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General questions across various areas. Need some solid direction.


Malix

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I apologise in advance for the wall of text.

If you don't feel like reading it, just try to answer the first three questions.

 

Hi. The basics of me is that I'm new to these forums but not to the website. I started trying to make a tulpa i-forgot-but-i-think-about-a-month-ago(I'm terrible at keeping track of time). I heard Tulpa/Tulpae/Tulpas/"Tuppers"/whatever/I can't decide on a plural I want to use/.......... I heard that they generally hate doubt, and that I should usually 'have faith' and stuff. I'm....not a man of faith, I'm basically incapable of it. I believe well enough that a person can trick their own mind into thinking stuff(hallucinations and dreams exist), and I believe well enough that a human mind is capable of weaving a second consciousness(split personality disorder exists)....basically I have no trouble believing that Tulpa are possible, what I want to know just falls more along the lines of "Am I doing it right, or am I just imagining things?(Or are those the same thing?)".

 

As for where I am with my Tulpa, first, before you ask, yes she looks like Rainbow Dash of MLP. No I do not expect her to 'be' Rainbow Dash, or act like her, or anything. I sort of used that character as a baseline just to get a definite being into my head, and decided she can grow and change however and however much she wants from there. I just, like most people, chose a form I found pleasing. I also figured that being able to fly at supersonic speeds by default would be a pretty cool thing to make up for being non-solid, and that the whole 'not having hands' thing wont matter when she can't pick anything up anyway, and anything I imagine for her to pick up I could just give the magical property of being able to be manipulated by her mentally(I figure, as long as I believe that she can do that, she can).....and the bottom line here is that she doesn't mind it.

Personality's done, as much as I disliked defining a personality I figured doing so anyway would get me at least to the point of a tangible semi-responsive being a little sooner. Needed some confirmation before I could really go at it.

 

Spent a bunch of time on visualisation despite already knowing exactly what she looks like; Figured the attention can't hurt, it's an easy way of giving attention. Plus, I mean....Rainbow Dash is a 2D character. I live in a 3D world. Some adaptation needs to occur there. Also gives her the opportunity to make any visual changes she wants.

Done a bit on sense of touch and smell sometimes too, but I have trouble filling any significant amount of time with either of those(especially smell) due to how easy they are. Even when I'm trying to get the tiniest details down, doing a 'pass' of smell and touch takes like...5 minutes.

I am getting what I think are emotional responses....people usually say that an emotional response is like having a sudden burst of that emotion but I'm a bit more than a bit emotionally stunted, so I have trouble figuring things out beyond "good" and "bad".

She doesn't really have a name yet. I'm using 'Dash' as a temporary name until we can talk with eachother well enough for her to choose her own name. For the purposes of simplicity in this post, though, I'll call her "Eag", in reference to a song she likes.

 

 

Anyway, on to my questions.

The most pressing one first:

 

1) I have a morbid fascination with gore, which led me to recently reading a certain comic related to a certain fan fiction that...basically involves rainbow dash being horrifically mutilated by one of her best friends. I think because Eag shares a visual form with that character she actually felt it, because I myself started feeling a rather unusual feeling in locations relative to what was happening to rainbow dash in the comic, and because she was(and still kind of is) absolutely fucking furious with me. Understandably so. I have apologised as much as I can, but, is there anything I can do at this stage to make it up to her? I want to actually do something to apologise, more than just saying sorry and breaking into tears, because at the end of the day those mean fuck-all.

 

2) In reference to getting responses from a tulpa...I want to be certain that what I'm getting is actually Eag, and if it is then I want to make sure there aren't any communication errors going on, so I'mma list what I get, and what I think it means, and you guys tell me if I'm probably right, mkay?

- A warm, floaty feeling in the chest -- Positive emotion/response, "Yes", etc.

- A harsh, stabbing pain in the chest -- Negative emotion/reponse, "No", etc.

- A combination of those two -- .....Ambivalence?

- A pressure on the spine, at the base of the neck -- An attempt to talk

- A pressure on the chest -- No idea.

- Images of her facial expression in my mind, in reaction to something -- An indicator of what she thinks about something that's easier for me to read. This does not happen often.

- Certain song lyrics getting 'randomly' stuck in my head -- Message related to specific song lyrics and/or a request to listen to that track. Note that I'm not a stranger to tunes being stuck in my head, but I've long since learned to get those tunes to stop, until recently.

2b) Is there an easier way of figuring out what my tulpa wants/thinks/feels/etc. before she can talk, other than playing hot/cold with yes/no questions? I wouldn't mind so much but I'm not always capable of quite hitting the nail on the head, and sometimes I'm just straight-up clueless.

 

3) One time, when I was almost asleep, I heard an odd metallic voice in my head that I know wasn't mine. I didn't, however, feel any strange, jarring or alien feeling when this happened. None of it seemed to make any sense and I don't remember all of it, just the singular words "five" and "quiet", about half a minute apart, followed by a sentence that I don't remember(I was almost asleep. Sue me.). I haven't heard anything else since that occasion. Was that her? Is it typical for a tulpa's first words to not really make any sense?

3bi) I also heard a different voice shortly afterwards. This one sounded....demonic. I don't remember what it actually said but it was something along the general lines of "I am going to tear your throat out"(This was long before the stuff in question 1, for the record). What. The fuck. Was it?

3bii) I have for a fair while imagined that there might be a destructive/self-destructive side of me. I am usually tempted to break anything I hold, and to almost intentionally fuck my own life up beyond repair. I don't know why, and I never let the thoughts become anything more than just thoughts, but.....could it be a representation of that?

 

4) About possession...I know this is for later down the line, but is it possible for us to completely switch bodies? As in, I give her total control of my body for a while and in the meantime I take hers? Eag seems very keen on the idea, and I don't have anything against it, so...wondering on the possibility of it here. Before someone asks: No I am not trying to make a tulpa just so I can be a pony. That would be fucking stupid and I know it. The thought only occurred to me earlier today.

 

5) Does my tulpa sleep at different times to me(or at all) at this stage of development? If so, is there a way of telling whether or not she's asleep without waking her up?

 

6) Apparently I'm not supposed to dream about my tulpa. Says on the main site that it's because it'd be incredibly jarring and uncomfortable for her because dreams are generated from the same part of my brain in which she lives. Any other reason? Any of you tried it? What was their response?

6b) I've been trying to get lucid dreaming down lately. If I pull it off, is it okay to bring her into a lucid dream?

 

7) Narration....I had trouble with it until....don't laugh....I played through a game called Bastion. Bastion has a good narrator. So I started imitating him, it actually helped me out a great deal, but...will narrating in a voice that is not my own have any adverse effect? Just wanna know if I should make a proper effort to break the habit now, before it becomes second nature.

7b) My life and job are pretty fucking boring, nothing much happens(I pick litter....sometimes I go around in a truck and throw fly-tips into it.), so I've taken to narrating every tiny detail. No doubt this is boring and probably pretty irritating for her, but I'm still narrating(thus talking to her(thus giving her conscious attention)) so it should still help build her, right? I'd love to just talk to her about things but I can't think of anything to say because nothing ever really happens. I can't think of a single unique thing besides her that's happened in the last 5 years, and I've basically exhausted all tulpa-related subjects... I still try to comment on things normally from time to time, but opportunities and things i care enough about to comment on are few and far between. Any help here'd be appreciated.

 

8) My mind wanders a lot. It likes to dream up scenarios between myself and...anything ranging from a kid, to someone from the medieval ages, to a random fictional character, to someone that I know...And I sort of parrot conversations between them and myself, either imagining how a future conversation might go or how a past one might've gone if I'd chosen to say something else, or explaining an object or concept....They're not always of consequence, grounded in reality or even remotely possible, and none of them ever happen. I know I'm not parroting Eag, and I've been trying to break the habit anyway because it's infuriatingly distracting, but could it have any adverse effect if it continues?

 

9) Sometimes I get this strange.......thing...with my eyes. Wouldn't really call it a feeling, the closest I can get to an accurate description of it is a distinct and sudden visual focus. I've attributed it to Eag specifically looking at stuff through my eyes. Is that what it is? Can I expect anything similar with my other senses?

 

10) So far I'm treating my little feelings and things as though they come from Eag, just trying to go on things as though she's definitely real, trying to believe she is definitely real, but I'd love the proper confirmation, as well as the massive simplification of things, that would come from actually being able to have a conversation with her. Is there anything I can do to get to that point quicker?

Again, I apologise for the wall of text, but thanks for reading through it.

 

Edit - Can't believe I almost forgot the thing that prompted me to make this account & topic in the first place T_T

11) Recently, I've been having trouble staying awake while tulpaforcing. It's only a recent issue, and I don't know what might be causing it. I've actually been feeling tired a lot in general lately. Might just be that I'm not used to consciously thinking all the time, but in any case, any suggestions on what it might be and what I can do?

Tulpa:

Name: Elyse (Elly)

Birthday: 29th May, 2012

Physical description: 5"8 thin human girl. self-identified age 18. ~1ft, vivid red hair sometimes in a ponytail. light-skinned. green eyes.

Progress: entirely vocal, speaks often, but only 1 hallucination; her saying "Hiiii". Great at possession.

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CUPCAKES!!!!

*grabs a popcorn*

1. You may create something for her, apologize in direct or whatever you may think up, I doubt you'll get better answer than this. Just do what feels right. I also share that feeling about having lots of... disturbing fetishes, but I stay pretty much calm about it when I think about correlations. After all tulpa is a part of you, so apparently she'll accept it.

2. My guess it varies by person.

3. It may be.

3bi\3bii. Same.

4. She may posses you with enough practice, but no swapping I've heard so far.

5. Dunno.

6. Actually, I don't think you got it right, I've heard about plenty of dream sequences and no negative thoughts yet.

6b. I doubt you'll manage to do it, lucid dreaming takes lots of practice to get things straight, and even then its not easy to pull off. You may give it a try though.

7. I don't think thats a bad thing. Pretty much everything we know, do or say we achieve by copying, so why should it bother you.

7b. You may check other narration threads for this. As far as I know it's not really relevant whatever you talk about to, as long as you talk with her.

8. I'm used to it (hell, most introverted people are), again I don't think it should bother you, however I also use it as narration theme on occasion.

9. No idea here

10. Hell if I know, I wouldn't mind knowing it too.

11. Anything what helps you stay awake. Try to concentrate more during sessions and don't do them when you are too tired.

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1. I would say the best thing to get over bad memories is to create good ones. Spend time with her and spend time doing things for her and do things she wants. Dwelling on it will do no good, you need to keep moving forward with her. Let her realize how sorry you are simply by how wonderful you plan to be to her now. Do something out of your heart to make her feel better.

 

2. Everyone feels it different. If it happens specifically when you ask questions or while forcing, sounds like it's right. Unfortunately it is hard to know what a non-vocal tulpa wants, which is why you both keep working on becoming vocal so there are fewer miscommunications.

 

3. Maybe, or you were partially dreaming. Sometimes tulpae seem to experiment with speaking very early on and it can be a bit odd.

 

3bi-ii. Chill your anus, you were having a little intrusive thought. It happens tulpa or no. As far as it being a form of your dark side, maybe. Nate fought off a little inner demon once before. Don't give it too much thought though.

 

4. I don't know, maybe! I think most people are still working to see if that is possible.

 

5. You might find it hard to communicate with her or focus on her sometimes. Forcing sessions will seem a bit unproductive. Check if she's sleeping when that happens.

 

6. Oh don't worry about it. Luke managed to avoid being dreamed about himself, and Jaden tends to appear in my dreams occasionally. Dreams are just bizarre to a tulpa, though I guess it depends on the individual.

 

6b. Maybe wait until she is more sentient.

 

7. Uhh I think it would be fine.

 

7b. I narrate by talking to them as if I am just hanging out with them. Not..I'm picking up the litter...I'm walking over here and doing this...but more describing how you got the job, why you work it, what you want to do for a living, what your ideas are, who your friends are, what you want to do with your life, what tv shows you watched, etc.

 

8. No, Nate does this all the time and Luke sometimes joins in the 'game' world. Don't worry about it.

 

9. Wow, no idea. Sounds neat. Ask her at some point.

 

10. Just make it a mental rule. She's real. Don't even doubt that. It's done. Hypnosis has helped many people reach a state where they more easily accept things like this and more easily get to vocalization quicker.

 

11. Might be tired. I have the issue sometimes because Jaden can talk more clearly when I am sleepy. What can you do? Sit in a slightly more uncomfortable position? Make sure you are fully awake before tulpaforcing?

 

 

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Seems like I made a great deal of progress suddenly overnight just by having put my thoughts into words(and/or by having read tons of other peoples' questions and their answers ;P ). Calling her Dash now because Eag very suddenly feels wrong, which I take to mean she don't want that name.

 

Mah responses to your responses:

 

1) A'ight. I think she's getting over it now. Memory's lingering a bit but I (probably luckily for her) can't imagine how painful it would've been. Just wanted to know if there was something a little more I could do. Guess I've just got to re-double my efforts for her and push through. Might see if I can find some comic of something awesome happening to RD though. S'all I can think of so far. Then afterwards try to get a proper disconnect between Dash and what I see happening to RD. Just carrying on for the most part, I guess. Time is the best cure, they say.

 

2) Ok. Is her, then. Had confirmation of this anyway when I started getting....gists...like I know the basics of what she's thinking in response to something now, I can tell her mood and while I still don't hear her, I can sort of translate the 'gist' of her thoughts into words. It's limited but she's literally all but told me it's been her the whole time. Oh, and I figured out the pressure on the chest, it's like...urgency or "There's something you should(/n't) be doing."

 

3) Asked her about it. She doesn't know either.

3b) My anus is chill, bro. My jimmies are unrustlable. "Don't give it too much thought", hah, I see what you probably did there. That's what I was intending to do, just wanted to know what it was. Then again, teaming up and having an epic battle against an inner demon sounds awesome. Might try it. For fun. You heard me: I want to battle my inner demons for fun >=D.

 

4) Guess I'll have to experiment later =)

 

5) Me talking to her wakes her up and I spend too much time on my feet walking around to just try a session >_>. How do I check? I can tell when she actually wakes up, I think, it's just when I wake up before her and accidentally wake her up with narration...want a quick way to check before that happens.

 

6+b) A'ight.

 

7+b) Already broke the habit of talking like Rucks. And thanks for the ideas there. Still, those're things you can only really talk about once. As for TV shows....eh, I don't really watch 'em, but on the odd time I do I tend to narrate and comment while it's happening, and she watched through my eyes anyway.

 

8) k.

 

9) Err.....yes...and yes. Ok I actually asked her this morning and got the first yes in the form of the usual floaty feeling thing, and the second in the form of me suddenly hearing fucking everything. It was cool.

 

10) Yeah, s'what I've been generally trying to do. I'll reinforce the notion.

 

11) Ehhh, might've misunderstood; The actual act of tulpaforcing itself is making me incredibly tired. I'll try generally focusing harder, I guess.

 

 

Thanks for the response, the help, and for having the patience to read through all of that.

 

 

tl;dr version:

 

2, 3b, 4, 6, 6b, 7, 7b, 8, 9, 10, 11 aren't issues any more.

1 I'm just gonna work on normally, but any suggestions would be cool.

5...Eh, screw it we'll figure something out.

 

Meaning I'm basically sorted, so thanks again for the responses.

 

 

I like this place; People are helpful and not one person's gone "oh ffs another brony" or anything. Is nice.

Tulpa:

Name: Elyse (Elly)

Birthday: 29th May, 2012

Physical description: 5"8 thin human girl. self-identified age 18. ~1ft, vivid red hair sometimes in a ponytail. light-skinned. green eyes.

Progress: entirely vocal, speaks often, but only 1 hallucination; her saying "Hiiii". Great at possession.

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