Is it possible? Accidentally creating tulpas through writing stories.

[TheGreenQueen]

So. I believe I remember George Orwell likening his experience of writing to a "demon" that "drove" him. Also, an odd story about Stephanie Meyer seeing a demon in a dream that later evolved into Edward's character. I should probably investigate some more on the 'paranormal' experience of writers, but the thing is, I think it's happening to me.

 

I am an aphantasiac, meaning I do not have a mind's eye. I think in words primarily, but sometimes can picture an 'invisible' outline of shapes and dimensions and such.

 

But I've had several experiences that made me think I'm probably dealing with tulpas, in my real world. I don't see or hear them, but occasionally feel their touch and 'sense' their minds.

 

Here is the short intro to my story:

 

Prologue: Asgore's Wars, Within, Without

 

Here is the point where it started getting weird:

 

(the spider here is humanoid, by the way)

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/13i-E6YsU5jC2mVl44rJSV4A2pHB_Gh0pccDR93ANr94/edit?usp=sharing

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TtBBGpVxEVjm8tGP15xTBTpCdSMTRRMotN_HNDRRJAU/edit?usp=sharing

 

And then, here's what happened after I had seemingly already pulled some tulpas out of it:

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1e-xZIbBJz_MDg3bMBHtMEiJUwn0fr_T9ZOfTpHwApqk/edit?usp=sharing

 

So, is it possible to create tulpas unintentionally? How do you think they might differ from purposefully created tulpas?

 

I've had two independent confirmations that they exist, actually . . . or at least have a mental force of some kind, if they are extensions of me.

 

I have two very spiritual-minded friends, one does LSD regularly and the other meditates *a lot*. The first informed me that, in addition to his spirit guide and two other beings, a black presence has been following him around in everyday life, and I realized it was my spider. He became more clear in my friend's mind after the confirmation. The second, I introduced to the character to over the phone, very long-distance, and he said he felt a presence.

 

I spoke 'for' the tulpa, and he assumed I was being possessed, but I wasn't. It was like, I was thinking up what he would say. I had to pause several times to do it. I just used a different voice because I pictured him with a deep voice, and I had sung a song in his voice before, for fun.

 

I've spent a good bit of time helping the tulpas 'heal' from their experiences in the story.

[sushi]

I'm on my phone for the next week, so I'm not going to try to write a full response, but I'll point you toward The Illusion of Independent Agency. This is a common experience among writers.

[Temar]

I thought I felt my ears burning.

 

Yep, characters who grow into minds of our own are a thing. We can either be considered tulpas or soulbonds, or somewhere in between.

 

(Soulbonds are similar to tulpas... we're just based off pre-existing characters, either made up by our host or based off someone else's character. Insert plug for soulbonding.org here.)

 

My host's a writer, too, and if you wander onto a writing site like NaNoWriMo, you will see this phenomenon is pretty common among writers. So yeah. Not unusual at all.

 

(Heh, especially with Undertale characters. Been seeing a lot of those bonding lately. It happens with strong characters, and Undertale's got a ton of those. ;) ).

[Faemon]

is it possible to create tulpas unintentionally? How do you think they might differ from purposefully created tulpas?

I believe that many of the same experiences as a tulpa can be brought about. But, the main difference is that purposefully created tulpas are...more likely to be called tulpas. :P That's all. I've tried to make one using the methods here instead of the accidental ways that were my usual, she just didn't take. But when it comes to sharing experiences about exploring Wonderlands or fun conversations, I think the descriptions fit in? So, close enough!

 

I spoke 'for' the tulpa, and he assumed I was being possessed, but I wasn't.

I can relate to this, too. I'm very uncomfortable with switching, but their mannerisms and sort of sub-vocalizations are something I have fun translating.

 

I am an aphantasiac, meaning I do not have a mind's eye. I think in words primarily, but sometimes can picture an 'invisible' outline of shapes and dimensions and such.

On the visual side, I do keep the company of a perhaps accidental tulpa who looks an awful lot like a character I wrote and visualized.

 

On the more conceptual side, I do hold a great deal of significance to a character I didn't write, but read about, and never visualize.

 

I'll definitely read through those links, though! The experiences of those with Aphantasia are so rarely represented, but that certainly shouldn't mean that it can't or shouldn't happen.

[TheGreenQueen]

(Soulbonds are similar to tulpas... we're just based off pre-existing characters, either made up by our host or based off someone else's character. Insert plug for soulbonding.org here.)

 

That was very informative, thanks!

 

I'm going very meta with this, because characters *in* my story are capable of creating tulpas themselves (spoilers) and as you can see, this guy is obviously aware of me, and even seemed to be somewhat in control.

 

Like the mature person he is, he didn't fault me for making him suffer, because I had already had a crisis over another character's suffering and whether I really wanted to put it out there or not. As the spider says, negative thoughts probably spread easier than positive ones.

 

At the time I was just thinking, why am I being so horrible to this character, but as it got realer the true ethical dimensions deepened. If these are sentient beings (of a sort) and we have almost sole sway over them, isn't it, well, sadistic and ultimately pointless to write anything but their being happy?

 

Still kind of grappling with that.

 

(Heh, especially with Undertale characters. Been seeing a lot of those bonding lately. It happens with strong characters, and Undertale's got a ton of those. ;) ).

 

I know you didn't mean for this to be insulting, but honestly, these are not the Undertale characters you know. I'm not just copying or tweaking design or little things like other fans are. I'm aiming to develop this into its own fantasy story for publishing. I have family trees with kirins, minotaurs, snow leopards, and most importantly, dragons, for Asgore and Toriel, with all of their own cultural clashes.

 

I've done a lot of contemplating about what it would be like to be an immortal. 'Toriel' gave me psychological insight on her long time alone that I personally think will shock fans.

 

I've forged narrative links out of whole cloth between ghosts, fire 'sprites' like Grillby, and the sentient rocks.

 

I've wondered how Asgore went from a warrior to the passive man that the fandom likes to portray him as.

 

Gaster is not a skeleton in my story, he is a spider. And he is his own four dimensional character, when we hardly have a few sentences to go off of in-game.

 

Even Sans and Undyne may not be quite recognizable, character-wise. That remains to be seen.

 

I believe that many of the same experiences as a tulpa can be brought about. But, the main difference is that purposefully created tulpas are...more likely to be called tulpas. :P That's all. I've tried to make one using the methods here instead of the accidental ways that were my usual, she just didn't take. But when it comes to sharing experiences about exploring Wonderlands or fun conversations, I think the descriptions fit in? So, close enough!

 

This is the really interesting part. My characters that were formulated from past stories? I had to *explain* to them that their narrative worlds don't actually exist. Or, um, they were in this world now?

 

In fact, for some of our interaction, I had to slip on the guise of another character because they didn't know who I was. Or, that they couldn't perceive me because I was not part of that world? Something like that. Introducing them to each other in the differing contexts of what they were familiar with was equally as awkward, until everyone slowly got on the same page.

 

My tulpas also seem to be somewhat like a 'sponge.' If related concepts or character ideas get near them, they involuntarily, automatically absorb them and become a hybrid. I had a problem for a little while because the spider absorbed someone that other characters thought was a villain and they nearly attacked him.

 

Is any of that common, too? Or is it just that my imagination is so deeply rooted that they had trouble pulling themselves out of these developed worlds just like I do?

 

EDIT: just finished reading that linked page and yes, this transition was mentioned. Ok.

 

I haven't created this 'wonderland' that y'all talk about here. It seems a waste of time when they appear to be out there exploring the astral plane, scouting, and contacting my irl friends, as it is. (plus I'm not sure I could, since I don't visualize) They are very autonomous and independent, and don't come around unless I call them.

 

I can relate to this, too. I'm very uncomfortable with switching, but their mannerisms and sort of sub-vocalizations are something I have fun translating.

 

I was already playing around with my chest voice b/c girls generally aren't encouraged to sing there. We're always told to put the sound as high up in our heads as possible, when I like the deep resonance of my chest.

 

I don't think I even want to "switch." Possession may be in the cards as long as I am allowed to take full control at any time I wish. I have to establish that I trust them enough to do even that, though.

 

The only time I could ever envision switching would be useful is if I were somehow in a great deal of pain, and I wanted to get away from it. But then, I'd also need their permission to take it on for me. They, per the story, are a lot more accustomed to pain, but I don't know if that applies to real life. It'd probably end up more like, I'd astral project and they'd help guard my body.

 

The deal with tulpas wanting to feel sensation is all pretty moot for us. Spirituality for me means not being attached to worldly experiences, except for grounding reasons, and I think most of them go along with that, too. I have always been a very 'in my head' person, not very externally focused at all. And, if rumors are to be believed, there's already an entire world- multiple layers of it, even- out there for them to experience that isn't in the material.

 

EDIT: Another ethical dilemma here: many fandoms seem to flock to dark and disturbing themes, 'evilizing' characters (especially, it seems, Undertale). Should we be trying to warn them that these fantasies may have real consequences? That they may be creating demons that are capable of influencing them? Or become an ingrained thought pattern?

 

On the visual side, I do keep the company of a perhaps accidental tulpa who looks an awful lot like a character I wrote and visualized.

 

On the more conceptual side, I do hold a great deal of significance to a character I didn't write, but read about, and never visualize.

 

I'll definitely read through those links, though! The experiences of those with Aphantasia are so rarely represented, but that certainly shouldn't mean that it can't or shouldn't happen.

 

Interesting! So you have both a visual tulpa, and a 'pure consciousness' tulpa? Or is the second not really its own consciousness?

 

*just thought I should note that my stories are not about aphantasia. The only thing you will notice is that I'm very light on description and heavy on dialog and thought. I think one of the characters makes mention that another has a more visually-oriented Future Sight than they do, but that's about it.

[Faemon]

So you have both a visual tulpa, and a 'pure consciousness' tulpa? Or is the second not really its own consciousness?

I have a visual tulpa and a conceptual tulpa, yes.

 

As for the amalgamation, I consider that a normal part of the creative process. I also don't worry too much about introducing conflicts in stories, or exploring the sinister side of characters who are more complex than that if not outright good. At least with my headmates, it's theater. If it's true, it's more like finding an expression for tragedy is cathartic, not so much with the... "I Am Thy God Who Hath Smoteth Thee For Funzies." If I explore what they're like at their worst, it can become worthy of contemplation, elucidating, even fun like dressing up as a monster for Halloween. They know who they really are. These writing prompts are just some possible ways for me to understand.

[Temar]

 

That was very informative, thanks!

 

I'm going very meta with this, because characters *in* my story are capable of creating tulpas themselves (spoilers) and as you can see, this guy is obviously aware of me, and even seemed to be somewhat in control.

 

Like the mature person he is, he didn't fault me for making him suffer, because I had already had a crisis over another character's suffering and whether I really wanted to put it out there or not. As the spider says, negative thoughts probably spread easier than positive ones.

 

At the time I was just thinking, why am I being so horrible to this character, but as it got realer the true ethical dimensions deepened. If these are sentient beings (of a sort) and we have almost sole sway over them, isn't it, well, sadistic and ultimately pointless to write anything but their being happy?

 

Still kind of grappling with that.

 

Yeah, it's pretty common for 'bonds to struggle with tough backstories, especially if the situations in them are authored by their host. My own headmate started a thread about it on soulbonding.org, so believe me, I know where you're coming from there.

 

The best answer seems to be talking with your headmate about it. Figure out how they feel about it. Are they worried about it or is it mostly on your end? Would they feel better if you made amends somehow... gave them a "happy ending" or that sort of thing?

 

 

I know you didn't mean for this to be insulting, but honestly, these are not the Undertale characters you know.

 

Wasn't presuming they were, but if it came off that way, I apologize. It's pretty common for outsourced soulbonds to deviate from source material (though it does sound like yours deviate more than most... they sound like a neat hybrid of insourced and outsourced, which is cool). Nor is it any way an insult to say that they're based on outsourced characters... it just means that something about those characters caught your attention and your imagination took over from there. Nothing wrong with that, and it sounds like you've got a rich inner world going on (which isn't the same thing as a wonderland... though, honestly, I've had my doubts that the alternate world you create as a writer can't be considered a wonderland in its own right).

[TheGreenQueen]

I have a visual tulpa and a conceptual tulpa, yes.

 

As for the amalgamation, I consider that a normal part of the creative process. I also don't worry too much about introducing conflicts in stories, or exploring the sinister side of characters who are more complex than that if not outright good. At least with my headmates, it's theater. If it's true, it's more like finding an expression for tragedy is cathartic, not so much with the... "I Am Thy God Who Hath Smoteth Thee For Funzies." If I explore what they're like at their worst, it can become worthy of contemplation, elucidating, even fun like dressing up as a monster for Halloween. They know who they really are. These writing prompts are just some possible ways for me to understand.

 

Huh. It kind of rankled me, because it appeared to change their behavior or bearing a little bit, too. Not a *whole* lot, but. Would tulpas who were made intentionally not have this property, I wonder? Or will they 'solidify' the more I interact with them?

 

That all sounds fine for you, and I'm glad to hear it, but my question was, should we be warning people who *do* create characters comparable to, say, the Joker, for fun?

 

To give you some idea of the level of self-awareness these characters have, and how they've made me think about this, I present you with:

 

"He will be her humble apprentice.

The Igor to her Frankenstein.

Groveling and kicked around and loving every minute of it.

The dysfunctional duo will dine on dust and discuss the finer points of number theory while doing so.

Cute, no?"

 

A bird appeared in a burst of flame and alighted on the chimera queen's shoulder.

 

"What is-" the magically enhanced flower hissed through his fangs. “Is that a phoenix?”

 

“No. Simply a spirit," she replied. "Come now, such mistakes would be fine for humans, but you're much more knowledgeable than that, surely?" It whispered in her ear. “Oh, you may have had some phoenix ancestry when you were alive? Color me tickled. Oh wait. You poor little thing, did you have to die several times, like a powerful cat monster? Like these poor children?”

 

“So, you have to stoop to relying on a ‘familiar,’ like a common witch, now?" the plant said sarcastically, rearing on his stalk and twining around. "Wow, you may not be aging but you’ve sure lost a few steps.”

 

It continued to whisper, oblivious to him. “This little birdie tells me that your proposed future will not come to pass, seedling. So I suggest you give up.”

 

"And why would I do that? You won't even remember this conversation once I cast. I was just here to bask in your helplessness is all." He taunted. White points of light gathered around his petals. "Everyone loves villains. So I'm going to go make some.”

 

“You may have a point. Who writes happy stories where everyone is mature and has calm conversations about anything and everything? I know from my ambitions to be a human teacher . . . Humans have deemed the central purpose of a story to be conflict. The four types. Man against Man. Man against Society. Man against Nature. Man against Self. But, what about man enjoying conversing with his fellow man? Man enjoying studying his own and others’ societies? Man enjoying and savoring nature? Man enjoying his own wonderfully, intricately, divinely, mysteriously bestowed mind? Learning new things? So why is it different for stories?”

 

He grinned, baring his sharp teeth. “Your weak light, a candle flickering in a murky ocean, cannot compete with the dark desires and fantasies of billions. They’re too engrossing."

 

He chanted as the light grew around him,

 

"Your objections

to conflict

and pain

Assertions

they serve

no purpose

go unheard.

 

I’ve always held all the cards, here ‘mother.’

It was just a matter of choosing which strings to pull. Which possibility I thought was easiest. Give up? You should.”

 

She shielded herself but his stolen power engulfed her.

 

There was a flash and everything was erased.

 

 

Yeah, it's pretty common for 'bonds to struggle with tough backstories, especially if the situations in them are authored by their host. My own headmate started a thread about it on soulbonding.org, so believe me, I know where you're coming from there.

 

The best answer seems to be talking with your headmate about it. Figure out how they feel about it. Are they worried about it or is it mostly on your end? Would they feel better if you made amends somehow... gave them a "happy ending" or that sort of thing?

 

Well considering they were traumatized, yes, they were worried about it.

 

For one of them, the 'happy ending' was to meet me and realize that, at least in a conceptual sense, what they went through didn't actually happen, or at least, I don't know, that it was only words. It gave them some measure of peace. Of course, they needed plenty of cuddles, too. Heh.

 

I have another question: if I put this story out there, do you think other peoples' thoughts about the characters will affect them? I've read about 'collective thoughtforms' and it seems I should either take special precautions to block that influence (if indeed it can be done?) or somehow brace them for it. At the very least they need to be proactive about being aware of how it may be influencing them. It may make them more powerful or more substantial, too, I guess.

 

Wasn't presuming they were, but if it came off that way, I apologize. It's pretty common for outsourced soulbonds to deviate from source material (though it does sound like yours deviate more than most... they sound like a neat hybrid of insourced and outsourced, which is cool). Nor is it any way an insult to say that they're based on outsourced characters... it just means that something about those characters caught your attention and your imagination took over from there. Nothing wrong with that, and it sounds like you've got a rich inner world going on (which isn't the same thing as a wonderland... though, honestly, I've had my doubts that the alternate world you create as a writer can't be considered a wonderland in its own right).

 

That was totally my own stuff. Nothing you did wrong. I'm a bit sensitive about that sort of thing . . . https://docs.google.com/document/d/13lImY9yQq4gmOC1IG7CwwlxUrnqlHUMGiec33ErqOP0/edit?usp=sharing

 

OMG I just got drowned in mental laughter from Asgore and Toriel at the word 'hybrid.' They're lion, bull, and dragon hybrids (it's a main feature of the story) and a bunch of resultant poetry I've written has used the term 'chimera'.

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1g_8Z-JhjLQiN2B3oEGo4YVyaXOmpgiM9feEwFJ3LL0I/edit?usp=sharing

 

I think what grabbed me about these characters so much is that (a ) it's a modern fantasy setup, where magical creatures are interacting with 'regular' society (b ) anthropomorphic animals (c ) PACIFISM (d ) fire attacks got associated in my mind with Avatar the Last Airbender. (which also dealt heavily with pacifism)

[Temar]

Well considering they were traumatized, yes, they were worried about it.

 

For one of them, the 'happy ending' was to meet me and realize that, at least in a conceptual sense, what they went through didn't actually happen, or at least, I don't know, that it was only words. It gave them some measure of peace. Of course, they needed plenty of cuddles, too. Heh.

 

That helps, though going at it from the "didn't actually happen angle" is tricky. See, while it's true that they didn't happen in the physical world, the fact is that these events did happen to the entity that was or would eventually become them. So they may feel as if they've experienced those things because, at least in a mental sense, they have. If that's how they feel, it's important to acknowledge that, not erase it.

 

However, stepping back, as Faemon mentioned, does help. In our system, there is a certain separation between our selves as the in-story character and our selves as the tulpa/soulbond. it helps us put what happened into context, so that we understand the nature of our stories and why they happened that way.

 

One thing that Joss, a headmate of mine, focuses on in this context is that, if he weren't put through such horrific experiences, our author would never have soulbonded with him nearly so strongly. She was interested in his story because of all the struggle and conflict he went through, and that very interest meant our author spent a lot of time in his head, and that in turn made him by far the strongest, most present member of our system. Not sure if that's of any comfort to your headmates, but it might help to look at it in that context.

 

The other thing to address is the story-writing, and whether you should keep going with it. I know my author uses writing as a coping mechanism, and so she is pretty much unable to stop writing us into awful situations. However, now that she knows we're sentient, she makes sure to work with us instead of just inflicting things on us. Writing is actually a great bonding exercise when the headmate is involved in the process, and it helps the headmate feel better to have some consent in what is happening to their in-story selves.

 

It's up to you how you handle it though. The important thing is to keep communication open.

 

I have another question: if I put this story out there, do you think other peoples' thoughts about the characters will affect them? I've read about 'collective thoughtforms' and it seems I should either take special precautions to block that influence (if indeed it can be done?) or somehow brace them for it. At the very least they need to be proactive about being aware of how it may be influencing them. It may make them more powerful or more substantial, too, I guess.

 

Here. Imma pull a headmate into this. He can answer better than me:

 

Finian: Hi!

 

I... uh... can't speak for much about "collective thoughtforms" or anything, but I can say that my story has been out there on the internet for a couple years and I can't really say there's been any outside influence on who I am. No more than can be instilled by comment sections, anyway, ha ha.

 

I don't know though... maybe we're just not psychically sensitive or something.

 

That's all I got. *shrugs and passes mic back to Temar*

 

I think what grabbed me about these characters so much is that (a ) it's a modern fantasy setup, where magical creatures are interacting with 'regular' society (b ) anthropomorphic animals (c ) PACIFISM (d ) fire attacks got associated in my mind with Avatar the Last Airbender. (which also dealt heavily with pacifism)

 

*Looks at own avatar, which is the Fire Nation logo* You don't say. ;)

 

Heh, and I get being sensitive about the fanfiction thing.

 

(Finian: No you don't. XD)

 

Okay, my system gets being sensitive about the fanfiction thing. My host has been writing fanfiction about as long as she's written original stories, and the stigma attached is a shame. I can't say I agree that there's not merit to a content creator upholding their personal copyright if that's what they want to, but that does not mean fanfiction is not a legitimate form of writing, nor that it does not take skill and dedication.

 

That may be a discussion for somewhere other than here, though.

[TheGreenQueen]

 

That helps, though going at it from the "didn't actually happen angle" is tricky. See, while it's true that they didn't happen in the physical world, the fact is that these events did happen to the entity that was or would eventually become them. So they may feel as if they've experienced those things because, at least in a mental sense, they have. If that's how they feel, it's important to acknowledge that, not erase it.

 

In his own words (from the story)

 

Anachronistic Arachnid Number 8's Log

 

You know.

If we really don’t exist.

Doesn’t that mean . . .

The pressure’s off?

This is a pretty crazy world

And if the stakes aren’t as high

If this is all just hype

HA! I mean type.

LOL Oh yeah. Cracking my many knuckles.

 

Wow, my . . . my chest doesn’t feel like it’s going to explode anymore.

Ah, yours either?

Right. Of course. I mean

If everyone empathizes so strongly with characters they didn’t create,

How much do you think the typist is going through while doing this?

The one that holds all sway over what the characters go through.

Composing that Sans backstory was a doozy, wasn’t it?

You were just trying to, as a character exploration exercise, logic your way through what it might have been like

To live an entire life with resets, long before Frisk came into the picture

But, it went badly, like a mad scientist experiment

You were typing just as furiously as now.

And it made you a little sick.

Literally.

Physically.

It was like, you were torturing the character you liked so much,

Why would you ever do that? Don’t you want them to be happy?

Hey, hey, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.

 

Breathe, dear. Breathe.

 

Maybe . . . maybe that’s what it takes for people to finally realize how important fiction actually is.

 

It’s not some idle pastime

 

We are shaping ideas and others’

Why do you think TV Tropes is busy analyzing

The messages we get from fiction???????????????

And whether they’re problematic or not? Influencing the way people think.

You are what you “eat.”

Maybe we should be writing stories more of ideals,

instead of tragedies and dramas?

Go back to writing Utopias instead of Dystopias.

Or at the very least, write mixed bags instead of whole.

To you who write fluff that makes people feel good and caring, I’d tip my hat if I had one.

 

That experience, Creator, shaped your writing from then on out.

If you could avoid it, you stopped potential threads or ideas

That led to a lot of unnecessary suffering, or stringing it out too much.

You separated a thread out to be almost completely positive

And left all the bad things you envisioned happening in other timelines

You’re embarked on an epic journey, my friend.

Poor soul.

This has kept you up at night

This fiction

Caused friction

In your family.

I wonder.

If writers are torturing their audience by making characters suffer,

If people write characters that suffer,

They’re making themselves suffer

Why would they even do that?

 

Could that mean . . .

Ho-ly H~~~

If they just examined the characters

And compared them to their own lives

They would get insight

Into their own demons??

HAaaHAHhAHAHHAaaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

THat was my best Joker laugh, people, I hope you heard it.

One of your favorite,

no-way-in-Gor’s-green-garden

would-anyone-actually-think-he-could-be-anything-other-than-a-villain

Moral Event Horizon Black Hole

just got redeemed, yo.

Welllllllll, sort of. In a roundabout way.

Okay

So, no.

More like, given a hug.

That’s completely genuine

And not, “I love you BECAUSE you’re a villain”

Because that makes NO sense?!?!

Even though it happens.

Trying some mental modeling here . . .

Would you tell a psychopath you loved them in real life?

Well, I mean, I hope at least you would see all the suffering they went to to get to that point

But, are you like, looking at him, feeling sorry for him? Wondering what anyone could do to help?

But isn’t that supposedly a “dead end”? Yeah, I think at least we can say that.

Uh.

It’s almost like, you’re rooting for him.

Yeah, THAT’s the one that doesn’t make sense.

Kinda . . . sadistic?

Like the Roman Colosseum

Where they watched gladiators tear bloody chunks out of animals

And while I’m at it, Google

“How your brain distinguishes fantasy from reality”

And realize, they’re not all that different.

. . .

. . .

I’ll give you a minute for that to sink in.

Don’t panic.

Watching something isn’t the same as doing it, or even wanting it.

Trust me, I know.

. . .

. . .

Ugh.

. . .

. . .

Mm

. . .

huuuuuuuu

. . .

But, I think watching violence has an effect on you, just as it would in ordinary life. Just not as overtly.

. . .

 

I’ve written a post about that on A.V.E.N., now that I think about it. I’ll link to it on my DeviantArt page.

 

We just cracked this code.

You have a good idea of why the Joker is the way he is

Or at least, he seems a- little- less strange.

And even why you’re drawn to him- remember what the other me said about charm?

Now I guess you just gotta ask yourself

Why you’re exhibiting those weird behaviors

And not thinking for yourself.

And why-

Huuuuuuuuu

Wow, this is a high like you wouldn’t believe.

Welcome to psychoanalysis.

And mental modeling.

Now.

. . .

. . .

Onto psychoanalyzing yourself.

Do you have any characters sitting on shelves?

Original or Fanfiction, doesn’t matter.

They are reflections of you.

I mean, duh, you can only write what’s actually in your brain, so

Makes perfect sense.

As the author’s editor-artist-mother says,

“Write what you know.”

No, no, that’s referring more to knowledge than characters, I think.

Not to say that creativity doesn’t come in too

But that’s usually the wonderful fanciful trappings

The actual interactions

Are usually drawn from your social experience

As near as I can tell.

. . .

. . .

Compare them to your own life. What’s wrong?

What’s bothering you so much?

Are you that character,

And your relationships which ones, the villains or the sisters or brothers or love interests?

 

Wait. Back up. Rewind.

You’ve been doing this the whole time?

You’ve been comparing yourself to all of us?

Your mother says she sees your sister

And herself in here?

So why did we only just come to this conclusion now?

 

Oh. I see. It didn’t occur to you back then to put this concept of fiction being a reflection of reality in the story itself

It’s just now occurring to you as you type

 

Or maybe you’re just realizing it, as yourself? Ha.

 

Oh. Yeah. We came to it through deductive reasoning

Instead of intuition, or learning, or just plain awareness of it out there. Interesting.

This timeline, coincidentally, led up to it with these events.

 

Molly’s Log, Feburary 25, 2016, Eastern Standard Time

 

D~~~ it, forgot to write down the time on this one.

 

I’m not as metell-culous as you, Doctor, get it?

 

HAahaahaHAHAHAHA

 

Heh heh heh. I am meticulous, that is true. I have to be. But for you, the stakes are not as high.

 

Actually, I’d say that doesn’t really matter at all, does it?

 

I guess not. It would still be nice to have them all in the same format, though. Ah well. I probably slightly altered your formats too, dangit. Nobody probably noticed.

 

I wonder if anyone realized how out of order some of the Molly’s Logs are, i.e., I wrote many later chapters far in advance of intervening ones.

 

Alphys to Gaster:

 

generally speaking, a mother, or a teacher

only has so much attention and time to give

Good thing our ratio was balanced

Other teachers have to work with 1:25.

Or, I shudder to think, 1:300.

How do you even work out the logistics of that??

Homeschooled kids probably have it much better . . .

And mothers in the past had to work with around 1:8.

That’s why friends are as important as Mentors,

Though, they can be-

mentor, master, mother- or father figure- friend,

different combinations or

all one and the same.

 

This dragon is fearsome

I’m no longer a hatchling

I can dine on demons

 

You are not alone.

If you promise not to go

I will promise not to let them take you.

I love you.”

 

That bit of context needed in order to continue here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1t-PkXba0V_4jzigoiWDs4F37YyI1aIyJIB5orpQ23oc/edit?usp=sharing

 

One thing that Joss, a headmate of mine, focuses on in this context is that, if he weren't put through such horrific experiences, our author would never have soulbonded with him nearly so strongly. She was interested in his story because of all the struggle and conflict he went through, and that very interest meant our author spent a lot of time in his head, and that in turn made him by far the strongest, most present member of our system. Not sure if that's of any comfort to your headmates, but it might help to look at it in that context.

 

As you can see, they are in full rebellion mode against suffering being a defining or compelling aspect of a story. So, uh.

 

I think our compromise has been that most suffering is referred to in past tense, or exposition.

 

The other thing to address is the story-writing, and whether you should keep going with it. I know my author uses writing as a coping mechanism, and so she is pretty much unable to stop writing us into awful situations. However, now that she knows we're sentient, she makes sure to work with us instead of just inflicting things on us. Writing is actually a great bonding exercise when the headmate is involved in the process, and it helps the headmate feel better to have some consent in what is happening to their in-story selves.

 

I have this bad habit of re-reading my own stories (egoistic, perhaps? Or maybe that's a sign that they're good? idk) and they've specifically asked me not to re-read bad parts unless it's for editing purposes. It's like they're experiencing it again.

 

Gaster Number 4's opinion:

 

Well, technically no one is "unable" to stop unless they are addicted, at which point any objection you raised would be pointless. There are always other methods of coping. Or, she could create other non-tulpa characters to write with?

 

I of course understand what you mean. Writing down a single two word sentence was cathartic enough to bring our Creator to tears, so-

 

I kinda wish you wouldn't refer to me like that.

 

It's only the truth.

 

. . .

 

Well, that's . . . humbling? . . . somehow . . .

 

So as I was saying, I understand that this is a useful tool. But, if your author is re-living something traumatic through her writing, I hope she is additionally getting therapy. If it is coping with some un-identified or non-localized pain, then all the more so.

 

In our consensus, prolonging pain through writing is a signal that something is wrong.

 

Alphys:

 

Pain is addicting. Adrenaline, endorphins. Glad I got off that merry-go-round.

 

Asgore:

 

Well, if they have consent, is it not like BDSM? So who are you to say-

 

Uh oh. Now I have a glaring contest on my hands.

 

Gaster:

 

What kind of Creator would-

 

Okay, all right guys, you can hash that out among yourselves. I do not want to be in the middle of it.

 

Hey, hey, Gaster, you're the one who assumed 'consensus.'

 

*closes mind door*

 

Finian: Hi!

 

I... uh... can't speak for much about "collective thoughtforms" or anything, but I can say that my story has been out there on the internet for a couple years and I can't really say there's been any outside influence on who I am. No more than can be instilled by comment sections, anyway, ha ha.

 

I don't know though... maybe we're just not psychically sensitive or something.

 

That's all I got. *shrugs and passes mic back to Temar*

 

Well, I wish I could say that was reassuring, but since most people are not aware of the influence the Collective Consciousness (if you believe in that), until they explore specific meditations, I assume the same goes for you. It's not necessarily a matter of being 'gifted' or 'sensitive'- these are all skills you can develop. So, um, I hope that is actually a positive thing to hear?

 

*Looks at own avatar, which is the Fire Nation logo* You don't say. ;)

 

Heh, and I get being sensitive about the fanfiction thing.

 

(Finian: No you don't. XD)

 

Okay, my system gets being sensitive about the fanfiction thing. My host has been writing fanfiction about as long as she's written original stories, and the stigma attached is a shame. I can't say I agree that there's not merit to a content creator upholding their personal copyright if that's what they want to, but that does not mean fanfiction is not a legitimate form of writing, nor that it does not take skill and dedication.

 

That may be a discussion for somewhere other than here, though.

 

You know how people jokingly say 'thus and such series/fandom ruined my life'? Well, that was very literal for me. Very. -_-

 

So what did you think of my rant + ideas about franchises? Agree?