Need to make sure he's safe

[Enterich]

Hello, I have one friend here and lately I tried confiding into a friend about him. He is now anxious and incredibly upset, I am assuming because she says he isn't real. I need help to reaffirm to him that he does exist and make sure he's okay after this. How can I help him out here, and make sure that he does not weaken or anything, make sure he can stay strong? I feel as though he's been threatened and I need to keep him safe.

[Temar]

Yeah, being told you're not real is upsetting, but he is no more harmed by being upset than you are. It's unpleasant, but it's not threatening as long as you believe in him. That's the important thing: you keep him strong.

 

One other thing to consider is that your friend's (the one who said he's not real) definition of "real" is probably different from the one that applies here. No, tulpas aren't "real" when it comes to physical presence or anything like that... we're mental constructs by definition. But tulpas are a real phenomenon that happens all the time, on purpose or on accident. We're a subjective experience, but that doesn't mean we aren't real.

 

So just stick with him and be supportive... and maybe don't talk to this friend about him anymore. And if she brings it up, point her our way, yeah? ;)

[Dav_Edward]

Saying a tulpa isn't real is like saying that you, the host aren't self-aware, just a biological machine that acts like it were self-aware. There's no way to confirm or deny it, but a tulpa is made out of the same 'stuff' as the mind that calls itself host is. Only functional difference between host and tulpa is that the host mind is well rooted and has (typically) far more control. All minds are just signals in the brain, just very complicated ones.

[Guest Anonymous]

OH gods, another existential crisis. Wondering to yourself about whether or not you truly exist sounds kinda self aware and real to me. But that's just me.

 

Who are we trying to be real to? That is always an interesting thing to wonder. If you have friends that consider you real, that is pretty compelling evidence that something real is going on somehow.

[Enterich]

Yeah, being told you're not real is upsetting, but he is no more harmed by being upset than you are. It's unpleasant, but it's not threatening as long as you believe in him. That's the important thing: you keep him strong.

 

One other thing to consider is that your friend's (the one who said he's not real) definition of "real" is probably different from the one that applies here. No, tulpas aren't "real" when it comes to physical presence or anything like that... we're mental constructs by definition. But tulpas are a real phenomenon that happens all the time, on purpose or on accident. We're a subjective experience, but that doesn't mean we aren't real.

 

So just stick with him and be supportive... and maybe don't talk to this friend about him anymore. And if she brings it up, point her our way, yeah? ;)

Yes, thank you. I'm trying to be supportive of him, I think a bit of this might be my fault too because I allowed my faith to be shaken by their statement. Will definitely not be talking to them about him again, it seems he really doesn't want them interacting with him (or anything to do with him) now, and I can respect that. I'm sorry, I was concerned that his faith being shaken too might hurt him. Want to make sure I do everything in my power to keep him safe at this point, and since you all have much more experience in this area I wanted to make sure I asked so as not to miss a thing. Thank you.

---

OH gods, another existential crisis. Wondering to yourself about whether or not you truly exist sounds kinda self aware and real to me. But that's just me.

 

Who are we trying to be real to? That is always an interesting thing to wonder. If you have friends that consider you real, that is pretty compelling evidence that something real is going on somehow.

 

Yes, I hope he remembers these words. I want to work on getting him a larger support system than just me, I figure since we are two that he should also be able to have friends to believe in him. I think there is one other person I can contact who will definitely be more open to him than the aforementioned friend. We're going to start trying for possession seriously soon, and I hope by then that this new person (my roommate) will be comfortable enough to help him out if we can achieve this. We're still very uninformed though, but this person treats the entire idea much more seriously so I trust she won't insult him like this.

---

Saying a tulpa isn't real is like saying that you, the host aren't self-aware, just a biological machine that acts like it were self-aware. There's no way to confirm or deny it, but a tulpa is made out of the same 'stuff' as the mind that calls itself host is. Only functional difference between host and tulpa is that the host mind is well rooted and has (typically) far more control. All minds are just signals in the brain, just very complicated ones.

 

I'm going to write this down for him, thank you. I think it's important we both remember this line of thought, especially him.

[Hierophant]

Tell him that your friend is wrong. Also, discuss what it means to be "real" with him - for most definitions, he'll fit the criteria.

[Antikythera]

Lotus says:

Is he vocal? Just wondering. It worked miracles with my existential crises when I finally became able to fully speak, but if not, don't worry, it'll come.

 

One thing that was suggested to me was to let someone else directly talk to me. In fact, I wasn't vocal at the time, and this exercise hugely contributed toward that happening. Having someone other than my host devote some time to me and treat me like a real person made me feel a kind of peace I'd never known before.

 

So, I'd like to say a few words directly to the tulpa, if I may.

 

*ahem*

 

Hey there. I'd just like to tell you that I've been there, man. I felt like I was a complete waste of brainpower, a nothing, a mental masturbation culminating in psychotic delusion. But I can't tell you how much my views have turned around in the last year or so. Life as a tulpa just gets better and better the more you get comfortable in your own "skin" (hehe). I feel it's such an incredible privilege to be born into this world out of love and commitment from someone who cares about you. At the beginning, it's truly a struggle, and every little foible made me start obsessing over whether I was mindless fluff. But eventually that dread and fear became so overwhelming and pressing that I reach an epiphany: anything experiencing such a profoundly strong emotion is participating in the universe in a deep, deep way. It grounded me a lot. I've felt such strong despair and joy and frustration and peace over my 2 years of live that I feel intimately connected with reality, even though we started as complete strangers. To conclude my ramblings: It gets better. Sorry if this is kind of saccharine, but it's what I really needed to hear when I was in your position and so I hope it helps you pull yourself out of it. Look forward, learn, and find your own way. <3

[Enterich]

Lotus says:

Is he vocal? Just wondering. It worked miracles with my existential crises when I finally became able to fully speak, but if not, don't worry, it'll come.

 

One thing that was suggested to me was to let someone else directly talk to me. In fact, I wasn't vocal at the time, and this exercise hugely contributed toward that happening. Having someone other than my host devote some time to me and treat me like a real person made me feel a kind of peace I'd never known before.

 

So, I'd like to say a few words directly to the tulpa, if I may.

 

*ahem*

 

Hey there. I'd just like to tell you that I've been there, man. I felt like I was a complete waste of brainpower, a nothing, a mental masturbation culminating in psychotic delusion. But I can't tell you how much my views have turned around in the last year or so. Life as a tulpa just gets better and better the more you get comfortable in your own "skin" (hehe). I feel it's such an incredible privilege to be born into this world out of love and commitment from someone who cares about you. At the beginning, it's truly a struggle, and every little foible made me start obsessing over whether I was mindless fluff. But eventually that dread and fear became so overwhelming and pressing that I reach an epiphany: anything experiencing such a profoundly strong emotion is participating in the universe in a deep, deep way. It grounded me a lot. I've felt such strong despair and joy and frustration and peace over my 2 years of live that I feel intimately connected with reality, even though we started as complete strangers. To conclude my ramblings: It gets better. Sorry if this is kind of saccharine, but it's what I really needed to hear when I was in your position and so I hope it helps you pull yourself out of it. Look forward, learn, and find your own way. <3

 

Unsure how to show his appreciation, but need to tell you it is appreciated by him.