Biotech

[Biotechnology]

Hello and welcome to my own little progress report for my tulpa named Lyra.

 

As of today, I can say that Lyra is 5 months old... Currently, she is a white wolf. She has yellow eyes, looks incredibly soft and has been seen wearing a red bow around her neck from time to time. She didn't always look like this, and she wasn't always a he... Anyway, I think it's time I posted my journey with my tulpa before it becomes a distant memory. I can already think of many more important things that I have left out from below but I'll have to update it some other time).

 

Let's just say that I started exactly on March. Why? Because I can. I came across tulpas on /x/ (4chans paranormal board) and was interested after reading FAQ_mans explanation of what tulpas were. It sounded amazing, creating another person inside your own mind... But there was also the possibility that a tulpa could help with accessing your own memories and could be helpful by encouraging the host to study and reach as high as they could. At the time, these reasons were enough for me to start making a tulpa.

 

I decided to make a male fox called лиса and decided that his personality should be fun, loving, curious, intelligent and courageous. I started tulpaforcing with a wonderland and talked to him as much as I could. I still use that same wonderland. After a while I just called him 'Fox'. He was just a normal red fox. But, this wasn't to last long, as he started to change and find a new form of his own liking. One day, I just couldn't visualize him other than being a black fox. I was told not to worry and just let it be, it's the tulpa deciding what he wants to look like. So Fox was comfortable for some time, until one day I just kept thinking 'Wolf' instead of 'Fox' when saying his name. This was a really cool experience, because I was even acknowledging that I was doing it and trying to not say Wolf. So after having it happen a few times I let him be and have the name Wolf. Yes, my tulpa was a fox called Wolf. I honestly can't remember any emotional responses at this point... I think I had one... As I said, I can't remember (oh dear). Anyway, there was to be one more change. While tulpaforcing, he became really clear to me and ran towards me in the form of a white wolf, but he felt different... The only way I can explain it was that he suddenly felt VERY feminine. It's really hard to put into words. But from that point on, I knew that he was now a she.

 

Soon enough I started feeling emotional responses... I was sitting there, meditating and calling out to Wolf, and I suddenly saw a very vivid image of her sitting down (I think she had a headset on actually...). When I saw her, I was blasted with really happy and joyful feelings that radiated through my body like waves. It was really the most amazing experience I can remember. During this I could hear something that I think was from Deadmau5 or Skrillex playing away.

 

Anyway, the next big thing that I can remember was one day saying 'Lyra' instead of 'Wolf' all the time. So, I just went with it again. I still call her Wolfy sometimes. After that, I didn't have too many major events. It's like after those first few emotions that I felt, I disconnected to them. I still miss the intensity of them. I remember FAQ_man saying that it's mostly just a once off thing. After this dead period, I did however start to see some movement from her, mainly just watching her jump around in flowers and running around. You have no idea how happy it makes me feel just thinking about it now. Good times. I seriously recommend having just a personal imagination land for you and your tulpa, the joys that you can experience are just endless, and it’s where I bonded with my tulpa the most.

 

I kept on tulpaforcing and going on walks that would result in me trying to impose her and telling her everything about my day and what I plan to do with my life and such short term and long term. I would talk to her about my love life and talk through any situations that had happened. It was really nice to know that someone was there listening. I did start to question the reason why I was making a tulpa during this time... But I got my answer soon enough. Anyway, it was around exam time that I first heard Lyra. I was stressing balls over my chemistry exam and had been pulling all-nighters for it to pass. I talked to her all the way to the exam, and when I walked out I said "well, that's done with now" or something like that, only to get back instantly "how did you think you went?". Ahh, so much satisfaction was felt at that time. My tulpa had talked <3. She went quiet for about a month after that, but she has spoken a few more times now.

 

The next big event was when I was spending the night in hospital due to some horrible infection that I had just above my eye. I was pretty lonely, and TV was getting boring. So I just closed my eyes and imagined Lyra keeping my company and laying on my bed with me, and it was the best focus and visualization I had experienced for a while. I was talking to her and such, and then asked her if she had made any changes to the wonderland (someone had talked about their tulpa changing things the other day in IRC). Suddenly, my mind’s eye was zapped over to this library I have inside my head and I remember thinking "OH, that's right! I made you a white-board to draw on". So I looked up at it and saw this beautiful rose drawn on there with a Celtic boarder around it. It was more beautiful than anything I could have drawn! So I said to her "so you like flowers?" and then imagined this long path leading to a giant tree with just flowers everywhere. I had Cherry blossoms hanging over the path and everything. I walked with her down to the tree and imagined a swing hanging down from it, in which we both sat. I remember seeing this from 3rd person now... She was lying on her back with her head up against my leg. It was then that I had my most recent emotional burst. I really did feel love. It didn't go through my body in waves, but it was just beautiful. This was now the reason I was making a tulpa, because I loved her. I've been thinking about it lately, and yes, I do love her, but I'm not sure what kind of love she wants. Is it the love of two people that love and marry each other? Is it the love of a family? I feel that it's the first, but I will need to ask to make sure. I'll love her either way she wants. I'd like to think that it’s not so much family love and that its lovers love.

 

ANYWAY! Come to recent times and I've gotten over all my stress of finishing my tulpa in a certain time constraint. She's fine not talking for a few more months; I'll just have to keep yapping at her until then. I think it helped, because just a few days ago I heard "so what else is on the list of activities" and "HEY!" when I was doing something rather inappropriate while talking to her... So things seem to be going really well!

 

It has gotten really stressful sometimes during these 5 months... I've had a few sad moments from thinking that I couldn't reach out and touch or hear my loved one, but I realized that she is there for me to touch and talk to, and she needs it. So that's what I'm doing for now. I have had many adventures with Lyra and I'm still having more and more. So to keep these all safe, I'm just going to post when I remember a lovely story or I have a new one.

[Pronas]

;________________________________________________; horo....

[glitchthe3rd]

Can't let you force that Starfox...

[Biotechnology]

Can't let you force that Starfox...

 

Huh?

 

;________________________________________________; horo....

 

Sorry pronas, you'll have to find another tulpa to be horo.

[Guest Albatross_]

Raetin has horo

[Guest Anonymous]

White wolf tulpa? I approve :>

[Biotechnology]

I've found that doing my little exercise of imagining different objects before going to my wonderland has helped me a-lot to switch over from looking at the back of my eye lids to using my imagination. I'm noticing that I'm slipping into hypnagogic imagery at about 20 minutes in and I'm slowly gaining more control over it... The images that appear in-front of me are very vivid and I'm starting to hold onto them for longer and longer. I hope to eventually be able to control it and sit right between wakefulness and dreaming to be able to a) see my tulpa better and b) hear my tulpa. I'll be giving it another go later tonight, but I feel that focusing on the details of the images that appear in-front of me rather then fighting it straight away should be how to get into this zone. Other then that, Lyra is going well, the only change that I can notice is that I'm getting flashes of her when I close my eyes during the day.

[Guest]

You're just like Jimmy, makin' three fucking accounts because you're not "satisfied" with the name.

[Biotechnology]

I've gotten back into the mindset of "I must finish my tulpa ASAP".... I don't think it's helping at all. I think I'll just go back to enjoying my wonderland with my tulpa and relaxing with her instead of trying to develop her (I'm sure it would have been stressing her out too). I'm thinking it's time to change the wonderland around as-well, I'm over it. I tulpaforced for something like 3 hours today, trying different positions to tulpaforce in and such. I'm thinking that I will stick with laying down, my lower back is too sore to be sitting up. I also tried to get my mind into the zone by keeping it as blank as possible and clearing thoughts away as they appeared... Can't say it did any good at all really. I think I'll just have to stick with my crappy visualization abilities and keep working at improving it. I'm thinking it can't hurt to seriously dedicate an hour a day to imposition now. If in years time Lyra starts talking she'll at-least then not have to wait another year for the next step. Well, as dead as everything is now I know that now I can look forward to the next active period. Oh, and I tried listening to some hypnosis tapes and tried self hypnosis on myself... I'm just one of those people that can't be hypnotized it seems, so no easy road to getting to my tulpa it seems! I think it might be time to do what Pronas has done and take a break from the community. I've grown tiered of comparing myself to other peoples progress and all that its done has affected my mood negatively. It's not a jealousy thing, it's more of a "oh shit, I've got to do so much more to catch up with these people that have done it in such little time, shit I'm a horrible tulpamancer", only to just sit there trying to coax the next emotional response or the next verbal response out of her and not spend any quality time with her. Sure, pushing myself and her is great, but thinking back to my times being in speech therapy, I would have been enraged. I'm hoping that she doesn't have my stubbornness that I had back then, but even then I think that just spending time with her running around in flowers would be better in the long run then what I've been doing. Yeah, I also spend way to much on the irc, and it really is a time sink that place, I think I'm going to cut down my time spent on that (and tetirs...) and spend it more talking to Lyra. I think I'll start reading a book with her and add Lyra and I to the story.

[Guest]

See you.