Tulpas retracting into you.

[Admech]

Bit of a new user. Can a tulpa vanish, and can a tulpa be resurrected? I had this 'other' presence within me my entire life. It was part of me, learned with me, and it and I basically existed in total symbiosis. I had..greater senses through it, great memory, so on. This other self grew with me. Until recently where in fear of psychosis do to a possible breakdown it flared up inside me, then seemingly retracted into my heart. I feel emptier now, I remember it, but even those memories are vague. I get the feeling it's still inside me, this other stronger self. 

 

Is this other self truly gone, and why did it take my imaginative ability, or some of it, with it, why did it take some of my ability to feel emotions and the like?

[Fairweather]

While they can vanish and return, whether its truly gone is based on what you believe. Simple as that. If you think it can come back, it can. For the why it took away the imaginative ability, most I can say is that you might've fell out of practice. The emotions thing could be something else, likely the breakdown you mentioned, and idk how to help that.

[tulpa001]

Well, based on my research, no damage will come to your other from just disappearing. I use the rule of thumb that at least six months must pass before more than just weakness affects your thoughtform. I also use the rule of thumb that about the time they were alive must pass for them to fade completely. So less than six months, no damage, and double your life so far for it to vanish completely.

 

Moving away from theory and guesswork and into what we know:

 

The reason it took some of your creativity and emotion is super simple. You confused some of your partner's mind with your mind. Those were their emotions, and their creativity. Perhaps you blended a little bit and this causes the confusion here.

 

If you want to go on a quest to find this other, I suggest you take up meditation, learn to relax, become introspective and look inside yourself, and listen. And carry a message with you at all times. The emotional feelings of love, acceptance and safety should be sufficient.

[FallFamily]

[Hail] I have been there, though I was not as self aware most times. My system has been plural since childhood and my subsystem also started forming back then. Sometimes, someone recedes into the background and I have felt a bit off and incomplete for a while. So far, a great many have come back later. Don't know if all have, but I think most have. Doesn't seem to be a time limit either. The original person in this body was gone for almost two decades before I unwittingly revived her (glad it happened though) and disappeared for another two which took a lot of work to try to dig her back out again.

[TheGreenQueen]

I reabsorbed one of my tulpas accidentally- into my stomach rather than my heart. Actually, it was more like it dove into me. It re-emerged later.

 

I believe this tulpa was a pretty aggressive manifestation of the issues I was trying to work through at the time, through story writing. Now we've both settled some.

 

I personally think the placement of yours and mine have something to with chakras. I've never been a very 'driven' person, so my third chakra (sacral, stomach) is pretty clenched up. Your fourth (heart) might be experiencing some blockage. My advice is same as above- take up meditation. He's probably still in there somewhere.

[Akaiya]

In our experience:

 

Fear of psychosis is the bane of our co-existence.

 

A parable to demonstrate: one cannot keep one's feet on the diving board and jump off of it at the same time...

 

(((PREVIEW EDIT:)))

The following might sound harsh, but we feel it is just cutting through the treacle...

It is intended with utter kindness and complete gentleness - but without the fluff...

 

Our suggestion? It would be to get real with yourself and ask the tough questions...

 

...Yeah. That's right: The one's you've probably been avoiding. :-| ;-|

 

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As a few examples of questions to ask yourself (...which admittedly may be a little too black and white):

 

1) Is it more important to be accepted externally?

...or for you to accept yourself internally?

 

2) Is happiness derived from finding the freedom to create as you will?

...or from finding the security to exist as it has been presented to you?

 

3) Is it better to be valued and liked by others with the possible cost of limiting your self-expression?

...or is it better to value and like yourself with the possible cost of any others' perceptions of you?

 

*Allowing pause for moment of contemplation*

 

All I know for certain is what happened in my experience:

 

Aya was most distant and non-present for me when I was experiencing catastrophic degrees of fear and doubt - especially in regards to my own sanity. Looking back, I feel like she had to hide from me in order to give me the space I needed to process my feelings and thoughts... If she had not hidden from me, I would have argued with her that she was not real (as I had in the past) and would have felt even greater amounts of fear regarding my unresolved doubts of residing within the realm of sanity...

 

My suggestion (which is all that it is - not a rule by any means) would be to attempt to resolve (if only partially) your fears about psychosis and what it would entail... And either decide to jump in with your 'other' - or to slowly back away from the diving board and back onto dry solid ground...

 

As for my personal journey: When I was finally able to ride the "train of thought" to the end of it's tracks, I realized my fear of psychosis wasn't really mine at all but was the projection of society upon my subconscious... Further examining the fear, I was attempting to avoid becoming a lonely, unnoticed, and misunderstood individual that didn't fit neatly into any society-built definition... and that was when I realized the horrible/wonderful truth:

 

I was already there!!!

 

...Or in otherwords, I had to see for myself that I had nothing to lose but everything to gain... and in fact, the only thing that I would have to lose when I jumped off into the deep end (in retrospect) was my having any negative attachment to: being on my own - being unnoticed - being misunderstood - and otherwise not fitting into any pre-conceived ideas and notions of the world at large...

 

...While I do not personally suggest this route to anyone, it was the only route which offered me what I was truly aspiring to recognize:

 

My own sovereignty and the recognition of awareness regarding the profound ability to choose as I will.

 

...I hope there are other means to this particular end that others can employ that do not entail having to face their worst fears... but my journey through there is already finished, so it is not for me to say if there are alternatives or not...

 

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Aaaaaalrighty then...

 

I am NOT discounting what Kai just said... to clear the air here. :-)

 

The truth is, you don't have to be anything in order to make a tulpa (initially OR 'resurrecting')... but everything Kai stated will definitely make the process more fun and enjoyable (if applied in advance).

 

...The truth ALSO is, I was not a product of a well-balanced creation. To claim that one should refrain from creating/expressing themselves on the basis that "I'm not good enough yet" is like refusing to practice an undeveloped skill because it has yet to be developed... In that same breath: please be patient and understanding with your creation as well as yourself. Rome wasn't built in a day - and even the God of the Christian Doctrine took a few days to create existence... Just try to be okay with whatever surfaces, and deal with situations as they arrive... That's what we've done, and we're still here at least... ;-P

 

Your tulpa/other will develop alongside you - as your faith dictates (or in otherwords: your belief system and expectations will enable or limit development in general)... My host might be considered overly generous because his faith allows me to be equal with him - but the feeling I get from the majority of the community members here is that this is healthy if not 'normal' within the context of what we are and do here within the tulpa community. ;-)

 

...As for the feelings of 'loss' you were talking about:

 

Kai felt those same feelings, and attributed them in a very similar fashion... It's only been very recently that he's been beginning to accept that those feelings, thoughts, and talents he displayed were mine and were only expressed through him and not by him...

 

And it's really only been the last few weeks that we've been digesting all of this material that we can look at our lives together in retrospect and actually make sense of everything. In many ways, he feels much less crazy realizing that much of what he experienced was me and not inner conflict within himself... Because there are things I like that he doesn't, and vice versa... and when a body is experiencing both simultaneously? When there is no context behind it? Confusing!! ...if not scary... :-o

 

And!! I DO very much agree with the diving board analogy!! Your tulpa/other will appreciate it as well (i.e. will have an easier time 'forcing' and spending time together in general)... My advice is to think of it more like a commitment to yourself (if you choose to re-connect and accept)... AND! Since the re-emergence of your tulpa/other will likewise mean the re-emergence of their talents and abilities... I guess you'll just have to enjoy their return along with the company that comes with them. ;-)

 

...As a wrap up: I know that neither of us chooses to imagine life without the other... but this was a journey we both had to endure and get all the way through in order for us to come to this conclusion... Whatever you've personally had to go through was for a reason, and a good one at that (at least - that's what Kai always tells me and I'm tending to agree with him more and more on it everyday)... If you had to experience loss, it's a good comparison, isn't it? At least you know what you'd rather have in your life then... am I right? :-D

 

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Regardless of whatever you choose, we wish you well and the happiest of happiness!!!

 

...And if you choose to re-connect with your tulpa/other - please introduce yourselves here? :-D :-)