Our tulpa journey

[Miss_Lestrange]

Hi everyone, I am nikki and I'M 15 years old, living in a small city the Netherlands (so, I already apologise for the mistakes I might make, Since my native language is dutch).

 

I found out about tulpa's in the end of september, about five months ago and it immediately made me very curious and interested. But people told me I was too young and my ex girlfriend warned me it might be dangerous, so I decided to let it rest for a while. I know it's a big responsibillity, so that's why it took me so long to make up my mind.

 

However, a few weeks ago I made the decide on to indeed make a tulpa.

 

First, to clear things up, I want to introduce my tulpa and explain why our case might be different than other's:

 

My tulpa is going to be Jinera, who has been the character I roleplay and write stories with for over two years now. She started out just as my other characters, but ended up becoming way more than that. When I made her and started role playing with her, she (as a character) went through some rough times. Depression and that kind of stuff. Little did I know that a few months after making her, I would go through the same problems. She became my symbole for getting through it, and still is. She has survived the problems she went through, so why not me?

 

When I was sad I would imagine her hugging me, she was the only one staying by my side, no matter what. I would tell her I love her every night and would sometimes talk to her.

 

When I found out about tulpa's the first thing coming to my mind is that Jinera Should be my tulpa. I can't really explain it, but I can feel she wants this too.

 

Jinera is a very tall woman (though she's about 19 years old) she's 1.86 meter. She has long straight black hair, a pale complexion and her facial features are very similair to florence welch in the video clip 'never let me go'. Especially her eyes. Although still different. She's a bit sassy and sociale akward, isn't always the most kind person, but once she likes you she'll do everything for you. She's a bit selfdestrutive and self-pitying, but has as very strong side to her that always helps me. She's married to one of my other characters for about 8 months (her wife is Ravenna).

 

Yesterday evening I started for the first time, it took me about 15 minutes (but I have the flu so I couldnt really go on longer). I imagined her house (which is an appartement) and her sleeping on her lounger. I walked up to her and sat next to her as she slowly woke up.

I explained what I wanted to do with her and told her what she meant for me. I don't know why exactly, but I grabbed her hand and held it while I talked to her. When I wanted to go I told her: "good night Jinera, I love you.' Which I always do in the night, but now very directed towards her, and after I said it I could feel some weird kind of tingling in the back of my head and spine.

 

So...today I plan on active force again but longer this time, as I feel slightly better now. Also, just a lot of talking & I took her with me to school (where I am right now) so I have already told her a few things about it ^^.

 

I also plan on listening to "never let me go" togheter since its "our" song.

[SomethingDire]

Fifteen is a very young age. I hope you understand the weight of your decision and wish you luck.

[Miss_Lestrange]

Fifteen is a very young age. I hope you understand the weight of your decision and wish you luck.

 

I know...thats why it took me so long to decide, but thank you :)

 

Yesterday:

 

I didn't talk to her through my day that much, I find it hard to concentrate while thinking and have the tendency to switch between english/dutch when I talk to her in my mind (and I think that might be confusing...). Also I am a bit awkward so I don't know what to talk about xD. But that will come with time, I try to just tell about my day and about things I do and how they work.

 

I did an active forcing sessie of 30 minutes, might seem short but I am proud that I did it. I told her about herself, about her personality and how that influences the way she reacts on certain things. Though I do find it very hard to not puppet her, Since it am used to doing that (although it seems like I don't really do it. Like, she smiles and I didn't want her to smile/wasn't thinking about it, but I know she would smile because it's how she is when I write about her...). After that I listened to "never let me go" with her and imagined how it would be if she held my hand. I could really feel her hand though, and I can actually smell her! She smells a bit citrus like...quite pleasant.

[Vos]

Considering that your tulpa will know both of the languages like yourself, it shouldn't be too confusing for them. You've likely read a few important things about narration before, but I'm going to drill in the point that you can use anything in your environment to your advantage, and that it's quantity > quality. If you need to, set reminders so that you don't forget about Jinera. A lot of things can knock you off track throughout the day, so it's good to have something just in case.

[Miss_Lestrange]

Considering that your tulpa will know both of the languages like yourself, it shouldn't be too confusing for them. You've likely read a few important things about narration before, but I'm going to drill in the point that you can use anything in your environment to your advantage, and that it's quantity > quality. If you need to, set reminders so that you don't forget about Jinera. A lot of things can knock you off track throughout the day, so it's good to have something just in case.

 

Thank you for you reply! I have written "Jinera" on my wall, with a black marker (I don't know if my mom will be angry about it, but it's fine I guess), so I can be reminded of her before I go to sleep.

 

Yesterday I didn't do that much forcing, I have the flu and had a fever, so it was hard to concentrate. I didn't really talk that much to her.

Though, before I went to sleep I went to her wonderland (It's an apartment), and after a bit of talking to her I decided to make a bedroom for her. So I grabbed her hand and pulled her along with me, and I opened the door to her bedroom. I imagined a double bed in it, which was black/greyish. But I decided that she could chose whether she wanted her bed to have this colour or another. And all of the sudden (before I could even think about what she would like) the bed turned purple, like a quite harsh purple colour. And I don't like purple, I didn't know that she liked purple, and sure as hell I wasn't thinking about the colour purple (I would have thought she went for red or blue). My first reaction was like: "What? Jinera are you kidding me? Purple?" And then I started laughing, as I could totally imagine her slightly emberrassed yet stubborn expression. I guess that this was her? Because it was so different from what I was expecting :').

 

Today is going to be a better day, I only had one hour of school and have started reading a book with her. At first I tried reading it outloud, but my voice isn't used to talking for a long period of time, so it was already hurting after four pages. So now I read it with her in my mind. Although I do have a headache now, from concentrating on her. But we'll just keep reading ^^ and talking nonsense to her.

[Miss_Lestrange]

So yesterday I read 50 pages of the book before I stopped reading. I got such a terrible headache, different from the one I have from the flu (that one is a sharp pain on the side of my head that I feel when I walk). This one was dull and I only got it when I tried to read or talk to Jinera. I had to stop reading, especially combined with the flu headache is hard to keep up with xD. Though I read that orange Juice helps, so we will try that.

I have talked quite alot to her! I didn't go to our wonderland this time, because that hurt my head too much, but I hope I made it up by reading and talking to her.

 

Today I still have the same headache when I think of her, but also tingles on the back of my head, feels a bit weird. As if something is going on there...Oh well. I am going to read some more once I get home from school and after that we will see what we are going to do, maybe hold another serenade about how much I love her xD and tease her because she likes purple. Anyway, I started to find it easier to keep talking to her through the day. Maybe partly because of the headache that I don't forget it, and because I now am more okay with talking nonsense to her.