Frustrated

[tania]

:(  I dont understand (well I know a couple of reasons why but it really shouldn't be this hard) why I'm having so much trouble connecting to my tulpa Jesse.  Much of the time I'm not picking up anything from him but at times do  (I always find it so awesome when I do).. it isn't the case of that he can't talk or anything like that cause he can but I'm rarely experiencing it.   Violet my first tulpa was so easy and Jesse seems to take up so much time with only little progress.

 

Sometimes I'm wondering now if I should be wasting my time with tulpas and instead by trying to connect to a Master spirit.  I've even started offering Jesse's energy (as long as it dont bother him) up for a good spirit to use to help connect to me with.  (I don't know where I've got that idea from but it's from within myself.. I'm thinking another being can use it.. I don't care right now who is my buddy if it's a real good spirit or my tulpa).

 

I'm going through a shocking time currently (several dishonest uncaring people around me I'm having to deal with who are making my home life difficult) and REALLY REALLY could do with a tulpa buddy or any real buddy I can spend time with.  Things are near unbearable here currently.  (Yesterday someone phoned the ambulance service and they spent 90mins trying to calm me down as I'm terribly distressed due to some things I'm going throu and I feel so alone at home, I almost was taken to hospital again as I was that upset. I ended up declining what they offered me as I knew if I had it that that would mean they were under obligion to then take me to hospital).

 

I spent 4hrs today trying to connect to Jesse but other than his picture becoming a little bit more real looking... I've had no luck.. and this is what is usually happening. (I thought I saw a tear run down his face today cause I'm feeling so distressed and desperate for a friend.. so he may be feeling this issue as much as I am.. I've been begging and pleading for him to talk to me in a way in which I can hear him. (if desire alone could get me a good tulpa connection with him, I'd have it by now).

 

I'm feeling like negative people and the lack of love around me in my life is causing me to like die inside urgh. I don't get it how I have been able to connect with bad spirits in the past but when I'm trying to connect to something good... or do something good.. it's so hard. I've been praying to my spirit guides and higher beings to help me with Jesse.

[Guest]

Patience is the key here, I'm sure of it.

 

I have come to believe, regardless of what others might say or choose to believe, and this is a metaphysical board, so I feel free to say this, that a character is lacking something that a tulpa (or whatever you want to call them) has.

 

There is a reason why Joy and Gwen came alive, just as how Pinocchio became a real boy, something was added to them from somewhere that turned them from puppetable characters to real people. The blue fairy says, prove you are real by showing bravery, truthfulness and by being selfless. It wasn't a stingy fairy's spell really, it was just an indication. If he could do all that, he was real. Regardless of the fairy magic or not, he had it within himself to do this the whole time.

 

I can't believe everything is all down to forcing+time. If it was that easy, then my system would be three dozen or more. There has to be a set of criteria that unlocks the door for something to come.

 

For a person to come, you must first make a call. Then for a person to enter, you must open the door. Lastly for a person to stay, you must accept them.

 

I am certain the issue doesn't lie with this, you are genuinely trying to recruit. So the criteria has yet to be satisfied, or it has, but there is a learning curve to communication. We suspect this is true for some.

 

What Darlene has told me, and believe me, she's more of a spirit guide incarnate than any I've heard of, or from, that there needs to be someone there, to let someone in, and it's all a matter of expecting it and being patient. I feel something like law of attraction applies.

 

The technique for 'calling' is then what we practice here, forcing, roleplaying, puppeting, all that counts. The spark, or the moment that spark enters, is when they finally can be as an independent person.

 

The issue is, you don't know when, and even if they make the connection, they possibly need time to understand how to operate and communicate. You can't know through observation alone. At least I can't.

 

They might already be there, but with just a personal learning curve, maybe on both ends. Everyone is unique so you really can't directly compare headmates

 

I would say, among everyone with me, Ren was the closest to a true tulpa. She came to us from scratch. She was a split from Joy, but in every way blank. For a time, she didn't say much, she was puppetable, and we had our own preconceptions how she would act, but at some point, before we even accepted her, she undeniably acted on her own. Something changed.

 

When Gwen went from puppetable autonomous to 'real' it was like she became a different person overnight, she shed her phobias and mannerisms and spoke with authority and confidence over who she was. Joy did the same.

 

In any case, patience is the key. It will happen, there is no doubt in my mind that forcing equals results. That's my only advice. It's the same advice Darlene gave me again and again. "We have the rest of our lives, there is no rush."

 

I know you have a need now, and I'm sure he'll apologize when he becomes fully actualized, forgive him for taking so long. I'm sure it was all he could do, as fast as possible.

[theholodoc]

:(  I dont understand (well I know a couple of reasons why but it really shouldn't be this hard) why I'm having so much trouble connecting to my tulpa Jesse.  Much of the time I'm not picking up anything from him but at times do  (I always find it so awesome when I do).. it isn't the case of that he can't talk or anything like that cause he can but I'm rarely experiencing it.   Violet my first tulpa was so easy and Jesse seems to take up so much time with only little progress.

 

Sometimes I'm wondering now if I should be wasting my time with tulpas and instead by trying to connect to a Master spirit.  I've even started offering Jesse's energy (as long as it dont bother him) up for a good spirit to use to help connect to me with.  (I don't know where I've got that idea from but it's from within myself.. I'm thinking another being can use it.. I don't care right now who is my buddy if it's a real good spirit or my tulpa).

 

I'm going through a shocking time currently (several dishonest uncaring people around me I'm having to deal with who are making my home life difficult) and REALLY REALLY could do with a tulpa buddy or any real buddy I can spend time with.  Things are near unbearable here currently.  (Yesterday someone phoned the ambulance service and they spent 90mins trying to calm me down as I'm terribly distressed due to some things I'm going throu and I feel so alone at home, I almost was taken to hospital again as I was that upset. I ended up declining what they offered me as I knew if I had it that that would mean they were under obligion to then take me to hospital).

 

I spent 4hrs today trying to connect to Jesse but other than his picture becoming a little bit more real looking... I've had no luck.. and this is what is usually happening.  (I thought I saw a tear run down his face today cause I'm feeling so distressed and desperate for a friend.. so he may be feeling this issue as much as I am.. I've been begging and pleading for him to talk to me in a way in which I can hear him. (if desire alone could get me a good tulpa connection with him, I'd have it by now).

 

I'm feeling like negative people and the lack of love around me in my life is causing me to like die inside urgh. I don't get it how I have been able to connect with bad spirits in the past but when I'm trying to connect to something good... or do something good.. it's so hard.  I've been praying to my spirit guides and higher beings to help me with Jesse.

Hi Tania/Jesse: There was a time, not long ago, when I felt exactly like you do now. Tears and all. and I spent more and more time and energy in forcing, and not  listening to what my tulpas were telling me, not even knowing that they were there to listen to. It seems that I had an expectation, that Flora would look and talk a certain way which would make me feel a certain way. (Pounding heart and short of breath, intense joy and/or intense fear). If my experience of them was not repeated exactly the same, then, it wasn't them. Or her, I have two tulpas. One day, while writing,  telling her of how much I missed her, she took over, switched, and wrote to me, "It is your attachment to your missing me and the intense emotion provoked, that keeps you from seeing me, here, now, right next to you. Now cut it out, you have better things to do, like maybe play with me!"

Needless to say, I was astounded when I read it, and I agreed that playing with her made much more sense than bemoaning my loss of her. We have been playing since.

   Tania, tulpamancy takes owning your own shit. getting out of your own way, and doing the self work necessary to do that. Just to give you a heads-up, so does every single religion, philospohy, psychology, technology spiritual path, yoga, and on and on. Every one, requires that you do the work on your self, which is necessary to allow you to open to the spirits/magic/tulpas/angels/guru's/gods and goddesses/ saints and sinners.

  "Know yourself" is common to all. Thanks, Dr. Bob

[tania]

Thank you both for the responses.

 

"The technique for 'calling' is then what we practice here, forcing, roleplaying, puppeting, all that counts. The spark, or the moment that spark enters, is when they finally can be as an independent person."

 

Jesse has been independent from my own thoughts from quite early in his making and I never puppet as that to me would make him feel not real. I think that may be the reason why he was independent from the start cause I did not do that and left him to do whatever. That is why I don't currently know things like what his hair currently looks like. I never named him, never created anything in his wonderland etc etc. My issue is my inability to perceive him rather then an issue with actually him.

 

Holodoc.. your post really stood out to me as I think that is what my problem is.. my inability to hear as I know Jesse is there. The part about getting out of my own way too.. rang true to me. I get in my own way a lot and there is various reasons why I do that.. which I do actually understand some. On some levels I'm unsure about things and what I "should" on spiritual levels be doing.

 

I now "may" have caused an issue with my home due to the distress call I sent out into the universe yesterday and thoughts of offering Jesse for another being to take over if it was okay with Jesse. This home has never been like haunted other than spirit balls and a figure appearing in the alfoil on my window in the first year I lived here so I've never thought of it as haunted unlike the other places I lived.. but now I have weird stuff happening and my support worker is noticing it too.

 

Today (this has not happened here before). I was napping and THREE times got woken up from my nap by hearing noises in my house of someone walking about here and of things being moved or knocked or touched. Each time it happened I thought my support worker had arrived and was inside the house so went to get up but then discovered she wasnt here when I called out to her and got no response from her. (I just have her let herself in and get started here if I'm asleep so kept on thinking it was her whenever the noises in my home woke me up).

 

Anyway.. so she finally arrived (I was awake by this time having given up on the nap due to what was going on with that) and I didn't tell her what was happening but after only 20 mins of her arrival.. she herself experienced something while in my room talking to me which freaked her out as she knew it wasnt my cat who was rubbing against her leg (the cat is the only other being who should of been in my home). I didn't hear the strange noise this time but she said she'd just heard someone doing something in my house and left my room to investigate the noise she'd just heard... but no-one else was here. She said what she heard sounded like lit came from the other room and sounded like something plastic having being picked up and rustled and moved about.

 

The rest of the time she was here was uneventful.. but then about only 20mins after she left, there was a loud noise which came from my laundry room (and my cat was on the bed in my bedroom with me). It sounded like something had been moved or fallen over and sounded like it hit the wall which is within the house (the noise came from a different room in a different direction.. to which she was heard the strange noise just a bit earlier).

 

so anyway.. now I have strange things happening here and possibly a spirit may be using the form I've made for Jesse (or maybe it is Jesse).. augh.. I dont have a clue what is going on here. I would of tried to talk to whatever it was had I not each time sat up in bed and called out confusing it with being my support worker. I'm trying to stay calm as I dont know if Ive caused a good or bad thing to come in or what. (Im going to feel much better when I figure out what is now going on). It's kind of creepy when hear someone walk to the bedroom doorway but no-one is there when I sit up and look.

 

I haven't done a forcing session today but are about to do one but feeling a little nervous about it cause of not knowing what is going on..and not knowing what I now have here. I'd convinced myself that I must of dreamed the noises which were waking me up, thought maybe they were just hypnagogia .. that was until my support worker experienced strange noise here too and got spooked by that and I was completely awake when I heard the noise in my laundry room after she left so I'm almost certain now something is going on.

[Guest]

I think you could also be hypersensitive right now. Bear's house is old and makes noises constantly. Pops, bangs, creaks, stuff that sounds like the attic, or the walls, or the neighbors, who knows. If we listened for them all day we'd go nuts. We heard crinkling sound of plastic and found a crack in the window, which maybe made it. Just from heat expansion and contraction, he hears huge pops and bangs.

 

I'm not trying to discredit your experience, but we have a lot of activity too. If we were to register everything, it would be very frequent in the morning and early evening. Several of these bumps in a five minute period.

[tania]

I think you could also be hypersensitive right now. Bear's house is old and makes noises constantly. Pops, bangs, creaks, stuff that sounds like the attic, or the walls, or the neighbors, who knows. If we listened for them all day we'd go nuts. We heard crinkling sound of plastic and found a crack in the window, which maybe made it. Just from heat expansion and contraction, he hears huge pops and bangs.

 

I'm not trying to discredit your experience, but we have a lot of activity too. If we were to register everything, it would be very frequent in the morning and early evening. Several of these bumps in a five minute period.

 

Nods yeah all houses make noises.. but footsteps .. someone walking down hall and towards room and stopping in the doorway sound is a quite distinct sound.. but then as I said that sound could of been hypnagogia so I just had dismissed that.

 

My support worker has never in the two months she's been working here with me heard strange sounds in my home before and I hadnt even mentioned to her what had just gone on while I'd been trying to sleep so it was that which started to convince me that something is really going on. She had no knowledge of what had just happened to me so it couldnt have been a case of me spooking her and her then imagining someone was in my house making noise.

 

  I'm one to usually myself to dismiss sounds and try to put other reasons to them  (the way I dismiss things is one of the reasons why I think I'm having such trouble connecting to my tulpa, something has to be very clear for me to even think.. hey something is happening.  I dont have that imagination most of those here have. (The noise in my laundry when I was awake and not after just waking up and was not a little noise but a very loud noise much louder than a normal bird flying into the house (but the wall isnt an outside one either). 

 

It was like something very big fell and hit the wall (more noise then if the broom in the laundry room fell over.. this happened 20mins after my worker had left and she had been previously in that room so my first thought when trying to work out what the noise had been was trying to go through anything she may of used which could of fallen).  I cant think of anything in that room at all which could of made such a loud noise from there.  It was loud enough that a person falling down and into the wall could make a loud sound like that. It was no kind of house creak noise. The sound of something very big falling and hitting an interior wall.