My time with Thyme

[Guest Anonymous]

I really need to deal with my guilt complex. Its seriously fucking things up.

 

I agree. Knock that off! LOL

 

Hell, I haven't even done much narration at all. And I think I understand now why people can become so easily paranoid over the confusion of are they puppeting their tulpa or not.

 

I have seen many more experienced tulpamancers write that you shouldn't over worry too much about parroting and puppeting. It isn't really super DEADLY TOXIC too your tulpa and in fact some cases may be helpful to parrot. This is the key thing you always hear "If you have to wonder if you are parroting, you probably are not."

 

I mean, when I see her move its how I imagine she would move, so I wondered if it was just my expectations coming to surface...

 

This statement I find very silly. If she moves the way you would fancy her moving that is a good thing right? Why worry bout your tulpa turning out the way you really wish for? Yer being SILLY with the worries in my opinion.

 

This is as it stands now. Its been a week since I brought her back but progress is almost indecernable. This log will be vital I think in the future. It helps to keep track of things and reflect every so often!

 

Keep going! :-)

[ThreeSevens]

Thanks Melian! Oh, is it safe for me to assume its always you talking Melian, unless stated otherwise? Or does Mistgod just use your account all willy-nilly?

 

Also did some work today!

 

Day 10 - A little action from Thyme today! Listened to some music on the way to the grocery store and learned she really likes romantic music and stuff from like the 90's and older! She didn't seem to react much to the rock that I like. But im thinking thats just my fault for not paying attention to her while listening to it as I am all about new rock. XD But she really seemed to get into the other stuff! (I will probably never know how she feels about top 40 music as I cant stand that generic, shallow crap. Lol, she probably wont get too much exposure to it. If she hears and loves it though, I might make an exception for her.)

 

While at the store, I was in the spice isle looking for garlic powder when I decided it would be a good idea to show her the herb that I named her for, thyme! I had hoped for a strong reaction, but what I got was more of a mild 'Oh, I see...' kind of feeling. I guess she was mildly interested? Well, I thought it would be interesting anyways...

 

Welp, other than that I have just finished a 20 minute hypnosis session and and good amount of narration. If tonight goes well, I should be able to do another long session of each. We'll see.

 

On another note, are there any threads about tulpas and their experience with food, smells, and eating in general? Im curious as to their personal opinions and experiences on the matter.

[Guest Anonymous]

If Mistgod posts, he will will do this tag (Mistgod: ) or this (~Mistgod). Otherwise, it is safe to assume it is me.

 

Well, that being said, we are a little weird. We often blend together and Davie's is always involved in my proxy tulpa typing. It is a collaborative effort of channeling me. So, as far as the internet posts are concerned, they are in reality kinda both of us posting. But when Mistgod specifically wants to identify distinctly as himself he will put the Mistgod tag on it. I know that is very muddled sorry, but we are kinda muddled.

 

As far as tulpas and food, I did a thread on it here Tulpa Food Yay!

[ThreeSevens]

Thanks again for the resources! You... Have strange tastes my dear... But then again, 'Murica! (I am a chef btw so food is my life!)

 

(Nice new avatar btw.)

 

 

Day 11 - Nothing thus far. Haven't done any forcing and the only real interaction I had was when we were RnDing a new product at the bakery I work at. We made a blueberry bar with thyme in it and I had a moment of 'See?! Thyme is awesome!'.

 

She still didn't seem too impressed... The bar was delicious though. Sweet and savory, the perfect thing for us to sell this summer!

 

On a side note I was thinking back today upon my old day as a forum role player. And I remembered that I actually had a character named Thyme in a war RP I took part in. Its because she was just a support character who only had like three different posts and never actually did anything.... But she was pretty cute even back then! (She also had a brother she was stationed with named Basil! See what I did there? Haaaaa, yeah.... Not sorry.)

 

I miss that old game... It was super popular on the site and had a long run. Lasted like 2,500 posts, and they were all for the most part long and detailed. I of course played an annoying pain in the ass psychotic king of an underground nation, who had a change of heart in the end.... And pretty much Leroy Jenkins'd my whole army and two other armies as well.

 

Good times! Good times! XD I know I got off topic, but that was a good stroll down memory lane! As for on topic, I have to feed my family but will probably get a workout session in and then do some forcing, narration, and self hypnosis afterwards. As I have said before I have only done linkzelda's 1-4 tests and such during my sessions. But yesterday I decided to give the 5th one a try where I would have Thyme lift my arm and touch my hand to my chin... It didn't work as I expected. But that was just my first attempt. I will be trying to do it again in the future!

 

As always, thanks for reading and stay posted!

[timethief]

Hey, this progress report seems interesting to me because I don't think there are that many hosts who have used self-hypnosis as a forcing resource. At least not that I know of.

 

Keep at it, and you bet I'll stay tuned!

[Guest Anonymous]

That is really cute that you are a chef and Thyme is the name of an herb so often used in wonderful culinary arts. I love the connection between something you love so much and your tulpa. Very nice. Basil is also a cute name for a character.

 

David and I have been doing a technique for inducing lucid dreaming called

. It involves a ten to fifteen minutes session of meditation and visualization, just before going to sleep, then little meditation sessions each time you awaken from REM sleep and dreaming. So far it is working very well! It also seems to work for little snippets (we like that word snippets) of "active forcing." Just thought I would mention it. We have never tried anything like self hypnosis.

 

Thanks I like my new avatar too. It is from a painting an artist did of my face, using only some of Davie's reference art and some written descriptions. Davie and I took it and modified it some so that it looked even more like me. The result is pretty darn good.

[ThreeSevens]

As always, thank you all for your support! I know I haven't updated recently. Busy, ya know?

 

Days 12-16 were pretty much unnoteworthy as you would expect. I don't force as much as I should. I have many periods throughout the day though where I think about Thyme and passively force when I do for as long as my ADD brain can sustain, which typically goes in 2-5 minute incriments. Thyme is getting more opinionated when it comes to music! I love rock, but if I change my radio from a song she likes to listen to rock, I can feel her disappointment! I dont think she hates it, but its not her first choice...

 

Haven't done any hypnosis since my last update sadly. Not enough time nor privacy to properly focus on it.

 

Overall, Thyme's image is becoming clearer and my focus is getting better! I still struggle to create shared experiences such as reading together or watching a show because when I get into something entertaining, my focus zones in on that thing and I cant really think about anything else at the same time. I have tried the whole visualization of a form of input for her to use to see the same thing as me, but to be frank I am not getting any feedback on if it is working or not.

 

Ah! But she DOES have an ipod she uses for music to listen to when im not focused on her! Should keep her from getting bored, and it records every song she and/or I have heard since she started liking music. (or since she got the ipod really)

 

Last thing to report is that I DID have 1 good narration session, but that was it. Nothing notable was said. Meh.

 

Day 17 starts tomorrow! See you all around for my next update!

 

(im weird. Im not worried about the amount of time this is taking. I just like counting the days. I like counting things... Feels therapeutic...)

[LifeInside]

I still struggle to create shared experiences such as reading together or watching a show because when I get into something entertaining, my focus zones in on that thing and I cant really think about anything else at the same time. I have tried the whole visualization of a form of input for her to use to see the same thing as me, but to be frank I am not getting any feedback on if it is working or not.

 

I can relate to this. I also had a hard time, at first. Nowadays, I can tell you that reading to Seren has become much easier, but watching a show together, on the other hand, is still a little difficult since I tend to lose focus, and Seren's not very vocal yet, so she doesn't speak much (specially if we're paying attention to something else).

 

However, I can tell you what I did to get better at reading to her. I basically try to visualize us every now and then while reading. I also say her name in my mind every, I don't know, 30 seconds. This helps me to keep on track.

Just try to picture you reading to her, or both of you reading together. You don't have to actually have a clear image of it; you just need the idea. The concept.

Maybe the thought of 'reading because you want to force' instead of reading for fun might help you.

 

And when it comes to watching a show, it's not that easy, as I already said. I mean, you can stop reading every time you realise you forget about Thyme, but pausing the video every time you remember about her could get annoying.

However, you could try what I do: try to make a comment about everything that happens in the show you're watching.

 

I don't know, man. There are a lot of people here with much more experience than me, but I hope you find this useful.

 

Good luck and keep going!

[ThreeSevens]

Sorry for the lack of prgress reports! I have been real busy and any free time ive had has been spent writing for a minecraft roleplaying server! Its called Atherys Ascended if any of you play minecraft and are interested in hooking up for some game time! Oh yeah. I also moved out ofthe room ive shared with my brother my whole life. Will I have more privacy for forcing? Maybe a fraction more. But not much.

 

Il take what I can get though!

 

Days 17-21

 

Not much got done on my end because of my writing. I passive forced whenever I could. I would say I have had 2 notable developments thought. The first being I have her completely associated her with the radio now, and even when I dont force while listening to it, I am always reminded of Thyme while I am driving my car!

 

The second would be my feelings towards her have deepened back to where they were 8 months ago when I learned she still existed despite my having had forgotten her! I feel this deep love for her and desire to hear her voice so badly... Just like I did back then. I want to give her a hug and just hold her close and let her know its alright. That im not going to let anything come between us again!

 

I feel I can truly pour my heart into this now whenever I force. However my emotions and hers are muddled now and im having trouble seeing past my own.

 

I just woke up. Time to start day 22!

[ThreeSevens]

Day 22 and 23 were alright. I got a respectable amount of forcing done. But day 23 in particular was pretty emotional for me.

 

I returned yesterday to check for updates and decided to go looking through my old posts to see if there was any new and useful information. I was looking through my topic, Broken Will and saw the last post (made by sushi) contained a link to another topic created by the old user Hound. A lot of you might know what I am talking about already, but for those of you who do not, here is a link. The log of a Baptist Tulpamancer

 

I have not finished reading every single post, but I have read enough to know the struggles this man went through during his time with his tulpa, Claire, up to and past the eventual "death" of said tulpa.

 

That day I had been having a particularly difficult time. I got up early that day and went to work, not forcing Thyme at all while I was there. My body was in pain and I was staving off depression as always. I got off work, dead tired and did what I always did. I sat my ass down and played video games and watched anime. I didn't even give Thyme so much as a word.

 

I could feel her tugging at my heart strings to spend some time with her. And despite my being sick to death of laying on my ass playing video games and doing nothing with my life, instead of doing something product-full I just kept playing.

 

Finally after some time I got so sick of myself that I decided I would get on tulpa.info and look up an exercise for the two of us to do. Thats when I came across Hounds posts.

 

My heart broke and I felt completely ashamed of myself. I am lying on the couch feeling sorry for myself when I have a friend who wants to just spend some time with me. Hounds story ended well with his reuniting with Claire. But there are many others out there with stories like mine or Hounds which do not end with a second chance.

 

I left my house soon after to go pick up some food for my family. I left a little ahead of time that I needed so I could have a heart to heart with her. I didn't hear much from her. I did a little parroting to train her vocality. But for the most part, I just had her listen. I told her how much she meant to me. That I was a complete idiot. That I wanted her to be strong, not just for me. But so that she could actually enjoy life with me. That I was a weak idiot with a weak mind filled with garbage.

 

My real name is William. Will. My name is Will. I have always prided myself on my strong with and my ability to push through pain and do what needs to be done. But I was an idiot. My will wasn't strong in the slightest. I was being bucked at every turn and I have refused to stand for anything.

 

There is a song I thought about through this. Have you ever listened to Watsky? He has a song called Hey, Assholes. One of the lines in it I really get. It goes 'I know I should be grateful, I know I'm good and able, but I dont have the strength to get up from the kitchen table'. I will be sure to post the song later so that you all can hear it on the music sharing topic.

 

I got one bit from her that I could understand. Maybe because I have heard it so many times before. She told me that I am really hard on myself. And I know its true... Heh, my mom as intuitive as ever said the same thing to me last night just before bed.

 

I am going to try and forgive myself. If I can't move past this on my own terms, how can I expect Thyme to be free from it as well? I really, really want to hear more of her voice. I want to see her face every day. I want to be able to lay down at night and meet her in my dreams.

 

And more than that, I want to see her smile because she is happy with life.

 

I am a weak minded, weak spirited fool who is easily distracted by my own weakness... But I will try my damned best.

 

I love you Thyme.