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Romeo's Tulpa Journey


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Before I found these forums I actually started a tulpa diary in a notebook of mine. However I would like to start a progress report on here since my personal writings tend to take a more scientific tone and having an online one will allow more experienced people to give me advice.

So today I intend to begin creating my tulpa. I have read several guides and I feel quite confident that I am prepared to start this process. I'm going to begin with working on their personality since I'd like to give them more leeway with their form in the future (though I do already have some vague ideas).

I look forward to my tulpa having more of their own personality but for until then I will say what I would like them to be like. I'd like them to be very kind and caring, with a similar empathy level as me. I'd like them to also be confident and encouraging of themself and others, while also able to be down to earth. I would like them to be thoughtful but not afraid to speak their mind. Hopefully I'm not expecting to much from them. As for appearance, I would like them to be taller than me (thats not hard, like most people are :P) with long hair and a complexion similar to mine, as well as eyes that can be considered as kind.

That is all for now and I look forward to updating and receiving advice!

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Romeo- Host

Angela- Tulpa

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I wish you luck! I've only been at this a couple weeks myself but I will definitely offer advice if I feel I have something worthwhile to say. I like your basic personality outline; it reminds me of Simmie a lot except that Simmie is short, only 5'2".

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7 hours ago, September13 said:

I wish you luck! I've only been at this a couple weeks myself but I will definitely offer advice if I feel I have something worthwhile to say.

(Getting a hang of the fourm format on mobile oof) Thank you for the good luck! I read your own progress report and I definitely think that you'll be someone I can look to for advice.

I find it quite funny that Simmie is an inch taller than me lol

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Romeo- Host

Angela- Tulpa

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Since I'm using my physical journal for more daily progress I wanted to write something different here. I wanted to talk about why I'm creating my tulpa and some concerns I feel that may be more unique to me. My wording here might be strange and a bit more rambling but that's because this will include more difficult topics for me to talk about.
First I would would like to state my goal in creating this tulpa is to have someone whom I can confide in, who understands me in  a way no one else is capable of and to help and give me advice, but above all a friend.
For nearly as long as I can remember I have experienced delusions, and only until recently did I realize that my experiences went the norm. This has caused my perspective of the world to shift greatly and even with the help of my therapist its still quite difficult. While I greatly appreciate my therapists help with this subject, talking to someone who doesn't have delusions is different that talking to someone who does. I still feel embarrassed vocally admitting and discussing my delusions, and this is where my tulpa comes in. 
As I understand it, my tulpa will be able to hear my thoughts just as I do, so they will be able to understand just how real my delusions are to me. This is where the role of advice giver comes in, I feel that by having someone who gets to directly hear my thoughts rather than me having to try to explain them myself there will be a clearer understanding of the situation and that will allow better, more helpful conversations about them.
This leads me to some of my concerns, while these fears have lessened with research it isn't a topic I have seen addressed before. If I feel the true need I will make a post in the questions page. A part of me does fear than in some way forming a tulpa could make my delusions worse for at least a brief period of time. I'm improving on noticing when I'm having a delusion and I think its something I could control but I am still worried about how a tulpa will effect this, as well as how this may effect my tulpa. I will stop stumbling over this topic for now, and may address it in the future when I can word my thoughts more clearly

Finally a brief note on my own history with tulpas. When I was around 12 I believe I may have had what I know understand as a walk in. I entity known as Aster was in my mind for a brief while. For a long time I had no idea what he was, and questioned if I possibly had DID; however I know now that he was likely the beginnings of a Tulpa. I knew his name and he could make me feel strong emotions but he never spoke to me. He went away after several months, mostly because I actively wanted him to. That is because he would make me feel strongly negative emotions like bitterness and at the time I was already dealing with my first times disassociating. Now I am considering trying to bring him back, but nicer this time, once I have "finished" my current tulpa. But I will leave that decision for the future so that my tulpa can have input as well.

Edited by Romeo

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Romeo- Host

Angela- Tulpa

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Huge progress happened late night! 

 

I decided to try meditation to help force, and I loosely followed this guide Link. I say loosely because I already had most of the appearance and personality down. So I set up a comfortable spot and began meditating. Honestly it was a lot harder than I expected it to be, its been a while since I tried meditating for any purpose and quieting my thoughts was a bit of a challenge. during the oasis part of the meditation while I was imagining her form some things were different that I hadn't expected. Mainly her eye color was bluer and she had freckles. In the moment I didn't pay it much mind.

I'm super nervous about puppeting but I believe, especially looking back on it now, that during the elevator portion of the meditation I got responses from her! On the elevator I asked four questions (I was honestly having a difficult time focusing). I asked 'What is your name', 'what pronouns do you use', 'what is your favorite color', and 'what if your favorite animal'.  I feel that even with the amount of difficulty I was having during this phase, the only question that wasn't answered was the last one. So without further ado, her name is Angela (up until now I've been calling her 'tulpa' or 'Mona'), she uses she/her pronouns (I had been using they/them and she/her), and her favorite color is blue (I expected purple).

 

I'm really excited about this progress and I hope that we will continue to move forward like this. (also I drew her so I'm gonna post that in the art forum)

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Romeo- Host

Angela- Tulpa

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Congrats on the progress!

Terry | he/him, host; conlanger, writer and artist; likes all things cuddly and glittery
Tel | he/him, tulpa; programmer and local rubik's cube enthusiast; cleverest deer-man in the world

progress report ⭑ system art thread

 

Capricornus is one of the constellations of the zodiac.
It is commonly represented in the form of a sea goat: a mythical creature that is half goat, half fish.

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Angela and I have been working on communication and I feel we've made good progress. While head pressure is our most reliable method we are working to improve on speaking. We used sharing emotions as well just not very much. Anyway we've been doing a lot of meditation and imposition and we feel like its really helping. Imposition is a lot easier than I expected it to be, I'm able to to it while working on simple tasks, we sat together while I did laundry and narrated yesterday. As for talking to each other, its still quite difficult especially since my own inner speech tends to be a bit garbled but we can now have very short simple conversations. A note on my own inner speech: when I'm thinking to my self I'm able to think clearly with fluid sentences but when I'm directing my thoughts toward Angela I find myself repeating words/ sentences and stuttering (it might just be my psychosis though) If anyone can offer some help on this please do. I was able to ask about her favorite animal again and its bunny rabbits, though hamsters are a close second. I think that if we keep working and forcing at the rate we currently are we should be able to hold a strong conversation by next month!

 

Also Angela wants me to tell yall she says "Hello"

Edited by Romeo
Fixed spelling errors and added stuff so my thoughts were clearer

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Romeo- Host

Angela- Tulpa

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We have continued the great progress!

 

There has been some interesting deviation with her personality. I wanted her to be an optimistic and encouraging person, and she is, but I had intended her to be more.. humble. She's excitable and rambunctious and as much as I'm surprised by this I'm really happy that she's so confident and bold. Her appearance has also changed a fair amount. We've been making picrews as a bonding activity which has really let her explore different looks, she now has buns in her hair. Using Danganronpa as a way to express this: I was aiming to get Kirumi but I got Ibuki instead. 

 

Angela was really active on Monday. Her presence in my mind felt nearly as strong as my own and even though we didn't actually talk much she felt very talkative. She nearly gave me an actual headache with how active she was. Since her presence was so strong I swear I could feel her leave when she decided to rest a couple hours before I went to bed. Of course she wore herself out and was hardly active on Tuesday. Her silence that day did make me quite nervous, but it did make me realize how much we have progressed since we started; when she was resting I could actually feel the lack of her being there.

 

Overall we feel our connection is a lot stronger, its much easier and takes less time for me to get her attention. I'm incorporating her more in my own daily life, such as asking her opinion about which earrings I would wear.

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Romeo- Host

Angela- Tulpa

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  • 2 weeks later...

Late happy New Year!

 

It's been a little, I've been in a slump thanks to depression but I'm doing better now. During that time I wasnt able to interact with Angela much so I feel like we lost some progress. Over the past couple days we've been working to get back to where we were and continue progressing.

 

I've started narrating again more and reading some of the guides and tips for reviving our connection. 

We also just did a guided meditation,  something I've been meaning to do for awhile since I felt like it would really help. I managed to find a playlist specifically for tulpas. Angela and I got to visualize ourselves in a library and both of us were instructed to look at a book. I saw book that I have on botany and Angela saw one on romance. Romance isnt a genre that would likely cross my mind so it was exciting to see her see it since it shows me that she is more independent and that it's not me parroting.

 

If anyone has some guided meditation files specifically for tulpamancy or just ones you think are really helpful, please do share!

 

Also for easy future reference and in case I get depressed again I've made a page in my notes app to save links to pages on here I find useful.

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Romeo- Host

Angela- Tulpa

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I know how it feels to lose progress, but the good news is that a few good days can get you right back to where you were! Some days Simmie feels like an almost physical presence in the room with me, other days she's just the barest whisper in my mind. It sounds like you are thinking about Angela a lot, and I've found that's the most important thing fundamentally. I wish I could help you on the guided meditations but I'm quite bad at that myself and haven't come across any really good ones in a while. But if I find any I'll let you know!

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