Sit, Boy! (Blue and Natsu the Leonberger)

[blue332]

I never really anticipated joining this forum, writing this thread, or even coming to this point in my life. But at this point I just want to record my progress and maybe even gather some opinions on whatever I'm doing, and honestly I don't know what I'm doing and don't care. Just that I'm doing something.

 

Warning in advance this is gonna be long because I'm about to summarize about 5 days of work (woah, 5 days already? O.O)

 

Mini backstory: Basically since I was a little kid I was into anime and video games which I always wanted to be in (if you know what I mean) so I would daydream all day about being part of the story, interacting with characters, etc. This is important because this caused my visualization skills to become nearly flawless. Also since I was about in 6th grade me and my friends would always pretend to "date" our favorite anime characters and for some reason in recent years I would just go crazy and switch boyfriends constantly. On top of that I would always create different imaginary friends (for lack of a better word, basically a tulpa), but when I switched the form it would still be the same being. This had to be said because this I think directly affected how Zoro was created. One more thing that comes up is I love dogs and I have a bit of a dog side as far as my mind goes. This is also important as well, as this 'dog side' allows me to shapeshift into a black and white border collie in wunderland (yes, with a u). The dog thing is a whole 'nother story, but it affected what happened in the past 5 days.

 

Anyway, the actual report starts now (and I'm skipping a lot of stuff that happened beforehand to keep this as short as possible)

 

5.13.15

On this night, I was not a happy camper. I had a horrible day, but the night was all to myself. I had a tulpa in progress technically at this point (which I don't wanna talk about), but I decided to restart one final time. So in my wunderland I decided to break apart and herd up the essence of everything that was ever my unseen companion (aka the remnants of all the 'tulpa' I ever worked on including the one I had up until that night were recycled). So I was in dog form when I did this, and there was nothing left but a translucent smokey lookin' blob floating next to me which was the essence of all tulpas I ever imagined. I had my ears back, stress and depression levels going through the roof because I felt alone and I just wanted someone to love me... but there was no one there. Earlier that night I was ransacking my brain to think of some anime or video game character I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with. But when it came time to actually do the creating, I came up empty handed. So I sat there with nothing on my mind but loneliness until someone came behind me and touched my back. When I turned my head to my surprise it was . . . Roronoa Zoro! So that night I was able to catch some sleep with him by my side.

 

5.14.15 - 5.16.15

I don't exactly remember what happened on these dates other than I remade wunderland and bulit and finished our house. Also I decided to draw a picture of Zoro everyday to help with visualization and stuff. And my "dog side" is now sealed within a sword that I keep on me at all times. The most important thing is Zoro survived which so far is surprising because ridiculous things happened on each of these days that could have thrown me off. (Like it did every other time).

 

 

Last night (5.16.15) we were sitting in the foyer of our house and I decided to ask the famous question, "surprise me." So he gets out his chair, walks up to me, and plants a kiss on me. I wasn't expecting this at all so I felt tinglyness start from my chest and ripple across my body. We are trying at the moment not to enter a romantic relationship because of my past, but... yeah.

 

 

5.17.15

Today I meditated for an hour while an anonymous member of my family when to church. Zoro and decided we were going to fight. I really just wanted to see if he was as strong / experienced as the original Zoro. I fought with my dog sword and he fought with his three swords. Long story short I noticed he was as tough as he looked and got a bit scared. When a scared dog can't run he bites, and so do I, so I put my two cents into the fight. We agreed it was a draw, and I decided never to fight him again unless its with bamboo swords. Then I drove him around in my Lamborgini Gallardo (yeah I have a Lambo in my wunderland I'm a bit of a car enthusiast). When we came back to the regular world I noticed he had a scar on his eye (kinda like original Zoro after the timeskip) and not only that, its on the right side, along with his earrings. And, he carries his swords on his left side, original Zoro carries them on his right. I asked him about this and he said this is no mistake, he's right handed, wears his earring on the right side to differentiate himself from original Zoro, and I gave him that scar on his right eye when we were fighting. When I asked him why he put the scar, he said it was to remind me that even if it seems like nothing is happening, I am doing something. Then I had a laugh because in the orginal manga / anime of One Piece, it is never revealed how Zoro got the scar on his eye after the timeskip. Now I know. >.<

 

Great day today.

 

-

 

Something worth noting maybe:

 

Name: Roronoa Zoro

Age: 18*

Birthday: November 11**

 

*In One Piece, Zoro is 19 when the series began and 21 after the timeskip. Making him 18 puts him at the same age as me and further differentiates him from the original Zoro.

 

**This is the official birthday for original Zoro and my Zoro doesn't mind inheriting it.

[Pioneer11]

Hello, Blue. I’m a newbie to the community too and I'm reading various reports to learn from other Tulpamamcers. I’m a bit surprised at your Tulpa's identity since many here choose to not base Tulpas from preexisting characters. Mine, however, is too derived from a work of fiction, although I’m not sure it is a Tulpa yet.

 

As a complete beginner I can’t give you any advice, but I’m really curious about your adventures in you wunderland. I suppose it's not a simple daydream, but some kind of advanced visualization obtained through meditation. If so, what's the method you use to enter it? Your report seem very interesting so far, keep it up!

[blue332]

The picture I drew of Zoro today depicts his differences from original Zoro and I decided to share it so ta-dow.

 

As a complete beginner I can’t give you any advice, but I’m really curious about your adventures in you wunderland. I suppose it's not a simple daydream, but some kind of advanced visualization obtained through meditation. If so, what's the method you use to enter it? Your report seem very interesting so far, keep it up!

 

All wunderland really is at this point is a focused daydream. Instead of daydreaming about random things like I used to I've created a house, a car, a beach, etc, and I keep coming back to it. Plus, Zoro can go there when I can't project him into the world / not paying attention. On another note, I'm almost always projecting him and talking to him which is what is called passive forcing on the forums I believe.

[blue332]

5.18.15

 

I decided something today that sounds entirely crazy but I'm gonna go with it... just really really really really really slowly. (Like, I don't care if it takes a lifetime) I'm going to make tulpa versions of all of the straw hat pirates. But I'm going to work up to that point. I've seen people on this forum have 2-3 tulpas (give or take), but not 9. Zoro is cool with it as long as I work with him. And I plan not to make any other tulpa until the 100 day drawing challenge is over. The reason why I did that in the first place is to see if I can really make a commitment because in terms of my mind I'm horrible at commitments. So that's why I'm focusing on Zoro now.

 

And yes I know the dilemma of making tulpa based on fictional characters; that being said I'll take it upon myself that everyone will not have to be exactly like the actual characters from the show, in fact at any point they can change their name/appearance/personality/whatever even if it doesn't fit the bill. Just to clarify where I'm coming from. But Zoro likes his name and personality, he just changed his appearance a bit so he won't be a carbon copy of the original Zoro. Hopefully it will go that smoothly with everyone else.

 

 

I feel a complete nut but so did the guy who claimed the earth was round when everyone was certain it was flat.

 

 

That aside, I'm redoing wunderland and redoing the house in wunderland. What I'm doing right now is using Sims 3 to build a house and visualize that in the wunderland. Which is what I've been doing. Except this time I'm downloading a whole world and using that as my wunderland. Other buildings and stuff will come later, for now I'm focusing on the house only.

 

As far as progress with Zoro goes, I noticed today that he has a very distinct voice in my mind. That being said, there are all kinds of random voices in my mind that are not his and do not sound anything like his, so I need to watch out for that so I don't mistake a random voice for Zoro's voice.

[blue332]

5.19.15

 

Last night Sanji decided to join Zoro and I. But I'm not losing my focus on Zoro. Even though this week I got a lot of work to do, with graduation, school, and vacation coming up. Yet I'm visualizing them both just fine nearly consistently throughout the day no problem. (guess I'm better than I think I am.) Anyway, the most important thing is commitment.

 

Anyway, I need to work on our house, I found a bigger one on Sims last night I need to renovate for all the straw hats.

but Sanji gets to stay in my room hahaha.

And I put a G wagon at the house last night, which Zoro slept in since I didn't even start with the house, and Sanji stayed back home with me. But Zoro can literally sleep anywhere so he didn't pay it no mind. I'm getting in the habit of meditating after I wake up and before I go to sleep with the boys of course so that helps. Also the fact that I bought a blue beanie chair to specifically meditate in helps too. But I still have to fix the house now though because I've been doing stuff all day, so I better get going with that.

[blue332]

5.20.15

 

In the next couple of weeks I'm going from completely getting out of high school baby life to going to school / getting a job / moving out. That being said there's about a million things going on and a million more things that could potentially throw me off my tulpa work. Yet everything is still running very smoothly.

 

Today I stopped by the school I will be going to in about 2 1/2 weeks, and Sanji and Zoro purposely went into wunderland to let me take care of my business there. And when I was done, they were the same as they were before. Which is great, because in earlier times when I was creating deamons or tulpas if I got too involved in the real world I would lose a lot of my focus on what exactly I was doing.

 

It sounds crazy and completely off topic, but today there has been yet another tulpa added to my mindspace leaving me with a total of 3 tulpa to keep up with. Its not another straw hat pirate though, its a puppy. I was thinking after I got home the different things everyone does in the straw hat crew to help each other out, like Zoro is the swordsman, Sanji is the cook, and so on. Then I was thinking about what I would bring to the table, which would be my canine expertise. Finally, I made a correlation between Zoro and his swords and me: a swordsman can't be a swordsman without swords, and yet I'm a dog person with no dog. Don't get me wrong; I have a little dog at home, just no dog in the mindspace. So that was when I started contemplating making a tulpa dog. At first I turned down the thought because I already have 2 boys to deal with already, but the dog came to life anyway.

 

Long ago I decided the best dog for a pirate crew would be a Newfoundland, since they are the finest water dogs you can get, so that's what my new puppy is. He is a puppy and he acts like a puppy too; chewing on things, nibbling fingers, wanting attention, etc. And I decided to name him Sonny after one of my favorite youtubers, Sonny Daniel.

 

So now I have a new puppy who at the moment I am typing this has jumped on the side of my chair and is whining at me, Zoro who has fallen asleep on my bed, And Sanji who is enjoying a smoke sitting on the other side of the bed. Wonderful.

[blue332]

5.21.15

 

All today I was basically busy, and tomorrow I will be too because tomorrow would be my high school graduation. So most of the day Sanji and Zoro were in wonderland. Sonny was with me. Sonny basically just stays with me and acts like a guide dog. I also told him to check on the boys throughout the day because I was worrying about them all day, and Sonny did that and told me they were fine. In fact today Sonny started talking with this really high pitched baby voice, but he's still a very quiet dog.

 

The only reason why I am even typing a report for today is because if I feel like I'm about to give up like I always do, and I really want this tulpa thing to work. At the moment I can tell I basically have no willpower to go on, but willpower isn't what get things done, getting things done is what gets things done. The only thing keeping me going is because I don't want to be where I was before I decided to get serious about making tulpa. Before I wasn't happy. I was once told that happiness is behind a line drawn in the sand. The line represents a different phase in your life, like I'll be happy when "I graduate high school" or "I'll be happy when I get a new job". But once you do those things, the line is erased and the happiness steps back and draws another line. In other words, you have to find your happiness now or it will elude you no matter what you do. That's why some rich people are actually sad.

 

My point is my tulpa make me happy even though I'm not perfectly keeping up with them, which was my main worry of today. If the world ended tomorrow I'd be fine because I will have Zoro, Sanji, and Sonny.

[blue332]

5.22.15

 

Today is the day of graduation, and that puts a lot of things in perspective. For one, I think its interesting to note that all last night I was worrying about it and Sanji was telling me not to worry about it. Then I get to practice actually out on the field and suddenly all my worries about participating in the graduation ceremony went away. Which is somewhat odd, considering when similar situations happened in the past my mind basically blows up.

 

Sonny was there and will be by my side when I get my diploma, which I hope makes a lasting impression on myself. For example, if I ever feel like giving up or something to that effect

(like how insane I feel bringing fictional characters to life as tulpas)

, I can just think back to when I graduated high school and think oh yeah Sonny my tulpa dog walked with me.

 

And with that, I'm off to draw Zoro because surprisingly I have been keeping up with drawing him everyday.

[blue332]

5.23.15

 

Lots of things have happened again (or at least it feels like it.) Plus there's a lot of things going on at the same time, and that doesn't help anything. So with the short time that I have to type this I'm just gonna spell out plain and simple my current situation with my tulpas. And it's gonna sound as crazy as pigs flying (at least I think it does considering the basic beliefs of the online tulpa community). So if your reading feel free to question me, hate me, love me, cheer me on, whatever; I don't even know. Never did.

 

As of the time I am typing this, May 23, 2015 at 5:00 pm I am currently keeping up with 4 tulpa. 3 are based off of fictional characters; of those 3, 2 I've had a talk with stating they can change their name, appearance, and personality with or without notice. 1 of the 3 still needs that talk. All 3 still are basically the same as the characters they were based off of, right down to their very name. The other tulpa is the dog, who is completely original and has grown from the size of a 14 week old pup to about a 10 month old pup in a matter of days, and despite his large size he began to speak in a high pitched voice. I am kind of in a relationship with one of the tulpa, and I won't say who. Yesterday with the advent of yet another tulpa I realized with 4 tulpa (and counting) I need to find a better way to manage all of them other than visualizing them all at once so they can be sentient enough to begin to discover themselves for themselves and be strong enough to not fade away. So I have a new system of meditating 20 minutes after I wake up and before I sleep, and each tulpa gets 20 minutes of active forcing work from me personally. That adds up to 2 hours a day working on these tulpa, but this is the path I chose. What usually fills up my day when I'm out of school or even when I'm in school is playing on the internet and playing video games. But I'm rather nurture my tulpa than play at this point. Right now I'm redoing our wonderland to make it much more simple to imagine since my brain is overloaded enough visualizing all the detail on all my tulpa.

 

That's about it up until now. After this post I have officially posted to this thread everyday this week. Now I've decided to update weekly unless something really crazy happens.

[blue332]

Aaaaaaand I'm back to record my progress again! Never thought I would even be coming back, but looks like the planets aligned again. And this time I have a entirely different outlook on both life and the tulpa phenomenon. As for all the above I posted, blah. I'm not ashamed of my past. Its probably gonna look like I'm a completely different person. Now brief story to explain my return.

 

Story: So today I was going about my usual business: walking around with my imaginary friends, at wal-mart, when suddenly I came across a shelf full of anime movies for $5. I was going to get a Bleach movie because that was my thing at the moment, but a particular character caught my eye - a character from an anime I've been trying to figure out for years because this character has caught my attention long ago... Long story short I figured out the anime was the movie Summer Wars, and the character was King Kazma.

 

During around that moment my imaginary dogs turned into a version of King Kazma, and since then my "thoughtforms" have been with me in that form. (PS I have a very long history of doing this, switching the tulpa thing I'm imagining to whatever catches me eye. I'm a bit of an indecisive person.) Except this time I'm 500% sure he has no connection to anime at all except I am loosely basing him on an anime character. Oh yeah, in case you didn't know King Kazma is basically a kung fu bunny. And the tulpa's ( I guess you can call it) name is Natsu. It's just a name that popped into my head when I was wondering what to name this bunny thing.

 

Anyway, I guess I'll record my progress here again. This time I think I actually want to talk to other people about their tulpas. That's why this site exists anyway right? Anyway, if there's anything else I want to say it is

 

1. I'm pretty sure every tulpa I ever tried to make is really the same tulpa just diffrent forms. For example Natsu acts the same as all other tulpas I made, feels the same to.

2.I really need to actually commit to this and

3.I really need for Natsu to stay as Natsu so I can mentally be in a state of stasis for once in my life.

 

Anyway that's all for now. My mind's a little on overdrive, so I'm going back to drawing my picture of Natsu then I might curl up next to him because I'm getting tired. Blah, what a day.