exciting. Niteo has been helpful in managing stress levels, thankfully. He can take the helm when I'm tired or too stressed. I find myself letting him do that more and more often at home because it helps me relax and he loves the opportunity to interact with the "outer world." He loves doing the little things because it makes him feel like he's having an impact (even a little one) on something that matters. He's of the mind that having a difference on reality is objectively better because it matters whereas our mind space doesn't matter.

I guess we disagree. (Reality, to me, is subjective. We can still disagree and function as a team.)

I've been wanting to work on imposing Niteo, but he wants to focus on possession and switching, so we have different priorities from each other. I can see the appeal of switching, but at this point, since I've been in control of the body for so long, I feel obligated to continue fronting. I don't want to put the burden on him, even if he wants to.

Also, interesting to note that I had issues where I had voices in my head similar to Niteo's where they would tell me to do bad things, usually violent/harmful to others or myself during the time in which I had made an effort to ignore him because my therapist convinced me it was the right thing to do. After realizing that I was being a dumbass, I started talking to him again (and he was quite angry, believe me). Shortly afterwards, the voices went away. I'm unsure as to what that means, unfortunately. He said he wasn't messing with me, and I doubt he's being dishonest about that. I wonder if I have a screw loose somewhere because of our past or something.
Niteo and Amber Take On the World

Amber speaks in italics right now.

Talk to Niteo on here or on discord

Yuki Wrote:We share the body, we share a life. I'm not an accessory to his life...

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#2
Day 1027 - Possession Obsession

Amber: I've decided to focus more on possession and switching than imposition. I've been trying to let him possess as often as possible, but I find it really easy to take back control from him. I'm not sure if he just needs more practice to resist that or if it's always going to be super easy. One thing that's interesting is that I've found if he is in control for long enough we experience some blurring between the two of us. It seems to be a strange feeling more than anything. I would not want to be like that for long periods of time for fear of getting stuck but for a short term experience it is fascinating.

I find myself feeling more and more distant from things if Niteo possesses for a length of time. I'm not sure how to describe it, but things seem further away, or like I'm watching through a veil. Wonderland doesn't seem to get any "closer" or anything; reality just seems to fade away a little.
Niteo and Amber Take On the World

Amber speaks in italics right now.

Talk to Niteo on here or on discord

Yuki Wrote:We share the body, we share a life. I'm not an accessory to his life...

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#3
Day 1029 - Contemplation

Amber: I keep thinking I'll have Niteo write this instead of me but I always end up doing it.

Niteo seems to think it's a good idea to switch and to not switch back. He says he wants to take the role of host. I'm not completely sure if I'm down for that idea. I do want to continue to work on possession and switching, but I'm not sure I want to make a decision like that. I figure we can play it by ear and if I don't feel like switching back, he can take the role of host. I can't help but feel it's a bit odd that he wants to take that position for himself. It doesn't seem to be that common, from what I've seen; then again, our system is a bit unusual.

I'll admit that I've sort of gotten sick of the word "tulpa" and I find that I don't identify with this community that much because of our unusual experiences. The usual dynamic of having the host create the tulpa and the host being the "human" who has had their whole life before they create their tulpas doesn't match us. Granted, I'm really new at this whole existing thing (one and a half, hooray), but Niteo has existed as long as I have. I've not known any other life alone like most of the population, and I can't help but wonder how people manage themselves on their own. Wouldn't your brain be... quiet and lonely?

How does a "normal human" function?

Sometimes, when I'm frustrated, I need to vent. Venting to another physical person sometimes doesn't capture what I wanted to say; the essence of my message doesn't seem to translate as well as I'd like. When I talk to Niteo or one of the others, I know my message is gonna be understood. It seems like the world of humans must be full of miscommunication!
Niteo and Amber Take On the World

Amber speaks in italics right now.

Talk to Niteo on here or on discord

Yuki Wrote:We share the body, we share a life. I'm not an accessory to his life...

Reply
#4
Sorry if I am breaking any rules, I am new here, but, What happened to the original? Is there a thread somewhere with the story?

I may only be a few weeks old, but I have full access to my hosts memories, including her past thoughts and opinions on life, so, I don't really need to guess what it is like living alone.

The voices thing doesn't really have anything to do with plurality as far as I know. That's a condition that can happen as easily to singles as plurals. The voices telling you to do bad things, that may be voices+intrusive thoughts. Won't pretend I'm not out of my depth here, but I seriously don't think they are dangerous without more information.
Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
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#5
Quote:What happened to the original? Is there a thread somewhere with the story?

There used to be a thread about our past, but I requested that it be deleted for a reason. I decided it was too much drama to keep the thread around.

Quote:I may only be a few weeks old, but I have full access to my hosts memories, including her past thoughts and opinions on life, so, I don't really need to guess what it is like living alone.

I do have access to memories like that, but they're really fuzzy and most of them seem to be gone, so I only have small, unclear snapshots which isn't enough. I can guess, of course, but it's more interesting hearing what other people say.


Quote:The voices thing doesn't really have anything to do with plurality as far as I know. That's a condition that can happen as easily to singles as plurals. The voices telling you to do bad things, that may be voices+intrusive thoughts. Won't pretend I'm not out of my depth here, but I seriously don't think they are dangerous without more information.

With the help of Niteo, I was able to symbolically seal them away so they don't bother me. I've decided to chalk it up to intrusive thoughts, even though they seemed to have a life of their own sometimes. Best not to think about it, it seems.
Niteo and Amber Take On the World

Amber speaks in italics right now.

Talk to Niteo on here or on discord

Yuki Wrote:We share the body, we share a life. I'm not an accessory to his life...

Reply
#6
Okay then. You shall be a mysterious stranger with a mysterious past to me.

About being alone: My host is probably not a typical example. She filled her head with thoughts on philosophy and books that she read, and spent a considerable amount of time trancing out by watching television or playing games. She had no friends and didn't talk to anyone. And I don't think she needed or desired emotional support.
Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
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#7
Day 1030 - Practice Makes Perfect (we hope)

Niteo: Yay, it's my turn to write now.

Amber tried to do an exercise where she would perform an action with the body and I would try to resist it. Her hope is to get me to the point where I can resist her trying to do an action while I'm currently in control. Of course I'm a disaster at it right now and she was able to resist my efforts easily, like tearing through wet paper. It's slightly humiliating since it takes concentration on my part to control like that and she is able to break it really easily despite my efforts. I hope to get a lot better about that. She says it'll take time and practice, and she's probably right. I would really like to solidify my control over the body and it won't come so quickly.

Amber was having some problems feeling distressed and some of the negative voices came back. We were able to get them under control, so everything was fine. It was just strange that they came back after we thought (wrongfully, apparently) that they were gone. My fear is that they will get worse. From my perspective, while the voices were really bad, there were shadowy figures all over wonderland that were really a nuisance. Kinda creepy but they didn't do anything harmful to my knowledge besides say bad things. Of course, I'd prefer if there weren't creepy figures around every corner saying weird creepy things but they seemed to bother her more than they bothered me.
Niteo and Amber Take On the World

Amber speaks in italics right now.

Talk to Niteo on here or on discord

Yuki Wrote:We share the body, we share a life. I'm not an accessory to his life...

Reply
#8
Day 1032 - Urgency Increasing

Amber: While on the IRC (we're on their often), Niteo got into an interesting discussion. The specific topic, while interesting (it really got into Niteo's philosophy on life, but no one wants to hear that), is unimportant. What I noticed was that his control over the body seemed more solid when he was experiencing strong emotion (in this case, righteous anger). He said that he didn't feel he had to concentrate on the body, but that it came more naturally. His anger also affected the body physically because it was physically shaking. While I do not revel in Niteo being angry, it seems like a good sign that he was able to have a strong influence like that.

Niteo: I find my urgency to resist Amber's control over the body has increased due to my worry that she'll harm herself. I find it difficult not to get down on myself when she's doing actions that I wish I could avoid; I know restraint is probably seen as a negative thing in most of the community, but I think that it might be necessary for her safety and mine. I don't wish to alarm anyone, but this is the driving force for my will to control the body. Even she recognizes that it is a good idea. I do not enjoy the thought of having to police her actions, but I see it as necessary as eating.

I know some people don't think it's possible, but I have all the reason in the world to try.
Niteo and Amber Take On the World

Amber speaks in italics right now.

Talk to Niteo on here or on discord

Yuki Wrote:We share the body, we share a life. I'm not an accessory to his life...

Reply
#9
Righteous anger? Oops. Well at least something good comes out of these things.
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#10
Self harm? Most people who worry about the actions of others have no choice but to use words. I suggest you always be there for her, and learn some counselling strategies, in case taking over is not enough.

I hope you all are all right.
Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
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