Prayer Struggle

[solarchariot]

I have seriously struggled with this, Cat. I was super religious, almost fanatical, growing up. I was frequently perturbed not getting a response. I even reminded ministers of "if a child ask for a bread, you wouldn't give him a snake" kind of thing, and since I am not Hebrew, I need my answers delivered in English, no lightening bolts, no burning bushes, just get straight to the point.

 

I also figured out, having God talk to you may not be a good thing. Seriously, look at all the people God talked to or even showed a remote interest in- there lives went south...

 

Still, I have held debates with others and myself, and I have come to the personal conclusion, if you want to talk to God, just talk. All talk to God is prayer. We're supposed to have a 'relationship' and I am human, and I don't live on a schedule, I don't bend a knee, mostly because my knees hurt, and I am not doing it 5 times a day, and I don't even eat regularly and so, if God only talks to people who use formalize protocols at regular intervals, well, I want to speak to the secretary. I imagine God, being God and all, is rather understanding about being human, and is likely to accept us where we are and how we are.

 

I went from hyper religious to hyper atheistic to somewhere in between. I have had two 'events' one was more random, one occurred over a couple a week period when my grandfather died. The first random one was very clear, very spooky after the fact, and still gives me chills. The second one was very clear I got an answer, but I could not see it at the time... If you saw the movie Bruce Almighty where Bruce asks for a sign, and work truck full of signs pulls in front of him... Mine was more clear than that even. I refer to these events as 'interventions.' I box it that way because it seemed clear during those moments, there was no doubt about there being more than me... I came to the conclusion, unless I am getting an intervention, then things are proceeding within acceptable parameters, just keep on keeping on.

 

Out of the blue, probably out of habit, I still talk to God, it feels more like an OCD thing than true conversations, which makes me wonder if it has any value at all, but anymore I am more likely to find myself talking to Loxy than God, because I know she will respond. Anyway, all that to say, I think you're operating within normal parameters and you're okay.