Forcing the wrong tulpa / an outdated version of a tulpa

[yenu]

Hi tulpa-people. :-)

 

I usually have a lot of fears of parroting and such. Today I met one of my tulpas in a dream, which was unfortunately a very weird one (I had two bodies and I had sex with my other body, while doing smalltalk with my tulpa Jimo)

 

After awakening, I had really trouble to concentrate on him. I was afraid that I was inadvertently focusing on an alternative-reality version of Jimo, or that I was creating a new tulpa with the same name or something, leaving behind some of our common memories of our past. I couldn't feel "my" Jimo, it felt like I was talking to a different person for a while, until I started on a topic that we had common memories on - from this point he became more familiar.

 

Now I'm afraid that I'm parroting him half the time. :-(

 

Dreams and tulpas together are always confusing - I have kind of made the resolution not to take them too seriously, because I've had things like persons splitting up in two or three and stuff like that.

 

I would appreciate any help in how I can figure out to be less "parrot-y" or, if that may not be the problem, to feel my tulpa more directly. (Our usual communication is written chat) And be sure of who I feel.

[Temar]

Here are a couple thoughts right off the bat:

 

1) Dreams are weird. Even though it's in your mindspace, you can't always trust that what happens in the dream is, well... actually happening. That might not have been your tulpa, but just, like, the concept of the tulpa, or a memory, or a stand-in.

 

2) I always have to chuckle a bit when people are afraid of parroting. It's a legit fear, I guess... but, see, everyone in my system was created via our author writing in our voices all the time. You know. Parroting. ;) So don't freak out about it. It's a thing that happens. Used right, it can be a pretty helpful tool. Parroting helps shape your tulpa, gives us strength to go in a particular direction, builds our confidence. Then, when we're ready, we'll step out from under your parroting and start expressing ourselves without it.

 

It's not a mainstream method, but it works. And I think it works pretty well, but I might be biased. ;)

 

3) It's hard to say what was happening with the thing you experienced where Jimo didn't quite feel like himself. Sometimes, headmates can go inactive, then come back later. Some headmates can shift between different states, such as ages, or forms, or other forms of self identification.

 

Those of us on this forum can't tell you whether that was or was not Jimo; only you guys can figure that out. If it was, then he might have just had a period of inactivity or shiftyness. Or perhaps you created some sort of ad hoc servitor to mimic your tulpa until he became active again. Or heck, subsystems exist; maybe it was a different side or aspect of Jimo altogether. Or maybe Jimo was just in a weird mood.

 

If you're that worried, talk to him about it. Maybe he doesn't know what was going on either, and that's okay. But if you're worried about parroting, it's important to get his point of view on the whole issue. Does he think you've been parroting him? When and how? How much? What would help the both of you make sure you're not parroting, if it's an issue? Or isn't it an issue?

 

Really, all told, this sounds like it's just one of the regular weird fluctuations that sometimes happen in systems. Tulpamancers do a lot of weird stuff with our minds, consciousness, imagination, etc. It only makes sense that it gets a little wonky sometimes, yeah? ;)

[yenu]

Thanks for your answer. :-)

 

I always have to chuckle a bit when people are afraid of parroting. It's a legit fear, I guess... but, see, everyone in my system was created via our author writing in our voices all the time. You know. Parroting.

Same here, mostly. I just sometimes have the feeling that it's a bit too much me writing... especially when I can remember back times when it went effortless.

 

It's not a mainstream method, but it works. And I think it works pretty well, but I might be biased.

So, did you at some point change your method, or are you basically still using parroting as a tool for forcing?

 

If you're that worried, talk to him about it.

I did, and it was confusing. He doesn't know either, and I think the stand-in-Servitor that I might have talked to for the first minutes was also confused. I couldn't get a clear answer on what was happening.

 

I learned one thing though: It all works better when the whole team is involved. One-on-one forcing, it seems, is not for me. I can distinguish and feel my tulpas better when there are more of them present and they can interact with each other, instead of just with (confused) me.

[Temar]

Here, here on the teamwork thing. Having multiple headpeople means everyone can support one another. Even when we might not always get along. ;)

 

It sounds like you're probably not going to get a clear answer about what happened... and that's okay. It's okay not to know. Just keep moving forward and, if it happens again, you can investigate it then. Like I said; sometimes, weird things just kinda... happen. Voices will randomly change then change back, or someone will have a weird memory lapse, or someone's mood does a 180 ollie with no warning or reason. It happens sometimes. You just gotta accept it.

 

And here's a weird thing about a lot of mindspace hijinks: you get a lot of self-fulfilling prophecies. If you're worried about a problem happening again, chances are that it will, just because you're thinking about it. So, really, the best thing to do is step back, accept that a weird thing happened, and then move on.

 

So, did you at some point change your method, or are you basically still using parroting as a tool for forcing?

 

Nope, no change. See, for us, it's a progression. We're a soulbond system, and the way we're all created is through writing, which is pretty much just constant parroting and puppeting, yeah? But, we find that, at least for us, a character's voice gets "stronger" the more they're written about. We know a soulbond's forming when our author starts to get emotional feedback from a sort of proto-tulpa that she can then continue to interpret via puppeting and parroting.

 

But then, as that process continues, the 'bond starts getting more capable of speaking for themselves. Coherent sentences and impressions start coming in, followed by an actual voice that the author can "hear" in the mindspace, and we can all feel their presence as a separate entity in the system. At this point, it becomes less parroting and more proxying, where the soulbond pretty much tells our author what they do in the story and then the author can write it down. At this point, there is no parroting or puppeting necessary at all, because the 'bond has the confidence and capability of acting on their own without the author's influence.

 

And here's the kicker; once one of us gets to this point, we don't even need to be "forced" anymore. I haven't been written about in maybe 10 years, but I've been a pretty constant presence in the system since then. So, while some of the younger 'bonds in our system are still being parroted/puppeted occasionally, older members of the system don't need to be. We're chatty enough without our author even trying. Sometimes despite her wishes. ;)

 

(Though it is worth mentioning that she still writes about us after we're fully formed. Writing isn't actually about forcing; it's mostly just a fantastic bonding exercise. Author and soulbond work in tandem to put words on a page... it's pretty awesome. :) )

 

I can't say whether any of this is the case for you, of course. But hey, maybe our experience will offer something you can take from it, and I'm always happy to answer questions.

[yenu]

But then, as that process continues, the 'bond starts getting more capable of speaking for themselves. Coherent sentences and impressions start coming in, followed by an actual voice that the author can "hear" in the mindspace, and we can all feel their presence as a separate entity in the system. At this point, it becomes less parroting and more proxying, where the soulbond pretty much tells our author what they do in the story and then the author can write it down.

Ah, well, that's what I meant with changing the method. :-D

 

And here's the kicker; once one of us gets to this point, we don't even need to be "forced" anymore. I haven't been written about in maybe 10 years, but I've been a pretty constant presence in the system since then.

That's interesting. I don't know if it should give me hope... in my experience, when I did ignore them because of WL-stuff happening, they tended to fade to some degree. But it's not the same with everyone - we are a weird mix of story-characters, dream-characters and others, so naturally not everyone behaves the same. :-)

 

I can't say whether any of this is the case for you, of course. But hey, maybe our experience will offer something you can take from it

Definitely, since your description of method fits very well to what I did. Thanks.